


Dea Tacita

by slicesofsilver



Series: Sweet Release [6]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bloodreina - Freeform, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt Bellamy Blake, POV Bellamy Blake, The 100 (TV) Season 5, The 100 rewrite, The Red Queen - Freeform, blodreina, the bunker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-01-05 16:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 129,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21211325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slicesofsilver/pseuds/slicesofsilver
Summary: "ᴡᴇ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴇ."»»-----　⎊　-----««[In Roman mythology, Dea Tacita ("the silent goddess") was a goddess of the dead. Ovid's Fasti includes a passage describing a rite propitiating Dea Tacita in order to "seal up hostile mouths / and unfriendly tongue" at Feralia on 21 February. These Goddesses were invoked to destroy a hated person and are the personification of terror of obscurity.]╞  Ω  ╡Book 5 »» [The 100, S5.]➫ Warnings: swearing and character's deaths along the way.✗ Disclaimer: I do not own anything in here but the original characters and their stories.





	1. Underground.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back, everybody. I'm so sorry it's taken me months to come back to this series but life has gotten kinda insane... I'm so happy to be back because I love this series and my girl Sam; I got so many ideas for this season... I hope you guys will enjoy them. Enough ramble from me. Now, please, enjoy...

**OCTAVIA'S POV**

We had been inside the bunker for 46 days now and things weren't getting any easier. Sam had blind faith we'd make it through just fine but I wasn't so sure; I knew half of her relentlessness came from the fact that Bellamy wasn't in here with us but 5 years was a long time. Even for them. We had tried to fall into a routine but I wasn't sure Sam had understood what that was supposed to mean. I'd wake up early most days, only to find she was already up: I doubted she was sleeping at all. I knew she had nightmares, I knew she cried at night, I knew Lila held onto her every night like her life depended on it, she had nightmares too sometimes. I hated knowing there was nothing I could do to help them; Sam didn't even want to talk about it, saying it'd get better with time, saying she just had to come to terms with her loses and make peace with the fact that she had managed to survive over everyone else. I hoped she would. Soon. Because I needed her.

I was training with Miller that day. It had become a routine for us: he was always up for it, saying he needed to stay on his toes and that fighting me gave him something to keep his mind busy. I understood the feeling. Training with Sam had become something more sporadic, mainly because we already knew how the other fought, ending in a tie most times; I was certain she was holding back, but I never brought it up, I didn't want to push her. It was good enough she was still standing with the routine she had. She trained with Roan most days, walking around the Bunker after because she refused to be an unapproachable leader, she spent time with the kids, but mostly with Lila. I had ended up approaching Roan, trying to convince him to talk with Sam; maybe he'd figure out a way to force her to stop and sleep.

Indra eventually came around, interrupting Miller and I's training session, informing me that the heads of clans had gotten together again, coming at me with the same thing she couldn't seem to get out of her mind: _'wear the symbols, they'll help unite the clans'_. What I liked about Roan was that he didn't pressure Sam to do those things; I wished Indra was like that sometimes. I put everything on reluctantly, finding Gaia at some point on our way to the meeting room; she eyed me up and down giving me a disapproving look, for she refused to follow a red-blooded leader. Sometimes I wished Sam would just take the reins of the place for both of us; after all, she was a Nightblood and they listened to her, but I also knew leaving her alone now would do her no good.

**\-----------------**

**SAM'S POV**

Was I sleeping? Barely. Did I hate this place? Absolutely. Would I want to be anywhere else? No, because Lila was down here and that's where I had to be; I would have never forgiven myself if I had left with Bellamy, leaving her down here alone because I knew, had I been given the opportunity, I'd have left with him. Did I miss him? Every fucking day; and I'd make sure to remind him how much he messed up by leaving as soon as I landed eyes on him in 1779 days. I didn't even have time to tell him that I loved him_. At least he told you he does, that has to count for something, right? But fiver years. Will our feelings change?_

\- "If you lose focus, you die."

Roan kept thinking that because I zoned out, it meant I didn't know where he was. Wrong. I stopped his blade with my forearm, having it covered with a metal piece for protection and pointing my blade to his neck, grunting annoyed at how much force he was using now.

\- "You need to stop thinking you can get inside my head."

\- "And you need to focus." –he moved back, putting his blade down and so did I, ending the fight- "I cannot have you die because your mind wanders to the skyboy."

\- "I'm not..."

\- "And you need to sleep." –he looked at me sideways, I could tell he was annoyed with me but also worried.

\- "I'd sleep if I could." –I had given up on lying to him the day we entered the bunker, knowing he was one of the few people down here I could truly trust; I rolled my eyes at him before being hit with a towel on my face- "We've already had this conversation."

\- "And you have gotten nothing from it."

\- "That's not true." -I took the new strand of hair from the back of my head- "I got my hair braided."

\- "Maybe you should take something from that Nightblood and take a break."

\- "Luna didn't take a break, she gave up on our war-like ways." -I threw the towel back at him, intending to hit him, but he caught it in the air- "That Luna is long gone. Just like my sleeping schedule."

\- "You can't command an army if you don't rest, Sam."

\- "I'm not commanding an army; I'm not commanding anything, actually."

\- "You have to rule." –he emphasized the second word, just like every time he got ready to give me _'The Talk'._"

\- "What I have to do is survive. I want to feel the sun on my face again and I wanna go to the ocean." -I moved back to the bench to take the almost empty bottle of water that I had left there earlier- "Maybe you could show me your Kingdom too; although, thinking about it, I doubt there'll be much ice now. Sad."

After I cut him off and before he could say anything else, the door to the training room we were in opened, revealing one of his men; one of my men now, I should say. _Does that mean his Kingdom is now mine too? Now that is an interesting thought._

\- "They request your presence in the meeting hall, my Queen."

The man addressed me and I nodded, letting him know we'd be there as soon as we could. Roan nodded to him as I put my blade inside its scabbard and the man left, bowing his head almost imperceptibly. I took another sip from my water bottle before addressing Roan again with an entertained look on my face.

\- "Will they ever stop calling me that?"

\- "You don't like being addressed to as 'Queen'?"

\- "Who doesn't?"

\- "Then, they won't stop." –he opened the door for me, motioning me to move in front of him, a shit-eating grin that was becoming all too familiar on his face- "Let's go, Queen."

I shook my head amused but not bothering fighting back my laughter; it felt weird being given such a nickname, especially since it didn't have any underlying tones regarding death, which was what I was used to. _Although, thinking back on it, I had called myself that first._ We walked together around the corridors; if Indra followed Octavia everywhere, Roan did the same with me. Until I got fed up and sent him away from me, but he always found his way back. I was certain he had taken it on him to be my personal guard like Indra was doing with Octavia.

\- "Am I just the Queen of Azgeda or...?" –I eyed him as a group of people who did not belong to our clan moved from our way, nodding their heads at me.

\- "Why stop there?" –he didn't look at me, keeping his gaze to the front.

\- "So, Queen of the bunker, huh?" –I chuckled- "Where does that leave my sister?"

\- "I guess we can have two Queens for now."

\- "For now?"

\- "History has shown that one always comes on top."

\- "Not us." –I shook my head as we got to the massive metal door leading to the main area that they had decided was to be the meeting hall now- "We do things together."

\- "Ogeda? Gon nau." [Together? For now]

I ignored his comment and everything I knew he was trying to imply as we got inside, everyone being there already and my eyes landing soon on Octavia who was wearing the cog in between her eyebrows, Roan clearing his throat and I was certain he had seen it too. I knew him and Indra weren't exactly friends and I knew they didn't trust each other –I didn't expect them to- but I wished their problems could stay in between them and not rub onto O and me. I knew Indra wanted Octavia on top because she feared what Roan could do but I also knew Octavia didn't want to wear the symbols; however, she always ended up yielding to what Indra said.

\- "Alright." –I sat down next to Octavia and with Roan to my other side- "What's the matter? And why am I always the last one here? I know you don't trust Azgeda but that's well behind us, Wonkru."

\- "Stolen blankets." –Octavia scoffed next to me- "They want a proper punishment."

\- "A proper punishment?" –I eyed her and she nodded, pointing with her head at the delegate- "Elaborate."

\- "The crime was against us, we decide the crime."

\- "And, what do you suggest? That we cut their hands off?"

\- "Samantha!" –Kane never wasted a second to yell at me, that much hadn't changed since the Ark- "I'm sure we can come with a better justice system where the punishment fits the crime."

\- "It was a joke. You people need to lighten up, we are not even a quarter done being down here." –I rolled my eyes before focusing my eyes on the very annoyed woman- "We are Wonkru, we have a new way of doing things, delegate."

\- "Alright." –the woman spoke again, moving her eyes from me to Octavia and back- "What punishment do the Osleyas impose?"

\- "For stealing blankets?" –Octavia took the lead with an incredulous look on her face- "Give them back."

I had to hold back my laughter as the faces of everyone in the room dropped like they had been all just sentenced to death. Sometimes I still failed to remember that war was the only way they knew how to do things. And then, I thought of Luna and how calm life was at the beach and with her people.

\- "Silence!"

Kane jumped from his chair, holding his hands up and I was ready to argue when I heard it too: a rhythmic metallic thumping over our heads. _It's been 46 days, no one could be up there, expect... _I looked at Kane and he nodded, probably having come to the same conclusion as me.

\- "Everyone out." –I commanded standing up from my place.

\- "Bring Doctor Griffin."

\- "You don't think...?" –Octavia whispered next to me, keeping her eyes on Kane's distressed face.

\- "That has to be Clarke." –I ended for her- "And, if Clarke's out there..." –I looked up, clenching my fists to my sides- "That means Bellamy is dead and we killed him the second he realized we weren't inside this damn place."

\- "Sam, no." –Octavia forced me to look at her, her hands holding my arms tightly- "Bellamy is in space. That's probably just something that fell over the hatch."

\- "I guess that makes more sense." –I conceded after a couple seconds of hesitation, not really wanting to believe he was dead; not being able to- "But I'll go check anyway."

\- "How?"

\- "My blood is black, remember?" –I smiled at her- "Go down and away from the door just in case, the radiation can still kill you."

\- "Come see me once you're done, okay?"

\- "I will."

Indra had already left to look for Abbie like Kane asked and soon, it was only us both and Roan in the room. I pulled him to the door.

\- "Leave."

\- "No."

\- "The radiation will kill you." –I reminded him and he shook his head annoyed- "Want something to do? Go with Lila."

\- "To tell her what? That you went outside because you feel guilty?"

\- "To keep her company! God, Roan, you'd think someone like you would be smarter and less annoying than this-" –I rolled my eyes- "I'm not dying and I'm not staying outside, okay? Relax."

\- "You're not denying feeling guilty."

\- "Guilt can kiss my ass as far as I'm concerned right now." –I retorted, opening the door and pushing him outside- "And don't tell her any more scary stories because then she doesn't sleep."

\- "Whatever you say, my Queen."

I laughed seeing him bowing his head down slightly. I was glad he was down here to keep me company, he seemed to be the only one that hadn't lost his sense of humor yet. It didn't take long for Abbie to join us; she didn't like me much lately and I still didn't care. They both put on radiation suits and Abbie was obviously the first to go up the stairs to open the hatch; she was sure it was Clarke outside.

\- "Marcus! There's something wrong."

\- "What?" –I knew she was ignoring me but that didn't mean I was about to take it- "What's wrong?"

\- "It won't open."

\- "Let me try." –Kane moved up the stairs too- "Move to the side and we'll push together."

As much as they both tried and as much as Abbie kept trying on her own and screaming, I saw it in Kane's face as he turned to look at me: we were trapped. _I'm suddenly terribly glad Bellamy left. And the rest._ I sighed, moving to the door and locking the hatch before I left both ex-chancellors there to mourn in peace. _There has to be a way to get out, I can't let Lila die down here. I promised Sheda I'd take care of her._

**\------------------------**

**OCTAVIA'S POV**

Sam came back faster than I expected her to, explaining to me what had happened. We both were quickly summoned to the control room alongside Roan and Indra who were now our respective shadows. Abbie was already there but Kane was nowhere to be seen.

\- "So..." -Roan started but the door opened before he could continue, revealing Kane and a woman following him close behind.

\- "Why is she here?" -Indra quickly asked pointing at her- "She's not an engineer."

\- "Kara runs the hydroponic farm just like she did on the Ark." -Kane explained to her before looking at everyone else in the room- "You need to hear what she has to say."

\- "Here are the blueprints." -I moved them on the table in front of them- "Go ahead."

\- "I don't need them." -Kara's tone was contemptuous- "I studied them with Jaha when we took this bunker for our people and before she murdered him."

\- "And?" -Sam questioned, clearly unfazed by the hatred Kara felt for her.

\- "There isn't another way out of this place."

\- "I assumed." -Sam nodded before looking at me- "Another entrance would mean another weak spot."

\- "This changes nothing." -Kane interceded- "We can't survive outside for the next 5 years, anyway. That means we have 5 years to solve this problem."

Kane started throwing ideas at Kara, she explaining time after time there was no way out. No weak spots, not enough material inside this place to make anything work. We were trapped.

\- "There's a more pressing issue, anyway." -Kara finally stopped Kane as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration- "The hydrofarm's yield won't support us beyond those 5 years. Even if we replace the medicinal fields with food producers and rotate them for nutrient diversity, will eventually lead to a mass die-off." -she then focused back on Sam and me- "For the plants and for us."

\- "Why are we just hearing this now?"

\- "Because before now, I could manage it." -Kara answered Indra calmly before her voice became harsh, almost threatening- "When they allowed 1,200 people into this bunker, it was based on 5-year calculations."

\- "You're blaming us for this?"

\- "You forced your own people out into that fire and for what?"

\- "Get her out of here." -Indra commanded but Kara kept talking.

\- "This bunker wasn't yours to give."

\- "And it definitely wasn't yours to take either." -Sam rose her head, eyeing Kara from beside me, resting her back against the wall with a calm voice.

\- "We found it! For us! It belonged to us!"

\- "You think you'd have managed to get in here if we hadn't been distracting everyone else in that Conclave?" –Sam took a threatening step towards her, tilting her head as Kara took a step back- "You'd have died. You can't fight."

\- "You had no right."

\- "I had every right. You left people behind and that's something I don't do."

\- "You sent our people out there to die to get the Grounders in here!"

\- "I got my people inside and kicked out yours. Set what you think straight; I'm not one of you and you hate me for it and that's fine, I don't care. But, if you want to survive, you better know your place."

\- "If you kill her..."

\- "Who said anything about an easy way out of this?" –Sam turned to look at Kane, cutting him off before he could so much as to process what he was trying to say; I knew exactly what she was thinking of as she landed eyes on Roan- "There's always another option for people like her, right, King?"

\- "What are you talking about."

\- "You don't want to know." –Sam answered Abbie this time before looking at Kara again- "You're dismissed. Now."

Kara left the room but not before she looked around the room, as if trying to find an ally against us, or more so against Sam in there; not finding it, she opened the door and slammed it on her way out.

\- "What the hell is her problem?" -I questioned as soon as she left; I was aware some people disliked us, but this seemed extreme.

\- "Her father died in the culling on the Ark and her husband... well... he didn't make the cut for the bunker."

\- "We've all lost people." –Sam faced Abbie, I could tell she didn't even want to acknowledge her, she was still mourning Jaha for some reason- "We've all lost people who sacrificed themselves one way or another for us to be here. If she has Survivor's Syndrome, she'll have to learn to live with it, just like us."

\- "It's not only that." –Kane pointed out- "She's done the math."

\- "Which is...?"

\- "We'll have to consider population reduction again."

\- "Not a chance." –I answered this time, trying to stay calm before turning to Indra- "We can't have her telling that to anyone."

Indra nodded, moving to the door and commanding two men to follow Kara and keep her in her room, putting a guard on the door and not letting her get out.

\- "We should double the guard presence on every floor, I suggest assigning them to their clans."

\- "I'll segregate meal times and convene the delegates." –Kane agreed with Indra before Abbie interrupted them.

\- "Let's get back to the fact that there are too many people in this bunker."

\- "Let's not." –I spoke in between my teeth.

\- "We can't do anything about that right now." –Sam moved to the door- "I can't even suggest throwing them out because the damn tower fell on us. Seriously, who was so damn stupid to build the bunker to salvation under the biggest mountain of rocks to ever exist."

\- "We didn't win this bunker so that we could kill ourselves." –I stood tall behind the table as Sam turned to face me.

\- "Octavia, this isn't a game, that's a decision we'll have to make..."

\- "You're not in charge here, Kane."

\- "We'll make that decision." –Sam chimed in, ready to start a fight- "Not any of you."

\- "You?" –Kane almost laughed.

\- "They have made their choice." –Roan stood next to Sam- "You answer to them."

\- "No offense, but none of them have been particularly interested in leading since we landed."

\- "Don't trouble your head with such saddening thoughts, Kane." –Sam mocked him, pulling Roan back before he got to Kane- "We're interested now, so you can take a break."

\- "Good." –Indra walked up to me before addressing both Abbie and Kane- "What happens if we go to half rations? Does that buy us more time?"

\- "Theoretically, yes, but we're already at baseline." –Abbie sighed- "It won't be long before we start seeing cases of adaptive thermogenesis, starvation response."

\- "Will we survive or not?"

\- "We'll survive." –she agreed- "We'll just wish we didn't."

\- "So... another day down on Earth?" –Sam half scoffed, half smiled- "Welcome to my life."

**\-------------------**

**ROAN'S POV**

Forty-six days down and nothing seemed to fall into place. Having just learned about our situation, I headed outside with Sam.

\- "Half rations... the people won't like that."

\- "Neither do I." –she eyed me as we moved through the angry crowd but we weren't their focus, the people still inside the control room where; I knew they wouldn't raise a hand against her or me, I wasn't sure if I was safe because of her or she was because of me but I never questioned it- "But it's what we have to do to survive. I didn't kill all those people to die down here." –she sighed as we walked now down to where Lila was- "When I die, I want to die fighting, not because I starved."

\- "You'll survive."

\- "And you will too, my King." –she eyed me, half a smile on her face- "I didn't save your ass just to see you die down here."

\- "Jusheda!" –a voice cut us off, a woman meeting us halfway through the corridor with a worried look on her face

\- "Gaia." –Sam greeted her- "Your mom is still..."

\- "No, this is about you." –she pulled her to the side and I followed, the woman's eyes on me weren't welcoming but I ignored her- "They are after you."

\- "Who?"

\- "I'm not sure, I only heard them speaking."

\- "Most people down here want me dead, I believe you both did too at some point." –Sam tried to joke, but the woman remained looking to both sides, almost paranoidly- "What is it, Gaia."

\- "They want your head."

\- "The only news I'm hearing right now is you suddenly being worried about me."

\- "You don't understand, they say you killed one of them; that you must pay. They know we can't get out and are blaming you for everything that's happening."

\- "I haven't killed anyone in 46 days, what are they talking about?"

\- "I don't know, but you must be careful." –the Flame keeper pleaded her- "If you ascend, the Flame will..."

\- "No, absolutely not." –Sam took the woman's hands from her shoulders, moving her away from herself and starting to walk once more- "I'm not above any of you; having black blood doesn't mean anything; it doesn't make you capable of ruling. It's a genetic mutation, nothing more than that. And this is the last I want to hear from the Flame, understood?"

She resumed walking away from us, leaving towards where I had left Lila, not bothering to ask if I was coming too. I stood behind and, once she was out of ear reach, I spoke.

\- "Explain."

\- "They want her head, they will go after you, after her sister and the kid if they can't get her first."

\- "Who is angry enough to make such a stupid threat and why. Not many people would have dared trying anything against her when we were out, what has changed?

\- "They want the power, they say Jusheda is the way."

\- "Her sister is down here too."

\- "You haven't seen anyone bowing down to her, have you?" –she looked at me with a knowing face- "Jusheda is a Nightblood now, she holds the power down here, even if she refuses to acknowledge it. I can protect her; I have to for she's the last Nightblood."

\- "With the Flame? You would put the Flame in someone that is not a born Nightblood?" –I laughed in her face- "You were disgusted when I tried to..." – I realized mid-thought something that had not crossed my mind until that exact moment- "Unless you want her alive because you think her kids could be Nightbloods too. You do not want to protect her, you want to protect your believes. You protect the blood."

\- "It's the only way to protect her and the Flame. She can handle it." –her eyes stood in mine, not bothering to deny my suspicions before she whispered- "The Queen will fall without it, and not even the King will be able to stop it. You need my help."


	2. The rise of a leader.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out, being trapped in a box doesn’t mean you’re safe.
> 
> *EXPLICIT TORTURE WARNING* - I’ll put another mark just before and after it happens so you guys can still read it, avoiding such part if you prefer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🌹A/N: Since I’m aware technical vocab is not everyone’s cup of tea, let me explain what a morning star is real quick and easy: it’s a type of weapon characterized by having a ball with a bunch of spikes at the end of the shaft. Very Mediaeval. Very dangerous. Very impressive.
> 
> 🌹A/N2: Uh, also, I’ve started a playlist for this season on Spotify if anyone cares to know, for I recall someone asked me about having one for last season.

**ROAN'S POV**

After hearing what the Flame Keeper had to say, I moved to the place where I had left Lila to discuss with Sam our next move. I knew the woman had been right and, even if I would never admit it out loud, I liked Jusheda, she was my ally down here. I needed her. Maybe the idea of putting the Flame on her was not that bad. Once I finally made it to the level in which they slept, I heard Lila screaming and I immediately started running, finding her midway through the corridor.

\- "What happened?" –I got to her, squatting down to take her in my arms and looking behind her- "Where is Sam?"

\- "They... he..." –she could barely make out the words as she sobbed, holding to my jacket, realizing her hands were covered in blood.

\- "Lila, are you okay?" -I took her hand in one of mine- "Is this blood yours?"

\- "No." -she shook her head, wrapping her little arms around my neck as I placed my hand on the back of her neck, looking at the corridor from which she had come, still no sign of Sam- "Sam..."

\- "Where is she?"

\- "Help her."

\- "What...?"

A man from Skaikru entered the level, probably having heard Lila screaming and not hesitating to run up to us. I handed Lila to him as she kept crying, knowing Sam trusted him but not remembering his name and commanding him to get out of there and send one of my men after me.

\- "Sam!" –I yelled, running down, seeing a pattern of blood on the floor from Lila's footprints, taking my blade out- "Sam! Answer me!"

I received no answer and I felt anger coursing through my veins as I went back Lila's steps, making it to the corner; the light was dim in the corridor for a couple bulbs had been broken, the crystals on the floor crushing underneath my boots as I walked up to the scene, a vision that made my stomach turn: Sam was lying in a pool of blood, of black blood, a knife dropped next to her, two dead men behind her, her hand to her neck.

\- "Sam! What..."

I got to her, dropping immediately to my knees, knowing she was alive as her eyes found mine; my gaze moved down to her neck.

\- "Li..."

\- "Do not speak." –I yelled at her- "She's okay. And you will be too."

I did not need her to say anything else as I read her face, she was certain this was her tomb but I had not had sworn to protect her to see her die in front of me; especially not like this. I put my hands to her neck, applying pressure as she dropped them to her sides: she was losing too much blood to keep up the physical effort. I had to do something, my eyes looking everywhere around us, trying to find something, anything...

\- "Sam!"

\- "Over here!"

Someone yelled for her, probably the man from before who decided to ignore my commands but, luckily for Sam, he came followed by two of my men, Lila nowhere to be seen and I thanked the Commanders.

\- "We need a doctor!" –I yelled before they approached us- "Nau!" [Now]

One of my men left running to find them, the other stood in the hallway to make sure no one disturbed us as the Skaikru man dropped to his knees next to Sam.

\- "What happened."

\- "What do you think happened?!" –I retorted, unable to move my eyes from Sam's closed ones- "We need that doctor now! She'll die!"

\- "I called Jackson, he'll be here soon." –he took Sam's hand in his- "Hold on, Sam. Hold on. You're making it out of this one, okay?" -he touched her cheek carefully, as if he were afraid of hurting her, his hand shaking- "Jackson's coming. Don't give up."

The next couple of hours will forever be engraved in my brain. Jackson arrived soon after my man left, he was carrying his med-kit and quickly started working: he asked for a stretcher that we immediately used to carry Sam to medical once the doctor gave us the green-light that moving her wouldn't kill her. In between the Skaikru man and me, we carried Sam out of there, my men making way as we rushed through the hallways, everyone trying to see what was going on but that was not my main concern then; I had to get her to medical: she needed an urgent operation and a blood transfusion that I had no idea how they'd manage to complete. Was black blood compatible with ours? If it wasn't, she'd certainly die. Once we got there, I was asked or more so, forced to stay outside, Octavia soon joining me followed by Indra. The younger sister was covered in blood and I wondered, for a second, if that didn't have anything to do with someone trying to take over the bunker. _Attacking them both at the same time?_ _That'd require a lot of preparation and brains that I'm certain these people lack._ I also couldn't explain how they managed to slit Sam's throat, even I had trouble touching her during training...

**\------------------------**

**OCTAVIA'S POV**

As I finished dealing with the revolt that had risen against us and killing whoever stood in my way or didn't want to follow my orders, I moved with Gaia and Indra back to the command room to discuss our next move, only to be met halfway by a Trikru guard. My heart dropped to my stomach, finally understanding why I had had to fight this one alone: they had attempted to murder Sam. I ran up to medical with tears in my eyes and rage in my heart, seeing Roan nervously walking the hallway in front of the room.

\- "What happened!" –I yelled, forcing him out of his thoughts.

\- "She was right." –he pointed at Gaia who had a guilty look on her face.

\- "What's the meaning of this?" -Indra quickly retorted, looking at her daughter- "Gaia, explain."

\- "I heard men talking about killing Jusheda, to get revenge for the men she forced Roan to leave behind and whose places were never taken. I thought we'd have time to protect her with the Flame but..."

\- "The Flame!" -I yelled at her- "How's that stupid thing going to protect her!"

\- "The spirit of the Commanders..."

\- "Bullshit!" -I had had enough of that tale, so I faced Roan- "Where's Sam."

\- "You can't go in. Jackson asked to be left alone."

\- "We're lucky he was out during the revolt." –Indra pointed out, standing in front of Roan- "Samantha could have died if he had been with Abbie."

\- "She can still die." –Roan spoke nonchalantly, but I could tell he was furious- "Wait, what revolt?"

\- "Skaikru tried to take over the bunker." -Gaia answered Roan, pointing with her head at me- "It's been solved now."

\- "Who did this?" -I quickly focused back the conversation on Sam.

\- "I don't know." –he answered me in between gritted teeth- "They're all dead, I think. We'll have to wait for Sam to wake up to tell us."

\- "What's her state?"

\- "They slit her throat."

I fell to the floor, moving my hands to my eyes as I started crying. I couldn't believe we had made it all the way up here for some asshole to try to cut her head off. If any of them was still alive, they'd pay for this with more than just their blood. Roan squeezed my shoulder before Indra offered me her hand to rise back up after I cried for some time.

\- "It's time." –Indra addressed me- "You have to face the crowd."

\- "But..."

\- "I'll stay here." –Roan offered- "If anything happens, you'll be the first to know."

\- "And Lila?"

\- "She's with one of your men. Miller is what Jackson called him, I believe."

\- "Good." –I nodded before looking at Indra- "Let's get this over with. I'll be back once that's settled. This is treason and we'll be addressing it as such. No one touches my sister and lives to tell the tale."

**\----------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

The first thing I became tremendously aware of as I woke up was my stiff neck. It hurt like nothing I had ever experienced, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to swallow, I couldn't even move my head to the sides. I opened my eyes, the dim light was greatly appreciated as I tried to remember what had happened and where I was.

\- "Sam?" –a soft whisper called my attention- "Sam! You're back!"

\- "Hey, hey, no." –a man's voice was the next thing I heard, unable to see who it was yet- "Don't jump on the bed, you'll hurt her."

\- "Sorry."

\- "Hey." –I finally saw Roan's face to my left as he moved closer to the bed, his hand on my cheek- "You are okay but do not try to move or speak, please."

I felt the tears forming in my eyes as I thought of every possible scenario and why he asked me not to speak nor move. _Could I have lost my voice? Did I lose anything else? _I was almost convinced I could feel all my extremities so that gave me some peace of mind, although that could very well be my brain playing tricks on me. I had many questions.

\- "Hey, there!" –Jackson was now next to Roan- "Give us a moment, alright."

\- "Okay." –Roan nodded before he lowered and, as he rose up, I saw Lila holding onto him- "We'll be back."

\- "Sam!" –Lila waved her hand at me as Roan took her closer to me- "Sam!"

I smiled as I felt the tears in my eyes seeing she was alright, knowing now what had happened and thanking the Gods she was alright. I felt her kissing my cheek and Roan squeezing my hand before I followed them with my eyes as they exited the room, not seeing them leave but hearing the door closing as I allowed my eyelids to drop.

\- "Hey, don't leave us again." –Jackson's soothing voice filled my ears- "You've given us a good scare. We thought you were gone for good this time." –he squeezed my hand and so I curled my fingers around it, trying to let him know I was alright; scared, but alright- "Good." –I knew he was smiling, I didn't need to see him, I felt it in his voice- "I know what you're thinking: yes, all your extremities are unharmed, you can still fight and walk on your own. But... your neck." –he sighed and I opened my eyes- "Oh, Sam, I hope I did a good job; Abbie refused to treat you so I was here alone and you know I'm no expert and..."

I rose my right hand a bit, letting him know he needn't tell me anything else. He then proceeded to check my neck, still, not allowing me to speak. Miller came soon inside, saying he had asked someone to go look for Octavia while Roan took care of a very excited Lila that had refused to leave the room since I arrived here. In between the two of them, they helped me sit on the bed, handing me a notebook and a pen.

\- "Alright." –Miller sat on the bed next to me while Jackson moved to keep track of the monitors keeping track of me- "Questions." –he pointed at the note pack and I nodded, quickly writing on it- "_How long have I been out_?" –he read out loud for me- "You've been in and out of consciousness for about a week, but you were in an induced coma for two. Don't scream!" –he placed his hand on my mouth and I rolled my eyes, nodding my head.

\- "I was so scared, I thought I had done something wrong and..."

Jackson came back to us and I could see the guilt in his face but I needed him to know I held no grudges against him; why would I? I trusted him. I wrote as fast as I could while he kept talking before shoving the book on his face to force him to stop his monologue.

\- "_You're my doctor. Officially. You're in charge of me. Medically speaking_. _You're the only one I can trust with my health down here. So sorry for the pressure now._" –Jackson laughed as he read my words- "I'm so glad you're okay, Sam." –he handed me the book again as I smiled- "I need you to follow my every instruction now; for what I can tell, your vocal cords weren't injured but we'll still have to do a couple exercises and tests to confirm that, alright?" –I nodded- "Are you ready?" –I nodded again- "No more questions?"

I took the pack and wrote quickly, only having one more thing in mind before showing the paper to them once more.

\- _"Octavia."_ –Jackson read for me- "She's okay. Everything is okay. We'll tell you more about that later, alright? Your health comes first."

\- "Yeah, we need you, Sam."

I nodded, leaving the book and pen over my legs and taking a deep breath as I got ready to test myself. I was glad my body was okay; I had said a million times I would rather die than live depending on someone else. My body was all I had. I wasn't like Raven. _God Raven, I hope you're okay... I hope you all are, I miss you. _My voice was a major lose too, sure, but, if it came to that, I knew I could still manage.

**\---------------------**

**ROAN'S POV**

Three more weeks after Sam finally woke up, she was given the clear from her doctor to live her normal life as she pleased, for the neck wound was a complicated one; it was not like a cut on the leg, everything that connected the body to the brain went through that little space. She had been lucky they said. Her body was recovering well, Jackson had done an impressive job with the scar and took daily care of Sam until he cleared her out. This meant that she was back on her feet with me at the training room as soon as she got the news. She spoke less than usual but I was certain, or I hoped, she would be back to her usual self with time. After all, they had tried to murder her; and, this time, they almost succeeded.

\- "You're holding back." –she murmured, taking a step back, putting her blade down and looking at me annoyed.

\- "I am not."

\- "You are." –she sighed- "Roan, my body is fine and so is my brain. Look at my scar, it's doing great, alright? I'm not broken."

\- "I know you aren't but you really needed that sleep." –I conceded with a smile on my face.

\- "I'll sleep much better tonight."

\- "Why?"

\- "You know why."

\- "You really are not going to tell me who it was, are you?" –she shook her head, putting her blade away- "I promise I will only torture them; I will not kill them."

\- "You're most welcome to join me in the pit." –she walked towards me- "But I don't need you scaring them away; I haven't faked for weeks not knowing who they were for you to fuck it up when I'm so close to bathing in their red blood."

\- "I am going in with you."

\- "Fine, but..."

\- "The satisfaction of the kill is yours."

She nodded my way with a satisfied smile on her face. A week ago she finally had come clean to me, telling me she did remember who the person that slit her throat was, the person who managed to escape that fateful day. But they would pay. _Oh, they really will. _Sam had moved from the room she was sharing with Octavia, Lila and another Trikru, certainly being aware she was a threat to their lives, or so she told me. Lila had refused to leave her side so Sam took her with her. Octavia did not like it one bit at the beginning, thinking she was moving away from her because she had been ruling on her own while Sam was injured; Sam had talked with her and they had finally agreed it was the best, at least until things settled completely. I was certain things would change after today. Sure, it had been six weeks in which no one apart from us had seen Sam, but that was about to change; I would make sure they remembered who she was and to whom they answered; I would make sure Indra remembered. _The sisters might be two but the power belongs to one. And that one is Sam._

\- "You aren't listening to me, are you?"

\- "Apologies, my Queen."

\- "Stop daydreaming about whatever you are and focus; I know you're bored and tired of being my eyes for the past three weeks but I need you to hold on a little longer, okay? Then you're free to do whatever the fuck you want."

\- "Taking care of my Queen is no dreadful task."

\- "I really am going to break your face."

\- "You said that before we entered the bunker and I still have it untouched."

\- "Do not tempt me." –she rose a challenging eyebrow at me with a side smile on her lips- "I'm going to see what Lila's up to before we begin." –I nodded- "Tell Indra and her people not to get in my way, this is my kill."

I nodded, watching her disappear in the dark just like she had been doing for the past few weeks; she moved in the shadows like they belonged to her and I couldn't help but smile. It was close to entrancing watching her. I walked up to the main level finding Indra there with Octavia and Nylah.

\- "Is she still dead set on doing this?"

\- "What's the difference between what Sam is going to do and what Blodreina did that day?" –I challenged Indra who scoffed looking at me.

\- "I know she wants to do this and I stand by her." –Octavia looked at me- "I'm just worried it's too soon."

\- "She was up on her feet after you fell down the cliff and ready to kill the War Chief within 10 minutes." –Niylah pointed out and I had to agree- "If anything, it's taken her too long."

I had quickly understood that this woman wasn't some random Trikru that had managed to survive; she had some type of link to the sisters, probably going back to when the Skyboy went insane and massacred Lexa's army.

\- "I know but still... a neck wound?" -the only time I ever saw Octavia worried was when talking about her sister, which is why I knew neither of them would try to rule over the other but that didn't mean I didn't think that wouldn't even up happening- "I don't want to see her in Medical for the next 5 years. Or ever again."

\- "I'll be down there too in case she needs assistance." –I ended the conversation before heading down to start getting everything ready- "But we all know she doesn't."

Everyone in the bunker was invited to join us around the fighting pit that had been secured with a metallic fence to ensure the safety of those outside the arena as well as to make sure those inside could not reach for anyone else's weapons mid-fight. I could not say I did not enjoy this new justice system the younger sister had established. The place was soon crowded as everyone wondered what was happening today for there was no one incarcerated to fight for their lives.

I stood inside the pit, carrying one hidden blade and waiting for the fun to begin. The next person to show up was Octavia, sitting down on the upper level and nodding at me, very different body language from Indra's, who looked wary about all of this. We all knew why.

The door to the pit finally opened again, revealing the traitor followed by the two men I had chosen for this task; them knowing whom to get as they moved to Sam's quarters first on my command. Once I saw him, my first instinct was jumping on him to break his skull. He was Azgeda, he bore the marks of my clan, my marks. He was a disgrace to all of us. He looked at me, bowing his head slightly; as if trying to find an ally in me, but he had it all wrong. His head jerked in the direction of the door, his eyes soon landing on Sam as the guards allowed her to get in with us, gasps soon flooded the room as she finally allowed herself to be seen again. I saw the fear in the man before he looked up at the younger sister.

\- "What's the meaning of this!" –he addressed her- "I demand an explanation."

\- "You're here to die."

Sam purred threateningly, not even giving her sister a chance to speak. I liked that. She stood just a couple meters away from him, her eyes never leaving him, like a hunter looking at their prey; it was beautiful. She was wearing all black like she always did, except for the corset I had given her at the Conclave and the silver piece covering her neck: a special piece I had demanded be made for her as soon as Jackson informed me she would certainly survive. I would force her to wear it forever now.

\- "You have no proof of anything against me and no power over me!" –the man yelled at Sam, he was starting to lose control of how he portrayed himself and that could only mean he feared what was to come; an advantage for Sam- "You have no authority down here, we all answer to Blodreina. You do too."

\- "Huh." –Sam chuckled entertained before looking around to the people looking down on us, some of them had made the mistake of agreeing with him and I would make sure to put names to those voices- "Perhaps you've forgotten who I am."

\- "You're nothing." –he spat, taking a threatening step towards Sam but she did not back down.

\- "You're the one who escaped." -she then moved her hands to the sides of her neck- "You're the one who tried to cut my head off."

I looked around me, hearing the murmurs rising as Sam spoke, everyone soon understanding what had happened, some of them yelling for the man's head and I had to fight back the smile on my face. Sam had started to approach him, the man taking a hesitant step back before composing himself and standing straight.

\- "Nonsense."

\- "You're a traitor. A crime against me is a crime against Wonkru."

\- "You're nobody to make such claims. Not even your black blood can save you now; the time for the Commanders is done, our red blood will raise over yours."

\- "You're alive because of my blood."

\- "You're an impostor, the Flame would kill you."

\- "Would you like to bet your life on that?"

The entire arena went silent. I knew I had been the first to agree maybe the Flame would help her but, as she mentioned it in the area, the sudden possibility of it killing her downed on me. I looked up to see Gaia looking at me, her hand on her pocket; I knew she was ready to force Sam to Ascend.

\- "Answer me!" -Sam yelled at him- "You're dying today anyway so, tell me, you want me to kill you with or without the Flame?"

\- "I'm Kaio kom Azgeda and I won't stand for such..."

\- "I don't care who you are." –Sam took out her blade as the man took his morning star, her voice irreverent and mocking as it could get- "I just want your blood. And I'll get it with no past Commanders in my head."

She moved her blade up and started the fight, the people cheering around us even more than they usually did during a pit fight; I was certain it had to do with the fact that Sam was there. Jusheda had gained the respect of most people by now and they all wanted, demanded she killed the man. Some asked for torture first and I had to agree but my job today was to be a mere spectator only interceding if Sam were in danger. Not that that would happen but it gave me peace of mind being there, just like I had seen earlier in Octavia's eyes.

I saw Sam avoid the morning star by much less than I ever wanted to witness before she kicked the man on the stomach. He landed on the floor on his ass, one of his hands holding him up from falling down completely on his back, the other holding his weapon raised in front of him due to the inertia. The smile on Sam's face allowed me to know this was it. She rose her sword, moving it so fast, the man did not stand a chance; his hand landing in front of him as the blood flooded from his arm. He cried out in pain, holding his bloody wrist with his other hand, falling completely to the ground as the crowd cheered.

** _*Here's your torture warning*_ **

Sam moved to the cut member, unclasping the fingers from the weapon and taking it with her, leaving the hand there.

\- "You tried to kill my kid!" -Sam shouted at him with venom in her voice as he tried to back against a wall- "Nobody touches my kid and lives to tell the tale. You can come for me, slash me, hit me, break my bones cut my hands but you never touch my child!" -I could feel the range and the anger in her voice, the only time I heard such emotion in her voice was when asking about the Skyboy.

\- "I'm..."

\- "You're scum!" -Sam spat at him, kicking his foot- "Fear no more for Judgement Day is finally here." -she smiled- "I gotta say, it's not looking good for you."

She then rose the morning star, smashing it against the man's knees, the sound of bones breaking flooding the place as the man begged her. I knew Sam was cruel when she wanted to but I did not expect her to torture him; yet, that was what I wanted to do, so I could not blame her, especially not now that I knew they had tried hurting Lila too. I did not see coming what came next.

\- "My King?" -she called for me, taking her own weapon by the blade and offering me the handle with a smirk on her face- "Wanna add something?"

I eyed her before looking at the crowd, studying their possible reactions for a moment.

\- "Cut his fingers, Roan!"

\- "His tongue!"

\- "No, take out his eyes!"

To my surprise, people cheered for me to act so I did not give it another thought, taking Sam's blade and approaching the man, standing over him and analyzing the wounds he already had.

\- "My King, I beg of you..."

\- "You tried to kill my Queen." -I cut him off, sliding the blade across his face, holding him down with my free hand- "There is no mercy for people like you. You tried to hurt the kid too." -I hit him on the jaw with my fist- "How much lower can you fall?"

I pierced his shoulder with the blade, knowing by heart the places I could stab and cut to ensure a slow death, courtesy of my vicious mother. I broke all the bones in the fingers from his left hand, feeling Sam's gaze on us as she walked around the arena, circling us like a panther. He was on the verge of losing consciousness so I cut his abdomen as my final strike before rising up and looking for Sam.

\- "All yours."

\- "You held back." -she whispered disappointedly as she stood close to me- "Why?"

\- "Not because I do not want to break the rest of his bones and do much more damage, trust me, but he's weak." -I looked at him before placing my hand on her neck, running my thumb over her jaw- "The kill is yours."

She nodded and lowered over the man, pressing one of her knees over his bleeding abdomen, blood pouring out of his mouth now too and I was certain he was starting to choke down on it.

** _*Continue reading here*_ **

\- "I'd say 'Jus drein jus daun' to honor who I am, but all your blood could never be worth half as much as a drop of mine."

She sliced his neck slowly, the blood splashing over her as it flooded, the man's arms falling to his sides as his head did the same; a line of blood coming out of his nose as he died.

\- "His head!" -the crowd yelled- "We want his head!"

\- "Lucky for all of us..." -Sam moved with a pleased smile towards the door that opened immediately revealing one of my men with her ax- "I came prepared."

She bowed down to the crowd theatrically. They loved it. I smiled proudly while they cheered as she put her blade away and rose the ax. The power she had, the way she carried herself... she really was a Queen. It was like seeing Ulger die all over again. It pleased me knowing both men were dead by her hand in a certainly similar way: both had been men I had trusted, or tried to at least, at some point, both from my clan, and both stupid enough to touch her. But never again.

\- "Now, all of you!" –Sam yelled, standing tall over the dead body, bloody ax in one hand, cut head in the other as she looked around her; I don't think there have been many -or any- instances in my life in which I have felt prouder than at that moment- "You might have answered to Blodreina alone while I wasn't around but I'm not going anywhere." –she rose her chin, her voice confident, defiant; a leader- "Yes, you're here because I fought that Conclave but you don't owe me anything. I don't ask you to swear loyalty to me, I don't ask you to fear me nor take sides between my sister and me; I just want you to remember I'm here too and if I see something I don't like, not even the Red Queen will be able to keep you safe."

People cheered around us and I caught the disapproving look in Indra's face as Sam stood silent for a second, allowing everyone to understand how things would work from now on. She put the ax away, raising the man's head to full display.

\- "You touch my kid and you will remember what I've done here today as a children's game compared to what I will do to you." -then, she hardened her voice, power emanating from her stand- "This is my bunker. You answer to me now." –she looked around, her head raising until she found Octavia before addressing the crowd one last time with a much more conceding tone- "You answer to us."

I saw Indra getting ready to speak from the corner of my eye but being stopped by Octavia's hand, who had a smile on her face, nodding to her sister's words; they had different approaches to leading the people in here and I knew, even if they did not want to, the crowd always picked sides. It was bound to happen. I moved my eyes back to Sam, who dropped the head as she landed eyes on me, sending a thankful nod my way. Soon after, cheering erupted around us once again, the people making as much noise as they could for Sam, chanting her name, her old nickname and so I took my blade and rose it and chanted for her too. She walked up to me and I did something I never thought I would do: I took a knee in front of her, offering her my blade.

\- "I pledge my loyalty to you, my Queen."

\- "You don't have to do that." –she took my chin in her hand, everyone around us suddenly went quiet; I knew my actions would have consequences- "You don't owe me anything."

\- "Kaio was one of my men. I thought I could trust him."

\- "I'm always getting rid of your problems, aren't I?" –she pulled me up so I complied, standing in front of her, lowering my face to look into her eyes and she rose a coy eyebrow at me- "You're much welcome."

\- "Thank you." -I smiled before lowering my voice- "I have to ask." -she rose an eyebrow at me, prompting me to continue- "Would you have taken the Flame?"

\- "For what I know, if you take it, the voices of the past Commanders speak in your head, correct?" -I nodded- "I don't need Lexa in my brain. Don't get me wrong, I liked her, but she murdered Sheda. Hearing her in my head would drive me insane."

\- "You could try it and take it out if..."

\- "I don't know the passphrase, only Gaia does, and I know, if she puts it on me, she won't take it off." -she looked up behind me to where the Flame Keeper was- "Unless I do something she doesn't like." -she smiled looking back to me.

\- "So...?"

\- "I've never believed in that particular tradition of yours; just because their blood was black and they could get that piece of technology wired to their brains doesn't mean they were better than us or more capable of leading. It just means the one who could ascend to lead all of you could be tampered with, training the novices to be what you wanted them to be because there was only a handful of them. I mean, if black blood was so important, why get them to kill each other in the first place?" -she eyed me carefully before starting to walk out of the ring, the cheers for her never dying out- "It's an exclusive group I have no intentions of joining."

\- "No one would question you if you did."

\- "Do you want me to Ascend?" -she turned around, forcing me to stop as she stood in front of me- "Do you want me to Ascend so that finally Azgeda has a Commander? Do you want me to Ascend because you believe that's the way to keep me safe? Or because, if I die down here, it'd ease your mind knowing I'm still in that little chip?"

\- "I want you to do whatever you desire." -I gave her my best honest look for I meant every word I said; I would never put her in danger again.

\- "Maybe one day, then." -she conceded with a quiet voice after studying my face.

\- "You are aware of the Keeper's intentions, are you not?" -I followed her outside having caught the undertone of her answer.

\- "I may have heard her and Indra fighting over it." -she shrugged her shoulders- "I know what that'd mean for Octavia and why Indra's scared but I'd never let them touch her. Doesn't matter how this ends, my sister will see the sun again."

\- "And so will you."

\- "Well, we've been down here for what? 3 months? And they've already tried to murder me. Chances aren't looking that good for me."

\- "You've seen the crowd, they adore you."

\- "I wouldn't go that far."

She laughed looking at me, taking a towel Jackson handed her. He was there with Miller in case something went wrong too. I knew Wanheda's mother thought she had done something by refusing to treat Sam, clearly wanting her dead, but Jackson was on her side, luckily for all of us. Sam had decided not to do anything about her for now, but we would see. She thanked both men for coming and for worrying about her to which they both nodded as the doctor inspected Sam's body but, the truth was, the traitor had not even gotten close to touching her; he should have known better: you do not corner and attack an angry panther, especially if she is trying to protect her cub.

\- "I don't understand." -Miller spoke after Jackson finished- "After what I know you're capable of and what you've done out there, how did he..."

\- "Lila." -Sam answered taking a deep breath- "They were going after her, they wanted to kill her in front of me. So, I did what I had to save her."

\- "Your life for hers?"

\- "No. I ran out of there with her in my arms for she was paralyzed with fear, hoping to get her to a safe place to go back and murder every single one of them for cornering her in the first place. I heard them running after us so I put Lila on the ground and asked her to run and not turn back, whatever she heard. I told her to find you." -she eyed me before continuing- "I didn't have time to rise back up before I felt the knife on my skin." -she rose her hand to her neck.

\- "Alright, enough." -I placed my hand on her shoulder- "The traitors are dead now."

\- "Are you going to take the Flame?" -I soon realized Miller was the type of man to make a lot of questions; I did not like it.

\- "You don't want me to, do you?" -it was clear in her voice she knew Miller better than I did- "Even if it means it'll keep us safe?"

\- "Everyone that Ascends dies soon after." -Miller answered her- "Don't do it. You may still think of yourself as a pawn, but you're the ruler of this place alongside Octavia. Everything will crumble down into pieces without you."

\- "We can't lose another friend." -Jackson added quietly.

\- "If my life is important enough for you to come to me and ask me not to do it..." -Sam placed one hand on each men's shoulder- "...then, I won't. But I promise we'll make it out of here."

\- "Try not to be at Medical for the next year, alright?" -Jackson smiled, taking his med-kit, ready to leave.

\- "I have to go back soon. You need more of my blood."

\- "More of your blood?" -I questioned- "What does that mean?"

\- "When we came down here, and knowing me, Jackson and I came to the conclusion that having some of my blood stored at Medical could come in handy." -Sam answered me like this was common-sense knowledge- "How else did you think I survived?" -she chuckled- "I saved myself with my doctor's help."

\- "She's right." -Jackson nodded- "I'm not sure how her body would react to our red-blood now and, if things don't calm down for us to test it in a safe space, we may never know. Moreover, considering the only other person we know compatible with her is Bellamy and with no way for me to test who else could be too down here, this is the best solution to keep her alive."

\- "The Skyboy?"

\- "Funny, isn't it?" -Sam rose an eyebrow at me- "I told you I owed him my life, but I'm tired of being saved by him; I'm my own savior now."

Jackson and Miller laughed with her as I smiled. I knew it was just Sam being Sam but, for some reason, that sounded both powerful and attractive to me. The four of us walked out of the level, saying goodbye to the two men as they moved to their own as we went down lower.

\- "So, loyal to me, huh?" –she half-mocked me as my men, or should I say, her men, escorted us both towards her room- "Let's see if you can keep up."

\- "I got years to learn."

\- "I hope it won't take you that long. We have a bunker to rule in case you've forgotten. I also have a kid to raise."

\- "You will do great in both areas."

\- "I'm learning to ask for help so don't brush off the fact that I asked you to help me with the bunker."

\- "I was not doing that, but I can help you with Lila too if you need."

\- "King Roan as a father figure?" -she rose an amused eyebrow at me before she started laughing, holding onto my arm not to fall as we kept walking- "Now that's something I would have never even think of witnessing." -she wiped the tears running down her cheeks- "I didn't know you ever considered being a parent."

\- "I like the kid."

\- "Fine, but the first thing you need to learn is not to tell her scary stories; I've told you before, she doesn't sleep!"

\- "Deal." -I nodded at her- "We also need a new name for you, just like your sister moved on from Skairipa."

\- "Really?"

\- "Yes."

\- "Alright."

\- "Any preferences?" –I questioned, following her down the last hallway but she simply shrugged her shoulders before giving me a playful smile.

\- "Choose."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that feedback is awesome and I survive on it so, please, let me know your thoughts❣


	3. What we know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been well over a year since Spacecrew could live safely on the ground, but finding a way down has proven rather impossible. That is, until a ship in the distance launches a pod. Maybe they could help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lack of chapter last week. That said, I hope you guys enjoyed today's piece.

**BELLAMY'S POV**

Six years and seven days. We should have been down there by now, trying to rebuild our lives but, instead, we were stuck up here in space, able to see the place we could call our home but unable to reach it. I sighed as I turned my view from Earth towards Raven and Echo fighting. After six years, we had all managed to become a family, warming up to each other. Monty walked by, announcing the next meal was ready. I hated the soup, but it's what we had to take to survive. We sat down and, for a moment, I let my thoughts wander, but never too much for I knew where they'd go. I took a sip of the bowl in front of me, immediately regretting it as I felt my throat each and I started coughing.

\- "Okay. I'll try tomorrow, again, to boost the signal from the antenna."

\- "Shotgun!" –Emori shouted before anyone else could, that was our way to call it if we wanted to go out with Raven- "Spacewalk. Yes!"

\- "I know the feeling..." –Raven looked at her- "But I need an assistant who actually listens when I tell her to come in."

\- "I will do everything you say, I promise. No fun of any kind."

\- "Or... we could just figure out a way to get to the ground and tell them about Eden ourselves..."

\- Bellamy!" –Emori reproached me- "She worked on the fuel problem all morning."

\- "Six years and seven days"

\- "Hey, time violation!" –Harper reminded me, hitting me on the upper arm- "Dishes, latrine or Murphy. You choose."

\- "I'm sorry." –I looked at Raven, I knew this was a touchy subject and yet, there I was, shoving it to her face like a child- "We said we wouldn't talk about it and I know that you're doing everything that you can."

It was uncomfortable, Raven was looking down, clearly hurt by my remark and everyone else there was on her side. I was too, I just hated being up there knowing there was a perfectly safe and green place for us to live down there. A place where my sister should be. I handed a bowl to Monty.

\- "Seconds?"

\- "Yeah, right." –I answered him laughing- "I choose Murphy."

I took the now full bowl and sighed, making my way to Murphy's side of the ship. He had decided it was better this way and we barely saw him at all. I knew he was mad, I knew he felt useless and I knew he missed having someone on his side for not even Emori talked to him lately.

\- "My side of the ship!" –he yelled, jumping on my back and making me drop the soup- "What's the matter?" –he questioned, gripping onto my neck as I tried to get rid of him- "You wanted me to train, right? Let's do it!"

I forced my back against a wall, hard enough to force him to let go of me but not too hard to hurt him really. He dropped to the floor as I took a couple steps away and turned around to look at him.

\- "Alright but, if I win, you come back to the group."

\- "No deal. You have too many rules." –he rose from the floor annoyed- "Besides, there's no one to disappoint over here and there's no one I like there."

As I was thinking of an answer while he talked, he hit me on the jaw with his fist and I had to take a couple steps back.

\- "That's a good punch."

\- "Yeah?" –he smiled- "You know who taught me that one?"

\- "Now, if you shift your weight when you throw it, it might actually hurt." –I knew what he was going to say and I was not in the mood for his game.

\- "Sam taught me that."

\- "You know what I think your problem is?"

\- "I can't wait to be back down to see her beat your ass." –he ignored my question, I knew he was trying to push my buttons and I could not let him- "Man, it's been a long six years."

\- "Low blow."

\- "Why? Because you still think she's dead or because the mere thought of seeing her again after what's been going up at here is eating you alive?"

\- "I don't have time for this."

\- "Hey!" -he threw his hands in the air, laughing- "You're the one that came to my side of the ship!"

\- "Fine." –I fisted my hands- "You want to talk about Sam?" –I moved after him- "Let's do it!" –I threw a punch at him that he managed to avoid, but not my second blow that forced him against the wall- "What do you think she'd say if she saw you like this."

\- "I'll ask her once I see her again, don't you worry." –he rose back up, hitting my stomach- "I know she's down there."

\- "She's dead."

\- "That'd sure make things easier for you, right?"

That was enough of it for that day. I hit him harder this time, forcing him on the floor before I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him up.

\- "You have a lot of issues, Murphy."

\- "You don't say." –he pushed me away and took a step back, massaging his neck.

\- "I know you like being a hero. Except, up here, there are no heroes, so you're afraid you've become worthless again." –I saw the anger in his stance before he threw a punch at me, I avoided it hitting him on the stomach before catching his arm and his neck- "You're not worthless, Murphy."

\- "Wait! Bellamy, look!" –he tried to get rid of me as I applied more pressure to my grip- "Look!"

\- "Say you're not worthless and I'll let you go."

\- "Bellamy! I'm not kidding! Look over there!"

I decided to do as he said, following the direction of his eyes and seeing a ship over Earth. I could not believe it, there was someone else out there.

\- "Let's go!" –I let go off him and started moving back to the group- "Come on!"

We joined the rest, pointing at the windows as we all stood there, not really knowing what to do. They could be friendly or could want to blow us up if they saw us. We had to make a decision: take the risk or watch? So we watched for hours, they didn't seem to notice us and didn't move again. Until a dropship launched directly to Eden. Raven tried to contact them but they didn't respond.

\- "Great. There goes my chance to see my only friend ever again." –Murphy scoffed moving back and sitting on a chair.

I hated to admit it, but Murphy was right, so we devised a plan to get to their main ship to see if we could get some transport back down. It was a risky plan but it was all we had. I was making a final sweep of the ship before we left when I found Echo in her room, looking at her sword.

\- "It'll be easier if you took it out."

\- "Bellamy..." –she sighed- "What are we going to be now."

\- "Hey, nothing's going to change."

\- "I know you don't want to hear this, but we have to talk."

She approached me, ready to have the conversation I had been avoiding since we first kissed; I didn't need it so I simply pulled her to me and kissed her. She responded immediately, her hands moving up to my hair and I sighed content as we broke apart.

\- "Kissing me to shut me up?" –she smiled moving back- "Your sister, what will she say?"

\- "It's been six years, Echo. It'll be fine."

\- "And Jusheda?"

I took a deep breath. It had been six years since I convinced myself she was dead; I mean, she had to be. Allie may not have been a straightforward communicator, but everything she said came true: Raven's vision was real, Abbie saw Clarke die and she was dead. So Sam must have been too. I couldn't go over all of it again, I knew it'd break me; it had taken me a whole year to forget all the bad things I did to her and all the things I never said. It took me another year to be able to sleep without nightmares, without seeing her every time I closed my eyes. It still hurt me hearing her name, which was why, in a way, I was glad Murphy decided to move away for he was the most connected to Sam out of the rest. I thought being away from us was also his way of coping with it.

\- "I know you don't want to hear this, but Samantha might still be alive down there with your sister."

\- "You were in the City of Light." –I couldn't even look at her now- "You know Allie was right. Sam died like I always feared most: leaving her behind. And that will be my biggest regret until I die and meet her on the other side."

**\------------------------**

**MURPHY'S POV**

I knew I was the cockroach and everyone disliked me but at least I was not playing dumb, walking around Bellamy on my tiptoes and never mentioning Sam's name again after he had that breakdown a couple months into our first year up here. I knew what he thought but I couldn't believe it; I had seen Sam survive poison, fire, been beating up until she couldn't breathe without having blood in her mouth, she survived bullets, the drilling in the mountain, the Conclave, the black rain and becoming a Nightblood. I didn't give a fuck what Abbie saw, Sam was alive and it would be my pleasure wrapping her in my arms and spin her in circles until she went dizzy. I missed her. She was family. I wasn't looking forward to the talk she'd give me on fucking up things with Emori but I could endure that just to see her beat someone's ass again. _Damn, imagine how great it'd have been having her up here. But no, Bellamy had to leave her behind, of course._

We had decided to pack up our things and get to that random ship that showed up out of nowhere. Goes without saying, getting there was not a smooth flight, especially the part in which Emori had to land our mini-ship and we ended up basically collapsing inside.

\- "Well, that was fun." –I stated as sarcastically as my altered breathing allowed me- "We should do it again sometime."

\- "Okay." –Bellamy spoke as we all took out our helmets- "Let's go find that fuel."

We walked out of the ship, leaving our suits there and walking around a corridor until we got to a door after which an alarm wouldn't stop beeping. Echo took out her sword gaining a disapproving look from Bellamy.

\- "We don't know what we're walking into."

And you know what? She was right; for once, I agreed with the spy. As we walked through the door, Raven pulled Emori back, asking her to run a full check up on the ship to see if the impact of the landing had damaged anything.

\- "I could stay behind and help."

\- "How? Making stupid little jokes?" –Emori looked at me with daggers in her eyes.

\- "Hey, don't throw it on me, you're the one that messed up on her big debut and..."

\- "Hey, hey." –Bellamy pulled me back- "Harper can help Emori. Everyone else, move. Now."

There it was, the old self-entitled King of camp. I did not miss him. I followed them around the ship that was more of a maze than anything else. I was certain we'd eventually get lost if we didn't start paying more attention to which turns we were taking. That is, until we got to a sign on the ceiling that called everyone's attention.

\- "No inmates past this point."

\- "Inmates?" -Echo questioned after Bellamy read it out loud.

Sometimes I forgot our language wasn't the Grounders' main one, Trig being their first option which I had finally learned to master after being pestered by Sam since she started her lessons and by Emori since I met her.

\- "They sent people they thought disposable."

\- "Now that sounds familiar." –I joined the conversation again; I knew Sam would have laughed.

\- "Relax." –Raven took the initiative now and started walking- "Our ancestors were prisoners a 100 years ago. Their descendants on that transport ship are survivors, just like us." –I hoped she was right- "The bridge is this way, come on."

We kept walking around and I was starting to get bored when Raven finally found what she was looking for: the bridge. I let them do their work like killing the damn alarm and finding the fuel. I saw the captain's chair and I took it for myself, watching them all go over our options when Monty came across an important discovery: a laser type of radio that could cut through the atmosphere's coat of radiation, allowing us to hear what they were saying down there.

\- "We got movement on the North end. Copy?" –a man's voice spoke on the radio- "McCreary?"

\- "I got something better. I got tracks."

\- "They are hunting our people." –Raven turned to look at us.

\- "We don't know that."

\- "We know there was no one else left on the ground." –Bellamy answered me.

\- "Whatever this is, Octavia can handle it." –Echo reminded us.

\- "Move over." –Raven pushed Monty out of his seat.

\- "Wait!" –Bellamy walked up to her- "What are you doing?"

\- "Finding out who we're dealing with."

Raven started typing on the computer as the rest of us simply kept listening to the voices on the radio, wondering what was really going on, who were these people, and who they were really hunting.

\- "I see her!"

\- "We'll cut her in from the south."

I stood from my chair, the tension in the room could have been cut with a knife, hearing the men talking about cutting whoever that was off, closing in and, finally, gunshots. I couldn't help but fist my hands. _Sam... It can't be, she's good, she'd never let them catch her alive._

\- "McCreary, report." –a woman's voice spoke on the radio this time- "We heard gunshots."

\- "Relax, Colonel. We got her." –the man, McCreary I assumed seemed to be very pleased with himself- "She's a feisty one, pretty too."

\- "We have to get down here." –Bellamy turned to Raven, his jaw clenched too- "Now."

Monty, Echo and I left to find the fuel and take it to Harper and Emori while Raven a Bellamy stood in the bridge to find out more about who we were dealing with. Truth was, I couldn't wait to get out of there so, once we got the fuel, my mood started to better as our time to finally get to the ground approached; however, something always has to go wrong. As we were walking down the corridors to get it to the ship, Echo found a room full of men in cryo sleep so, basically, we had been roaming and robbing a ship that we thought was empty when, in reality, all the prisoners were still there. I hated space.

**\--------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I didn't know who the girl they were talking about was but the mere possibility of it being my sister made me sick. I had to get down there soon. Raven finally managed to get into the captain's log, revealing a video from over 100 years ago in which every crew member had been murdered and the prisoners had taken over the ship; all of them imprisoned for murder. And they weren't kids like the 100 had been when imprisoned for various crimes, these people were adults and extremely well trained for the looks of it.

\- "Murder." –I sighed out loud- "All of them."

\- "Wait!" –Raven moved to the monitor again- "He said he was trying to deactivate the cryo... Bellamy, look out!"

I turned around just in time to see one of the prisoners I had just read about standing behind me and ready to knock me out. I fought back but he was big and strong, managing to get rid of me easily. Raven fought too with the same ending. It didn't matter how many times we hit him, he seemed not to feel any of our punches. Echo showed up out of nowhere, stabbing him and I thought that could be it, but no; he pushed Echo away and got rid of the blade. I found a cord and jumped on his back, trying to wrap it around his throat to strangle him. He fought back, hitting my back with everything he found on his way, but I had a good grip on the cord and I was not going to let go. After what seemed like hours, he finally dropped to his knees, trying to move his arms back to catch me but eventually giving in as he died. I fell to the floor exhausted, looking around to see if Echo and Raven were okay.

\- "One down." –Raven looked at me- "299 to go."

As we caught up our breaths, Echo told us she knew where he came from and we followed her through the hallways until we eventually got to a room full of them.

\- "How long can they live like this?" –I questioned as Raven inspected the panels.

\- "Technically forever."

\- "Or..." – Murphy showed up on the door- "we can kill them all right now." –he eyed us- "What happened to you?"

\- "One of them woke up."

\- "Question is how." –I nodded at Echo's words.

\- "No, the question is what the hell are we waiting for?" –Murphy rose his voice, he was annoyed- "I'm serious, ok? We're all gassed up. Let's pull the plug on this sleeping army and go home."

\- "That's not an option." –I shook my head- "We kill theirs, they kill ours."

\- "The pods are all jacked in to the mainframe." –Raven announced- "I'm guessing they activated this one remotely from the ground, probably in response to us tripping their alarm."

\- "When he doesn't check-in, they'll wake more of them." –Echo concluded before Raven agreed with her.

\- "I'd say that's a good bet."

\- "Ergo my 'get the hell out of here' plan." –Murphy reminded us sarcastically.

\- "Bellamy." –Echo called for me- "You know what happens when these guys get to the ground. Murphy's not wrong."

\- "Thank you."

\- "This is an army. I know how you feel, but it took three of us to take out one of them; giving them reinforcements when we can stop it is a strategic mistake."

\- "We've been off the Ring for less than a day and we're already talking about murdering hundreds of people."

\- "This is not murder." –Murphy disagreed with me- "This is survival. They die now or we die later. If Clarke was here, you wouldn't..."

\- "Clarke's not here!"

\- "Exactly. She died so we could live, Bellamy. Maybe if the person they were hunting like an animal down there was Sam you'll realize this is how we get back down to her!" - I wanted both to break Murphy's jaw and have a second to myself because I felt the feelings I had been avoiding for years, trying to resurface.

\- "Maybe not." –luckily, Raven spoke, moving back to the main panel in the room- "We can live them here like this, but block the signal from the ground so they can't wake them up."

\- "They have a shuttle, they can just come back up and do it themselves."

\- "Can you rig it so we can kill them remotely?"

\- "It's tricky," –Raven looked at Echo before nodding- "but it's possible, why?"

\- "Leverage." –I smiled at Echo, knowing what she was thinking- "'Put down your weapons or we pull the plug'. How long do you need to make it possible?"

\- "I don't know, but I'm on it."

\- "Wait." –I called for Murphy as he started to get out of the room- "Murphy, I want to know what you think."

\- "I think it's a risk."

\- "You're right, it is." –I nodded- "But Clarke didn't die for us to live just so we can go back to the ground and make the same mistakes."

\- "What the hell, then?" –he shook his head- "Let's be the good guys. I know of someone that'll be surprised when she knows how much I've changed."

He didn't leave any of us another second to answer before he disappeared. I knew he meant Sam, we all did. I couldn't help but wonder what she'd have done if she had been up here. Raven moved back to the bridge as Echo and I walked to where the rest were to tell them about the new plan; then, I moved back to the bridge to make sure Raven was alright and in case she needed any help. However, once I got there and I saw her simply staring at the screen in front of her, I realized something was wrong.

\- "Hey."

\- "Someone has to stay up here."

\- "What?"

\- "With remote access to the cryo-pods blocked, we won't be able to operate them either." –she got up from her chair, moving closer to the big screen- "Pulling the plug from the ground is not an option. Someone has to stay."

\- "No, no, no. No way." –this was not happening, I wasn't leaving anyone behind- "Ok, we make the threat from up here on the lasercom."

\- "We won't know if they're following through. Look, I've played every angle, this only works if we have eyes on the ground."

\- "Fine, tell me how to do it, I'll stay."

\- "I can't." –she shook her head- "There are nine security measures to be bypassed, teaching you would take days and, knowing you, you'll probably still screw it up. It has to be me."

\- "I'm not leaving you here, Raven."

\- "I'll be fine." –she reassured me- "Emori can get you down, that's what I trained her for. You have to go and find your sister, you have to find out..." –she stopped for a second as I turned to face her- "You have to find out whether Sam is alive or not. You owe yourself that much. You owe her that."

\- "Raven..."

\- "And you have to make a deal for peace with the prisoners. Once everyone's friends, they'll come back up for their people and I'll hitch a ride down with them."

\- "What if the threat doesn't work? You'll be stuck up here and you'll have to kill 300 people, have you thought about that?" –seeing her face, I realized she hadn't- "No, we'll come up with something else. I'm not letting you alone up here."

\- "There's an escape pod, you idiot." –she shook her head smiling- "For the captain and first mate. When this is all over, if you fail, I can go down in that." –I knew she was right, but I hated leaving her behind alone in this massive ship full of murderers double our size- "Hey. Six years ago, I promised myself I would find a way to get us back down. This is it. Please, let me get you all home."

The decision was made. I hated it, but it was what we had to do so, after saying goodbye to Raven and she pushed me away to leave, I moved back with the others. They soon realized Raven wasn't following me and I had to explain exactly what was happening, leading to an uncomfortable moment between Murphy and Emori as she volunteered him to stay instead of Raven. Once I explained why it had to be Raven, they gave in, walking with me to the pod. Except for Murphy.

\- "Murphy."

\- "I'm staying." –he answered, getting out of the room- "Raven might need back up. And, if Emori's flying, this is the survivors move." –he didn't say it in a mean way but it sounded too much like a goodbye- "See you on the other side. Don't let Sam beat you up without me there to see." –he smiled at me before closing the doors and disappearing in the ship.

I found it funny, how he willingly stood behind, probably hurt by Emori's words but I also knew he had always felt guilty about what happened to Raven so it wasn't that much of a surprise when he decided to keep her company. Especially when he knew there was still a way out of the ship if things went south.

The rest got on the ship, putting our helmets and seatbelts and counting on Emori to take us down safely. I knew she was stressed and terrified she'd mess up and kill us all, but I also knew Raven would have never allowed her to do it if she didn't have blind face she'll manage to do it. So, once we landed on the ground we all breathed relieved, the more one being Emori as she looked at me with a smile on her face.

\- "I did it. We didn't die!"

\- "No." –I laughed- "We didn't."

\- "We'll celebrate once Raven and Murphy are back down too." –Echo reminded us- "We should get out and find cover in the trees, they'll probably have seen us."

We all agreed, taking everything with us before taking our suits and walking out of there as soon as we could and towards the treeline, wondering how long it'd take them to find us when three men with guns stopped us. But we didn't have much time to talk as gunshots were heard and they fell dead to the ground. I looked around, wondering what the hell was going on when someone showed up from the trees.

\- "She's just a kid."

\- "Bellamy?"

The girl addressed me, standing directly in front of me. I was so confused. _Who was this kid and why did she know me? _She had to be someone's kid and, to know me and my name... _Octavia's?_ Then, something else crossed my mind, freezing me in my place. _Could she be... ours? Sam..._ I wished I didn't know about Allie's prophecy for now I could only imagine Sam giving birth to our child and dying right after. But, as the rational part of my brain decided to work again, I realized she looked old to be just six.

\- "Clarke knew you'd come."

\- "Clarke?" –I was even more confused now- "Clarke's alive?"

I felt my heart stop for a second before it started beating faster. _If Clarke was alive... that'd mean..._

\- "She needs your help. We have to go." –the girl pulled me to move- "Come on!"

\- "What about the others in the bunker?"

\- "Still there."

\- "What? No. How can that be?"

\- "No time to explain."

We ran after her, my brain was on fire. _It's been six years; the bunker was just supposed to hold them for 5._ _That'd mean... No, it can't be; they can't all be dead..._ Her name turned out to be Madi and she knew Clarke from something but I wasn't sure how they met exactly; I was too busy going over what I thought I knew for the past six years, only to realize I had been wrong all this time. We devised a plan to help Clarke and introduce ourselves to the people in charge. Madi drove us there and I got out of the Rover, reminding her to follow the plan.

\- "Unarmed." –I rose my hands as I walked away from the Rover- "Just wanna talk."

\- "Then talk." –the woman addressed me as everyone else pointed their guns at me- "Give me one good reason not to kill you where you stand."

\- "How about I give you 299? That's how many of your people are gonna die if you and I can't make a deal."

I showed her the cup from the captain I had found on their ship, gaining her complete attention as she nodded. I made the sign for Madi to back up the Rover and walked closer to them, seeing Clarke on the floor.

\- "That's fair enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that feedback is awesome🥂


	4. Welcome home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bunker is finally opened after 6 years in complete isolation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you'll enjoy today's piece! Leave me some feedback!!✨✨

**YOUR POV**

Six years and nine days. I knew I wasn't supposed to be keeping up with the count but I couldn't help it; I needed to get out of there. Sure, being powerful enough to protect my people was great, even if now everyone was my people, but I'd have rather be able to run in the woods again; I wanted Lila to get out and live like the child she was supposed to be.

\- "Sam?" –Roan called for me as he got out of the bathroom.

\- "Huh?"

\- "You didn't hear a word I said, right?"

\- "Yes, yes I did." –I lied as I fastened my corset.

\- "You're thinking about the outside, aren't you?" –he stood in front of me, he had just come out of the shower and his hair was wet, water dripping down its ends down to his chest.

\- "I'm starting to forget what it felt like and I don't want to." –I confessed- "The air, the green, using my bow, the animals... the freedom." –I sighed- "I am very close to losing hope."

\- "Hey." –he pulled my chin up- "It's not your fault. I'm sure everything will work out in the end."

\- "It better. It's been a year since you could live up there and look where we are." –he tried to wrap his arms around me but I pushed him away- "Hey, hey, I already showered today." –I chuckled- "Go dry up if you want to touch me."

He started laughing before shaking his head, the water falling on me as I ran to the other side of the room, yelling at him in between laughs to let me live in peace. He entered the bathroom again and I sat down on the bed, putting on my boots before moving to take my blades, running my fingertips over my bow. _God, I miss it._ Sheda's quiver was there too with his vest. I didn't feel like I could ever wear it again after everything that had happened but I decided to save it for Lila, for when she was grown enough for it to fit her. I smiled to myself thinking of the day she'd be that old, which would make me even older and I just couldn't picture it; I always thought I'd die young and yet, there I was, 24 years old and still going.

\- "If you're bored, you could go get another tattoo." –Roan caught me out of guard as his voice startled me.

\- "Another one?" –I scoffed turning around, seeing him wearing pants now instead of the towel- "Where? On my face? No thanks. I like it how it is."

\- "You still have plenty of skin on your body to cover." –he crossed his arms over his chest, raising a knowing eyebrow at me- "I could make a couple suggestions."

\- "Oh, do I?" –I smiled- "And how'd you know that?"

He didn't have time to answer as the door to our room opened, revealing a very excited Lila that basically jumped into my arms.

\- "Wao, there." –I chuckled- "What's going on?"

\- "Guess what." –she asked me before looking at Roan as he walked up to us- "Guess what I did today."

\- "Impress me."

Lila then proceeded to tell us both about her morning and the training lesson she had had that morning with Gaia. In the beginning, it had been funny how none of the other kids dared touching her for their parents had told them about my warning so I eventually dropped by one of the classes to explain them the difference between what they were doing and what I had warned their parents about. They were all clever kids and immediately took Lila in like one of them, which was exactly what she was: a kid. As the years passed, I started training Lila myself too at her request and, sometimes, I'd go in with Gaia and teach the kids something. It pleased me that everyone understood sooner than later that kids were sacred to me and anyone that tried to hurt any of them would immediately go down to the pit and, if I got a saying on it, they wouldn't come out.

\- "So, I won him again." –Lila laughed as she ended her story- "Ethan wants you to show him how to do that."

\- "Alright, we'll do that tomorrow."

Lila nodded and I put her back on the floor. A knock in the door that she immediately answered, revealing Nylah.

\- "Ready for today's class?" –she smiled as Lila took a little note pack and her colors, approaching her.

\- "What are we doing today?"

\- "Math and history." –Nylah offered her her hand- "You like that?"

\- "I prefer history but I know I need math too to count the arrows I have left to shoot if needed."

I couldn't help but start laughing as Nylah looked at me and Roan held back his own laugh.

\- "She really is your kid."

\- "It's not like she's wrong. It'd be a real mess if you got into a fight and ran out of arrows because you didn't count them."

\- "Or bullets." –Lila pointed her finger at me.

\- "No guns for you yet, miss." –I squatted down- "See you later, alright?"

\- "Be careful." –Lila nodded before kissing my cheek- "Love you, nomi." [mom]

\- "Be good, strikon." [little one]

Nylah told me Octavia was about to go to the pit for there was another fight today. I almost had forgotten about it, almost forgotten Kane was in it. I thought it was both stupid and loyal of him: we all knew it was Abbie the one stealing meds for she had become a drug addict but I also knew she couldn't even stand still let alone pick up a sword. I sighed, nodding at Nylah and watching her leave with Lila.

\- "You should get ready." –I looked at Roan who pulled me back to him- "What now?"

\- "You are not going anywhere without this."

He handed me my neckpiece and I nodded, putting it around my neck and turning my back to him for him to wrap it up like he had been doing every day since he got it done for me. I liked it, it protected my neck and it made me look regal, which was always a plus, so I never complained or protested about putting it on. He moved my hair to the side and tied it hard but not enough to choke me before letting go and kissing my head, wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me to his chest.

\- "You aren't going in today, are you?"

\- "No. I want to give Kane a chance." –I rested my head on his shoulder- "I don't approve of what he's doing but I understand it. I was him once. Besides, he's the only one Abbie allows to get close to her, I need him alive to control her."

I closed my eyes and stood there for a moment, simply enjoying his company before I got ready to make decisions and take on my role as the leader of this place. Roan had been my right hand since the beginning; we had become a peculiar bunch, I'd say: me, Roan and Lila, each of us coming from very different places yet, it all seemed to fit perfectly. I also had my sister and Gaia seemed to have warmed up to me with time. I was certainly glad Nylah was down there too, she was closer with Octavia which I understood. Jackson and Miller had become very close friends of mine: Jackson was my doctor and Miller was like a brother to me; he was part of Octavia's guard though, requested by Indra who still feared something could happen to her. I didn't mind, the more people protecting my sister, the safer she'd be.

\- "Alright." –I moved away from Roan- "Finish getting dressed before the fight starts without us."

\- "They'd never do that."

\- "I know, but move anyway." –I pushed him to where his clothes were- "We're sparring later so take your things."

\- "Need to burn some stamina?"

\- "You know me so well."

I chuckled, crossing my arms over my chest and watching him get dressed. I wasn't sure what we were but I couldn't find it in me to care. He was like my shadow, my bodyguard, my ally, my friend... he also had turned out to be an amazing father figure for Lila, which always managed to warm up my heart. As he finished, we made our way to the second floor of the pit, seeing Indra and Gaia there already taking their places: Indra stood to the left of Octavia's seat and Gaia to its right, which meant she was to my left, leaving Roan on my right. I wasn't sure who had decided this placement but I was certain Roan and Indra had gotten into a fight about it. I couldn't have cared any less though as I made my way to the backroom, leaving the three of them there.

\- "Hey." –Octavia smiled at me as I entered- "How are you?"

\- "Same I was last time I saw you." –I chuckled- "What do we have today?"

\- "Apart from Kane, you mean?" –Miller entered through the opposite door- "We have a woman and two men; crimes: stealing, arson and attempted murder."

\- "I wish Kane weren't there." –I sighed- "That murdered can't make it out."

\- "I'm sure Kane will fight." –Octavia looked at me- "He knows he can't leave Abbie alone."

\- "Did you see him yesterday?" –I scoffed- "Unless his animalistic side comes out to play again, that man is going to eat him alive."

\- "He refused to fight, he must learn the lesson."

\- "I didn't say I didn't agree." –I faced her- "I'm saying that murdered is not making it out."

\- "Attempted murder." –Miller reminded me.

\- "Same thing." –I shrugged my shoulders- "If he's the last standing, he'll face me."

\- "Deal." –Octavia shook my hand with a pleased smile- "It's been a while since the last time, the people want you in there again... Scáthach."

\- "What can I say? I love a good show too, Blodreina."

We walked out of the room side by side, the crowd was already there, going silent as we made it out. Octavia was wearing her red cape and had her forehead painted red as well for her blood and her name. She looked threatening and powerful, which I was 100% behind. I hated my cape, so I barely ever used it, so I simply wore my black clothes, Roan's white corset and the silver protection on my neck and forearms. I had cut my hair above the shoulder because it had proven a problem when fighting; I had also dyed it dark red for Octavia. My war paint was black, still Sheda's design for I refused to get anything else. Red and black: her blood and mine.

**\---------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I wasn't sure how exactly, but the pact with Diyoza was still standing. After we rescued Clarke, we thought of a plan to get the bunker open. Needless to say, I couldn't wait. I had been talking with Clarke about what had happened, about who Madi was and how she survived and, a part of me, after hearing all of it, realized I might have made the biggest mistake of my life: assuming the AI had been right and that Sam was dead.

I could barely stand still as Diyoza's men broke into the rocks and the floor to create an opening to get in the bunker, to see what was happening down there, to get to them... When they asked who'd go down first, I practically threw myself down, wrapping the rope around my waist and allowing the men to get me down slowly. Everything was so dark compared to the light outside, it took me a couple seconds to adjust, managing to do so as I landed my feet on the floor. I was at the main level and, as I looked around, I distinguished a figure slowly moving towards me; as the dust cleared up, I finally saw her: Octavia. She had changed, she looked older and her hair was shorter, her forehead was painted in red but I had no time to realize anything else as she dropped her blade and jumped into my arms; I immediately wrapped them around her feeling like I could breathe again, knowing my little sister was okay. I kissed her cheek as she moved back, her hands on my face as her eyes bore into mine.

\- "I knew you'd come." –she whispered- "We knew you would."

\- "We?"

She smiled, sniffling as she looked behind her; it was dark there and I wasn't sure what was coming, feeling the cable move up to bring Clarke down too.

\- "Bellamy?"

A voice that I had been craving to hear since I left, a voice that I thought I'd never hear again, called for me. I thought I was dreaming for a second, that is until she walked into the light of the sun: Sam. She looked at me up and down, as if trying to make sure it was me; I was certain I did the same a second before she ran up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I picked her up from the floor as I felt a tear running down my cheek.

\- "You came back."

She moved her head back for only a second, her voice was quiet and shaky as she took my face in her hands, a couple tears running down her cheeks. I couldn't find the words so I simply kissed her, putting her back down on the ground so that I could take her face in my hands. She wasted no time to kiss me back: it felt so good, so real, so full of love, so tender yet eager. I missed feeling like this. _Fuck, Sam is alive._ I could physically feel my chest about to explode as the happiness overflew my system. She pulled back to breathe but I hadn't had enough so I moved my hands to the back of her neck to pull her flush against me, feeling the cold of the metal covering her skin, kissing her again and swiping my tongue over her lips, she opened her mouth, biting me gently before allowing me full control of the kiss.

\- "Welcome back." –she whispered looking up at me, wrapping her arms around my body- "Welcome home."

I was at a loss of words, 6 years mourning the love of my life only to find she was perfectly fine. _Fuck, I'm never going to hear the end of this from Murphy._ She had changed too, her hair was shorted, dyed a dark shade of red, her war paint was the same design and color I had seen her carry for months, she wore all black, except for the silver covers on her arms and neck. I had so many questions. Six years was a lot of time to catch up on...

\- "Hey."

\- "Clarke!" –Sam smiled as she looked to my right; Clarke had just descended from outside and walked up to us.

\- "It's good to see you." –Clarke looked at me for a second before focusing back on Sam, so I let go of her.

\- "We tried to open the door." –Sam hugged Clarke and I wondered what she meant- "We knew it was you."

\- "It's okay."

As the three of them caught up, I looked around, seeing the blood on the floor, both dried and fresh, the place had been covered up to the ceiling as if it were a cell, the people were glued to the metallic mesh, watching us. Something terrible must have been going on. I needed to know. I looked back at my sister when another person started descending to the pit. _Diyoza._ I watched Sam move her hand to her blade and her arm in front of Octavia protectively.

\- "Hey." –I called for her- "It's okay."

She furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at me, watching the cable go up again and bring McCrery down too. I had to admit, Diyoza didn't look exactly like mere help and neither did McCreary when he set feet in front of us. They were both in full soldier attire and carried guns with them. I followed Sam's eyes as she inspected them up and down with her gaze; I knew what she was doing: assessing whether or not they were a threat.

\- "Who are they?" –Octavia spoke now, gaining both soldier's attention.

\- "We're here to rescue you." –Diyoza turned around to face us.

\- "Rescue missions don't carry weapons." –Sam took a step towards them as she faced McCreary who was more heavily armed than Diyoza; it was subtle but, with that simple step, Sam covered Octavia from him, I was glad to know at least that hadn't changed- "They bring med-kits."

\- "Hey." –I pulled her back- "We have an understanding."

\- "An understanding?" –Sam eyed me- "May I know the terms of such accord?"

\- "Before we get to that..." –Clarke interrupted us, but neither Diyoza nor Sam moved their gazes from each other- "Where's my mom?"

Indra took a step towards Clarke, offering to take her where her mom was but didn't get a chance to do so as Sam stopped them.

\- "I'll do it." –she eyed Octavia, who nodded almost imperceptibly before Sam motioned Clarke to follow her- "You have a lot to tell me, princess."

\- "You do too."

\- "We'll catch up once we're finally out." –she eyed me- "And you." –I smiled at her as her eyes softened- "Don't you dare going anywhere this time, huh?"

\- "I promise."

\- "And you." –she pointed at Diyoza- "You have to tell me about those terms."

\- "Why do you assume she's in charge?" –McCreary turned to her, his hand on his weapon and an annoyed look in his eyes and I feared he'd shoot her.

\- "I know a leader when I see it."

Diyoza seemed pleased with the answer, nodding at Sam before she resumed walking with Clarke; only then did I realize there was someone waiting for her at the other side of the door: Roan. I had forgotten he was down there too but it didn't surprise me seeing him glued to Sam. As they disappeared, I focused back on the problem ahead: Octavia looked ready to start a fight.

\- "I take this is your sister." –Diyoza pointed with her head at Octavia.

\- "Yes, sorry." –I cleared my throat- "Octavia, this is Colonel Diyoza."

\- "Colonel?"

\- "Used to be." –Diyoza conceded- "Nice war paint by the way." –this was not going to end well if they kept it like this- "The one who left," –Diyoza addressed me now- "who's that?"

\- "That's Sam. Samantha."

\- "Family of yours?"

\- "Not exactly."

\- "Huh. She must be really important, then."

That had been a terrible answer, I saw it in the way Diyoza eyed me up and down before a smile appeared on her face. She looked towards where Sam had disappeared.

\- "Ok, so..." –I tried to change the conversation- "How do we do this?"

\- "Two at a time." –Diyoza answered me before turning around to address the crowd around us- "Why don't you people get your things, and we'll get started as soon as we're ready topside?"

No one moved. Even if what the colonel said was not a threat, none of the people there dared to move. It was almost terrifying watching it all unravel. Once Octavia nodded her head, that's when everyone started to move. They didn't do anything without her permission. Something weird was going on.

\- "Exactly how many people should we be prepping for extraction?" –McCreary asked now after following everyone's moves carefully; we couldn't trust him.

\- "1200."

\- "810." –Octavia corrected me as I turned to face her surprised.

\- "Copy that." –Diyoza smiled, before talking to her earpiece- "The number of people we're saving today is 810."

_390 people down._ I knew there had to have been some type of way for them to survive that final year that wasn't in the initial count but, still, 390 missing people seemed like a lot. It was uncomfortable being there with both soldiers' eyes on us. Octavia eventually left to get ready too, coming back followed by Indra and then Sam, who came in alone with a clean face. The crowd was back too; their eyes on us, but especially on Sam and O's moves. I knew I had told Octavia she had to lead but this? I had to get to the bottom of it.

\- "I loved your war paint." –Diyoza walked up to Sam, not giving me a second to talk to her- "We haven't been properly introduced: I'm Colonel Diyoza."

It baffled me how quick Diyoza had been to diminish her rank with Octavia but how easily she told Sam about it. Sam's answer was also way different from my sister's, who had immediately taken it as a threat; but not Sam, of course not.

\- "We're not at war, are we?" –Sam smiled, speaking with a calm voice before offering Diyoza her hand, which took me absolutely by surprise- "Samantha. No cool title."

\- "Sure about that?" –Diyoza looked around, shaking her hand but not letting go.

\- "I'll admit I've dealt before with those ranks. I met once a General and a Major, but they didn't gift me their titles before they were murdered." –Sam let go of her as I realized who she was talking about- "I'm ready to get the fuck out of here, Colonel."

Diyoza nodded and walked with her to stand under the hole on the ceiling, taking the second cable from McCreary, who had been securing Octavia's, and wrapping it around Sam expertly. I looked around, surprised Roan wasn't there with Sam. Maybe they weren't as close as I had anticipated. Once Sam and Octavia were secured, I took their hands in mine and squeezed them gaining a nod from Sam but nothing from Octavia who simply turned to look at Sam, taking her free hand.

\- "Ogeda."

\- "Ogeda."

I caught the look McCreary and Diyoza interchanged as they heard them but that was nothing compared to what happened next. As their feet left the ground and they rose their heads to the sun, Gaia spoke from the top level.

\- "Kom falau oso nag yon op." [From the ashes we will rise]

Everyone in there repeated after her, watching Sam and O let go of my hands as they got higher. They kept reciting the words, louder each time as Diyoza and McCreary looked around, clearly uncomfortable with their hands on their weapons before someone on the lower level and behind us murmured something that froze my blood.

\- "The devil just got freed from her cage."

**\-------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

Bellamy was all I could think about as I walked Clarke to her mom and then got ready to leave that goddamn place. I asked Roan to stay back with Lila, for there was something still off about this whole thing and I wanted to figure it out before she got hurt. My mind was racing. Fuck, Bellamy was alive and he had come back to us. _To me._ I knew I could cry if I allowed myself to, but it was not the time nor the place to do so. He looked so good, older, sure, but I couldn't deny how attracted I still was to him; I just hoped it was a reciprocated feeling after all this time.

Octavia and I were, of course, the firsts to get out of the bunker, hanging from the wire with her hand in mine, once I felt the sun on my face and the wind in my hair I realized we had finally made it. Two men helped us out of the cables and got to work to bring the rest up as Octavia and I took a couple steps forward, watching the world we once knew so well and what it had become: a bunch of cluttered rocks and ruins; the green I had missed deeply was nowhere to be seen. _Guess this is what happens when you expend six years underground._ The massive ship in the distance didn't go unnoticed either; I assumed that was how Diyoza and her people had gotten down. But that didn't answer the questions I had: how did Bellamy find these people and where were the rest of us? Where were the rest of my friends?

\- "Well, since you aren't screaming it at the top of your lungs..." –I eyed Octavia who was way too focused on looking around- "I'll do it myself this time." –I cleared my throat before throwing my hands in the air and screaming- "We're back bitches!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who's Scáthach?
> 
> Scáthach is a figure from Irish mythology; her name means "The Shadowy One" in Gaelic. She has a sister, Alfoie, who is also a powerful warrior. Proud and not serving anyone, she is both a warrior mentor (for she ran a training academy for young warriors) and a guide into death.
> 
> Scathach was also identified later as a Celtic goddess of the dead, specifically one who ensures the passage of those killed in battle to the Lands of Eternal Youth. After ascending into the divine-plane, it is said she can no longer die as a human; she must simply continue to exist, until the time when the world finally disappears.


	5. The Devil.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catching up with long lost friends won’t be as easy as it was supposed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I’m so sorry this is so late, I've had some setbacks happen this morning but we're back!
> 
> I hope you’ll enjoy today’s piece.🌻Let me know!

**BELLAMY'S POV**

Diyoza was the next to move out of the bunker with McCreary as I heard Sam scream in excitement. I smiled to myself but quickly remembering what had just been said_. The devil. What's going on?_ As I got out of the bunker myself, I looked around for Sam and Octavia, intending on talking with both of them, but not expecting what I saw: Octavia was still at the bunker's exit, her eyes furrowed as she looked in front of her. I followed her eyes, quickly feeling the anguish in my heart as I saw Sam walking away with Diyoza, both followed by McCreary. _Sam has become very innocent after these six years, she'd have never left us behind to go with someone she doesn't know and whom I trust very little._ Then again, how'd she know that if I never told her?

\- "We have to talk." –I addressed Octavia- "Give me a second and follow me."

I started walking down the rocks and away from there, trying to look for a place to talk in peace and, most importantly, in private with Octavia. I entered a building and waited for my sister to get there.

\- "Blodreina, the Red Queen." –I spoke as soon as she entered, standing in front of me- "Scáthach." –I didn't know what that meant but, considering what the other two implied, I assumed nothing good- "Tell me about the fighting pit. How did that happen? Was it you or Sam? Because it looks to me someone's read Ovid a few too many ti..."

\- "Six years is a long time." –she cut me off before I could continue- "Things have changed. I've changed." –she looked to the window for a second- "Sam too."

\- "We have a lot to talk about, O."

\- "We do, just not right now." –she looked at the door- "I don't trust these people, Bell." –she faced me again- "Who are they? Where'd they come from? Why are they helping us?"

\- "I don't trust them either, but I need you to trust me. We have leverage."

Suddenly, the side door opened, startling us both; Octavia reached to her side, about to grab her sword when we saw who it was.

\- "You will never believe what I just learned." –Sam walked towards us, completely ignoring the scare she just gave us- "Diyoza was a Navy Seal. A fucking Navy Seal! Damn." –she stood next to us, I could tell she was completely amazed by the Colonel- "If I know my history right, those people were like... amazing? I know who's going to teach both me and Jasper how to swim now, he's going to be so stunned. Unless there's no ocean now. Or if he changed his mind about our lessons in 6 years." –she looked at me and I gulped- "Where is he anyway? And I assume Harper and Monty are with him as well as Raven, Emori, and Murphy. Damn, I can't wait to see them. I've missed them so much. We have so much to talk about, like what have you been doing up there for six years and I..."

\- "Sam..." –Octavia looked at her as I realized I needed to have a serious conversation with Sam, I needed to fix what I fucked up six years ago.

\- "What?" –Sam eyed both of us- "Why the long faces? From you..." –she looked at me- "I can begin to understand, cuz Earth looks like shit but you..." –she eyed Octavia- "We're finally out and you look like we're about to go to war. Can I catch a break?"

\- "I don't trust those people. You saw them." –Octavia spoke in between her teeth, lowering her voice- "They came in with three guns each."

\- "Which is why I'm always prepared." –Sam moved the sides of the long coat that covered her body down to her knees, revealing two guns strapped to her thighs, taking me by surprise; in any other situation, I'd have considered that a turn on- "You don't think I came back up with just a bunch of knives, right? I'm always prepared."

\- "You haven't used one in years."

\- "Listen, if you're gonna ruin my mood, I'll go back with Diyoza." –I felt a tension between them I hadn't felt before- "At least she's funny." –Sam crossed her arms over her chest- "But, if you're going to make decisions, you need me here."

_You need me._ She didn't say 'I should be here', no, she said 'you need me'. Sam's words floated heavily in the air between us. Octavia needed Sam for some reason and it had nothing to do with Sam's usual protective instinct, it was something else. Octavia nodded, looking at me.

\- "He says we got leverage on them, so we can trust them for now."

\- "Define, leverage."

I started explaining to them what had been going on up there since we discovered their ship; not wanting to drop another bomb right now, I avoided Jasper's topic until I had them both completely caught up. Octavia seemed pleased with the news, but not Sam.

\- "You left Raven and Murphy alone with dozens of murderers?" –she took a deep breath- "No wonder Diyoza wanted to know all about you."

\- "What did you tell her." –I grabbed her arm, pulling her to me.

\- "Hey, relax." –she pushed me away- "Maybe you've forgotten after six years but I'm not stupid. She wouldn't even know about us..." -she pointed at me and then at herself- "...if it weren't for you."

\- "What?"

\- "I don't know what you've told her, but she's not stupid. McCreary? That's another story." -she scoffed- "He's a power-hungry ass from what I can tell. So please, tell me again how this is me messing up." –she crossed her arms over her chest- "I don't wanna fight, I'm tired of that. Just tell me you have it under control because I want just two things." –I nodded, prompting her to continue- "I want the valley and all my friends back unharmed."

\- "You just have to trust me." –I eyed Octavia as she nodded then looking back at her- "Both of you."

\- "Fine." –Sam conceded- "I'm going to check how everything is going at the pulley. You both catch up in the meantime." –I was about to speak when she cut me off- "Yes, we'll talk." –she smiled- "I have so much to tell you."

She ran her thumb over my skin before kissing my cheek; her smile, that I had seen in dreams so many times since I left, adorning her face and I felt my heart slightly more at ease. Even if I still hated the fact that I couldn't tell her about everything yet; I had to tell her about Jasper but I got the feeling learning about Echo would be much worse. I hoped she'd understand. For a moment, I hoped she had had something going on with someone too.

\- "I have to ask." –I looked at Octavia after Sam left.

\- "Roan?" –she read me like an open book- "I'm sure he loves her." –she nodded- "And I'm sure she feels the same way about him. It's been six years, Bell."

\- "I understand."

\- "That doesn't mean they've acted on their feelings."

\- "What?"

\- "I've seen Sam mourn losing you for years, but she never lost hope of seeing you again; not even as we were well into the fifth-year mark and even I started to doubt we'd ever get out. Would it have eventually happened? Probably but, when I saw her running to you, I realized one thing: Sam's love for you hasn't faltered in the slightest, even after all this time. I admire that in her." –a small smile on her face- "I wish I could be like that, you know? After everything we've seen and been through, being able to keep the faith in people, the love for them..."

\- "O..."

\- "It wasn't your fault, Bell." –she squeezed my shoulder- "It's okay. We're okay."

We hugged again, the weight of Lincoln's death would always hang over me but not because Octavia forced it on me. She had been right; six years was a long time and she had certainly changed; six years ago, I was still sure she blamed me for it. Maybe, even with all the things I didn't know, the change she had undergone was for the best. I hoped it had been.

After a bit more time and once it was already dark outside, we both walked out of there, Octavia in her way to find Indra as I looked for Sam. I found her near the bunker's exit but she wasn't alone: Roan was with her, holding her up by her waist as she laughed; she looked so beautiful but I hated that it was in someone else's arms.

\- "The Skyboy has finally returned." –Roan was the first to speak as Sam turned around to look at me; I tried my best not to roll my eyes at the nickname- "We were starting to think something happened to you. It's been some long couple hours." –his face was serious but his tone wasn't, and I was confused until Sam started laughing.

\- "I'm sure he's been torturing himself about it, no need to add to that." –she looked up at him- "Besides, he got us out of that hell-hole, I'd say a 'thank you' is in order." –she pointed with her head at me as Roan sighed, extending his hand to me.

\- "Thank you." –he spoke as I took it- "For coming back to take Sam out of there." –we let go- "She was starting to get annoying."

\- "I'm not annoying."

\- "Oh, no. The Queen doesn't have an annoying bone in her body, I know." –he looked at her deeply- "You've never mentioned your horse, or your bow, or the trees, or..."

\- "Fine, fine. I get it." –Sam pushed him to the side, raising her hands in defeat- "I was just voicing what we all felt. And you cannot deny it."

\- "I guess now I can show you my Kingdom."

\- "The only place we can survive in is the valley." –I cut in their conversation, feeling it taking a turn I didn't like- "Everything else is... just like this."

\- "Told you." –Sam eyed Roan before looking at me- "Is it big?"

\- "Big enough for all of us." –I smiled.

\- "Great, can't wait to..."

\- "Do not start again." –Roan mocked her- "I'll go check if anyone else needs me."

He nodded at me before he walked away from us as Sam followed him with her eyes. I didn't need Octavia telling me about their feelings, they were crystal clear right now and, for a moment, I hated her for it. Until I remembered about Echo. _Maybe it'll all solve on its own once we get to the valley._

\- "So." –Sam moved up to me- "Space." –she started walking, prompting me to walk beside her- "Tell me about it."

\- "Scáthach." –I eyed her- "What does it mean?"

\- "Irish mythology." –she shrugged her shoulders- "There's a library down there, I've had some time to read. I was bored of the Roman Gods." –she looked at me- "What do you think it means?"

\- "I have no idea but if it's related to Octavia's Blodreina..."

\- "Absolutely not. Roan made a point to differentiate me from your sister." –she shook her head and I wondered what any of that meant- "I'll lend you my book and you can read all about the fierce warrior that gave me my new nickname."

\- "I'll stick to 'Sam'."

\- "I'd like that." –she turned her face, a soft smile on her lips.

\- "So..."

\- "Roan and I are not a thing." –it didn't surprise me how easily she read me- "We could have, but I had faith you'd come back."

\- "If I hadn't..."

\- "We'll never know." –she cut me off- "Unless..." –she stopped dead in her tracks, facing me- "We really have to talk, don't we? Six years is enough time for us to grow and change from who we used to be, for our feelings to change... Fuck, I hate this."

\- "What?"

\- "I see you and I'm aware you've changed, I mean, that beard for starters..." –she started laughing as she eyed me, unable to continue what she meant to say.

\- "Oh, don't tell me you don't like it." –I smirked at her, deciding to play her game.

\- "It's a different look, a different feeling too."

\- "Feeling?"

\- "Kissing you with all that hair." –she chuckled again as I shook my head- "It's fine. If you like it, it's all that matters."

\- "I'll shave it for you." –I couldn't help my hands moving to her hips, pulling her to me.

\- "I don't mind it." –she moved her hands up my chest- "Does that mean you intend on kissing me more often?"

\- "I'm never leaving you behind again."

\- "I'm glad you left. I'm sure you've had a better life in space."

\- "What happened?"

\- "War." –she sighed- "Every day, all the time."

\- "Sam..."

\- "Can we not talk about that know. I was liking where we were going initially with this."

\- "I've missed you so much." –I kissed her forehead before she rested her chin on my shoulder, hugging me.

\- "There wasn't a day I didn't think of you."

I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could, feeling at home for the first time in years. Her body against mine felt so familiar, nostalgic for a better time. I knew she had changed but, as I held her in my arms, it still felt like she was the 18-year-old criminal I fell for so long ago when I became a criminal myself. I pulled back, waiting for her to open her eyes and, as she did I looked down at her lips, asking for permission, her eyes sparkled as she nodded. A loud explosion interrupted us, intuitively pulling Sam behind me as she reached for her gun.

\- "What the hell was that?"

\- "I don't know."

I looked at her and we both started running towards where the noise came from, finding Roan in the way, he eyed Sam up and down. His eyes on her reminded me of how I had always looked at Sam. We got to a plaza where most people had been settling down for the night, a couple fires going on to keep us warm.

\- "I'm sorry about your pretty fountain." –Diyoza spoke in the distance, so I made my way to the front to see what was happening- "That was only half power. I know most of you are armed. If anyone moved for a weapon you'll see what full power does to human flesh."

\- "I assume this was not part of your plan, Skyboy."

\- "No." –I looked at Roan, not finding Sam next to him- "Where is Sam?"

\- "Don't worry. The shadows are hers."

\- "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" –Roan nodded as I shook my head before I addressed Diyoza- "What the hell are you doing?"

\- "One call from me..."

\- "Make your call."

I took my walking, seeing Octavia behind me with Indra and Miller but still not seeing Sam. I called Raven and Murphy on the walkie, but they didn't answer. I tried again and still, nothing.

\- "The deal's off." –Diyoza smiled at me- "But nobody has to get hurt."

\- "Someone's coming!"

\- "Hold your fire!" –Diyoza commanded as Clarke walked to us- "Where's your mother."

\- "She's our doctor. You can't have her."

\- "She asked you a question." –McCreary addressed Clarke, ignoring Octavia- "Where's the doctor."

\- "Probably trying not to die herself."

And, just like that, Sam appeared from the shadows, walking in from the prisoner's side of the plaza like it belonged to her, McCreary seemed to panic, pointing the gun at her as the rest moved away from Sam.

\- "I've heard you've called out the deal."

\- "Get back!" –one of the prisoners yelled at Sam as she, nonchalantly, got closer to Diyoza- "I'll shoot you!"

\- "I'm no expert." –Sam turned her face to look at him- "But I say, you shoot that and, sure, I'll explode, but a couple of your people will come down with me." –she stood directly in front of the gun, raising her chin- "Shoot."

The challenging tone in Sam's voice was not what you'd expect from someone standing in front of a weapon. Diyoza made an almost imperceptible move with her head, another man pulling the first one back with the gun.

\- "As I've said." –Diyoza started again- "No one has to get hurt."

\- "A lot of people will get hurt, but trust it won't be us." –Sam walked up to her- "Where are my friends."

\- "Safe." –Diyoza answered her.

\- "For now." –McCreary added.

\- "I don't see who asked for your intel." –Sam looked at McCreary- "If you touch them, I'll rip your head off."

Her voice was a threat, but the only response she got was the laugh from McCreary and a couple of the Colonel's men; she remained calm, however, completely unfazed by them. She took a couple steps back, tilting her head.

\- "I have a new deal for you since your men seem so sure of themselves."

\- "What makes you think I need a new deal."

\- "You don't want to go to war with me, trust me." –Sam looked around for a moment- "Maybe your men are stupid, but I know you're not. I agree no one has to get hurt today but, for the sake of business, we can lose a life."

\- "Sam!" –I couldn't help myself- "What the hell?"

\- "Quiet, Skyboy." –Roan pulled me back as Diyoza eyed me up and down- "Watch and learn."

\- "Continue." -Diyoza nodded at Sam.

\- "Choose one of your men, whomever you please. A fight to death for the valley. You win? It's yours. We win, we share it."

\- "Share it?"

\- "I mean, maybe you and I need to get rid of your extra weight but you'll be safe."

\- "My men will crush you."

\- "Do I look afraid?" –Sam turned around and walked a couple steps to us, standing now in the middle of both sides- "Choose."

Diyoza seemed to like that idea, better than just starting shooting, knowing she'd lose men too and not wanting to risk it. She turned around, McCreary quickly offering himself but she commanded not to, yelling someone else's name. Soon enough, a guy that had to be at least as big as the one Raven, Echo and I fought on the ship, walked to the front. _This is bad._

\- "Who do you choose to fight for you?" –Diyoza questioned Sam and I feared what she was going to say.

\- "No one fights for me."

\- "Sam, he's going to kill you." –I moved towards her before murmuring- "It took three of us to take down one of them."

\- "And you tell me that now?" –she rose her eyebrow at me.

\- "I didn't expect you to get into a fight with them out of the blue!"

\- "Do you remember who I am?" –she walked up to Roan.

\- "Roan, tell her!" –I pointed at Sam.

\- "What makes you think she listens to me?"

Sam took off her coat and handed it to him, she murmured something I didn't catch before Roan nodded. _This is really bad._

\- "No guns, no weapons of any type." –Diyoza started to rule out some points- "To death. Still wanna do this?"

\- "Second thing you should know about me: I don't run away from a fight."

_He's going to kill her. He's going to kill her right there in front of all of us because, even after six years, she hasn't learned not to be the one to risk her life._ I tried to reason with Roan and Octavia but none of them backed down, both agreeing on this. Sam took off the guns strapped to her thighs, the vest with her knives and a bunch more I wasn't even sure where she took them off from. She walked to the middle of the ground again between us and the prisoners. The man approached her. He was too big, too strong, too...

\- "Sam, please! Think this through."

\- "Someone doesn't have much faith in you." –Diyoza seemed absolutely entertained- "How does that feel."

\- "It's nothing new, trust me."

Sam's tone hurt me but I was too worried to care. There had to be something I could do, but... what?

**\-----------------**

**SAM'S POV**

I'd be damned if they got the damn valley without a fight from me. I knew Diyoza wanted to leave peacefully, thinking those big guns would impress us and scare us and it worked on everyone, but I wasn't 'everyone'. So, of course, I decided to do what I did best; what I had been doing since we landed and more frequently since I was trapped in the bunker: I decided to fight; solo gonplei till death. I took a deep breath, feeling the air seeping through my clothes, through the holes and the openings between my them and my silver protections. I suddenly felt so alive, closing my eyes as I took another deep breath, opening them again, ready to fight.

The man Diyoza chose was big and muscular, I'm sure some would have categorized him as 'scary'; he had to had taken steroids at some point, there was no way someone could get that big without them and by just training. I had seen Roan train daily and he wasn't that massive and neither was Bellamy.

I rose my fists, moving my fingers, prompting the man to move first. As he walked up to me a looked at his feet, at how he moved, raising my eyes as I saw his arm move back, anticipating his movement and moving to one side, his fist missing completely. He grunted annoyed, striking back with his other fist, missing again as I hit him in the abdomen. He didn't even flinch. It was not as if I didn't expect it but... I didn't expect it, losing focus for a moment, just enough for him to hit my side with enough force to push me back as I landed on my back, hitting my head on the floor.

\- "Told you."

I heard McCreary's voice and a couple laughs. I heard Bellamy shout my name. But this was far from over; I didn't intend to die without taking that valley for my kid to live like she deserved. He walked up to me as I stood up, I felt the pain in the back of my head but no sign of bleeding. This time, I stroke first, hitting his solar plexus and forcing him back as he gasped for air. He hit my jaw and I tasted the blood as I hit him on his side, pushing him away before kicking his knee. He fell with a loud noise to the floor as I coughed the blood.

\- "I don't want to bother you." –I eyed him as he sat back up- "But your life is on the line, in case you forgot."

He screamed as he rose up. I had angered him so easily and, still to this day, I knew angry people made bad choices, which is exactly what happened next: he ran up to me, his hands aiming for my throat but I had seen this attack way too many times not to know how to avoid it, doubling down and crushing my elbow to his lower abdomen, forcing him back and kicking his face with my foot as he doubled in pain. He landed on his back so I jumped on him, striking his face time after time with my fists. He tried to roll us over, finally forcing me on my back and trying to choke me. I kicked him in the balls with my knee and he let go immediately, landing to my side as I rose up, kicking my foot and making me fall. I stroke his nose with my elbow and I forced him on his stomach, jumping on his lower back, hearing his bones crush under my weight as he yelled in pain. I forced his head up, making him look in McCreary's direction.

\- "You were saying?"

It wasn't really a question but he looked ready to answer it so, instead, I cut him off by smashing the back of his man's head against a rock on the ground, repeatedly, until I was certain he was dead. I let go of him, feeling his blood on my face as it had splashed as I killed him, raising up completely, moving my hand to my forehead to where I had hit myself earlier as I fell, looking to my fingers covered in my own blood.

\- "Her blood." –one of the men pointed out, his voice shook a little- "It's black..."

\- "Well, you didn't think the devil down there was Octavia, right?" –I smiled, using my blood as war paint- "Welcome back to Earth."

**\--------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I was terrified of the exhibition of power, brute force and viciousness Sam showed as she killed the man. Don't get me wrong, I was so relieved she was alive but, still, that wasn't the Sam I knew.

\- "Yes!" –Roan murmured, celebrating next to me as Sam rose up; he looked at me- "You don't look too excited."

\- "I'm... that's not the Sam I remember."

\- "I knew you'd judge her for what she is capable of doing. I told her but she never listens when it comes to you." –he shook his head- "You don't deserve her."

\- "Did you not just see her kill that man with her bare hands?"

\- "I've seen her do that dozens of times."

\- "The pits..."

\- "Maybe, one day, you'll understand but, right now, she's fixed your mess like she used to do."

\- "You don't like me much, do you?"

\- "You treat Sam like she's inferior to you when she's so much more than what any of us could aspire to be."

\- "You love her."

\- "Everyone does."

\- "Are you sure it isn't fear?"

\- "You're confusing her with your sister."

The loading of a gun called both our attention. I cursed myself for not paying attention to what had been going on, too focused on feelings when we were about to get into a war. Sam seemed to have reached an accord with Diyoza but one of her men didn't seem pleased with what had just gone down.

\- "You've killed one of us." –he rose the massive gun- "One of you has to die."

\- "Kroger, stand down!" –Diyoza yelled- "That's an order!"

\- "Say goodbye, Devil."

Sam followed the gun's direction with her eyes as I did, realizing it was pointed at where we were standing or, more so, at Octavia. What came next was more a blur than anything else: I pulled Octavia back, seeing Sam turning around, giving her back to the gun as she stood in front of it, hugging herself as I heard the shot. I yelled for her not seeing much as I felt an enormous pressure hitting me and sending me flying back, landing harshly on the floor. The first thing I did was look towards where Sam had been standing seconds ago, a poodle of blood and flesh on the floor and I started screaming in agony.

\- "Sam!" –I rose up as soon as I could, seeing Roan already on his way, stumbling to get there, seeing someone else on the floor, covered in blood, but it was red- "Sam!"

Roan fell to his knees to one side of the body; I recognized her as I moved closer: it was Sam. I dropped to my knees on her other side, seeing her clothes and face covered in flesh.

\- "Sam! Sam! Please!"

I felt the tears in my eyes as I held her hand, Roan moving her head to check her pulse as we both knew she could have still died from the impact.

\- "She's breathing!" –he looked at me for just a second- "Sam, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand, come on! Fight!"

I felt her fingers curling around mine as Roan let out a deep breath. He moved the hair from her face, starting to check her body, not letting go of her hand.

\- "We need Jackson."

\- "What?"

\- "Jackson!" –he yelled, suddenly letting go of Sam's hand- "We need Jackson!"

\- "What's happening?"

\- "She's bleeding. And it's not from the fight." –he pressed her side, Sam grunting in pain as he did- "I'm sorry. Squeeze Bellamy's hand with the level of pain."

I felt Sam lightly squeezing my hand as I felt Roan's eyes on me, counting until she stopped.

\- "Eight." –I looked at him- "What does that mean."

\- "It's her pain scale. It's a long story, but it allows me to know whether she's okay or... well..."

\- "How bad is it?"

\- "The highest she's ever gotten is a five out of ten." –he looked around- "Where the hell is Jackson!" –he focused back on Sam, realizing she had opened her eyes- "Hey, don't you dare passing out."

\- "I'm..."

\- "Don't speak, you know the drill."

_You know the drill? _Scare and confusion flooded my brain; I didn't understand what this system really was or why would they ever actually need it or why Roan seemed about to lose his cool the longer Jackson took to come. It didn't take him long though, quickly dropping next to Sam as Roan moved to the side, allowing him to start checking her wound, nodding to Roan who quickly took out a knife and ripped her clothes until her side was exposed. For a second, I looked away, feeling this was somewhat inappropriate but, then again, it wasn't as if I hadn't seen Sam completely naked before. She had new scars and... tattoos. I squeezed her hand as I looked at her face, a smile on her lips as she looked at me for just a second before she closed her eyes, clenching her jaw, Jackson having started sterilizing the wound.

\- "I'm going to patch you up a little and then we'll move you inside where I can sew you up properly, alright? I know you want to close your eyes and fall asleep, but I need you to fight it."

Sam looked at him and nodded, turning her face to look at me, squeezing my hand, as if to tell me she was okay. But she wasn't, she was hurt, her forehead was bleeding, her stomach had bruises from the fight and some previous ones I'd asked her about as soon as she was out of danger, her side was bleeding; I didn't know how she survived that, but I thanked the Gods she did. Her eyes threatened to close and I could tell she was fighting it back for as long as she could.

\- "Johan..." –she whispered, looking at Roan- "He..."

\- "I know." –Roan nodded, caressing Sam's face- "It's okay."

Her eyes closed and the pressure in my hand disappeared and I panicked just as Jackson gave us the green light to move her to the stretcher someone had, at some point, brought to us. Roan helped me put Sam carefully on it and, in between the both of us, we followed Jackson to the nearest building, placing Sam on a table, immediately both of us being kicked out of there.

**\----------------------**

**ROAN'S POV**

I knew Sam well enough to know she was more than capable of taking the man down on her own but I forgot the Skyboy had left her for six years so, in the end, his reaction was not that surprising. I forgot about him as soon as I saw Sam lying on the floor, flashbacks of that damned day down in the bunker coming back as I run up to her. I had sworn I'd never let that happen again. I panicked when she chose 8 this time, that never happened, that meant she was really in pain and it hurt my heart knowing I could do nothing now but knowing I could have stopped her from fighting and then, maybe, she wouldn't have been so close to the gun.

\- "She's going to be okay." -I spoke, seeing the Skyboy pacing nervously in front of me- "She's in good hands."

\- "Where's Abbie?" –he stopped walking, looking around as he spoke- "She has to guide Jackson..."

\- "Doctor Griffin refused to treat Sam the day the bunker closed."

\- "What?" –he turned to me like I had just murdered someone- "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

\- "A lot has happened since you left, Skyboy; just trust when I say, Sam will get out of this one. She'll be on her feet in a couple hours."

_Or, at least, I hope she will._ I sat down on the stairs that led to the building, resting my elbows on my knees, sighing as I prepared myself for the long hours about to come.

\- "She just got into a fight with a man double her size and shot with a disintegrating gun, how do you expect me to stay still and just trust your word for it?" -I rose my head to meet the enraged gaze of Sam's ex-lover; he was talking with his hands more than he usually did- "The word from someone I never trusted and the one that played with her life since he met her!"

\- "I've never put her in danger's way." -I clenched my fists feeling like a threat was in order, but remembering Sam wouldn't appreciate it, I rested my hands back down, choosing to use just words instead- "Speak for yourself."

\- "I..." –he looked down for a moment and I knew my comment had hit him just like I intended it to- "You forced her on the arena!"

\- "She asked me to fight, she came to me with a plan and she followed it all the way through. I'd die before hurting her or putting her in dangers' way." –I sighed, running my fingers through my hair- "Just, trust me. She's survived worse; much worse."

\- "What can possibly be worse than getting shot with that disintegrating gun?" -he stood in front of me; I could tell he still felt something strong for Sam but, what it was exactly? I couldn't tell.

\- "You don't want to know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that feedback is a writer's favorite drink!🍸


	6. Beautifully reckless.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before going to war, we need to talk about our feelings; even if none of us is 100% crystal clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🌹A/N: We have some cute Sam x Roan here, which I love. Hope you guys will enjoy too♥

**ROAN'S POV**

The Skyboy and I stood just outside the building, waiting impatiently for the news, until Octavia eventually showed up with a couple cuts on her arms, asking about her sister. We told her what we knew before she went inside, alone, leaving Indra outside with us. She came out not long after, a furious stance before Indra questioned her.

\- "This is war." -Octavia looked at her, eyes burning with rage.

\- "Octavia, no." -her brother pulled her back, a bad idea if you asked me.

\- "This is your fault." -she finally exploded- "You brought them here, you said you had it under control!"

\- "If Sam had stayed put, this wouldn't have happened!"

\- "They were ready to shoot at us and leave way before Sam showed up, did you miss that part? But I guess it's always easier to blame her for your mistakes." -Octavia shook her head, unamused- "She even made a new deal with Diyoza but her men fucked it up and almost killed her. I'm not letting that go unpunished. Not only that, but Kane and Abbie left with them; those traitors..."

And with that, the younger sister left with Indra, who simply nodded at me. After the years in the bunker, the both of us had agreed to at least tolerate the other, even if each of us sided with a different sister; truth was, we didn't need a war down there. The Skyboy sat back down, burying his face on his hands; I could tell he was frustrated, not understanding how both sisters had changed so much. He was lucky he didn't know.

\- "What happened down there?" -he rose his head, looking at me- "They are so different."

\- "It's not my place to say. If they want to tell you about it, they will do so on their own terms."

\- "I should have taken them with me."

\- "But you didn't." -I reminded him- "And you cannot change that."

We didn't speak any further, simply standing there, in the stairs to where Jackson was taking care of Sam, waiting for him to come out and give us the news. An 8 was a bad sign, I couldn't picture what exactly had happened for her to feel that pain but I was sure, whatever it was, she'd take it like every other setback she had dealt with since I meet her: raising her chin and putting a strong façade on, even if that meant suffering in silence. The door behind us suddenly opened and closed quickly, revealing Jackson alone.

\- "How is she?" -I rose immediately from my spot as the Skyboy followed suit.

\- "I've given her some analgesics." -Jackson kept moving his eyes in between us, trying to make us both feel included- "Broken rib."

\- "How bad is it really?" -the Skyboy stood next to me.

\- "It could have been worse, the broken bone could have punctured her lungs or the liver, she could have had internal bleeding." -Jackson looked at me- "She's been lucky this time."

\- "What do I have to do?"

\- "She should cease every activity that requires her to move her torso for around two weeks." -he gave me a knowing look- "Which means no pulling, pushing, lifting or running..."

\- "But we both know she's not going to even consider that an option." -I ended for him, having been here before.

\- "She can't just raise from the bed and start moving." -the Skyboy really seemed to have forgotten we were talking about Sam, the most active and restless person I had ever met in my life- "She needs the rest, a broken rib is no joke."

\- "It wouldn't exactly be the first time I've started moving as soon as I get pain killers in my system, right?" -Sam's voice startled the three of us as she looked out the window- "I never imagined I'd ever be a topic of discussion in a male group; don't know how to feel about it." -she chuckled softly but I saw the pain in her expression as soon as she did, which worried me- "I need clothes."

\- "Sam..." -I walked up to the window- "I need you to stay put."

\- "Until you bring me those clothes? Sure." -she nodded- "But hurry because it's cold."

\- "Here." -the Skyboy had entered the building and was putting his jacket over Sam's shoulders, who turned to look at him with a soft smile on her lips- "We need to talk." -he eyed me for a second before focusing on Sam again- "In private."

\- "Save me?" -Sam looked at me with pleading eyes but I shook my head in denial; I didn't like the Skyboy, but they needed to talk, that much was true- "Ugh, fine."

\- "You keep her in there." -I looked at the man behind her who nodded before I faced Sam again- "Just lay down okay? There's nothing you can do now."

\- "I don't like how that sounds." -she huffed annoyed- "Where's Octavia?" -I wasn't exactly sure about it but, my best guess was she was getting ready to start a war- "Go find out what she's doing. I need to know."

I nodded, starting to walk away from her, but not resisting looking back for a moment, seeing her moving her arms inside the Skyboy's jacket and I felt the anger inside me increasing. _First, he crosses her off as a monster, and now he wants to get in her pants. I'm going to fix that. _I knew fully well how Sam felt about the Skyboy but that didn't mean they both hadn't changed in six years and, I wouldn't lie, I was worried about Sam; I was worried she'd get her heart broken because the Skyboy wouldn't understand what she had gone through and he'd push her away with a disgusted look on his face. I wouldn't let that happen. Not only because I loved her but because she didn't deserve that; she deserved a happy, peaceful life after everything we had been through. And I'd accept if that life wasn't with me but I was starting to think it wasn't with the clueless Skyboy either.

**\--------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

As soon as I saw Sam looking out the broken window, I ran inside the house, seeing the mess in there: all of Sam's clothes ripped on the floor except her pants and bra that she was still wearing, Jackson's med-kit and all his equipment on a table next to the one Roan and I had left Sam earlier on but, what really called my attention was the blood on that table; it still shocked me that it was black and not red like I had been so used to seeing for a year. I saw Sam shiver and I immediately took off my jacket, pulling it over her shoulders as she spoke with Roan, who was still outside. They finished their conversation and Sam turned around, moving her arms inside my jacket.

\- "Thank you." -she rose her eyes to look at me.

\- "That was insane." -that was the first coherent thought that crossed my mind and, therefore, the one that left my mouth, even if there were a million better things I could have said to her.

\- "Here we go." -she rolled her eyes, walking up to a chair and sitting down, clenching her jaw for a moment as she did- "What do you have to say, Blake?"

\- "I'll leave you both a moment alone." -I had forgotten Jackson had entered the room behind me- "Yell if you need me." -he winked at Sam who started laughing- "Although I don't think you will, I've done a great job; I know you'll be okay."

\- "I owe you." -Sam nodded at him as her laughter faded into a grateful smile.

\- "Will you stay still for me, then?" -Jackson smiled as he took his med-kit, having cleaned his instruments.

\- "Alright, for a little bit and just because you're asking nicely."

Jackson laughed as he waved goodbye to Sam, reminding her to breathe deeply every so often. That was a friendship I never thought I'd see bloom as much as it seemed to have developed already. For some reason, knowing Jackson had been there for her all this time made me feel better; I had always trusted him to be a calm and level-headed influence on Sam.

\- "Speak." -Sam pursed her lips as she focused back on me.

\- "You've killed him with your hands." -I wasn't trying to judge her; more so trying to sound as taken aback as I was, slightly impressed and definitely terrified- "I... I don't know what to say."

\- "How about, 'hey, how's your broken rib?' 'Are you okay?' 'Do you need anything?'" -she scoffed- "But no, you come in here to judge me. You haven't changed much in that aspect, have you?"

\- "I'm..."

\- "No, shut up and listen." -she cut me off easily as I stood next to her, willing to listen, knowing I had to- "I'm terribly glad you've had an amazing, relaxed, peaceful life for the past six years in space with our friends but I wasn't so lucky, okay? So don't you fucking dare judging me for the things I can do because those have kept me alive. Besides, it's not like you can't kill someone with your own hands either."

\- "You didn't need to get into a fight."

\- "I think you've forgotten how things usually work down here. You expected me to stay low and not fight for the valley that you, yourself, have said it's the only place we can survive in? Please, tell me what I am missing because, as far as I know, this..." -she pointed at her bruised ribs and the stitches on her side- "... had nothing to do with me killing that man. This was a gun after I made a new deal with the Colonel you brought to me."

\- "I can't bear the thought of losing you again, Sam!" -I yelled at her, unable to contain myself for any longer- "I thought you were dead! These past six years I've tried to forget all about you because I convinced myself that what A.L.I.E. showed Abbie was true! I've been mourning you for 2,201 days!"

I dropped to my knees, clenching my fists at my sides, watching her expression completely morph from anger to surprise, to concern and sadness. Her eyes bore into mine in a way I had missed deeply.

\- "Sam, I thought you were gone." -my voice cracked as I tried to speak again- "I've been punishing myself for years because I left you behind like I always do because I'm selfish and I'm stupid and I thought making that call would keep you safe but then I thought Clarke died with Praimfaya, which reminded me of what Abbie said and I..." -I tried to fight back the tears I had been holding for years but, once the first one rolled down my cheek, there was no stopping the rest- "I've seen you in my dreams and in my nightmares, I've seen you around the hallways of the Ring, trying to get to you, but you just weren't there... And then, when I saw you in the bunker, I thought you were a ghost, I thought my mind was playing with me like it's done daily while I was in the up there without you. And then, you kissed me and I felt your body against mine and your lips moving with mine and your warmth and I felt at home again... I..."

I broke down, the tears running down my face and I couldn't even bother to fight it back, covering my face with my hands as I let it all finally out in front of the person that had always meant the most to me, even when I tried to fight it.

**\--------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

As soon as Bellamy started speaking, I realized the battle he had been fighting on his on all this time. I couldn't exactly follow his reasoning as to why I'd be dead but he felt it so strongly, every word he said came out of his mouth with such passion, I realized questioning him about it now would do more harm than good. So, once he completely broke down in front of me, I couldn't help but follow him to the floor, kneeling in front of him and pulling him to me, as much as my ribs screamed for me to lay down. I loved that man, even if sometimes his reasoning was way out of reach for me. It hurt me deeply knowing he was scared for me, knowing he wasn't trying to come off as judgmental but, more so, confused and concerned.

\- "It's okay." -I ran my fingers through his hair- "I'm okay. The past is in the past. I'm okay, I'm alive."

He moved his hands in between his jacket and my body, hugging me as he hid his face on my chest, his beard tickled my skin and his palms on my bare back forced a shiver down my spine; I felt his tears and shaky breaths on my chest and I couldn't help but feel emotional myself. He seemed so small and heartbroken, I felt guilty this was all because of me; all I wanted to tell him was that, even if I had died, it wouldn't have been his fault, tell him that I hoped he'd be able to move on and find happiness again. I didn't want him to suffer because of me.

I rested my chin on his head, willing to stay like that for as long as he needed, knowing he didn't mean any harm when he talked about what I could do; I understood it frightened him and I couldn't blame him, I just needed him to understand, which meant I'd eventually have to tell him about everything, including the Dark Year, as much as Octavia had banned anyone from talking about it. He deserved to know; he had to know, and not because I wanted him to feel guilty for leaving us behind, but because it was the only way he'd understand why we were this way now. Because I needed to know he was okay with who I was if we were ever going to get back together.

\- "I love you."

He whispered against my chest as he kissed my skin, I felt the electricity ran through my body underneath his touch as he moved his lips up to my neck. I pulled his head back to look at him: his eyes were red and puffy, he tried to look away but I forced him not to, seeing his shaky lips and the tears on his cheeks and beard. I moved my thumbs to wipe them from his skin as he closed his eyes; I took a moment to admire him: his hair was longer and almost got in his eyes, the beard hadn't gone unnoticed the first time I saw him, and I couldn't help but smile as I recognized the all too familiar freckles covering his skin and, particularly, from his nose down wherever his beard hadn't taken over. I rubbed my thumbs over his skin for a little longer as I allowed my memories of him to resurface, feeling my chest warming up as I did. I knew I had missed him, I just wasn't aware it had been this much.

\- "I love you, Bellamy."

I didn't give him a second to answer, pulling him closer to me and kissing him; he wasted no time to reciprocate, his hands moving down my back, pulling me to sit on his lap as I run my hands down his back and up again, forcing his head up as I stood taller than him. His mouth was soon on my neck and I couldn't help the pleased cry I let out; it had been so long. But this wasn't the time. I pulled his face up, kissing him for just a second.

\- "I'm sorry for assuming your life has been easier than mine just because you weren't here."

\- "I don't know what you've been through but I know my life up there was peaceful and yours here wasn't; you're right to assume life was easier in space. I'd give anything to go back and take you with me." -he pecked my lips- "I just want you to remember that I love you, I never stopped loving you, Sam." -he smiled softly- "I'm on your side; whatever you've been through, I'm here to listen." -he ran his fingers down my jaw, a playful smile on his lips- "You have to tell me about those tattoos."

\- "I know, I will." -I smiled- "It hasn't been easy but you deserve to know. But now it's not the time." -I rose carefully from his lap, zipping up his jacket as he rose from the floor- "I can feel a war about to blow up." -I looked at him- "You should rest."

\- "What about you?"

\- "I'm going inside the bunker again." -I walked up to the door, remembering Jackson's words and taking a deep breath, knowing that, even if it hurt, this was for my own good- "I'll sleep down there and meet you up here in the morning."

\- "Or I could go down with you and you can start to catch me up in the last 6 years of your life."

\- "No. The bunker is no place for you."

\- "Are you hiding something from me, love?"

\- "A couple dozen things, actually." -I smiled up at him as the familiar pet name fell from his lips but he gave me a puzzled look instead- "All in good time, okay? Can you trust me?"

\- "I always have."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him, kissing my forehead. I saw Roan walking down the street and yelled for him, immediately gaining his attention; he strode towards us with my long coat and my weapons, which I had forgotten about, thanking him for always being on top of things. He chuckled before he told me he had seen Octavia, informing me that she wanted to go to war but would be deciding on what to do exactly in the morning, having sent most people to sleep already. I made a move to take off Bellamy's jacket but he quickly moved it up my arms again.

\- "Hey, keep it."

\- "I have my coat and you'll be cold up here, I don't need you freezing to death now that you've finally made it back down. Don't be stupid, please."

\- "Another reason to let me go down with you." -I felt Roan straightening beside me, clearly uncomfortable with Bellamy's proposition and having no inconvenience to show it.

\- "You don't want to come to hell with me, trust me."

\- "Fine, then that's a reason for you to come back out here sooner."

\- "Yeah, that'll give you time to step up your flirting game because you seem to have lost it up there." -I pointed to the sky before smirking at him- "Sleep well."

\- "Not as good as I'd sleep with you."

\- "I thought you couldn't get worse." -I tried to hold back my laughter as his familiar smirk, that I had missed for so long, found its way to his features- "I was wrong."

I pushed him away, asking him to talk with Octavia for I knew how much she had missed him, before starting to walk with Roan back to the bunker, feeling the heat in my face, not able to believe I was behaving like I had a crush and he had just spoken to me for the first time. I felt like I was 18 again, I felt alive.

\- "You look like a teenager around him." -Roan suddenly spoke, getting me out of my thoughts after we both finally landed in the fighting pit.

\- "I was a teenager when I met him, guess some things never change."

\- "The Skyboy is going to break your heart." -his voice was dry as he spoke.

\- "Are you ever gonna call him for his name?"

\- "Why?"

\- "Why not?"

\- "Stop answering my questions with more questions."

\- "You too."

\- "I think he's playing you; so no, I won't call him by his name until he proves worthy."

\- "Playing me?" -I eyed him as we walked down the bunker's levels- "How?"

\- "To get in your pants."

\- "That's a 'why' not a 'how'."

\- "When we were seeing you fight, he looked ready to run away from there, scared from you. He thinks you're a monster, he doesn't understand; he's more concerned with 'how' you became this instead of wondering 'why'. Not to forget that he looks like he's hiding something."

\- "Well, he wouldn't be completely wrong."

\- "Sam..."

\- "I know what you mean." -I squeezed his shoulder- "Right now, my priority is getting the valley for Lila."

\- "I'll be by your side, like the past 6 years." -he smiled down at me- "You haven't told him about her."

\- "How'd you know?"

\- "If he knew about her, he'd be down here with you; am I wrong?"

\- "I don't control his whereabouts." -Roan opened the door of our level for me; I stood there, looking around, seeing some people had decided to stay outside, couldn't blame them- "I'll tell him when the time's right. I'm not exposing Lila to anyone or anything that could hurt her, that includes Spacekrew and the soldiers."

\- "I agree."

Once we got to our room, Lila had just finished changing into her sleeping clothes and ran up to us with a million questions, some of which I didn't feel like I could answer so I allowed Roan to take over as I got to the bathroom, taking off Bellamy's jacket and checking my body in the mirror. I remembered the first time I had had my ribs this bruised; it had been when I jumped with Octavia out of the cliff, funnily enough, to escape from Roan and his minions. I chuckled as I moved back to the bathroom's door, seeing Lila in her bed as Roan told her a story about when he was a kid and snow was still a thing.

\- "When will I meet your friends?" -Lila raised to sit up on the bed as she focused on me- "What happened?"

\- "It'll take longer to get to the valley than O and I anticipated." -I explained to her as I walked to sit on the bed with them- "You'll meet them when we're there."

\- "I can't wait to finally put faces to all of them!" -she chuckled, lowering back down- "I'm so excited to meet Jasper and Raven and Murphy and..." -her laughter suddenly died out, her tone becoming serious as she eyed us both- "Are things going to change now?"

\- "What do you mean?" -Roan questioned, squeezing her hand.

\- "Bellamy's back, right?" -was her simple answer as she looked at me.

\- "Roan and I will always be your family, strikon, no one will ever change that." -[Little one] I laid down next to her, kissing her forehead- "I promise."

\- "I love you both."

She closed her eyes, getting comfortable in the bed as she asked Roan to finish his story. I smiled, nodding at him, for I liked his stories too; he laid down on Lila's other side and kept on going from where he left off. I loved our little moments like this, so I decided not to get caught up in what Lila implied, knowing that'd do us no good right now, deciding to enjoy my time with her, hugging her as she laid on her side with her back to me.

Once Lila fell asleep, Roan and I moved carefully from her bed; she looked so peaceful, I knew I'd do anything to keep her from harm's way. I hugged myself as I walked back to the bathroom, feeling the cold in my bare skin, considering whether or not I should get in the shower.

\- "Here." -Roan stood behind me, looking at me through the mirror, placing one of his big warm sweaters on the counter for me- "You going to shower?"

\- "Half of me thinks I should, to clean the blood at least, but my other half just wants to flop on the bed, although I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep with this." -I pointed at my side.

\- "Does it hurt?"

\- "Yeah."

\- "I can go look for Jackson, maybe he can give you some more..."

\- "No." -I quickly cut him off, shaking my head as I looked into his eyes in the mirror- "If I took painkillers every time I'm in pain, I'd be an addict too. I'll survive."

\- "Want me to help you shower?" -he smiled playfully at me and I couldn't help but turn around and hit him on the chest- "What? It wouldn't be the first time." -he caressed my cheek- "You haven't told the Skyboy about that either, have you?"

\- "I will, but not now." -I rested my forehead on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me- "He kind of knows, though. It's not like either of us has tried hard not to show how we feel..."

\- "You don't have to feel guilty about it, Sam." -he ran his hand through my hair- "You both weren't technically together and it's not like we've had sex or got married."

\- "I don't feel guilty about it." -I rose my head to look at him- "I love you, Roan. You've been my right hand all this time, you've been my rock, you've kept me centered; you've taken care of me, you've loved me unconditionally, you've seen me at my lowest and at my darkest times, when I was absolutely broken and devastated, and you stood by me." -I felt the tears in my eyes- "You could have taken my place down here but you've refused to let me die. You've encouraged me to be the best version of myself I could ever be. You've helped me to raise Lila. I could never thank you enough for everything you've done for me since we met. I wouldn't be here without you." -I smiled, as the tears started to roll down my cheeks- "You aren't my second, you aren't just my right hand or just my friend, you're my family, you're... you're my life, Roan."

\- "I love you." -he kissed my forehead- "And I'll be here until I die, no matter if you choose to get back with the Skyboy."

\- "I'm..."

\- "You're my family, Sam." -he looked down at me, rubbing my cheeks with his thumbs- "You don't have to apologize for feeling things so strongly; I love that about you." -he smiled- "I know what the Skyboy means to you and I respect that. Doesn't matter who you choose if you ever do, I will not leave you."

I hid my face on his chest, feeling his heartbeat against my cheek, allowing the tears to fall down my face. I felt guilty for not feeling guilty about my feelings for Roan. I felt guilty I felt so strongly about both men. I felt like I had been handed two precious hearts and asked to step on one of them to save the other; I couldn't do that, I'd rather break mine before doing that. I knew I had to have a serious conversation with Bellamy and probably another one with both him and Roan together after that; I didn't want to play with them nor their feelings, they didn't deserve that. I suddenly felt like being freed from the bunker had been much worse than being trapped inside. And, for a moment, I hated it all. But, the truth was, my feelings weren't my top priority at the moment, which was why I pushed all those thoughts aside, deciding to deal with them at a later time, knowing now, my main focus was Lila's safety and giving her the life none of us had been able to have and that she deserved more than anyone else. And that's what I'd focus all my strength on: my child.

\- "Thank you." -I moved back from his arms, rubbing my face- "My life would have been so much harder without you."

\- "You saved me, I owe you."

\- "Oh, please." -I chuckled as I saw the playfully raised eyebrow on his face- "You're the one who chose not to kill me first; it's been a game of the cat and the mouse ever since."

\- "If you say so." -he looked at my wounded torso- "What are you going to do."

\- "I wanna go to bed so I'll clean this with a towel and I'll shower properly in the morning. Although I'm not supposed to get the stitches wet." -I sighed as I remembered Jackson's instructions.

\- "Sit down, I'll help you with that."

\- "Thanks." -I answered him, sitting down on the toilet as he looked at me- "What?"

\- "Too low, come here."

He picked me up and sat me on the counter as I tried to keep my laughter quiet not to wake Lila up, shaking my head as Roan opened the warm water and took a towel. I rested back slightly, closing my eyes and letting him do his part, feeling the touches getting lighter the closer he got to my wound. I smiled knowing I'd never be able to repay him, but finding comfort knowing he'd never leave me behind, knowing he'd never leave us behind for Lila and I were a package deal now. Once he was done, he helped me down and we both got ready for bed. I put on his sweater, finding comfort in the soft fur caressing my skin and that I knew wouldn't itch against my stitches.

\- "This is going to be so annoying." -I whispered as I stood next to the bed- "Jackson told me to sleep as straight up as I could but that just seems uncomfortable."

\- "I'll help you, I know how to handle this."

\- "You've broken your ribs?" -he nodded as he started putting a couple pillows over each other- "I assume this was before we met."

\- "Couple years before, yes." -he patted the bed- "Try lying on your side."

\- "Which one."

\- "The bruised one; that way your other side can expand as much as possible for deeper breathing and, hopefully, that'll allow you to catch some sleep."

\- "You sure you aren't a doctor?" -I smiled.

\- "I know these things from experience."

He smiled back at me, patting the bed again, prompting me to get in. I knew this would hurt, but I wanted to fall asleep so badly, I figured I could get over it. It took me a couple tries to manage, but I finally did, clenching my teeth and cursing under my breath as my head finally hit the pillow.

\- "I can't believe, after all the times I've gotten hurt down here, my worst sleep is going to be caused by an injury I got out." -I scoffed- "Unbelievable."

\- "I know." -I heard Roan laugh quietly behind me as he laid on the bed- "Try to catch some rest, alright?"

\- "'Try', keyword."

\- "Come on." -he rolled the covers over us, moving closer to me- "If you can't, we'll go for a walk."

\- "I know, for a fact, you're going to fall asleep, so leave that walk for tomorrow morning."

\- "Promise me you'll wake me up if you need me."

\- "I will." -I squeezed his hand for he had moved his arm underneath my pillows- "I hope I won't need to, you need to sleep because, I remind you, we're going to war in the morning."

\- "Then why aren't you sleeping already?"

I chuckled as he kissed my cheek, lying back down and moving his other arm over me, making sure he didn't touch my ribcage. I shook my head, closing my eyes and wishing to fall asleep. It had been a long day but I knew the days were bound to get longer as we fought for our new home. I felt the excitement as I thought of the green valley, of seeing my friends again and, more importantly, of being able to live in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that feedback feeds my soul!♥


	7. Neglection.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to the valley will prove harder than Octavia anticipated.

**OCTAVIA'S POV**

Even after all the times Sam and I had clashed when making decisions in the bunker, she was still my sister and I loved her; we had learned we didn't have to agree all the time to still love each other like we did. Once I learned of her condition, I only saw one way out of this one: war. That valley was rightfully ours but I wouldn't offer to share it like Sam did; no, I'd take it for us, annihilating every single one of those strangers. Bellamy had been wrong and now they had both Murphy and Raven as leverage for their side.

We needed a plan so that was the first thing I did that morning, calling in both Indra and Miller, the leaders of my army, deciding to let Sam rest longer for I had told Roan I intended to go to war, sure she'd have shown up that night if she had been against it. I informed both Miller and Indra of what we were going to do, both of them quickly agreeing and Miller getting into position immediately after. I was going over the plan once again with Kara, Indra, and a couple other men, when the doors to the room opened.

\- "Miller, your orders were..."

\- "I know my orders." -he answered Kara as I turned around to see Miller with Clarke and Bellamy- "I think we should listen to what Clarke has to say."

\- "I thought you'd be with Sam." -I eyed Bellamy; I said that meaning it fully, not intending to sound condescending or critical for I really thought they'd be catching up on lost time.

\- "I'm surprised she's not plotting war with you." -Clarke's tone, however, was really meant to hurt me, good thing I was well over that.

\- "She hasn't come out of bunker yet." -I looked at her- "And I didn't want to bother her, she needs to rest, she's got a broken rib because she tried to solve your mess."

\- "You've spoken about this with her?"

\- "She agrees we must retaliate."

\- "But you didn't agree on this exactly." -Bellamy pressed me and I was not about to take his shit- "Did you?"

\- "Ask her when you see her."

Clarke spoke now, enumerating the reasons why my plan to go through the sea route was bad according to her, saying we should take the longer one but we couldn't do that, we'd barely made it through the sea one; it was not an option and they needed to know that. They needed to learn they couldn't question me; they were no longer in charge.

\- "Enough." -I cut Indra and Clarke's conversation- "We are doing this, they hydro farm is barely feeding us now, so, if this is the last living valley on Earth, it should be ours."

\- "Diyoza thinks the same thing."

\- "She doesn't know who she's dealing with." -I faced Bellamy.

\- "What's that supposed to mean?"

\- "It means we're going to war."

**\-------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

Once Octavia exited the room followed by everyone else in there and after Indra's puzzling comment about how my sister needed me, I simply stood there, wondering what the hell we were going to do now. I didn't want to die shredded to pieces like Clarke had just mentioned, I didn't want to die at all; I had relationships to fix and friends to save, but this? This was absurd.

\- "Am I insane or were they going to kill me for getting close to her?"

\- "You're not."

Sam's voice called both mine and Clarke's attention as she stood at the door, resting her side on its frame, arms crossed over her chest; she was all suited up again, with her hair braided back to get it off her face. I could see the straps around her thighs in which she carried her guns, a corset around her ribs in which she carried different knives; I was certain, if lethal ever walked on Earth, that was Sam and I had been lucky enough to fall for her.

\- "They've pointed those same guns at me thousands of times but, then again, who hasn't pointed a gun at me at this point?" -she continued as she shrugged her shoulders, throwing me my jacket- "I hope you weren't cold."

\- "I'd have been warmer with you." -I eyed her as I put on my jacket- "I was alright."

\- "Thank you." -she smiled at me before looking at Clarke- "Did the Rover survive? We three could use it to get there and finish this war before it even starts."

\- "You don't agree with Octavia?" -Clarke looked taken aback by Sam's statement.

\- "We stopped seeing exactly eye to eye a long time ago."

\- "So you don't want a war." -Clarke questioned again, an undertone in her voice I couldn't quite grasp the meaning of.

\- "I'm clever enough to know the only ones that stood in the way of my deal with Diyoza are the men that follow McCreary. Not all are loyal to her and she knows it, which is why she chose one of his men to fight us, well, fight me. So, I kind of did her a favor so she kind of owes me."

\- "How'd you know that?"

\- "When you're surrounded by threats and people that want you dead, you eventually learn to distinguish between allies and enemies before your life can be in danger; there are little clues everywhere, you just need to know how to connect the dots. I'm terribly glad you both can't do that, that must mean you've had peaceful lives both up here and in space. I'm happy for you." -she smiled softly- "I really am; kind of jealous too, I won't lie."

\- "Why was my mom so afraid? Nothing makes sense, Sam."

\- "Are you sure you want to know? Because this information might hurt you and change your perception of her." -Sam eyed me for just a second before Clarke prompted her to continue- "Your mom is a drug addict, she can barely go through her day without her dose." -she shook her head- "I tried to help but that didn't go too well, she'd only allow Kane near her and he hasn't managed to get her clean; he confessed to stealing medicine for her to take so, if anything, he's aided her in her addiction. That's why he was in the pit."

\- "That doesn't explain why she's afraid of you." -Clarke took a step towards Sam, almost threateningly.

\- "Your mom has been afraid of me since she realized what I can do, it's nothing new."

\- "Still."

\- "Well, you now can add that she hates me because she thought you were dead and wished Bellamy had taken me with him instead of her beloved daughter so I'd be dead. She wishes I were dead because she thinks I took your spot in the bunker; she wants me dead because I murdered Jaha, because I let the Grounders she was so afraid of in the bunker and because I threatened to murder you if Octavia died in Praimfaya. If it were for your mom, I'd have actually died years ago." -I knew that information was meant for me, her voice changing after that statement, becoming more cynical- "She also can't stand not being in charge all the time, but that's a whole n'other story."

\- "Help me understand what happened down there."

\- "You remember how I always said I'd go to hell? Well, guess hell got tired of me not dying."

\- "Sam, time to go." -Roan showed up on the door with two backpacks- "Unless you've finally realized you need to rest and will do me the favor of staying back in one piece."

\- "Me? Not run straight into a fight? Please, you should know better after 6 and a half years." -she shook her head as she walked up to him- "Someone in that valley shot me and murdered Johan, they have Raven and Murphy if not all of my friends that had been living in peace and have probably forgotten the ways of war unlike us, which means, they need us." -she rose her head as she took a step closer to him- "I'm not staying back, I'm going to finish what I started and get us that valley; you can choose to stay if you prefer but, if I recall correctly, you swore..."

\- "Had I known you'd be holding that over my head after all this time, I'd have never kneeled to you." -there was not a trace of regret in Roan's tone though, it was more so cocky and flirty as he offered Sam a bag.

\- "We both know that's a lie; I like the power and you have no problem with me being on top, so..." -Sam took her backpack and pulled it over her shoulder, looking back at Clarke and me- "You both coming to the see the show or what?" -she winked at Clarke- "Shall we get your home back, princess?"

She didn't wait for our answer, starting to move out of there with Roan. I felt my stomach turn upside down as they spoke. I took one pack and pulled it over my shoulder, handing the other to Clarke.

\- "Are they...?" -she looked at me.

\- "She told me she's been waiting for me." -I sighed- "All this time..."

\- "And you believe her?"

\- "Sam's never lied to me, of course, I believe her." -I eyed her- "If she had gotten with Roan, I'd have to respect that; there's no reason she'd have to hide that from me. I only want her to be happy."

\- "Then, why do you make it sound like it's a bad thing?"

\- "Let's go." -I avoided the question- "We don't want to be left behind."

I knew the longer I waited, the worse Sam'd react but I also knew angering her would put her in danger and I couldn't do that to her. I wondered what Echo, Emori, Harper, and Monty would be up to with Madi. I hoped they were safe. I hoped we'd make it there safely too but I wasn't looking forward to Sam seeing Echo instead of Jasper and I didn't know how Roan would react either; after all, he banished her to die in Praimfaya.

**\----------------------------------**

We finally stopped to spend the night, everyone sat in circles around a couple fires, saying a couple words before they started eating their rations. I was sat away from them with Clarke, having a clear view of most people from there: Octavia was sat with Indra and a couple other people as they ate in silence, Sam was with Roan who had offered her to spar a little before dinner but they had been going at it for more than 30 minutes. I couldn't see them, but I could hear their voices in the distance, Sam's laugh every so often and even Roan's; I was convinced I had never heard Roan laugh, at all, and yet, there he was, laughing like it was as easy as breathing. It felt weird. I realized that time after dinner was as good as it'd get to talk with Sam. I had to tell her about Jasper before we met our friends again; I knew it'd break her, but she had to know. I had to tell her about Echo and me and I had to talk with Echo as soon as I saw her too; she knew how I felt about Sam, and I knew she had tried to get me to talk about us before we came back down, and I knew exactly about what: what would happen if Sam happened to be alive. I had been too stubborn to consider that. I had been wrong. I should have let her speak, that'd have made things easier with Sam.

\- "Help us!"

Miller's voice called everyone's attention; he had left with someone else to scout a little towards where we'd be moving in the morning, to see how the terrain was. The man he had left with was unconscious and he was carrying him, however, nothing Miller said made sense. He left him on the ground as we moved towards him, Clarke dropping to her knees to check him as Sam and Roan got there too. Roan tried to pull Sam back but she got rid of him, kneeling next to Obika too, caressing his face.

\- "Clarke, move back."

\- "What? Why?"

Sam pushed Clarke away just as Obika's abdomen did something weird: something was curling inside him. Against Roan's yells, Sam moved her hand over his abdomen, the thing moving up towards where her hand was. She finally moved her hand back and rose up.

\- "Are you okay?" -she looked at Miller who nodded- "What happened?"

\- "We separated for just a couple minutes to cover more ground; he suddenly started screaming, saying they were everywhere and then, I found him on the floor like that."

We decided to move Obika to a tent, Sam, Roan, Octavia, Indra, Kara, Clarke and me getting inside too; all of us wary of what could happen next but knowing we had to address the elephant in the room. Octavia kept saying we should keep moving, regardless of Obika's state and what he had been yelling, Clarke quickly opposing saying those things would kill us all.

\- "Miller just said he saw nothing."

\- "'Everywhere' could mean 'everywhere inside him'." -Kara stood next to Octavia- "I agree with Blodreina."

\- "What a surprise."

\- "How'd he be able to see inside him, that's plain stupid." -Sam scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

\- "We march at first light." -Octavia ignored both Sam and Indra's comments.

\- "We are not going any further." -Sam stood next to Obika, moving her hand over his skin, gaining my sister's attention- "These things will bite us and get inside us, we'll all die."

\- "Miller saw nothing." -Octavia stood in front of her- "You cannot decide for all of us."

\- "We didn't see Grounders at first and look where we are now." -Sam stood her ground- "So watch me."

\- "That valley is ours."

\- "And I agree, but walking straight into that sand is murdering our people, I'm clever enough to know when the elements don't work with us."

\- "Treason." -Kara whispered, going absolutely still as Sam eyed her, as if she frightened her, not thinking she'd hear her.

\- "We cannot stay here, Scathach." -it felt weird hearing them address each other by anything other than their names- "And we are not going back."

\- "I want that valley as much as you do if not more, but I'm not walking through a sand cloud full of those things."

\- "Afraid?"

Octavia rose her eyebrow at Sam, almost a mocking tone in her voice; Roan took a step as if he were to do something but Sam rose her hand and he moved back. Sam looked at Obika, who's stomach moved, showing the silhouette of something long that kept moving inside him, like a worm, a parasite.

\- "I don't take pleasure in having something strange inside me, eating me alive, something that's even able to control how I feel, move and behave because you're in so much pain you can't think straight." -Sam's tone was severe, Roan standing straight behind her, the change in his posture told me something else had happened down there- "If you are really that desperate to know how that feels... be my guess, Blodreina. Obika is one of yours, watch him die now and then drive those who'll follow you to their tombs."

And, with that, Sam exited the tent, followed by Roan, leaving the rest of us speechless.

\- "Give the order." -Octavia looked at Indra- "We march at first light."

\- "And your sister?"

\- "She'll follow, she always does."

**\---------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

I couldn't believe Octavia was so blinded by her end goal, she'd rather die eaten from the inside out that think of a better plan. I knew there was nothing for us in the bunker and I didn't plan of living the rest of my life there, but there had to be a better way to do this.

\- "Hey, Sam."

\- "I'm fine." -I answered Roan, knowing fully well what he meant, turning around to see him following me- "You and I will be at the back; once they start falling with worms inside them, maybe she'll give it a second thought."

\- "What you said..."

\- "It was a bit of an exaggeration." -I smiled up at him- "Relax, I'm fine." -I looked behind him, seeing Octavia get out with Indra and Kara- "We should catch some rest."

He nodded, walking with me towards our tent. I was decided to catch some sleep but, as usual, that didn't happen when I left things half done, being woken up by Thea what must have been an hour later, saying something was coming our way. I trusted Thea with my life, almost as much as I trusted Roan. She had been the woman that had sided with me before the Conclave when Echo pointed her arrow at me, just after Roan stabbed me. I wondered what happened to Echo, probably long gone now, a pity if you asked me. We ran outside, seeing the people crowding at the back of the camp, exactly where our way back to the bunker was: a storm was forming in the distance. _Great, this is just great._

\- "Sandstorm." -Clarke mumbled under her breath, loud enough for me to catch it.

\- "Can we outrun it?" -Indra quickly asked; I liked that she was still considering all options.

\- As long as it keeps moving sideways, we won't have to but, if the winds shifts..." -Clarke answered her before making eye contact with me.

\- "The wind hasn't met Wonkru."

\- "Octavia, I love you, but you're being plain stupid right now." -I walked through the crowd, standing next to her- "The wind doesn't care who you are and nor do the fire, the rain or the sand."

\- "We have no choice now." -she turned to face me- "We keep moving. You'll follow."

\- "You always get what you want, don't you?" -I answered her, not able to help the smile on my face; she was my sister, of course, I loved her and would stand by her side, but that didn't mean I wouldn't call her out on her bullshit- "I'd personally rather be shredded to pieces, though."

\- "Well, in case you both have forgotten..." -Bellamy walked up to us, I could tell he was tense, angry, annoyed; not a good look- "Thanks to you we're now stuck between razor-blade winds and burrowing parasitic bugs."

\- "Thanks to you, we're at war, Bellamy." -Octavia's voice was a threat if I ever heard one.

\- "Only if you insist on fighting it."

\- "Fight or die, that's all there is."

\- "It's not only that." -I cut her off before they got at each other's throats- "We can not live in the bunker, the hydro farm won't feed us for much longer and I'm not going through another Dark Year again; I'm sure everyone here can agree with me."

\- "Sam!"

\- "What?!" -I faced Octavia, if looks could kill, I'd have died right there but she couldn't deny the obvious as the people around us nodded- "You know I'm right."

We couldn't keep our conversation going, not that I wanted to either, as Obika started screaming: he was awake. We all ran to the tent, Indra and Octavia pulling him down by his legs as he spasmed while Roan and I did the same with his upper body, Clarke quickly checking him out to try to calm him down. But we never managed, the skin of this stomach raising up and suddenly exploding, covering us in blood as a bunch of worms came out. We all ran out of there but I fell to the floor as I felt something curling up my leg.

\- "Roan!" -I yelled, placing my hands on my thigh, seeing the wound on my calf and the worm moving inside what I knew was my skin, I knew it'd try to get to my organs, but that was not about to happen- "Tie my leg."

**\------------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I saw Sam and Octavia both fall to the floor, Sam holding her leg as Octavia shook her arm. Clarke moved to Sam but she was quick to ask her to help Octavia, saying she could handle it as Roan made a tourniquet to her upper thigh. The tent was on fire now, as Octavia had yelled at Indra to burn it all before the rest of the worms escaped. Both Sam and her had parasites inside them and we had to get them out or they'd end up like Obika. We were going to move them inside a tent when Sam did the last thing I expected her to do.

\- "Tie that around my knee." -she commanded Roan as I saw the parasite moving through her leg up and down for she had caught it below her thigh, not allowing it to get to her abdomen, cutting the leg of her pant completely open, revealing her skin and the wound on her calf.

\- "What are you going to do and what do you need."

\- "I'm going to kill that worm before it can have kids." -Sam eyed him as I decided to stay back with her- "Go with Octavia, I'm fine."

\- "Those things carry venom, Sam." -I reminded her, not sure if she knew that part, her eyes telling me she didn't- "Come on, we'll carry you inside and Clarke will help you."

\- "I can help myself." -she eyed me before taking out one of her knives.

\- "What are...?"

I couldn't say anything else as Roan nodded at her, letting her know the lower tourniquet was secure but still keeping his hands on her leg, pressing down to make sure the worm couldn't move back down; the parasite curling inside her thigh turned my stomach upside down. She moved her hand over her leg, her fingers curling on her skin as she tried to force the worm closer to her mid-thigh. She moved her knife faster than I could process, stabbing her leg and grunting in pain. I saw the worm stop moving as she dropped her hands to her sides.

\- "I don't want any more kids, thank you very much." -she lowered to lay on the floor, closing her eyes, breathing heavily- "Take it out." -she whispered, moving her hand to Roan who took the knife from her leg- "And you..." -she moved her hand towards where I was- "Go check on our sister before she passes out and get that thing out of her. We didn't survive six years in hell to die as soon as we step foot outside."

I caressed her face, knowing she was right, amazed by how resilient she was; making the mistake to look towards Roan, seeing him cutting open Sam's thigh as she grunted in pain, clenching her fists over her head.

\- "Bellamy, go!"

Sam spoke in between clenched teeth as Roan nodded at me, letting me know he'd take care of her. I ran to the tent where they had taken Octavia, helping Clarke with her tourniquet when a familiar voice spoke on my radio.

\- "Bellamy, come in." -it was Monty, they were finally close enough for us to be able to contact them- "This is an emergency."

\- "Monty, it's me."

\- "The prisoners have an eye in the sky on the mothership and a missile system on their transport ship. They are on their way to you right now. You have to move! Hide somewhere, take cover."

\- "Hide from an eye in the sky?" -I answered as I watched Clarke take the worm from Octavia's arm- "How are we supposed to do that?"

\- "Murphy says we have a friend inside; if he's right, the eye won't be watching. You have a window, but you have to move now."

\- "Where do we find cover from missiles in the middle of a wasteland?" -Indra was holding Octavia still as Clarke finally managed to get the worm out, putting it on a glass container.

\- "If they see us retreat, they'll stand down." -Clarke was quick to suggest.

\- "You still don't understand." -my sister's voice was shaky- "Wonkru does not retreat."

\- "You do if you want to live." -I looked at her, knowing I was right.

\- "Now is not the time for a debate." -Indra cut us off- "Even if we do retreat, the path home puts us in the middle of a sandstorm."

\- "Those ruins are not our home!" -Octavia stood up, struggling to stay still- "That valley is, and we're taking it back."

\- "Octavia, easy, the venom is still in your system."

\- "I'm fine." -she looked at Clarke as she walked outside- "Go help Sam. Get hers out and get ready to understand."

\- "I'm perfectly fine." -Sam stood just outside the tent, holding on to Roan, but she was clearly not alright, she looked just as sick as Octavia, struggling to keep her eyes open.

\- "What do we do?" -Roan questioned before taking Sam in his arms before she fell to the floor- "We heard you talking about taking cover."

\- "There's a missile coming our way." -Indra answered him- "We must move away from this spot and take cover from the sandstorm."

\- "A missile?" -Sam eyed me- "What the fuck? How are we...?"

\- "How?" -Roan eyed Sam, who's sentence had died midway- "They are both going to pass out."

\- "Your turn to step up." -Sam whispered, patting his chest weakly- "I hope you haven't forgotten how to make people do what you want, my King."

\- "Trust me, I haven't."

He kissed Sam's forehead, moving outside followed by Indra. Octavia was already holding onto Kara as her legs weakened. I watched Indra and Roan work together, taking over Octavia and Sam and soon, we had moved away from there. We formed a shelter with our bodies around Sam, Octavia, and Clarke, who kept making sure they were both still alive as they drifted from being unconscious to coming back to our painful reality, as the sandstorm reached us. I stood next to Roan, whose eyes were glued to Sam's figure.

\- "She'll be okay." -I whispered just loud enough for him to hear me.

\- "I know, but it's never easy seeing her like this."

\- "I know."

I nodded at him, realizing for a second that we might have had more in common than I had anticipated. I knew now Sam had found a strong ally and friend in the Ice King, if not something more, something I couldn't blame her for.

I allowed my thoughts to wander, trying to ignore the pain from the cuts from the storm; maybe, if Sam and Roan had had something going on, it'd be easier to explain what happened with me and Echo on the Ring. It wasn't as if we had started a relationship, we just found comfort in each other's presence; it was hard to explain. I remembered something Sam had said earlier 'I don't want any more kids'. As her voice sounded in my head, I looked at her sleeping figure. _Could she have had a baby? That'd explain why she's so dead set on getting that valley. Could it be mine? No, if we had had a kid, she'd have told me as soon as she saw me. With Roan?_ I eyed him. _But she emphasized they never acted on their feelings. _I sighed. _But that doesn't mean they couldn't have sex. But I know Sam, she'd have told me and I wouldn't have blamed her for it; six years is a long time to suppress that need, that want, that ache... That's how Echo and I started, anyway. _I shook my head. There was, however, another possible explanation: Sheda. _Come on Bellamy, don't be stupid, she pulled back when he tried to kiss her because of you and he died soon after. _The possibilities of them having had sex before that? Close no non-existent. Everything was so confusing. _Maybe she just meant 'no more kids' as in all the kids inside the bunker. Or maybe she meant all those worms inside Obika._ If one thing was clear was that we had to talk and I was decided to do so as soon as the storm passed. Nothing would postpone this any longer. I owed it to her, to us; if I ever wanted an 'us' to happen again.


	8. The fragility of a loving heart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy’s secrets are finally unveiled. 
> 
> 🌹“Angst and heartbreak” is also a proper summary for this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🌹A/N: Okay, quick question: how do we feel about smut, because I’m considering adding a piece to the middle of this story, just wanted your input. Thank you.

**SAM'S POV**

I was aware of the storm around us, the wind cold and sharp against my face as I heard everyone around covering us, having formed a shelter for Octavia, Clarke and me, grunting in pain and letting out quiet grunts and yelps as the sand cut their skins. This was definitively not what I wanted but there was nothing I could do about it then, eventually falling asleep as I struggled to keep my eyes open.

The next time I looked around me, the sun was up and the storm was long gone. Roan was lying behind me, keeping me up with his back against a small sand mound. Octavia was sat beside me with Indra and Bellamy and Clarke were sat in front of us, whispering something I couldn't get. I straightened my back, blinking hard a couple times.

\- "Hey, easy there." -Roan spoke behind me- "How are you feeling?"

\- "I'm not sure if I fell asleep because I was tired or because of the venom." -I looked at Octavia- "You okay?"

\- "Weak." -was her simple answer, accompanied by a small nod, so I knew she was alright.

\- "Probably both." -Clarke squatted in front of me, touching my forehead- "Your wound will heal with time; I checked your ribs and you seem to be doing okay there too."

\- "Appreciate it." -I nodded at her- "Help me up."

\- "Let me."

Bellamy replaced Clarke, standing in front of me and offering me his hands; I grabbed onto him and he pulled me up carefully, his hands on my hips as I stood still.

\- "I don't know why I thought I'd get dizzy." -I eyed Clarke- "That worm must have been a weak one." -I chuckled as she shook her head amused- "Alright, you can let go now, I'm fine." -Bellamy eyed me but finally let go and I turned around to see how the rest where- "Everyone okay?"

\- "Drained from energy and with dozens of cuts on their backs." -Indra answered me.

\- "What now?"

\- "We keep going." -Octavia stood next to me.

\- "You and I need to talk about this."

\- "About what?"

\- "About you thinking you can make decisions without me. We need to think this through, we can't just run into the worms again. I'm not going to do that and neither are you."

As Octavia opened her mouth to answer me, we heard the loud sound of an engine coming our way. I looked to the sky instinctively; there were no clouds so, if it had been a ship, we should have been able to see it by then.

\- "Over here!" -someone yelled and we all turned in the direction they were.

\- "What do you think it is?" -Roan stood next to me.

\- "You left the Rover in the valley?" -I asked Clarke who nodded- "I'm thinking we are getting ourselves some transport."

\- "We don't know who's in it." -Octavia looked at me, moving her hand to her sword- "Could be Diyoza's people, coming to finish what they started."

\- "Bellamy?" -I eyed him- "Any chance its our friends? Our do we have to kill them as they stand?"

He gulped as he avoided my eyes; he looked like someone had just hit him on the stomach and I couldn't comprehend why.

\- "Are you okay?" -I moved my hand to his arm- "You look sick, Bellamy."

\- "I fucked up." -he looked at me- "We should have spoken as soon as you made it out of the bunker."

\- "What are you talking about?" -I couldn't help the confusion in my eyes as Roan cleared his throat- "You were hiding something from me, weren't you. I'm guessing I'm about to find out and not because of you; you'll have to deal with the consequences of your choices."

Bellamy didn't have more time to speak as the Rover finally showed up from the path ahead of us, him walking towards it as the rest of us stood in our place; the first door that opened was the driver's, revealing a kid I had never seen before.

\- "Madi!" -Clarke yelled as she started running towards her.

\- "Madi?" -Octavia looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders.

\- "Don't look at me, I was in that bunker with you."

The next door that opened was the copilot one, I'd have never guessed who'd come out of it even if I had had a million tries.

\- "Echo?" -Roan whispered beside me, he seemed as taken aback as I felt.

_So that's what he was hiding? Why did he make such a fuzz about it, alright, the spy is alive? So what? Good for her._ She jumped down from the Rover, her eyes looking for someone until she landed them on Bellamy; it was as if no one else was there for her. What came next, I'd have never seen coming: she ran up to him, taking his face in her hands for a second before hugging him tightly and then, then they kissed. _They...? He..._ I struggled to even find the words in my mind as I felt the confusion clouding my thoughts, my whole body going stiff as I couldn't move my eyes from them. _He... he moved on. But all he said the other night? Lies._ I clenched my jaw, feeling the rage coursing through my veins as Bellamy had the audacity to look back at me, eyes on mine like a lost puppy. The next feeling that settled in was my heart dropping to my stomach, the sadness in my chest made me feel like I was drowning; but it was a different type of anguish this time: I felt like I was being dragged into a deep hole of darkness from which I wouldn't manage to escape.

\- "Sam..." -Octavia squeezed my arm, her soft and quiet voice meant to pull me out of my head- "Hey, look at me."

\- "Ten..." -I whispered, finally moving my eyes away; I wouldn't keep looking at them and I refused to cry; I wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

\- "What?" -Roan placed his hand on my shoulder, forcing me to turn towards him.

\- "The pain scale; this feeling settling on my chest, whatever it is, threatening to take control of my actions, is a ten." -I rose my face to look at him- "You were right." -I sighed- "I should have known; I should know better by now." -I shook my head, half disappointed, half annoyed at my own naivety- "Of course he'd move on. Why wouldn't he? Did he really think I was dead or was that his lame excuse this time around?" -I could feel my brain going a 100 miles per hour, trying to puzzle the pieces together- "That's why he was so startled when he saw me: not because he missed me but because he hoped to never see me again." -I looked at the floor, clenching my fists at my sides- "God, I'm so fucking stupid."

\- "Hey, no." -Octavia spoke next, her voice more severe this time- "Do not let this break you, don't let this sink you in darkness again. I can't see you go through that again. We can't lose you, we need you." -she took my hands in hers- "I need you, sister."

I allowed my eyes to move around her face, examining her features: a soft smile on her lips and a pleading look on her eyes; she was right, I needed to stay focused. Betrayal wasn't precisely a new companion but more so an old friend and I could always break someone's nose once the valley was under my control. I nodded, her hands squeezing mine before we heard the back door of the Rover opening.

\- "At least I hope Jasper will still like me. Lila is going to be so happy."

I chuckled, letting go of Octavia, my legs instinctively carrying me towards the Rover, taking a deep breath as I heard Roan's footsteps following me. I refused to look at the couple as much as Bellamy called for me, I felt sick and angry but I knew I couldn't act on how I felt then; that's not how I did things. The time to speak to him would come and it'd be just the two of us; I wouldn't make a scene in front of my people: I knew better than that. I saw Roan force him back and away from me from the corner of my eye as I kept moving past them, glancing at Clarke who gave me an apologetic look, as if trying to tell me she understood how I felt, her lips mouthing a quiet 'you ok?' as she kept hugging the girl to her chest; I simply nodded in response, moving my eyes from her to the girl, trying to let her know she needed to tell me all about that, an almost imperceptible nod from her. As I turned my face again towards the car, someone called my name.

\- "Sam?" -I'd recognize that voice even in the darkest place of my nightmares- "Sam, you're alive!"

\- "Monty!" -I opened my arms as he run up to me followed by Harper- "Harper!" -I chuckled as the three of us hugged tightly- "I've missed you so much guys! I'm so relieved you're safe."

\- "We've missed you too!" -Harper smiled as we pulled back- "Bellamy..."

\- "I don't wanna hear anything about him right now." -I shook my head- "I'm so happy to see you; seems like space has treated you both well. I'm glad." -I smiled- "Where are the rest?"

\- "They still have Raven; Murphy and Emori are back in the woods." -Monty quickly answered as I gave him a confused look- "It's a whole ordeal, I'll tell you all about it. Just wait until Murphy hears about this!"

\- "And Jasper?" -I crossed my arms over my chest as I smiled- "I surely hope you didn't forget about my best guy in the middle of this dessert!"

I chuckled as I moved my eyes from Monty to Harper, thinking they'd laugh with me too before telling me where he was, but that's not what happened; my own smile faded quickly as their faces dropped, Harper bit her lip before letting her head fall forward not to keep making eye contact with me; Monty's eyes were neither on me now as he focused them somewhere behind me, his previous joyful expression washed over by anger and disappointment.

\- "Monty," -I tried to keep calm, not wanting to sound harsh- "where's Jasper?"

He looked at me with eyes full of sorrow, pointing with his head behind me for an answer. I knew I shouldn't but I turned around anyways, knowing exactly who he was looking at: Bellamy. Roan had let go of him, both men alongside with Echo were looking at me with different expressions that varied from apologetic to worried to guilty. The look on Bellamy's eyes, the guilt; that was the moment I knew.

\- "Skyboy, where the hell is my best friend."

\- "I..." -he hesitated, nothing angered me more than hesitation when it was a simple question.

\- "Where the hell is Jasper!" -I yelled at him, feeling the tears in my eyes, knowing I would slap him across the face if he approached me, fearing I'd fall on my knees if I tried moving myself- "What the hell did you do!"

\- "I'm sorry."

\- "You're sorry?" -I scoffed with anger- "You're fucking sorry? Is that your lifeline every time you speak to me?"

I tried to remember everything I had been taught to control my rage, knowing well I'd murder him where he stood if I allowed myself to; his eyes found mine and I couldn't help but feel like I was about to be sick. I was so angry at him for a lot of different reasons right now, but this? I couldn't even begin to express how gross I felt. _Did he leave him behind to take Echo? Did they not have enough seats on the rocket? Did Jasper die in space? Why the hell didn't he tell me as soon as we were done with the happy reunions? _I knew, deep down, I had a good heart and I knew there were just a couple things I couldn't forgive: lying was at the top of my list alongside betrayal and he had managed to cross both within the same two seconds and without a hefty reason. _Was this what he was really hiding? Is all this heartbreak what I must experience for what I've become? But why did Jasper have to pay fro my sins?_

\- "When?" -I turned back to look at Monty knowing he wouldn't lie to me, not with this, forcing my anger down, knowing he had nothing to do with Bellamy's lies.

\- "Before Praimfaya."

He took a step towards me, squeezing my upper arm as I felt the impact of his words hit me like the blast of an explosion, feeling my whole body ready to disintegrate. Six years, six years I had spent thinking I'd see Jasper again, waiting patiently, hoping to see him better than the last time, healthier and full of life, anticipating the day he could finally meet Lila like I promised, knowing they'd get along perfectly, missing the times we spent together just talking about everything and nothing, about life, about what we wanted to do, the pranks we played on the adults, the songs we sang and the dances we messed up; six years reminding myself not to lose hope that we'd see the sun again and finally live a peaceful life like I knew he craved so hard. And now? Now all of that had crumbled down in front of my eyes in a matter of seconds, becoming nothing more than a cloud of smoke. I felt like I had been dreaming about a future that'd never come. _I should have known, it was too perfect to be true. That's simply not how my life works. The bunker has made me naïve._ I wanted to scream, to fall to my knees and hide my face in my hands as I cried, I wanted to sink my nails deep in my skin until the blood covered the ground; I felt the air around me wasn't enough, it was hard to breath and it was harder to stay still, only wishing the ground would open beneath me and swallow me. If the pain I felt before was a ten, then this was a solid twenty. I wished the only reason my dreams about a future crumbled were because I was the one dead, not Jasper, not him, not my best friend that had always been so full of life...

\- "I'm sorry, Sam."

\- "How?" -I wanted my voice to sound neutral, but I knew the sadness I felt inside me betrayed me as a tear fell down my cheek- "Was it the black rain?"

\- "No." -Monty gulped- "He..."

He moved his eyes to the ground for a moment as I glanced at Harper who simply shook her head; I didn't need further explanation: he had finally gone through with it like I had feared for so long, my heart breaking even more as I realized I had failed. _I promised I'd come back. I promised I'd always be there but I left him behind and now, now he is gone... forever. And I wasn't there._

\- "Where you with him?" -I questioned carefully, waiting for Monty to raise his head again; he nodded and, as I saw the pain in his eyes, I couldn't stop the tears from falling any more- "Monty, I'm so sorry. I should have been there, maybe I..."

\- "He had his mind made up." -Monty's voice was low, as if he feared his own feelings would betray him too- "He didn't suffer, he just... drifted to sleep and... he's gone."

I hugged him tightly, trying to control my body, trying not to give in to the pain eating me alive as he wrapped his arms around me a second before Harper joined us. They didn't say anything else, I didn't need them to. But I had to leave, I couldn't handle this anymore; I had only felt like this once before and, at that moment, all I had wanted to do was die right after I got blood. _Jus drein, jus daun._ But I couldn't go back to that dark place again. I pulled back from them, rubbing my face as I took a deep breath.

\- "I'll make sure you both are taken care of here, but I have to go. I can't..."

\- "Go." -Harper nodded my way, her arms around Monty as he rubbed his eyes- "But be safe, we just got you back." -her smile was so soft; I felt bad anger and heartache were the only things I could feel then instead of celebrating their come back, knowing this was old news for them but it was an open wound I wasn't sure I'd ever manage to fully heal- "We have a lot to catch up on."

I gave her a thankful nod, turning on my heels, wiping my face as I took a deep breath seeing Roan moving towards me, Bellamy immediately doing the same as he saw no one holding him back this time. They both had apologetic, pitiful, worried looks on their faces but, for some reason, Bellamy's only managed to enrage me. They stood in front of me, Roan eyed him as if he was ready to murder him. I had never before wished I could turn off my feelings for the Spaceboy so hard, hating the part of me that had held onto hope and that had refused to forget about him. I knew the majority of my anger should come from the fact that he had promised he'd only ever love me and, instead, had found out the hard way that he had moved on with the first person he landed eyes on; and, yet, there I stood, painfully aware that my rage was really fueled by the fact that he had hidden Jasper's fate from me, knowing all he knew about me. All I could think about then was Jasper, forcing myself to pull out all my memories of him, of how he was, his face, how he sounded, how he moved, how he laughed... I was terrified I'd forget, having taken all those memories for granted, thinking we'd meet again.

\- "You okay?"

\- "No." -I answered honestly at Roan- "And, for once, I don't think I'll be any time soon, or at all, but don't pity me, that'll be stupid. And don't ask me again because I'll have an anxiety attack if I keep thinking about this."

\- "Sam, I'm..."

\- "I don't want to hear another word from you." -I cut Bellamy off before he could say anything that'd make me change my mind, though I doubted he could say anything to make this better; I didn't even look at him, knowing my voice was shaky but harsh enough not to be contradicted- "I can't even look at you right now, you've been lying to me since you came back and I can't help but wonder what else you've lied to me about. What more secrets you could be hiding from me."

\- "I wasn't lying the other night when we..." -he took a step closer to me, being pushed back by Roan as I rose my eyes to look at him.

\- "I'm trying really hard not to break your nose right now so just..." -I rose my head to look at him dead in the eye, he looked afraid and ashamed, terrified and sad, but I so didn't care; I was too angry to- "Just shut up and get the hell away from me before I make you." -he looked ready to say something else- "Remember what I can do with my bare hands, Spaceboy. A broken heart is a powerful weapon, don't make me use it against you."

I didn't spare him another look, starting to walk towards Octavia who was standing with Indra looking at us; I saw Clarke holding back the kid, Madi, who looked at me as if she knew me from somewhere, an innocent smile on her face that almost made me feel better. I tried to give her my most sincere smile as I nodded at her, she rose her hand to wave my way and I couldn't help but be reminded of Lila. God, I didn't even want to think about the next time she asked about Jasper; he had been her favorite of my friends since I started telling her about them. _God, Jasper, I'm so sorry I failed you. I'm so sorry..._

**\---------------------**

**ROAN'S POV**

I knew everything about Sam's life, just like she knew everything about mine. I knew she loved her friends like they were family, specially the ones named Jasper, Murphy and Raven so, when we heard the last two had been taken hostage, it didn't surprise me she chose to fight for the valley. And now, after it turned out what the Skyboy had been hiding was a relationship with Echo, the spy that had betrayed my clan, who had tried to kill his sister and Sam, the one who lied to him in multiple occasions... taking that heartbreak I knew Sam was going through and adding the loss of her most beloved friend years ago and without her knowledge, I knew that would destroy her, break her completely. I had heard her stories about Jasper thousands of times, for those were Lila's favorites; I knew he was like a little brother to Sam and it broke her heart when he didn't get to the bunker, her heart at ease again as she realized, as the years passed, that he was better off in space. And now? He was dead, and not recently but 6 years ago; just like that, like he had never been there. Six years I had seen Sam tell Lila about him, six years I had seen them both plan how they'd introduce each other and the things they'll do together; all that, destroyed in less than 5 minutes.

It had always been hard for me to see Sam in pain but, once she turned around to look at me, with red eyes and slouched posture, it broke my own heart. I walked up to her, only wanting to take her in my arms and get her back into the bunker where I knew I could protect her from everything. I wanted to kill the Skyboy and I felt Sam wanted to too, confirming it as she threatened to do so if he got anywhere close to her. I pushed him away from her, ignoring his pleads and everything going on around us, giving the order to a couple of our people to keep him away from us before I followed Sam. I heard the Skyboy struggle against two of my men, yelling for Sam, but she was too far lost now, her usually regal and confident walk had been replaced by hesitant small steps, as if she feared the ground below her feet would disappear too.

\- "Sam, I'm..."

\- "Please, not now." -she shook her head- "I can't do this."

She kept moving, looking at Wanheda and the kid for a moment, the smile on her face reminded me of Lila's, realizing then that's were Sam had to be now, with the people who truly loved her, her real family. Her sister seemed to know that too, nodding at me as both her and Indra started retreating towards the tents to which we were walking towards too. I knew I had to get Sam to talk, to get her out of her mind before she spiraled down.

\- "What now?" -I hoped my presence didn't anger her, hoping I could provide some sort of comfort now.

\- "I feel like going on a murder spree." -she answered dryly as I looked at her; I was certain she could do so if she desired; I wouldn't blame her but I didn't want that for her- "But we have to go back to the bunker to treat the wounded." -she rose her head to look at me; she looked so small and broken, almost fragile and weak; I hated it. She rose a hand to my cheek, running her thumb just below an open cut I had forgotten I had, having forgotten about all my wounds now- "Jackson will start with you."

\- "I'm fine." -I moved her hand from my face, but kept holding it in mine as we walked- "I'm worried about you." -she scoffed so I forced her to stop walking and face me- "I know Jasper was like a brother to you. It's okay to break down, Sam, but I don't want you to go through that alone. I'm here..."

\- "Don't worry, I'll shove my feelings deep down until I get the damn valley, then I'll cry my eyes out until I hopefully die in my sleep."

She sniffled, letting go of my hand and rubbing her eyes before taking a couple deep breaths. I knew she was going over everything Jackson had taught her to try to regain control of her body and her breathing, trying not to cry and have a panic attack like I had seen her have before which was half the reason I was so worried; I knew the tool those episodes took on her mental health and her body and I didn't want that for her, only wishing I could go back in time now.

\- "I'm not letting my broken heart stop me from giving our child a home and a safe future."

She rose her eyes to meet mines, a fake smile on her lips that lasted no more than a couple seconds before I took her face in my hands carefully, as if I could break her, caressing her cheeks; she blinked hard a couple times and I knew she was fighting back the tears again, but I was ready this time: I was ready to catch her in my arms and get her away from there, ready to be whatever she needed me to be, ready to do whatever it took to see her real smile again.

\- "Please..." -her voice was quiet, her eyes full of tears again as she rose her shaky hands to my forearms- "Please, tell me you're with me."

\- "Kom taim ai wan op, ai Haiplana." [Until the day I die, my Queen] - I kissed her forehead, pulling her to my chest- "Ai swega em klin, niron." [I swear.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🌹A/N: "Niron" is an affectionate nickname for someone close to you that means "loved one" and "lover".


	9. Like Ice to Fire.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After learning about Jasper’s death and seeing Echo and Bellamy kiss, Sam needs some time to heal on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re back and ready to get over our broken hearts. Partially, at least. Please, do remember to leave me some feedback if you have the time ♥

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I hadn't seen Sam in three days, not after she saw Echo kissing me and learned about Jasper's death from Monty and Harper. That had been a mistake, not telling her. Monty had reproached me about it when we left the bunker and pestered me about it after we got to the Ring; that is until I told him about Abbie's vision and he kind of agreed Sam must have been dead too. His consolation? Thinking that she'd have met Jasper on the other side. I had liked to think about that too, knowing what they meant to each other. Once I saw her in the bunker, I wished I had told her for then, she'd have had time to mourn him; however, as time passed, I realized mourning was probably the last thing Sam had had in her mind during those six years. That thought broke my heart, not even able to imagine what could have been going on down there.

I had caught a glimpse of Octavia here and there but she was keeping her distance from me too. The only time she actually addressed me was to tell me to stop looking for Sam, saying I had done enough. I was terrified about what could have been going on down there, I didn't want Sam doing anything she'd later regret because of my choices.

\- "Hey."

Echo walked up to where I was, sitting down beside me. Monty, Harper and she had been staying with me outside the bunker, although I knew Monty had seen Sam at least twice during that time. I had no idea what they had talked about but I figured their conversations probably revolved around Jasper. Echo had apologized for kissing me, for acting impulsively as she saw me but, the truth was, I had kissed her back on instinct so, if this was anyone's fault, it was mine.

\- "Sooner or later she'll have to come out, Bellamy." -she spoke looking towards the bunker- "You have to talk to her. I have to talk to her."

\- "Echo..."

\- "It's my fault, I gave her the wrong impression. Well, we did." -she turned her face to look at me- "You should have told her we had slept together."

\- "I know but..."

\- "You should have told her we are not romantically involved."

Echo sighed, I knew she was right and this could not only have fucked up my relationship with Sam but also Echo's position and I was the only one to blame. Both she and Sam had tried to talk to me and I had ignored them, just in different ways. I knew Echo had never fully agreed about Sam being dead; I had learned about her respect for Sam as we started speaking back in the Ring. She laughed the first time I told her Sam had to be dead. I had been so angry. She argued nothing had managed to kill her and the bunker wouldn't either; she also later added that Roan was with her and the people that had pleaded loyalty to her. _"Jusheda is the closest thing to a Commander without being one, she's practically untouchable, Bellamy." _I wish I had listened to her.

**\---------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

The first 36 hours after that moment had been hell for me. I made it back to the bunker with Roan and sank on the bed as soon as I got there, unable to stop the tears from falling any longer. Roan sat on the bed with me, his presence made me feel better but that didn't mean I could stop crying. Once Lila came in, it all went worse; I knew I had to tell her about Jasper but I didn't want her to feel like I did. But hiding it from her would have been wrong.

\- "Sam?"

She walked in, thankfully I had managed to calm down a bit before she came in. Roan and I had moved to sit on the floor with our backs to the bed, he had wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to rest my head on his. He had kissed my head and promised me he'd make Bellamy pay but I shook my head, right now I was mourning the loss of my friend, dealing with Bellamy and his new life would have to wait or else my head would explode. I would implode. Lila ran up to us as I opened my eyes.

\- "What happened?" -she kneeled in front of us, taking my hands in hers- "Are you hurt?"

\- "No, strikon." - [Little one] I tried to smile not to make her panic- "Not physically, at least."

\- "What happened?"

\- "I..." -I looked up, trying to fight back the tears again, biting my tongue as I knew I was going to fail, looking back at her and taking in a deep breath- "Jasper... he..."

My lip trembled just as my voice broke; I couldn't do it. I felt Roan squeezing my upper arm before Lila spoke again.

\- "He's dead, isn't he?" -she didn't need me to answer, it was crystal clear- "When?"

\- "Before Praimfaya."

Roan took over for me, which I deeply appreciated as I rubbed my nose. It was too much. Lila didn't say anything else, simply sitting on my lap and hugging me tightly, running her hand through my hair as I started crying harder, wrapping my arms around her like my life depended on it. She might have been only 10 but she was so mature for her age; I hated it, knowing it only came from what she had been through. That was not what I wanted for her. She comforted me, not letting go of me until my crying ceased.

\- "He's with Sheda now." -Lila spoke with a steady voice- "He will be okay, my brother will take care of him."

\- "I know." -I smiled a bit, rubbing my cheeks before nodding.

\- "I still want to hear about him, that way, you'll never forget him."

\- "Come here." -I opened my arms for her- "I love you, so much." -I kissed her head- "You know that, right?"

\- "Yeah." -she chuckled pulling back.

I rested my head over Roan's shoulder again as Lila sat in front of us to tell us about her day; I needed that, I needed to be here with her. My heart was still broken, and it hurt deeply but I knew Jasper and I knew he'd tell me to focus on Lila. She was our future after all. I could see a bit of Sheda in her which had always been bittersweet, another wound in my heart that never fully healed; I could see a bit of both Roan and me when she spoke and trained; I could see a bit of Jasper in her too: that same love for life and innocence that I hoped that at least Lila would keep forever, unlike all of us. That was what I fought for, to make sure she and the rest of the kids in the bunker had a peaceful future. And no one would stand in my way. But now, I needed time to heal. At least some.

I had stayed within the bunker after that, banning both Echo and Bellamy from coming inside, only allowing Monty to come down twice, one of them accompanied by Harper. I made sure Lila was nowhere to be seen when he came, caution was now my best friend.

\- "Hey." -Monty addressed me as he entered the control room- "This place is..." -his eyes wandered around, unable to finish his sentence as he focused back on me.

\- "The word you're looking for is 'hell'." -his eyes moved from mine, I knew that wasn't comfortable information to know but it was the truth- "But it's also been my home for the past six years. I'm used to it."

\- "I wish you had come with us, maybe you'd have managed to force some sense into Murphy and Bellamy."

\- "They fought a lot?"

\- "Yeah, especially after..." -he gulped as if he didn't want to say what came next.

\- "Monty, I'm already heartbroken, I doubt any of their actions can make me feel any worse than I already do."

\- "You look good."

\- "It's a façade." -I quickly brushed him off- "What happened."

\- "We thought you were dead, so we mourned you. I mean, Bellamy's explanation convinced all of us cause it made sense. A.L.I.E. was an AI, she was never wrong. But not Murphy." -he chuckled dryly- "Of course not. You should have seen him, yelling at Bellamy and cursing him in your name. Wait until he finds out. He was kind of lost up there and after Bellamy started with his 'No more Sam talk', well, you know Murphy... it wasn't pretty."

\- "I knew I had liked that roach since the beginning for a reason." -I chuckled, ignoring all about Bellamy, I was too numb to care at the minute- "I hope he's alright."

\- "We'll find them and we'll help them."

\- "You bet. I never lose."

He stayed there with me for a while, remembering old times together and talking about Jasper; I knew I had to talk to get through it and there was no one that new Jasper like Monty did. I was certainly glad he was there and that he had been with Jasper when it happened because, just like every time, I never got to say goodbye but at least he could. Monty helped me put my mind at ease, at least a bit, as he told me that Jasper asked him to help me not break once I found out. Apparently, Monty had learned later on that Jasper had asked Bellamy to take care of me too, and I had not been able to hold back my dry laugh, shaking my head. I was glad Jasper would never find out about this, about who we all had become.

**\----------------------**

**ROAN'S POV**

Sam had been acting tough whenever Lila was around but, as soon as she left, she broke down again, time after time. I had held her in my arms unfailingly and it was true that each time it was shorter but that didn't make me worry any less. I decided the best thing was to keep her mind occupied while we allowed some time to pass for her to feel ready to talk about it and start to heal, so I took it on me to get her to the training area twice a day both for that previous reason and to make sure her body healed too. There were things Jackson had advised me against doing and went over other things that could help her, so that's what we were doing that afternoon.

\- "Come on, Sam." -I chuckled, crossing my arms over my chest as I watched her struggle- "Don't tell me you're getting soft."

\- "I... ugh." -she breathed out at she finished the last lunge on that round- "I'll show you soft!"

\- "Hey, we are doing this for your own good."

\- "We?" -she scoffed facing me- "I'm the one doing all these exercises."

\- "I'm making sure your form is correct."

\- "You're enjoying seeing me suffer."

\- "That too."

\- "Well, how about you do some now and I watch, huh?" -she moved to get her water- "You're going to go soft too."

\- "What do you want me to do?"

\- "I particularly enjoy pushups."

\- "Easy."

She rolled her eyes at me, but the smile on her face remained. I had seen a change since she had spoken to her other friend, Monty, before we came down here. She looked... better. I don't know what they had talked about, but I was glad he had helped her through it. I got ready to start working out when Sam cleared her throat in front of me.

\- "Let me make it more difficult for you because I know these have become too easy for you."

She stood behind me and I soon felt her resting her body against my back, wrapping her arms around my chest.

\- "You're going to hurt yourself."

\- "Is that your way of saying you can't do this?"

\- "Wouldn't you like that?"

I moved my head to the side to look at her, she stuck her tongue out at me and tightened her grip around me so I simply shook my head as she rose her legs from the floor, feeling all her weight against me. I took a deep breath and lowered us both, managing to get 5 in before I collapsed on the ground.

\- "I am impressed." -Sam chuckled, moving her arms from my chest- "And this is going to hurt like hell now."

\- "I told you."

She shushed me as she slowly rolled to land with her back on the floor, letting out a loud 'fuck' and clenching her jaw. I knew it wasn't a funny matter but seeing her there, lying next to me with her hair on her face, cursing her ribs put a smile on my face.

\- "You okay?"

\- "It was absolutely worth it." -she turned her face to look at me- "Now I know, if we ever need it, you can do pushups with my weight."

\- "If we ever need it." -I rose an eyebrow at her words.

\- "You never know." -she shrugged her shoulders- "I didn't think all those medical books would help me much since Jackson is here and he is the best doctor I've ever met, yet, here I am."

\- "What do you mean?"

\- "I went back to the library yesterday, I knew I had read something about loss and mourning awhile ago." -she turned her face to look at the ceiling- "I needed that. The mind is a powerful thing."

\- "You look like you're doing better, but I know that could be because I'm keeping your mind occupied."

\- "That's helped too. Speaking with Monty put my mind at ease about certain things." -she closed her eyes- "I loved Jasper. I still do and, just because he's gone, doesn't mean I'll ever stop. He is gone, but my memories of him..." -a tear fell down her cheek- "I'll treasure the days I spend with him forever." -she rose her hand to her cheek, wiping it away- "It'll always hurt. I keep loosing the people I love and I can't do anything about it. And I can sink deep into the darkest corner of my mind or try to live, for me, for them." -she cleared her throat after taking a deep breath- "When Sheda died, Jasper told me that the pain I felt would never really go away but that he was certain Sheda would have wanted me to keep going, because he loved me and, when you love someone, you want to see them live and thrive and be happy."

She stood silent for a moment, biting the inside of her cheek. I knew Sam's mind was strong, but I also knew there was darkness in her. I listened to her with undivided attention, allowing her words to sink deep in me, knowing now that she was going to be okay. She had had a hard last couple of days but she was raising back from the ashes like only she could do; I never thought I could feel this much respect for someone but Sam always managed to help me be the best version of myself I could. If I wasn't certain before, I was now: I loved her. The fallen girl from the sky had managed to get to my heart and claim it as hers, even if she didn't intend to.

\- "And I know, wherever Jasper is, he's probably screaming at me to get up and kick those assholes' butts." -she chuckled softly- "Because, no matter where I was or who I had become, Jasper always saw the best in me and reminded me to fight for what was right." -she turned her face to look at me- "We're going to take that valley and I'm going to name something after him. I don't know what yet, but I will." -she nodded- "Yeah. I will die one day but his memory will remain long after I'm gone. I'll make sure of it. Maybe Goggles' booze." -she smiled- "He'd like that, yeah."

We stood in silence for a couple minutes, Sam looking back at the ceiling as I looked at her. The way her mind worked was a marvel.

\- "I'm so proud of you."

\- "Thank you." -she faced me again- "I'll mourn properly when I get the valley."

\- "Are you feeling..." -I didn't want to say 'better' for you could never feel that way about losing someone.

\- "Yeah." -she nodded, not needing me to explain it further- "Let's just say I'm in the 'dialogue' step." -she shrugged her shoulders.

Someone cleared their throat behind me, making me turn around to see who it was: Octavia. She moved her eyes between her sister and me a couple times, a small smile on her lips before she spoke.

\- "Indra says the people need to see you."

\- "Me?"

\- "Yeah, apparently what happened at the dessert is causing them to feel... disrupted." -she was clearly not impressed- "Only if you're feeling better."

\- "I am." -Sam nodded before looking at me- "A little help would be awesome."

\- "Does it have to be right now?" -I questioned raising up.

\- "No." -she gave me a knowing look- "Ai strisis kom fos." [My sister comes first] -she looked at Sam- "Yu souda fis op." [You have to heal.]

\- "Ai na." [I will]

Octavia nodded before leaving the room. I stood in front of Sam and cautiously helped her get up.

\- "Why did you ask that?"

\- "I have an idea, something that I hope will help you heal."

\- "Alright."

I guided her through the bunker, not telling her what I had in mind yet, looking for Thea and finding her exactly where I hoped she'd be.

\- "Sires." -she bowed her head to us.

\- "Thea."

Sam bowed her head to her. I smiled to myself. Sam had told Thea way more times than I could account for that there was no need for "royalistic treatment" -as she called it, but Thea kept doing it anyway so, one day, Sam simply decided to be reciprocative about it; not in a mocking way but to show respect for the woman in front of us. Thea smiled now, used to Sam's ways of doing things but not able to let go of what our clan had taught us.

\- "You seem to be healing fast." -Thea spoke again- "I'm glad, we need you."

\- "I mean, someone has to be reckless and stupid from time to time." -Sam's voice was calm but soon busted out laughing as Thea and I joined her.

\- "Alright, how may I help you today?"

\- "She's getting a tattoo." -I took over now, for this, after all, had been my idea.

\- "Oh, am I? Cool."

\- "I thought having something in your skin to remember your brother would help you." -I stood in front of her- "I know it's too soon to say you're okay but I've also seen your mind more at ease after you got the others."

I took her chin in my hand, looking into her eyes to make sure I hadn't overstepped this time. The majority of Sam's tattoos had to do with people she had lost, a reminder that, even if they were gone, their spirits would always be with her. I had soon learned after the bunker closed, that the people she had lost, had all been murdered; I had seen the anger those events had caused her, the pain... thinking maybe she could have done something to save them. With a lot of time and a lot of talking with her and listening to her, I had seen those wounds beginning to heal. The tattoos had helped too for Sam had confessed to me that she was terrified of forgetting them. Which was how I realized this tattoo was what she needed now.

\- "Thank you."

A small smile on her lips as she took my hand in hers; she didn't need to say much more for I knew exactly what she meant and how she felt right now. Thea had quickly prepared everything she needed for the tattoo, having been the one responsible for all the ones Sam had. She then asked Sam where she wanted it; her answer taking me by surprise: she wanted it on her ribcage, just under her breast on her heart's side. I was no expert but those tattoos were known to be painful and Sam had a broken rib; sure, it was on her right side but that couldn't help.

\- "Are you sure?"

\- "Yeah."

\- "What is it going to be?"

\- "A word."

Thea handed her a piece of paper and Sam quickly sat down to write it for her. Thea looked at me, raising a questioning eyebrow at me and pointing at her ribcage. I nodded, answering her silent question about Sam's wounds. She then placed her hand on her heart and looked at her tattooing kit and I nodded again. Thea smiled just as Sam came back to us, handing her back the paper.

\- "'Hiraeth'?" -she questioned looking at Sam- "What language is this?"

\- "I believe it's Welsh. An ancient language of the old world." -Sam sat down of the bed Thea used to tattoo her- "When Jasper was inside Mount Weather, he had time to read and learn about art with Maya. He came across what I would define as a collection of cool sounding-ancient language words. 'Hiraeth' was the one that stuck with him after Maya died. After we killed her."

\- "What does it mean?"

\- "It's a word that describes the feeling of longing for something but much more than just that. It's about missing a time or a person; it's like being homesick for something that does no longer exist." -she smiled- "It's the bittersweet feeling of missing someone while being grateful for their existence even if they are long gone."

\- "That's beautiful."

Thea smiled, squeezing Sam's shoulders as she nodded. It truly was a beautiful word that described exactly how Sam must have been feeling. She rubbed her eyes before taking off her shirt, lying down on her side as Thea instructed her to get the tattoo going. I knew this was a deeply meaningful and therefore private moment, she wasn't getting just anything tattooed; no, it was an important piece of art this time, a word to represent a feeling she had dealt with for a long time, a word that represented the loss she had experienced; a yearning. I made a move to leave the room to allow Sam a moment with her thoughts, but she called after me.

\- "Stay." -she looked up at me, holding her hand in the air- "Stay."

I nodded, taking the seat Thea offered me and holding Sam's hand. I knew she could very well do this on her own but she wanted me there so I stayed, sharing this secret time with her, for this tattoo was not one meant to be seen but more so to serve as a tribute for those who had left all too soon.

**\-----------------**

**SAM'S POV**

Getting that tattoo was exactly what I needed at that moment. I knew there were a million things I had to do but right now I deserved it, I needed a moment to be with my thoughts as the needle pierced my skin. I knew I was pushing forward for us all, hoping to get to the valley and then, allow myself to really feel. But this was a beginning. It didn't take long for Thea to get it on my skin, quickly cleaning it and helping me off the chair to get to the mirror.

\- "It's beautiful." -I looked at her through it- "I love it."

I moved my hand to my cover my mouth, trying to keep the sob from leaving my lips, feeling the tears in my eyes a second before Thea was hugging me. I was grateful to have her with me, she had been there for me since the bunker closed, she was a friend. We didn't spend an awful lot of time together but I knew I could count on her, especially to put art on my skin; she was an artist, all in all, I could hand her a piece of writing or a sketch and she always managed to make it come to life better than I could ever imagine.

\- "Any time, Sam." -she chuckled, letting go of me- "You know the deal now."

\- "I'll take very good care of it, don't worry."

We stood there for a little longer, talking about what was to come and agreeing on training together in the morning before Roan and I left the room. I felt my mood had significantly improved, feeling ready to get out of the bunker that had become my safe place after all. We moved back to our room, finding Lila getting ready for her lessons with Niylah and quickly coming to check on me. I laughed, showing her my new tattoo, her hand running down my skin just below the ink before she approved of it, already knowing the meaning of the word. Roan stood back with her, helping her finish getting ready as I got in the shower to wash away the sweat but careful not to wet the tattoo nor the stitches. It's wasn't easy but I was used to doing the impossible. As I got out, Lila was just about to leave, Roan moving into the bathroom as I sat with Lila on the bed.

\- "How are you? How are the rest of the kids."

\- "They are nervous. Some are afraid."

\- "Why?"

\- "Their parents have told them what happened to you and what happened after you left with the army. They are starting to think we will never get out of here."

\- "And what do you think?"

\- "I think you're doing the best you can." -she rose her face to look at me- "I know you want that valley for me but I don't want to lose you in the process. Or Roan. We are family."

\- "We are." -I held her closer to me.

\- "Ew! Ew!" -she moved back, faking being bother by my affection as I started laughing- "Too much."

\- "I am too much, I've been told that a lot."

Someone knocked our door at that moment, Lila quickly running to it and allowing Niylah to get inside whose eyes landed immediately on me. She asked me how I was feeling and I answered honestly, saying I was doing better; I asked about her and she smiled softly at me, saying she was okay. Niylah was a strong woman, I was glad Lila had someone like that to look up to. They left the room soon after, as I stood there, looking at the door. _Maybe I should go talk with the kids, I don't want them to feel scared or lose hope; we are getting out of here, all of us, one way or another._

\- "What plan are you devising now?"

\- "I have to go talk to the kids at some point." -I turned around to face Roan who was just getting out of the shower only wearing his pants- "What are you doing?"

\- "Checking on you."

\- "You truly think anything else is going to happen to me down here?" -he walked up to me as I tried to hold back my laugh- "I highly doubt it."

He stood in front of me, his hand soon moving to held my chin as his thumb caressed my skin. I closed my eyes, sighing in contentment as he wrapped his arm around me, resting my head on his shoulder and simply enjoying being held. I wasn't one for hugging but, somehow, being in Roan's arms had always managed to make me feel better, safe in the hell that had been trapped in. He pulled back, moving his hand up to my neck and running his thumb over my jaw, still holding me close to him. I rose my hand to his cheek, his lips soon ghosting over mine but not fully kissing me.

\- "Roan, I..."

\- "It's okay."

\- "No, it's just..." -I sighed- "I don't want you to feel like you're my second choice."

He moved his head back but kept his hands on my body, looking into my eyes as I allowed my hands to fall to my sides. I felt awful about this. I loved Roan, I knew it, he knew it; practically everyone that had been close to us for the past 6 years knew how we felt. But I had decided to pull back from that, even if it was just because a part of me, a very small part during the last year, still hoped Bellamy would come back to me. And now, this. I felt like ripping my skin off. Did I still love Bellamy? Yes. Did I love Roan? Yes. How the fuck did this happen? I had no idea but, what I knew was that, even though I loved them both, the feeling was so different; I couldn't explain it but it was... just different.

\- "Sam, I understand." -Roan's kind voice forced me back from my thoughts- "He was your first love, that feeling never really goes away." -I rose a questioning eyebrow at his words- "You went from not knowing what love was to falling hard for him, I know that; I know how that feels. It's a powerful emotion, and feeling it so suddenly and so hard, it leaves a mark on you. I know you'll never feel about me the way you felt about him and I know I will never be your first love, maybe not even your second one but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop loving you."

\- "Roan..." -I felt my voice trembling.

\- "We both know the only reason we haven't moved forward with this is that you felt like you owed something to him; you wanted to remain loyal, even if there was nothing to be loyal about. I admire that about you: you connect with people and you remain true to them through everything, even if it gets you hurt." -he took in a deep breath- "And maybe what we have is your second choice but there's a reason why we have second plans, Sam: because, sometimes, plan 'a' doesn't work out. And I'm willing to be just that for you because that's better than being nothing. I can't die without trying; I want to see where this takes us, I need to know if this can work; if we can work." -a sincere and genuine smile on his lips that made my heart clench- "Because I'm in love with you, Sam, the fallen girl from the sky that became the fierce, strong, powerful, intelligent woman that's survived through thick and thin, the only one I'd ever pledge loyalty to, the only one I'd kneel down to. -he chuckled softly- "And I know this is not the best time to be telling you this and I apologize but I feared, if I didn't tell you now, I would never have."

I felt the tears running down my cheeks as he spoke, both his thumbs caressing my skin, wiping them away. I could barely believe we were doing this now. I could barely believe how much I actually needed to hear that. I wanted that love, unconditional and without strings, without expectations or restrictions, kind and selfless; I craved to feel loved again.

\- "Not a single plan 'a' has ever worked out in my life, that much is true." -I confessed, sniffling before Roan's laughter flooded the room- "I'm glad to know we can add 'hilarious' to the list of things you still like about me."

\- "It's a long list."

\- "Lucky me, I guess." -I rolled my eyes, rubbing my face as Roan's arms moved to my back to keep me close to him- "Thank you."

\- "For?"

\- "Not giving up on me."

\- "That would be a crime."

\- "For loving me."

\- "Always."

\- "Cause I want to try too."

I smiled as he moved my chin up, placing my hands on the back of his neck and closing my eyes, pulling him down and soon feeling his lips against mine. He was cautious about it, moving his mouth over mine carefully as if he feared he'd hurt me if he was too passionate, but I didn't mind, simply enjoying the feeling of warmth in my chest before I had to pull back to breathe. I sighed content, resting my forehead on his chest as he ran his fingers down my back, resting his chin over my head. I felt peaceful after all that had happened in the last week. I smiled to myself, feeling his heart beating, wrapping my arms around his torso.

\- "I got an idea while I was in the shower."

\- "About what?"

\- "Remember how you told me you wished you had something from Jasper to bury?" -I nodded against his chest.

\- "Or a piece of his hair to braid with the rest, yes."

\- "I'm still impressed you've kept them."

\- "Of course." -I moved back to look up at him, moving my hand to the back of my hair where the braids were- "I also always braid a piece of mine so you can cut it and hand it to Lila and for yourself if anything happens to me."

\- "That's not going to happen." -his voice left me no room for discussion and I couldn't help the smile on my face- "I always braid mine too."

\- "That's not necessary because I'll die before letting you die. I won't lose you too. I'm not losing any more family."

\- "The only way I'll leave this place is dying for you." -he took my chin in his hand, pecking my lips before he spoke again- "To protect you."

\- "Well, that's awesome, because, contrary to what used to be popular belief, I don't need protection; which means, you'll never die. I love this new plan we got going on."

Roan started laughing with me, wrapping his arms tighter around me for a second. I hadn't realized until then how much I liked his laugh, it wasn't usual to hear it, so I enjoyed hearing it whenever I was lucky enough to be there for it; which, I was starting to think, was always.

\- "I'll show you what I meant."

\- "Show me?"

\- "Yeah, it's an ancient ritual." -he let go of me- "Take your bow, we are going out."

\- "Oh, I'm already liking where this is going." -I quickly grabbed my jacket and my bow alongside my quiver- "Maybe you should spend some more time in the shower from now on."

\- "Are you going to join me so you'll start thinking too?" -he mocked me as he moved back to finish getting dressed.

\- "Sure, why not?" -I shrugged my shoulders, gaining a puzzled look from him after he put on his shirt- "Come on, don't make me wait."

\- "I wouldn't dare."

We both made it out of our room, him asking me to stay back until he came back to look for me, saying he had some things to get ready before he could show me. I agreed, choosing to go look at how the kids' training was going, finding Lila sparring with Ethan under Gaia's attentive gaze. She had been in charge of their training, hoping to, one day, choose one of them to be her successor as Flame-keeper. I knew it was going to be Ethan for Lila was too closely related to me and Gaia knew how I felt about the damn chip.

\- "Got you!" -Lila had managed to disarm Ethan and had him pinned to the wall.

\- "When is your mom going to train with us again?"

\- "When do you have a free hour?" -I chuckled, standing next to the mesh- "What do you want to learn?"

Both Ethan and Lila smiled as they heard me, running up to me as Gaia nodded, walking up to me too.

\- "Scathach, how are you feeling?"

\- "Couple wounds, you know I've been worse." -she nodded- "How are they doing?"

\- "They get better every day. They are fast learners but Lila needs to work on her patience and Ethan on his priorities."

I held back my laugh, knowing all too well what both things meant. As Gaia got out of the training ground with the rest of the kids, Ethan and Lila stayed back with me so I could see what they had been practicing and maybe teach them some new moves. I hoped, with time, they'd both be better fighters than I ever was both to defend themselves if they needed it and those who couldn't do it themselves. I just hoped they'd never have to use their skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading. I truly hope you enjoyed today's piece🌻


	10. Finally safe to fall.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roan surprises Sam with a way to honor Jasper’s death.
> 
> Warning: SMUT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this series is starting to become a flop across all platforms. We are starting the new decade just right.

**BELLAMY'S POV**

It was nighttime now; I had expected Sam to come out today for I had heard murmuring around the ruins. Octavia had come out a couple of times with Indra, so I had been waiting for Sam to do the same followed by Roan.

\- "Why didn't you tell her?" -Clarke finally questioned me; I knew she had been pondering whether to ask me or not since she saw Echo too- "I understand why you didn't tell Octavia, but Sam?"

\- "Because I'm stupid, Clarke." -I huffed annoyed- "Because I was afraid of how she'd react. Because I was afraid of losing her. For good."

\- "What are you going to do?" -Monty questioned next, sat next to Harper.

\- "I need to tell her about everything from the beginning, but I'm afraid she won't listen."

\- "If Murphy were here he'd make some snarky remark about how you're just turning this on Sam."

\- "And?"

\- "And he would be right." -Octavia showed up from behind me, taking me by surprise- "Bellamy, it's been six years, Sam's not that 18-year-old you met in the dropship, she's not that girl who would wait around for you to show up; heartbreak gets old, especially for someone who's so used to it by now."

\- "What are you saying."

\- "I'm saying your lack of guts has cost you the best thing that ever happened to you; it's cost you the woman Sam's become and that everyone down here would kill for, including me."

I was about to question what she meant with that verb tense choice, for that implied I had already lost her, when we heard voices coming from the main street in the village. I rose from my place, walking up to where the voice came from followed by the rest, soon seeing her: Sam.

\- "Scáthach is back!" -someone yelled in the crowd- "She's okay!"

I knew Sam had always been respected by the Grounders but this was something else. The main street of the village was soon flooded by people at both sides who made way for Sam to walk by them; I couldn't see fear in their eyes, only respect and even relief in some. Some even got close to her, interchanging a few words and, when someone was too weak to move, Sam walked up to them and squeezed their hands, talking to them too but I couldn't hear what she was saying. Roan followed her close behind and two other men walked after them. I noticed Roan making a sign to someone at the end of the street, so I moved there, knowing that was where Sam was going to end up anyway, but I wasn't able to get close to her; she didn't seem to have seen me but Roan had, ordering the two men to get me away. I protested but Echo was soon to pull me back, guiding me to the upper floor of the last house in the street so we could see.

\- "What's happening?"

\- "I don't know but I've heard something's about to happen and I've seen people putting something at the fountain, preventing everyone from getting close to it."

Sam got to the end of the street; I realized just then that she was carrying her bow and quiver. I had no idea what was going on but I was nowhere close to feeling calm.

\- "We are here to pay tribute to a lost one." -Roan spoke loud enough for everyone to hear- "To someone special without whom, our beloved Scáthach wouldn't be here today."

And then, I understood: Jasper. I had been too worried about how she had taken my kiss with Echo, completely overseeing how much pain losing Jasper must have caused her. I was so fucking stupid. I was so fucking selfish.

\- "Monty." -Sam called looking around- "You're welcome to join me, for he was your brother, after all."

I watched Monty let go of Harper, for they had been standing at the front door's steps of the house we were at, and join Sam, standing next to her. They interchanged a couple of words, a smile on Sam's lips as she pointed at Roan with her head, Monty nodding immediately and walking up to him. Two other people -a man, and a woman- had been settling something that looked like a massive slingshot as if they were getting ready to throw something into the distance. Roan spoke to Monty and he looked like he was doing as Roan said, soon squatting on the ground and holding back the slingshot that had something on it I couldn't quite see.

\- "Hofli faya sen yu klir." [May the fire set you free]

A woman approached Sam with a flaming torch, pouring some liquid over one of her arrows before handing it back to Sam who placed it on her bow. The woman set the arrow on fire, taking a step back as Sam rose it to the sky. Roan made Monty a sign, who let go of the slingshot; holding my breath as I watched Sam let go of the flaming arrow. A moment later, an explosion of fire illuminated the sky with a loud bang and, closely after, the fountain was set in flames from the falling ashes of the explosion. Sam lowered her bow and rose her head to look at the sky, holding her abdomen; I was certain doing that was the last thing Jackson would have advised her to do with her broken rib. I could see her lips moving but I didn't know what she was saying.

\- "May we meet again, first friend from Earth." -Echo whispered beside me; I had forgotten about her training- "That's what she's saying." -I nodded- "Then she's said something else, a one-syllable word I couldn't understand."

_J._ I smiled for a second, a flash of a moment between Sam and Jasper I had been lucky enough to witness crossed my mind.

***Flashback***

_I had been walking around the ship, trying to find Sam after I dealt with my duties around the camp. I was certain she'd be with Jasper, I just didn't know where that'd be today. I asked around, soon learning they had seen them walking back into the ship so, that meant, they either were in his room or at the bar. I moved towards the bar, soon able to hear the music and Sam's laughter filling my ears way before I got there. A smile on my face just from hearing her. God, I loved her, I'd never lose her again. As I got to the door, I landed eyes first of Sam, who was dancing alone in the middle of the room as Jasper cheered and sang along to the music, clapping and taking sips from his bottle of booze; I was certain they were both drunk._

_\- "Come on, J!" -Sam laughed offering him her hands, pausing for a moment in front of him- "Don't let me dance alone, it's mean and I thought we were having a party!"_

_\- "I don't dance."_

_\- "That's such a lie."_

_\- "Fine, fine." -Jasper shook his head, rising from the floor and holding Sam's hands- "Only for you."_

_I couldn't erase the smile from my lips, watching a bit of the old Jasper showing again as he danced with Sam, the biggest smile on her face as they messed up the steps. I decided not to interrupt them, knowing Jasper only felt this comfortable with Sam and not wanting to mess up the moment for them, choosing to go back to Sam and I's room and wait for her there. He'll be okay._

***End of flashback***

_What wouldn't I give to have stayed in that moment._ I shook my head, focusing back on the scene ahead of me and, as I did, I was unable to take my eyes from it any more: Sam was illuminated by the high flames that hardened her features; she handed her bow to Roan and approached the fire taking out her blade, cutting a piece of her hair and then her arm; she covered her hair in her blood before she threw it to the flames. I knew what that meant: she was letting go of the part of her that died with Jasper, she was mourning what she thought could have been but wasn't. She stood in front of the flames for a couple of minutes, no one moving an inch. As she turned around, she moved her hands to her face: she was crying. Octavia was soon standing by her side, taking her hands in hers as they spoke but my heart ached too much in my chest so I couldn't stand there any longer, being just a mere witness, running down the stairs, intending to get to her.

However, that didn't happen. As I got to the street, Sam was no longer standing alone with Octavia; the kids had circled around her and were now hugging her in turns. She kneeled on the ground and I lost sight of her in the sea of children. My heart ached in my chest seeing her like that, surrounded my kids; it did something to me. She rose back up, taking the smallest kid in her arms, who moved his little hands to Sam's face, wiping her tears away and causing her to laugh. God, I had missed that sound. She turned around and started walking towards the bunker, followed by the rest of the kids, Octavia and Roan. He looked around, landing his eyes on me; it was uncomfortable, the way he studied me as he followed Sam. I made a move to go after them but he quickly shook his head and, as it had been happening way too often, the same men from before stood in front of me, preventing me from getting to the bunker so I sighed, moving back, finding Harper who was walking towards Monty, so I walked with her.

\- "That was beautiful." -Harper spoke first- "I'm glad she asked you to be there."

\- "Jasper was my brother." -Monty agreed- "And I know what they meant to each other, that's what we've been talking about." -he looked at me- "She has a lot to deal with, not only us but, whatever's been going on down there, she keeps calling it 'hell'. But she looks better." -he patted my back- "She'll be okay."

\- "I hope, but I still need to talk to her."

\- "Maybe in the early morning." -Harper patted my back before they both started to move away- "Goodnight."

A 'good' night was the last thing I was going to have but there was nothing I could do now as Roan made sure two of his men stayed at the bunker's entrance not to let me in as I watched Sam disappear into the darkness. Maybe I hated that guy. Maybe I hated him because he had known how to treat Sam for six years whereas I had managed to fuck everything with her in two days. Maybe I hated myself.

**\---------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

Ethan and Lila had told me they wanted to sleep under the stars that night with the rest of the kids; Octavia and I has spoken about it, both of us finally agreeing it might be good for them, getting out of the bunker, so we let them.

\- "If anything happens, you know where we are." -I told Lila who nodded profusely- "I'll see you in the morning, strikon." [Little one]

They both ran towards where Gaia was with the rest of the kids as I laughed, wrapping the rope around my hips before being moved down to the darkness. I liked the shadows, they had kept me safe for a long time; I missed the stars and the moon but I thought I'd enjoy them more if I saw them once we were at our new home. Roan followed me down.

\- "I really liked that." -I confessed as we walked down the bunker- "Thank you."

\- "I knew you would." -he smiled cockily at me.

\- "Confident much?"

\- "It was my pleasure, I'd do anything to see you smile."

\- "I don't want to cry again so, please, stop; I'm still too emotional for anything."

\- "We wouldn't want to go back to that, no, you're right."

I chuckled, shaking my head, passing by a couple people that chose to stay in the bunker too; most of them were the oldest adults down here, still uncertain about what Diyoza's plans really meant for us and whether they'd die down here.

\- "Sam!" -I heard Octavia's voice calling for me from behind us, so I quickly stopped and turned around, seeing her walking down to us with a smile on her face- "That was a good idea." -she eyed Roan for a second before addressing me again- "You look better."

\- "I am, got inked and did a ritual to honor the dead. I'm ready to get that valley."

\- "Inked?" -she rose a knowing eyebrow at me- "You still got space?"

\- "You are exaggerating, I don't have that many tattoos and you're one to talk."

\- "I'm not addicted."

\- "I had to get addicted to something." -I shrugged my shoulders- "Be glad it's tattoos and not something worse."

\- "You're right." -she conceded with a smile- "Meet me tomorrow morning outside the bunker; we'll go around for a walk to show we're still a united front and we can talk about our next move."

\- "Who's doubting we aren't."

\- "I've heard rumors, but I'm not certain of anything. Yet."

\- "Alright."

She offered me her hand and I took it, pulling her to me to hug her, questioning whether she was alright or not; after all, Jasper had been her friend too. She told me she'd survive. She had adopted this new mentality of _"Love no one and no one can hurt you"_; it wasn't exactly new, but I understood. I had walked those same steps before and I knew we both had different ways of dealing with our losses. She moved away from us as I watched her go; we might not always have seen eye to eye but Octavia was my sister, I'd still die for her in a heartbeat and I loved her.

I had been reading a compilation of articles once, stomping across one that talked about 'soulmates', saying there were different types and not all aiming at having a romantic connection. I had liked it, for it reminded me of myself and the people I loved. I had always thought Bellamy was my one and only soulmate but, after reading the article and reminiscing about my time on Earth, I started to think Octavia wasn't just my sister but my soulmate. I truly believed you could have many different ones and O and I had just been lucky to find each other and connect as soon as we met. I smiled to myself, remembering our first days together down on Earth, training with Lincoln and being reckless together like no other; who'd have told me I'd look back longingly at those days.

\- "You alright?"

\- "Yeah." -I turned back to Roan- "Just thinking of the first time I saw my sister."

Roan nodded pensively as we resumed walking. The first thing I had to do was ensure that my tattoo was alright so I went straight to the bathroom, taking off my silver protections that I always wore, my jacket and my shirt. It was so beautiful; I smiled as I ran my hand below the ink. Octavia was right, I really loved the ink on my skin. The first one, after all, I had gotten matching with her: a bow and a sword that acted as an arrow to represent each of us and our connection. We had chosen to get it on the arm in which we cut ourselves that day at Niylah's cabin but, instead of getting it on our outer forearm to cover our scars, we chose to get it on our inner forearm, just below where the arm bends. Jackson told me the technical name for that part was the 'cubital fossa' or 'antecubital space'which, for some reason, sounded too funny for me not to laugh every time. I ran my hand over it; it had been a tricky design but Thea always managed to make everything look just like I pictured it, if not better.

\- "Admiring yourself?" -Roan's deep voice got me out of my head, looking at him through the mirror.

\- "Actually, admiring the art I carry" -I chuckled- "So kind of, I guess."

He smiled walking up to stand directly behind me, resting his head on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around me. I lowered my gaze to them; I had scars on my body but Roan could easily beat me to them.

\- "So, you're feeling better?"

\- "I am." -I focused my eyes back on his on the mirror- "Thanks to you."

He smiled, kissing my shoulder before standing straight, his arms resting over my shoulders so I took his hands on mine and rested my head back against his bare chest, closing my eyes and enjoying the peaceful silence between us. I breathed deeply, allowing my mind to relax for a moment, knowing we were going to be fine; sure, it would be a path covered by war, blood, tears and sweat but I knew we could make it through. I felt Roan moving behind me, letting go of my hands and starting to unbraid my hair; the simple gesture forced a smile on my face, feeling his careful and loving touch as my hair started to fall loose. Peaceful times like this hadn't been abundant during the past six years so I held onto them for as long as I could. I sighed in contentment as he kissed the top of my head once he was done, moving his hands to my shoulders, massaging them.

\- "How are you managing with the pain?"

\- "My ribs?" -I opened my eyes to see him nodding- "It's been six days, I won't say it doesn't hurt but it's definitively not as bad as the first day."

\- "I saw your face when you shot the arrow." -he twirled me around, hands on my waist- "I should have thought of something else; we had agreed no sudden or pulling movements. Jackson's going to kill me."

\- "Hey, I'm fine, I promise." -I took his chin in my hand- "Did it hurt? Yes. Was it for only a second until I used Jackson's breathing pattern? Absolutely. Would I do it again? Daily."

\- "Still." -he rested his palm over my neck, running his finger over my jaw- "I need to remember even you need time to heal."

\- "I'll be fine."

\- "Yeah." -he chuckled- "Because I'm going to make sure of it."

I rolled my eyes but was unable not to smile, resting my forehead on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, running his hands softly up and down my back. I moved my head back, just enough to be able to kiss him. For a moment, I was afraid he'd pull back from me, not wanting this but all my worries were cleared as soon as I felt him kissing me back carefully, gently, his hands moving up to cup my face. I ran my fingers up his sides before he pulled back to breathe.

\- "I don't want to hurt you."

\- "You're not going to hurt me." -he pointed at my ribs as I spoke- "My ribs are not a particularly sexy or erogenous area if you asked me, so what's your point?"

He shook his head as I watched him try to fight back the smile but failing completely before he started laughing. I took a step towards him, resting my hands on his chest.

\- "I promise I'll tell you if anything hurts."

\- "It will hurt. When you start breathing deeper it will hurt."

\- "Oh, god. Fine." -I scoffed, turning around and searching through one of the cabinets- "Who'd have guessed it'd take me this much effort to get your pants off."

\- "That's not exactly what we want to do now, though." -he smirked at me through the mirror- "Besides, we've already seen each other naked."

\- "Not the same scenario but fine, let me rephrase." -I grabbed what I was searching for, turning around and resting against the sink- "Who'd have guessed you'd be this reluctant to having sex with me now that we've made it clear we want to try and see where this goes."

\- "It's not that I don't want to; I just know it'll hurt. I've broken my ribs so you have no excuse to tell me I don't know."

\- "Look at this."

I showed him the pills before I put them in my mouth, turning around to take water from the sink and swallowing them.

\- "Sam..."

\- "I needed to take them anyway." -I faced him again, pointing at the clock over his head- "Just answer me this," -he nodded, prompting me to continue- "if I wasn't hurt, would you still pull away from me?"

\- "No."

\- "Fine, so..."

\- "But you are."

\- "Listen, Roan." -I rubbed my temples- "I really want this and I know you do too and I think it'd be awful if I got myself killed before we slept together."

\- "You're not getting yourself killed." -he stepped towards me, rising my chin with his hand.

\- "That's not the point." -I eyed him, sighing before closing my eyes- "Maybe you're right, maybe the point is maybe we shouldn't do this if we are making such a..."

\- "The moment I see you in pain," -his thumb run over my cheek, making me open my eyes again to find his boring deep into them- "I'm tucking you in to sleep."  
  
\- "I like that plan."

I smiled before he lowered down to kiss me, his hand still on my neck. I felt like I had been lost for so long and I had just, finally, found myself again. It felt so right; it felt so real; it felt safe. He moved his mouth down my face, kissing my jaw and down my neck, my hands reaching to the waistband of his pants to pull him closer.

\- "Just, promise me something." -I spoke with eyes closed, feeling him humming against my shoulder- "I still want you to tuck me in, regardless of whether we have sex or not."

\- "Sha, niron." [Of course]

**\----------------------**

**ROAN'S POV**  
  
It'd be dishonest of me to say I hadn't been wanting to have sex with Sam for a while now. But I hated seeing her in pain and I knew, the closer she got to her orgasm, the deeper her breathing would become, hurting her in the end. I knew the painkillers would help her and I knew she wanted this just as much as I did. I just wished we could have done it under different circumstances but, if we were being honest, when did we have everything in our favor? I moved back to look at her, wanting to make sure again that she really wanted this, that she wanted me. She nodded, a loving smile on her lips as she reached up to wrap her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her. Kissing her felt so right; not even my best dreams could be a match for how good reality truly was.  
  
\- "Are you going to tell me what you want?" -I asked as I kissed down her neck- "Are you going to order me around now too?"

\- "No." -she murmured as I run my tongue over the spot I had just kissed her at- "I just want you to make love to me." -I moved back to look at her, but she had her eyes closed, a content expression on her face as she kept whispering for me- "Show me how much you love me. I just want to feel loved."

I run my thumb over her cheek knowing exactly what she meant. Maybe I'd never be the only one in her heart but I was the one she wanted now and that was more than enough. Sam's love was pure and giving, she loved with everything she had for as long as she could, giving everything even when she had nothing else to give. Her love was powerful like fire, it was passionate and consuming. I just hoped I could match her. I hoped I'd be able to show her how much I truly adored her, how much she meant to me and how I'd never be able to repay her everything she had done for me. She wasn't below me like we all had assumed from every Skaikru when they came down, thinking they were weak and stupid; not Sam, of course not. She was my equal, better than me at most things I could think of but that didn't make me feel weak, it made me want to be better for her, for me; it made me feel immense respect for her. If her love was consuming like fire, I was willing to be fleeting like a match; I'd let her consume me every time.  
  
I kissed her slow, allowing her to set the tone she wanted. She bit my lower lip carefully, almost in a teasing manner and I couldn't fight the smile that took over my mouth. She moved her lips down my neck, the height different almost made me laugh so I pulled her up, kissing her and putting her on the counter next to the sink, her legs wrapping around mine and pulling me to her, her mouth crashing with mine harder this time, more eager. She started kissing down my jaw and my neck as I rested my hands on the countertop to her sides.

\- "What if I leave a mark?" -she questioned as she kissed my shoulder, her hands moving up my sides.

\- "I'm already yours, Sam." -I kissed her shoulder- "Do as you please."

\- "Don't you dare making me cry now." -she moved her head back.

\- "This is supposed to be both pleasurable and emotional, niron." -I ran my hand down her hair- "Ai hod you in." [I love you]

A tear fell down her cheek but her beautiful smile remained on her lips so I simply wiped it away, kissing her gently again, feeling her lips moving against mine for just a moment before she moved her mouth down my neck, soon feeling her lips sucking on my neck before she ran her tongue over that now oversensitive spot. I forced her head up to kiss her again, never having enough of her lips against mine, biting her lower one and licking it, asking for permission. She wrapped her arms around my neck, feeling her lips part as she pulled me down, my tongue soon playing with hers. It was starting to get too hot for the clothes I was still wearing.

\- "Take your pants off." -Sam whispered in my ear as if she could read my mind.

\- "I thought you weren't going to order me around."

\- "Just a little." -she pouted her lips, making me laugh before kissing her again.

\- "Okay."

I took a step back and unbuttoned my pants, aware of Sam's eyes on me, which only managed to excite me even more, finally stepping out of them before standing in between her legs again. It was so hot, not just the temperature around us, but the way her lips moved against mine, the way her body fitted with mine and how right it felt to touch every part of her body I could reach. Her bra soon landed on the floor behind me, allowing me to move a hand between our bodies as she pulled down on my bottom lip, cupping her breast, gaining a quiet whimper from Sam; I moved my lips down her throat, kissing her wherever I could until I got to the valley of her breasts, her hands settling on the counter as I squeezed her boob. I allowed my hands to move down her sides, kissing down her abdomen until I got to her pants, kissing her back up slowly, adoring the quiet sounds that dropped from her parted lips. I kissed her chest, squeezing her left boob and running my thumb over her right nipple, the wrap Sam had around my legs getting tighter, so I introduced my tongue to the mix, licking her soft skin as I played with her erect nipple; her head falling back, her back arching against my mouth as she cried out in pleasure. I'd never have enough of this. I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her back up to me, her lips crashing hard against mine, her fingers tangling on my hair. I moved my hand down her abdomen, pulling on the waistband of her pants.

\- "These are in my way." -I murmured against her neck as she kissed my shoulder.

\- "I don't really need them right now."

She chuckled, wrapping her arms around my neck as I took her in my arms, pecking my lips as I let her on the ground, moving my hands back to her pants as she held onto my shoulders. As soon as her trousers hit the floor, I wrapped my arms around her again, prompting her to jump and wrap her legs around my waist. My hands moving to her ass, squeezing gently as I moved us to the room, putting her down on the bed and crawling over her.  
  
\- "Still up for this?"

\- "I swear if you kill my mood right now, I'll banish you."

\- "Bit harsh?"

I pecked her lips as I laid over her, my growing erection rubbing against her, watching her bit her lower lip before she moved her hands up my arms.

\- "I'd never do that to you." -she rose her head to meet my lips- "We've already established I'd be dead without you."

\- "I'd die for you."

\- "Please, don't; I can't go through that again." -she took my face in her hands- "I don't want to lose you, I'd rather die by your side."

\- "Lila can't lose us both."

\- "So stay alive."

\- "I never feel more alive than when I'm with you."

She smiled, covering her face with her hands, going all shy on me as I chuckled, kissing her arms until she moved them away, then kissing her lips slowly, rubbing her cheek as I felt her fingertips moving down my back, refocusing us both as I felt her hand moving inside my boxers. I kissed her neck, grunting against her skin as she squeezed my ass.

\- "Tell me what you want." -I murmured as I made my way down her body.

\- "I want you." -her voice was shaky as I got closer to her underwear.

\- "Hmm." -I mumbled kissing her skin just above it- "What do you want exactly?"

\- "I want your hand between my legs." -I kissed her thighs, running my fingers over her aroused form- "I want your mouth in between my legs."

I smiled, feeling impossibly more aroused than I already was as I heard Sam tell me what she wanted which was exactly what I had been wanting to do since we started this.

\- "Your wish is my command."

I made her raise her butt from the bed, discarding her underwear on the floor and kissing up her leg, watching her biting her lip at the anticipation. I bit mine too, running my hands over her inner thighs, parting her legs and kissing down her abdomen until I got to her clit, kissing it softly and watching Sam squirm underneath my touch. I couldn't help the pleased smile on my face as I used my hands, rubbing her clit slowly, almost in a teasing manner as Sam cried for more. I kneeled on the floor next to the bed, pulling on her ankles to move her towards me, her legs over my shoulders as I licked her.

\- "Fuck."

Her hands soon landed on my hair, keeping me where I stood, not that I'd want to go anywhere else as I used my tongue to lick every bit of her I could, her whimpers and shaky legs only prompting me to do more. I moved my hand over her thigh, circling her entrance with my finger as I used my tongue over her inner thigh not to overstimulate her sensitive clit, and hearing her plead me to finger her so I complied, inserting one, testing the waters until I found the spot I was looking for, Sam's back arching as I inserted another one, using my thumb over her clit. I rested my head over her thigh as she ran her fingers through my hair, simply enjoying the sounds coming from both her mouth and my fingers going in and out of her. I decided to try with a third one, using my tongue once again.

\- "Roan... I won't last..."

I knew I could make her cum once and then build it up again before we actually had sex but I didn't want to push her so I slowly stopped fingering her, watching her breathing carefully through parted lips as I rose from the floor, taking off my underwear and pumping myself as I watched her, completely exposed in front of me. She opened her eyes, furrowing her eyebrows as she watched me, moving up the bed and commanding me to do the same, her hand moving down my abdomen as I crawled over her, kissing her deeply as she wrapped her hand around my erection, forcing a low 'fuck' to come out of my lips, moving my hips down against her hand.

\- "I won't last either." -I pecked her lips.

\- "It's fine." -she smiled, letting go of me- "We have a lot of time."

I chuckled, kissing her again, allowing our tongues to meet as I rolled my hips over hers. I knew it wasn't the first time for either of us but it had been so long for us both since we had had sex, it kind of felt like it was. I knew I had to take it slow, I knew Sam was giving up her power completely, handing it all to me and trusting me in the deepest way possible. This moment was special, it was almost sacred seeing someone else in this position, so vulnerable in so many ways. I wanted to make sure she was comfortable above anything else.

\- "Ready?"

\- "Yes." -she locked eyes with mine- "I'm yours."

I kissed her again, taking my dick and running it over her entrance; Sam whined in pleasure, her nails sinking in my upper arm. I positioned myself, testing the waters as I moved my tip inside her, watching her clenching her jaw as she breathed.

\- "No, don't stop." -she pleaded as she felt me moving away- "I'm fine."

\- "You sure?"

\- "Yeah, it's just... it's been so long."

\- "I know." -I kissed her forehead- "Relax, niron."

I let go of my dick, moving back to kiss her, allowing my hand to move over her entrance again, drinking in her pleased cries as I made sure she was wet enough, which I already knew she was but it didn't hurt to have her even more worked up, especially when she sounded that good. I propped myself up over her, trying again, kissing her neck this time as I entered her slowly, feeling her tight around me but so wet. Her arms wrapping around me as she arched her back, breathing slowly as I held her to me.

\- "Talk to me."

\- "I feel so good." -she kissed my arm- "My body just needs to get used to the feeling and get in sync with my brain and my heart."

I chuckled against her neck, moving my lips over her skin before kissing her, eager tongue meeting mine halfway as she ran her fingertips over my back. I wouldn't lie, I was so eager to move, to please her like I knew I could, to hear my name falling from her lips... She moved her hips up tentatively, making me look at her as I saw the smirk on her face.

\- "Make love to me, ai haihefa." [My King]

\- "Sha, ai haiplana." [Yes, my Queen]

I smiled, kissing her, quick pecks to her lips as she chuckled below me, prompting me to move and so, I complied, pulling back slowly as I kept my eyes on hers, moving back inside, watching her biting her lip as I kept moving. She closed her eyes as she moaned, holding onto my arms as I pleased her, moving my hand down between our bodies to touch her where I knew she got the most satisfaction from. A low grunt came out of my throat as I felt myself reaching my high, trying to control my breathing to make sure she got there first. I moved my mouth to her lips, that moved eagerly against mine as she pulled me closer, her erect nipples rubbing against my chest as I moved in and out of her, a bit faster as she asked me to.

\- "Roan..." -she moaned quietly against my ear, a shiver running down my spine- "I'm..."

\- "Let go, Sam." -I kissed her neck- "Let go."

Her nails dug deep on my skin and I welcomed the feeling, squeezing her boob as I kissed her throat, soon feeling her trembling underneath me, her arms wrapping tight around me as she moaned my name, followed by a round of curses and whines that sent me over the edge, hiding my face on her neck as I hit my orgasm, allowing her name to fall from my lips as I did. I tried to recover my breathing, feeling Sam's ragged breathing on my neck, not allowing my body to rest completely over hers for I didn't want to hurt her ribs. I moved my head up, watching Sam breathing through parted lips, her arms flopping to her sides as I moved my body up too, pulling out of her.

\- "You okay?" -I asked still resting over her on my elbows.

\- "Much, much better than I've been in years." -she smiled, opening her eyes to meet mine.

\- "Does it hurt? Your ribs?"

\- "A bit, but nothing I can't handle." -I sighed, looking to the side for a moment- "Hey, it's not because we had sex, it's because I was shot. You made me feel better. I feel better."

\- "Glad to hear that." -I chuckled, pecking her lips- "I'll be right back."

I moved from the bed, to get a damp warm towel to clean us both, knowing the last thing Sam would want now would be to move. I smiled as I got back in the room, allowing my eyes to travel over her body, seeing her scars and tattoos but, most importantly, her face that radiated satisfaction and happiness. She moved her head to meet my eyes, an impossibly bigger smile on her lips as I jumped back on the bed, pulling me to kiss her before I could actually do what I was going to do. Once I made sure she was clean, I kissed her chest, moving back to the bathroom, cleaning myself and the towel and quickly moving back to Sam.

\- "I love you." -she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down on her as I got back on the bed- "I love you so much."

\- "I don't know when or how I got this lucky."

\- "You've always been this lucky." -she chuckled as I kissed her shoulder.

\- "Oh, really?" -I moved my head back to meet her eyes as she nodded- "I hope I'll be this lucky until I die."

\- "Forevermore."

I stood there for a moment, just looking at her, at how happy and how full of life she looked; I knew I'd die to protect her. That's how I wanted to go. I had always believed I wanted to die in battle, defending my clan for it was a respectable death; but now, laying in Sam's arms, protecting her young, powerful, loving, gentle and nurturing soul seemed like the most honorable way to go. I just hoped I'd get to spend many more years by her side, hopefully at peace with everything around us. I pecked her lips before laying next to her, allowing her to find the most comfortable position for her to sleep, tucking her in as promised as she laughed, then lying back under the covers next to her, wrapping my arm around her, kissing her head and closing my eyes, easily drifting off to sleep, dreaming, hoping for a future with Sam, maybe in the valley, surrounded by the greenery she loved so much, with our kid, with Lila. That was the life I wanted for me now, for us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🌱Let me know your thoughts!🌿


	11. Temperance of a restless heart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and O get out of the bunker together to remind everyone that they are still a united front, their visit to the surface being tainted by the venom of their enemies.

**SAM'S POV**

I woke up the next morning in Roan's arms, which I couldn't say bothered me in the slightest, snuggling under the covers for a bit longer, enjoying the simplicity of this moment.

\- "Did I overtire you last night?" -Roan wrapped his arms around me tighter, pulling me to rest over his chest as I couldn't help the smile on my lips- "You never stay in bed once you open your eyes."

\- "Can a woman catch a break?" -I chuckled, moving his hair from his face and pecking his lips- "But yeah, I should get moving, Jackson wants to see me first thing in the morning so I'm probably already late."

\- "Want me to go with you?"

\- "No, go check on Lila and then meet me at the entrance of the bunker." -I sat back up on the bed, stretching my arms, quickly regretting it as a sharp pain stung my side- "I'll do a quick warm shower."

I rose from the bed, walking up to the bathroom, feeling Roan's eyes on me so, as I made it to the door I turned around; he rose a playful eyebrow at me as I shook my head, moving inside and opening the warm water. Needless to say, I didn't end up alone in that shower, but how could I ever mind?

I ended up leaving the room way before Roan was ready, walking up to Jackson's office, finding Indra there; she looked tired, seeing the cuts on her arms made a feeling of regret surface in my chest but she was quick to ease my thoughts, saying I had been too weak to even stand, which was true but I still hated when people got hurt in my name.

\- "How are you?"

\- "I'm fine." -it wasn't a lie for once, I actually felt okay, a bit more like myself since the damn bunker opened- "I'm joining O today outside; Kara has been telling her the people need to see a united front."

\- "I see." -she nodded as she put on her jacket- "We don't need a war, Samantha. Our people are scared, hungry and weak."

\- "I know. And I'll do the best I can to get us to that valley; all of us, I promise."

She nodded once again, leaving the room as I went over all I knew, not having much time to my thoughts as Jackson called me in.

\- "Didn't I tell you not to do anything extreme?" -he gave me a knowing look as he prompted me to sit on the table but he wasn't angry, the smile on his face told me he already knew this was coming; I think we all knew- "Or was I not clear enough."

\- "I know, I'm sorry, I honestly didn't think of it." -I rose my left hand in defeat- "Won't do it again any time soon. I hope."

\- "It was beautiful." -he confessed, sitting in front of me- "I'm glad you could say goodbye some way."

\- "Yeah." -I smiled- "I also got a new tattoo."

\- "Not surprised."

He started laughing with me, making me take off everything that covered my abdomen, including my neck protections, before making me lay down, checking the tattoo too as he went. Jackson always went above and beyond to make sure I was healthy and healing quickly; I had to say, I couldn't have gotten stuck down here with a better doctor, and friend. I was happy to call him my friend. He allowed me to go quickly, reminding me to still take it easy because, even if they didn't hurt as much, my broken rib did need more time to heal. I got dressed up again fast, making my way up to where I had been informed Octavia was being treated by Clarke; I knew she was doing that because Jackson had a lot to do but I'd have liked it better if she had come with me. Don't get me wrong, of course, I still trusted Clarke's abilities, but I knew Jackson way better than I did Clarke so I knew he was better; she was no match to what I had seen him do.

As I got to the conference room where they were, I heard Clarke's voice telling, I assumed, Octavia, that Madi was a big fan of both of us. I couldn't help the smile on my face as I opened the door, Clarke's eyes landing immediately on me as Madi turned her face to look at me too, surprise washing all over her features.

\- "Big fan, huh?" -I smiled looking at Madi, who did really seem to be seeing her two favorite characters from her favorite book- "I'm sure Clarke made me look cooler than what I really am." -Madi chuckled as Clarke shook her head, keeping on taking care of Octavia's wounds- "But my strisis over here is another story." [little sister]

\- "Yeah, well, I don't think anyone would dare underplay you." -O rose her eyes to meet mine before turning to Madi- "What's your story, then? You survived six years of radiation? What's your secret?"

\- "Synthetic Nightblood." -Clarke answered way too fast, almost as if she feared what Madi would say- "Like us." -she looked at me- "I took her to Becca's lab and shared my bone marrow to keep her alive."

\- "You're lucky Clarke found you."

Octavia nodded, seemingly having bought it, probably did for she had enough on her plate. I looked at Clarke before focusing back on Madi, with a knowing smile on my face.

\- "Lucky, indeed."

There was not much conversation between us as Kara entered the room to question if Octavia was ready to go outside. I already knew what was going to happen: Clarke would argue O needed more rest, just like Jackson had told me but then Kara would argue O needed to be with her people and if Octavia would put anything over her own health was Wonkru.

\- "I'm done licking my wounds." -Octavia eyed Clarke before facing me- "Let's remind the others what we promised them."

I nodded offering her my hand to raise from the chair, Kara taking her coat from the hanger on the wall and helping her put it on.

\- "See you around, strik natblida." [Little Nightblood]

I winked at Madi and she laughed, shaking the hand I offered her before nodding at Clarke who gave me a small smile before Octavia approached Madi, offering her her hand too and reciting a couple words. It was unexpected but very appropriate.

\- "Kom folau, oso na gyon op." [From the ashes we will raise.]

**\---------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I had woken up that morning with a bad feeling in my stomach, like something was off, but I couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was. I got out of my tent, looking around, seeing the tired faces of the Grounders around me; I guessed being for so long underground eventually messed up with your health. Then, I heard people rushing through the streets so, on instinct, I followed. And there she was: Sam, looking like a fucking war goddess with her attire as she walked with conviction through the ruins. The soft look in her eyes was a major contrast to everything else; I still couldn't understand how someone so strong could look so fragile at times.

\- "Here to bother Sam, Skyboy?"

\- "Are you going to get me thrown away like you always do?"

\- "I don't like you around Sam for the simple reason that the only thing you seem to be able to do is hurt her."

\- "Well, that's still between her and I, isn't it?" -I faced him- "You have no saying in what I feel or what she feels."

\- "Leave her alone and go back with the spy. Sam's better off without you. Look at her."

He didn't leave me another second to answer, disappearing through the ruins as I focused back on Sam who was now speaking with O as Cooper looked around them. They had to have heard the worry of their people, questioning whether their leadership was still standing strong. If I had to judge for myself, I'd have said they seemed to have everything under control.

\- "Hey." -Echo appeared soon next to me- "Everything okay?"

\- "Yeah." -I nodded- "I was about to go check how they were."

Echo nodded, walking beside me towards them. The first to become aware of our presence was Octavia, who's eyes landed immediately on Echo; I knew they had never been on good terms so I feared what could happen now.

\- "Glad to see you back on your feet." -I took the initiative, addressing Octavia as Sam turned around, her eyes landing on me- "You look..."

\- "What is she doing here?" -Octavia cut me off, her voice was hard.

\- "I just wanted to thank you for saving my people."

\- "They are not your people." -Octavia looked ready to murder someone as she faced Echo- "Azgeda is a memory. There's only Wonkru and there is no place in it for you."

\- "I know you have history, but Echo is on our side." -I tried to intercede, almost missing the entertained look on Sam's face- "She proved herself dozens of times on the Ring."

\- "This isn't the Ring." -she raised her voice- "Wonkru! I banished this..."

\- "Hey, enough!" -Sam raised her voice too, cutting Octavia off completely, who turned to look at her like being interrupted was a war crime- "You did not banish her, Roan did." -she turned to Echo- "I did."

\- "That judgment should still stand." -Octavia faced Sam- "She has 24 hours to leave; if you're still here by then," -she took a step towards Echo- "you fight in the arena."

\- "I don't want to do this here." -Sam forced Octavia back to her, lowering her voice- "But you don't have a saying in this."

\- "You're defending that murderer?" -Octavia scoffed, pointing at Echo- "The one that almost killed us both and got with my brother while you've been stuck down here for years, thinking he'd come back to you?"

I saw the change in posture in Sam; Octavia was playing dirty, aiming at what she knew would anger Sam the easiest. I hated to see this side of her, unscrupulous, petty and I hated, even more, to be part of it in a way. Sam clenched her jaw, standing directly in front of Octavia.

\- "That's really, really low. Even for you, Blodreina. But, lucky for all of us, I've gained self-control through the years." -Sam turned her face to look at Echo, her eyes studying her features as I realized there was something else going on I wasn't seeing- "As for you, Roan should be the one to decide your fate; you can stay up here until a final decision is reached, the bunker is still off-limits. For both of you." -she eyed me before focusing back on Octavia- "And that's what we are doing with them. No one else needs to die for the demons hunting us."

And, with that, Sam turned around, choosing to go in the opposite direction of the bunker, Roan joining her out of nowhere as we watched them leave. I had to admit, I feared what Octavia's reaction towards Echo would be, but I had feared Sam's most and this was not what I had expected from her. Maybe she had really changed, she had an aura of peace I hadn't seen around her since... well, since those three months of peace so long ago. It was a considerable contrast to Octavia's expression, who had murder written all over her face as she looked at us.

\- "You're lucky she hasn't lost her love for helping the weak. Don't get in my way."

And, with that, Octavia started walking towards the bunker with Kara as I stood there with Echo, not really knowing what to make of any of this.

\- "That was not what I expected from Jusheda." -she was following Sam with her eyes as she walked away with Roan.

\- "Neither did I."

I sighed but before we could say anything else, a loud horn started sounding in the distance; an alarm of shorts. Octavia immediately turned around to look at me as everyone was commanded to get in the bunker. Diyoza's ship.

\- "Get in."

\- "You heard Sam." -it was not the time to mock her but that was all I could do.

\- "She's not going to let you die. Get in."

\- "Not without Echo."

A couple people started screaming her name to get back inside and I couldn't help but turn around to check on Sam who was simply standing in the middle of the street as Roan yelled at everyone else there to get in the bunker.

\- "We have to take cover."

Echo pulled me to one of the ruins but I couldn't move my eyes from Sam as she looked up at the sky, Roan standing by her side. Soon, parachutes started falling from the ship, landing all around us. Everyone panicked, getting inside the closest building if they weren't close to the bunker.

\- "What the hell is she doing?"

Sam walked up to one of the packages, Roan trying to pull her back but she refused, simply raising her hand at him.

\- "Sam, don't touch it!"

I couldn't help but yell at her, her face moving around until she found me, tilting her head entertained.

\- "If it's a bomb, we're all already dead, Skyboy." -she took out her knife and cut through the parachute that hid the package- "Oh, my, my." -she chuckled, standing straight and crossing her arms over her chest- "Colonel wants to play. And here I was, thinking it was going to be a boring day."

\- "What is it?" -Roan walked up to her, looking at what Sam had uncovered.

\- "Speakers." -she looked around- "Too bad there's no way to speak with her from our end. Maybe I should pay a visit now that the Rover's back in town."

\- "It's not time for you to be reckless again." -Octavia walked up to her- "If we start doing things on our own, we will collapse."

\- "I would never betray you." -Sam got rid of her- "But if sneaking out of this damn place gets me the valley, you can be sure I'll do whatever is in my hand to take it."

Sam ended before the speakers went off, Diyoza's voice coming from everywhere around us, announcing that she was willing to share the valley with those of us who didn't want to fight, offering shelter and food; threatening to bomb us if Octavia tried anything.

\- "Samantha, you're also welcome to join us; we have a lot to talk about."

As that last sentence came out of the speaker, Octavia broke down the closest to her, clearly enraged as Sam seemed to be going over all of it in her head.

\- "Something's off."

\- "You think!" -Octavia turned to face Sam- "Maybe it's the fact that she's asking our people to deflect? The fact that she invited you to defect me publicly?"

\- "No, there's something else." -Sam looked around, seeing the face in everyone there; I could tell some had already made the choice to leave but others seemed to refuse such idea- "Maybe Diyoza would share the valley, but not McCreary. It's a trap."

\- "How you know?"

\- "Cooper keeps saying you and I are not an aligned front." -Sam grabbed Octavia's arm- "Well, let me share with you what a broken front really looks like: Diyoza and McCreary are in the middle of a power struggle. Did you not see how they interacted? How he struggled to follow her orders and how there are men who look at McCreary every time she gives an order?" -I hadn't thought of that myself, now understanding a bit more of what she meant- "If Diyoza loses her fight, we are all dead. McCreary is dangerous and so are his men, if we don't act wisely, we will all die. Surrender is not an option, not while that asshole is still around."

Octavia nodded, commanding one of her men to pick one of the speakers as she walked back into the bunker; Sam looked back at Roan, who simply nodded, walking away as Sam followed Octavia. I stood back with Echo, not entirely sure of what to do, knowing we had to find Harper and Monty.

**\--------------------------**

**OCTAVIA'S POV**

The last thing I needed was Sam contradicting my words; I had thought she'd be the first to want to see Echo gone for good but, instead, it looked like she was pardoning her for her crimes. She was hiding something from me and I'd deal with that as soon as we figured this new problem out.

We got back into the bunker, into the conference room and played the message again. It was clear that was Diyoza's voice but there was something about the words...

\- "Those are Kane's words." -I finally realized, Copper agreeing with me as Sam nodded, resting her back on the wall opposite to us.

\- "He knows where we're vulnerable and he's sharing it with the enemy." -Miller agreed, the disgust on his tone was almost palpable.

\- "We need to assume others will be willing to do the same." -Cooper took over- "In the arena, Kane openly defied you to stir dissent, and dissent spreads like any virus."

\- "Yeah, weak men tend to do that." -Sam chimed in- "When he was in control, everything was okay, even killing kids but now? Now imprisoning someone for stealing drugs seems like the highest crime against his new moral code. Ironic really." -she scoffed- "I never liked that guy, we should have left him outside to die with the wave."

\- "We can't do anything about him now." -I reminded her- "I want patrols along the perimeter on the clock; when that ship comes back..."

The door to the room suddenly opened, cutting me off completely, revealing Clarke, Monty, Harper, and Bellamy. I had to admit, it surprised me he even dared to get down here, let alone get in the room. Miller and Thea quickly stood in their way, pushing them away but I thought I could always hear what those two had to say, so I allowed them in.

\- "We all have people in that valley that need our help." -Clarke was obviously the first to speak.

\- "If you're talking about your mother, I'm not interested in rescuing traitors."

\- "Or murderers."

Thea was there with us too, chiming in onto what only us knew, even if it was actually attempted murder, but I didn't want to draw more attention to what had been happening, so I spoke before anyone could question what she meant.

\- "I'm trying to prevent more of them."

\- "Your people are hungry and you're worried about defectors?"

\- "Those defectors will die if they get in that ship." -Sam moved from the shadows where she had been standing, the look of surprise in both Clarke and Bellamy's faces didn't go unnoticed- "And if any of you were actually thinking about the people in here and not of the people already caught up in their hands, you'd see that." -Sam walked to the middle of the room- "I don't care if our people leave to find a better life for this place is not a home, it's a cell, and I'd be the first one to get in that ship if I wasn't thinking with a clear mind."

\- "We need to do is find a way to get into the valley without anyone dying."

\- "Have you forgotten this is war?" -Sam spat at Bellamy who seemed clearly altered by this whole exchange- "McCreary doesn't want any of us there, he'd kill us on the clock if we set foot there, no matter what Diyoza said on the message." -she looked at me- "People will die because this is a war but, if we think this through, it won't be our people."

\- "We can't do much." -I spoke again- "Last time I checked, Diyoza can follow our every move."

\- "That's where Monty comes in."

Harper interfered, taking a step forward and pulling Monty with her, he took something from his pack and showed it to us; his eyes more focused on Sam than on me as I realized they feared me more.

\- "Laser-Comm. It's dialed right into their mother ship. All I need is a relay tower on the ground that we can build out of scrap and a computer."

\- "God, I had missed the use of words I can barely make out the meaning off." -Sam chuckled, approaching Monty- "Can you make it so they don't see us for a couple hours?"

\- "I can do better than that." -he smiled at her- "I can blind their eye forever from right here."

\- "I've heard soldiers guide themselves with their eyes first, so let's take their only privilege from them."

\- "Then, we can attack." -Miller stated as Sam ended.

\- "Fine." -I agreed- "Miller, set him up. Cooper, shoot anyone who tries to defect."

Sam turned to face me, I knew she was ready to contradict me again so, before she could do it, I pulled her with me, saying it was time we trained together; a lie, of course, for the last thing I'd want to do was hurt her.

**\---------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I had hoped not to see Sam as we went down to talk with Octavia but, of course, she was there but she didn't pay me much attention which kind of hurt me. I knew I had to talk with her but there was so much going on, I never seemed to find the time. Now she had left with Octavia but I knew they wouldn't fight so I decided to take a risk and wander deeper into the bunker, seeing the looks on everyone's faces as I walked down to the training room, finding Octavia there training with Cooper who had just gotten a sword to her neck.

\- "I told you not to go easy on me."

\- "Maybe you should fight someone that's not afraid of you."

\- "Why in hell do you assume everyone's afraid of O?" -Sam was sat on the other end of the room- "Maybe you should stop portraying your own insecurities onto the rest of us. That's call growth."

\- "Sam..." -O shook her head at her.

\- "What? Tell me I'm wrong." -my sister stood quiet- "That's what I thought." -Sam's eyes landed on me- "People are usually afraid when they are hiding something. What else you got?"

\- "Enough." -Octavia cut her again as her words cut deep on my heart- "Cooper, give him your sword."

\- "A Blake fight? It's been a really long time."

Sam eyed Octavia who simply moved her head to get her out of the training square; I looked at her, she seemed like she had a lot to say to me, or yell, but she was calm. I wondered what that meant. I gripped the sword; I was angry and I knew Octavia was still weak but kicking her ass still sounded like a good idea to me, to remind her that I still knew my way around. It didn't take her long to scoff after we started fighting, eyeing me and spatting a single word on my face.

\- "Azgeda."

\- "There's not much to do in space."

I heard Sam chuckling dryly next to us but I had to focus on the fight, knowing exactly what I had to do to win my sister. Was it fair game, no? But it never was with her.

\- "Echo is not your enemy, you don't even know her."

\- "I know what she's done. Sam at Mount Weather." -she strode towards me- "Ilian in the Conclave." -for everything she said, there was a sword movement against me- "Me on that damn cliff. Sam on that cliff. Sam before the conclave."

I had had enough, hitting her on the abdomen before getting on the floor, kicking her foot and getting her to fall on her back as she tried to breathe, having landing hard on the ground.

\- "We all have things to answer for, things that shouldn't be forgiven but are because we did them for our people, our family. Echo is no different. Now she's with us."

\- "With you, you mean." -she spat at me, I could feel the anger in her voice- "You've traded us both for a spy."

\- "Alright, enough chit-chat." -Sam walked up to us, offering Octavia her hands- "My turn."

\- "You can't fight." -Octavia rose from the floor- "Neither of us should."

\- "I love you and I know you mean well but someone needs to kick his ass so he remembers who the hell is in charge." -she took her sword- "Because you're weak and he's angry."

\- "And you are hurt."

\- "He has to have some type of advantage after all this time, right? Besides, this is what I do."

I saw the smile on Sam's face that quickly banished as she faced me; I took a couple steps back for I didn't want to fight her, she had a broken rib.

\- "So, Azgeda." -she played with the sword- "Show me what you've got. Don't hold back."

\- "Sam, you're angry at me and I understand that but I think we should talk..."

\- "I'm not ready to talk." -I felt the anger and the raw honesty in her voice- "But I'm always ready to fight."

\- "I don't want to hurt you."

\- "Hurt her?" -Roan's voice came from the door; I didn't know for how long he had been standing there but he looked like he had heard enough- "It takes me time to touch her so what makes you think you can even get close to her after leaving her for six years? After what you know she's capable of?"

His words were tainted with venom and I hated to admit it was working, a smile on Octavia's face and a satisfied nod from Sam. I was in disadvantage but, if to prove myself I had to force Sam on her back, I'd do it. I took a deep breath, tightening the grip on my sword and making the first move but Sam was ready, taking a step back and moving my sword from the way with her own. She moved so effortlessly, almost delicate movements as she avoided my sword; it was entrancing, if it weren't because I had to focus on not getting hit myself.

\- "Nice." -she chuckled, the glint of something close to amusement in her eyes reminded me of the days we used to train together every morning; god, I missed it- "You've gotten better at this."

\- "Sam, focus."

Octavia reminded her, Sam's eyes growing darker as she focused them on mine; she had changed, she was less impulsive, more centered, capable of making choices for her people but, still, I could see the Sam I had fallen for right there: hungry for life, for challenge and adventure.

\- "Hey, focus." -she snapped her fingers at me- "I don't wanna win you just because your mind is somewhere else. Focus on me one last time." -she straightened her back- "Win the fight and I'll hear you out right now."

I couldn't help the smile on my face, her challenging eyebrow raised my way as she moved her hand for me to move, so I did. But she was good, still better than anyone else I had met, avoiding my blade each time, managing to hit me too. I got lucky at some point, hitting her jaw and her abdomen, managing to force her to take a couple steps back, realizing all too late where I had hit her. I was ready to apologize as she held her abdomen, Roan immediately making a move to go at her but she shook her head, a funny smile on her lips.

\- "I asked for this."

She strode towards me and I felt all her force hit my blade. I didn't see it coming, as much as I had been training back in the Ring, I still didn't manage to see her move, landing on my back just like Octavia had been a couple minutes ago. Sam took my sword and planted it on the floor near my head, doing the same on my other side with hers as she stood over me, her knee on my chest, forcing me still.

\- "You are good. But I'm still better."

A small smile on her lips, a feeling of warmth on my chest, catching myself just in time before I rose my hand to streak her cheek or worse, pull her down to me to kiss her like I hadn't done in a while.

\- "I suggest you leave the bunker now for you're still not welcome down here. Make sure your woman doesn't leave in fear of what O could do. I'd hate to learn of her death before we get to see the valley."

She rose from over me, Roan quickly offering her water as Octavia threw her a towel, nodding satisfied at her.

\- "Sam, wait." -I rose from the floor, careful not to cut myself with the swords.

\- "You've lost." -she eyed me- "I'm off limits too."

And, with that, she exited the room with Roan, who started to talk to her about the kids in the bunker. I ran to the door, watching her leave as my heart ached inside my chest. My Sam was still there, but I had pushed her away further than ever before and I knew fixing what I broke wouldn't be easy, but I was willing to spend the rest of my days trying to prove myself worthy of her again. Because I still loved her. I was still in love with her. I had never been more certain about it, cursing myself for not being completely straight forward with her; I should have known she'd have understood and, even if she had pushed me away, at least I could have said I had tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to leave me some feedback; I wanna know who still wants me to write this, pls.


	12. Bittersweet so long.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As everyone deals with the aftermath of Diyoza’s new plan, Sam realizes something while Bellamy is afraid of accepting the possible consequences of his future actions.

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I decided to follow Sam's advice, getting out of the bunker, trying to find Echo to make sure she didn't leave for, even if Octavia had threatened her life, something told me she wouldn't raise a hand against her without Sam's approval. I appreciated that. I wasn't giving Sam the credit she deserved. I walked around the ruins, not finding her anywhere, finally getting back to the tent we had all been sharing and finding her there packing her things.

\- "Hey, hey." -I quickly entered, pulling the bag from her hands- "What are you doing?"

\- "Leaving." -she eyed me- "And you're not coming with me."

\- "Of course not, because we are both staying." -I forced her to stop packing- "You heard Sam."

\- "Your sister doesn't want me here and I don't want to get in between you both like I did with Jusheda."

\- "Echo, stop. It's not your fault, that's on me."

\- "Still. I should leave."

\- "But why?"

\- "Because they are fighting an enemy they can't beat, and now Diyoza is using the fact that the people know it to pull them apart."

\- "So what would you do about it, spy?"

Octavia rushed in the tent, forcing us both to look at her; she had changed from her training clothes, wearing her battle clothes now, looking at Echo in a threatening and arrogant way.

\- "The truth?" -Echo faced her as Octavia nodded- "Surrender. Only a fool fights a war they can't win."

\- "I have a better idea."

Octavia smiled at Echo, clearly having been devising a plan of her own: offering to lift her banishment if she spied for her; I already thought that plan was insane and the fact that Octavia later revealed that she wanted the names of the defectors only added to it. I saw Echo thinking about it, going about her options in her head as I wondered where the hell Sam was now. They both finally came to an agreement as much as it angered me.

\- "You may go now to see how Monty's doing." -Octavia addressed me before moving to exit our tent.

\- "Have you forgotten I'm not welcome there?"

\- "You really don't think Sam would kill you, right?" -she eyed me over her shoulder as I stood in my place, really thinking about it for I had never actually thought Sam would hurt me; it surprised me that Octavia considered it an option in a way- "You do. Wao, 6 years really is a long time."

I didn't have time to contradict her as she left us there; I, too lost on my own thoughts and Echo still wondering how the hell she was going to pull this one out. After making sure she wouldn't leave, I walked inside the bunker, not seeing Sam anywhere, wondering how big this place really was not to cross paths with her. Or maybe I had, but she had been hiding in the shadows, remembering Roan's words about their being hers. I hadn't made much of that comment but I was starting to understand.

After being with Monty for longer than my patience could handle, I started pacing around, wondering how much longer this chip idea would take, going over everything that could go wrong, wondering how Raven and Emori and Murphy were. I still had to find a way to let them know about Sam.

\- "Can you stop pacing around?"

\- "Can you do it or not?"

\- "I have access to the mother ship from the laser-comm but everything's encrypted, so no." -his voice started to raise as he grew more and more frustrated- "When we were up there, I could have opened a backdoor from the inside, but we didn't know they had a damn camera!"

He ended by throwing something hard against the floor, hitting the table next to the keyboard with his fists as he screamed annoyed.

\- "Hey, Monty." -I moved up to him, squeezing his shoulder- "Monty, take it easy."

\- "Why are we even doing this?" -he faced me- "So we can go to war? What happened to being the good guys?"

\- "We are."

\- "Oh really?" -he scoffed- "Letting your sister kill people for deflecting, well, correction, thinking about deflecting...?"

\- "Raven's a prisoner, Murphy has a shock collar around his neck and is alone in the woods with Emori. This is how we get back to them." -I patted his back- "Come on, just try again."

\- "I'm telling you, I can't do it from here."

As he pointed at the computer, the door opened, revealing Echo, whose face was clearly a mirror of how we all felt right now, but there was something else there too.

\- "What's the matter?" -I asked her as she approached us, standing next to the table- "No takers?"

\- "Oh, no, there were takers. I'm just not turning them in." -I heard Monty sighing next to me- "Some bad things went on down here, Bellamy; no one will talk about it, not even the ones that want to deflect. I can see it in their faces."

\- "We have to find out."

\- "They won't talk, they are afraid." -she shook her head- "I'm not giving Octavia their names, no matter where that gets me."

\- "Then, let's all deflect with them."

\- "Bellamy, that's a bad idea." -she quickly argued- "I know you're not in good terms with your sister or Jusheda, but deflecting them, is like leaving them behind again, which is exactly what you've been torturing yourself about for years."

\- "I didn't say it was a good plan. But Monty needs inside help, right?"

\- "Yeah..." -he eyed us both before starting to look around the table, pulling cables around until he found what he was looking for- "I could put the backdoor code in a thumb drive. But Octavia is dead set on shooting the defectors, no matter what Sam said."

\- "Sam won't shoot me."

\- "But Cooper would."

\- "It's a risk I'm willing to take." -I looked at Monty- "Do it. We'll speak with them."

Monty nodded, quickly getting back to work as Echo shook her head at me; I knew she didn't like this plan not only because it could get us killed but because she knew it'd push me farther away from both my sister and Sam. Was that a sacrifice I was willing to make? Even if all I truly wanted to do was be with Sam? I knew the answer but, thinking about my friends in the valley, I couldn't admit it out loud.

We exited the room, leaving Monty to it and making our way to confront our next impossible task: explain our plan to Octavia and get her to agree with it; I hoped Sam would be there for I knew it'd be easier to deal with my sister if Sam's clear mind was there. However, once we entered the room, Octavia was alone with Cooper; there was something about that woman, I didn't like her, couldn't understand either why Octavia listened to her. As we were explaining the problem Monty had come across off, she interrupted us.

\- "So you failed."

\- "No names and no blind eye?" -Octavia added to Cooper's words- "You're not doing a very good job at saving your own place around here."

\- "Well, they didn't exactly fail, they're just very slow at explaining themselves because you aren't exactly the friendliest person down here."

Sam's voice startled all of us, even Octavia, entering the room with an amused look on her face. She was ready for battle now too, the silver protections I hadn't seen her without still in place, making me wonder why she carried those and my sister didn't. Maybe it had to do with their positions in Wonkru for I still didn't know if my sister was the one ruling or it was both of them.

\- "This is not a war of strength or brute force," -she kept talking, standing in between us and Octavia as we all kept our eyes on her- "this is a war of tactics and intelligence. We cannot overpower them with those guns but I'm pretty sure all of us in here will agree our brains are better than theirs. Monty has already proven that fact."

\- "Especially considering they've been asleep for years." -Echo pointed out, gaining a nod from Sam.

\- "You're not going to like my plan." -she looked at Octavia, whose features immediately hardened- "And neither will you." -he addressed me- "But, in the end, you'll see it's the best idea."

\- "You're not getting into that ship, I don't care how elaborate your plan is."

\- "As much as I'd love to go and see the valley everyone keeps talking about," -Sam looked at Octavia- "I'm tied to this place until we all can get there; although I won't lie, Diyoza's invitation is really tempting me."

I wondered what she meant by that. Tied to the bunker? There was something she hadn't told me about but I knew Octavia knew what she meant as she nodded, clearly relieved to know Sam was staying back.

\- "I hope you haven't gone rusty after six years of peace." -Sam smiled at Echo, a knowing and friendly smile- "I need you to be my eyes and ears in the valley while you get that chip to the only brain that could overpower all of us together."

I realized then that she already knew about what we were going to tell Octavia; I didn't know how, for we had been alone in that room, I was certain of it. But, if she already knew about it, why was she saying I wasn't going to like our own plan?

\- "Well, as you already know," -I looked at her- "She's not going alone."

\- "Your plan will fail if you follow her. Diyoza knows who you are and she'll never buy it, you can't go; she has to do it on her own. Which is why this is a new plan."

\- "You want me to let her defect?" -Octavia stood from her chair as she caught up with the plan- "No."

\- "I don't like this." -Cooper chimed in- "Letting the traitors go will promote dissent."

\- "Good thing is, I don't care what you think." -Sam faced her- "If you have a better plan to get into their system without anyone dying, the time to speak is now."

The room went silent as Sam spoke with an inexorable tone, even Octavia seemed to go shy at how she stated the facts.

\- "That's what I thought." -Sam scoffed as Cooper's face went blank, no emotion on it even if I was certain she was dying to get her hands on Sam- "You don't have to like me to know this bunker is still mine, therefore, my people to protect and my choice; if sending Echo there alone gets us the valley, that's what we'll do. As much as you don't like it," -she then faced my sister- "and as much as you don't like her. It's been six years and I get life hasn't been easy down here but killing Echo is not going to get us back what we lost."

Octavia glued her eyes to Sam, it was almost like they were having a private conversation without words, to see which of them would back down first. It was both amazing and terrifying, like two old gods measuring themselves to each other; a war that could cause chaos to disperse and quickly feed entirely on Earth.

\- "What does your right hand think of this?" -Cooper spoke again, but none of them moved their eyes from each other- "Of allowing her back?"

\- "Roan wants that valley just as much as I do." -Sam moved her eyes to land them on Echo- "He offers you a clean slate in exchange for your loyal help."

Echo nodded; I could tell Octavia hadn't let go of her grudges, not wanting to let Echo go so easily but she finally sighed seeing Sam was not going to back down herself.

\- "Call off the patrols." -Cooper looked ready to argue- "That's an order." -she then addressed Echo- "Once you're in that ship, you're on your own. If you're discovered or you fail to take down the eye, no one is coming to save you."

\- "What happens with those who will defect?"

\- "They leave with you to the ship, of course." -Sam answered now- "You can't blame people for looking for a better life, even if it's clearly the wrong choice for they'll be prisoners there, as much as they aren't seeing it now, but they'll find out soon enough."

I knew she meant it, but the look in Octavia's face told me she was ready to argue that point; however, for some reason, she didn't.

\- "Now, whatever quarrel you still have with her, is paid by this." -Sam looked at Octavia before approaching us, her voice going low as my sister focused back on Cooper, only for us to hear- "And you, stay alive." -she addressed Echo, a faint smile on her lips, almost complicit- "I'd hate to lose what remains of my old clan and, especially, a vital pillar of the newfound family of my old friends; especially when I know they are valuable personnel like you, brana lukot." [new friend]

She moved past us, exiting the room just like she had joined us, wondering how the hell she managed to be nowhere and everywhere at the same time. I was still really impressed with how civil she was being with Echo, then again, I was also ashamed of having thought she'd react any other way. It had been six years, maybe I had started to forget about her after all; maybe I had filled in the blanks of who she was with how I wanted her to react. I wanted her to put up a fight, I wanted her to show me she still wanted me, I wanted to see the fire behind her eyes; I wanted her to go to war for me. But maybe she already had, that was exactly what she had been doing time after time for the year we were together and, maybe, just maybe, she had come to a conclusion of her own: why keep fighting for me if time after time, she had to keep doing the same not to lose me. Maybe it was getting old for her, maybe she was tired of fighting. Maybe I had had it all wrong all those years, maybe I hadn't fought enough for her, maybe she had done all the fighting. Maybe now, it was my turn. And I just wished I hadn't realized that all too late.

I looked at Echo, raising a questioning eyebrow her way, wondering how this had sit with her, a reassuring nod from her.

\- "There's something I have to do."

She squeezed my upper arm, turning around and opening the door; I followed her to it, watching her go after Sam, calling out for her. Sam stopped dead in her tracks, an already familiar woman that had joined her forced a blade to Echo's neck but, as Sam turned around with a surprised look in her eyes, she rose her hand and the woman lowered the sword; Echo must have said something for Sam looked at me for only a second before smiling at Echo, saying something to her before Echo shook her head. I watched Sam resume walking again, deeper into the bunker. Echo turned her head to look at me, nodding my way before she disappeared after her. It felt weird, seeing Echo go after Sam, seeing Echo go after the girl I had loved for so long that was now a self-made woman, the same woman that thought I wanted nothing to do with her, that I wanted nothing from her. I had never wished harder to be able to go back in time to tear the door that separated us down, pulling Sam to me, kissing her as much as it burned and taking her with me to the lab. Our life would be so different now; I had known probably since the start that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and those six years should have been just the beginning of it. But I had fucked up and now we were almost strangers that knew each other all too well; or, at least, knew who each other used to be.

**\-----------------------**

**ECHO'S POV**

I had always known how Bellamy felt about Jusheda and I knew our time together was only a distraction for his broken heart. I didn't mind it, what's more, after we started speaking, he had helped me get through my own issues so, if anything, he had helped me. It hadn't been easy, but I had learned to trust them all, to consider them a family like I never had. The last thing I wanted to do was come between him and Jusheda, which was why I had tried to speak to him about her many times while in the Ring but he always refused. I should have been more careful when I saw him in the desert, which was the reason I walked after her that afternoon. I wasn't sure how she felt about me or even if she'd care to listen, but I had to try. I had to do this before I left to put our plan in motion.

\- "Jusheda."

I called her for the only name I knew for it never felt right to call her 'Samantha'; a woman that looked familiar stood in front of me, preventing me from getting any closer and aiming her sword at my throat.

\- "It's fine, Thea." -Jusheda spoke the name of the woman and I realized who that was, she had held a sword to my throat too six years ago- "I hadn't heard that name in a long time. They call me Scáthach now."

\- "We need to talk, Scáthach."

\- "Are you afraid of the dark?" -I shook my head- "Then, come with me, Echo."

I saw Bellamy looking at us, trying to let him know I knew what I was doing before following Jusheda deeper into the bunker, not knowing what really was going to happen. I was aware of the looks we were getting as we came across the people still down there; the way in which everyone behaved around her was a powerful contrast with their behavior around Octavia. The murmurs had been there since I arrived; I knew horrible things had happened down here and I couldn't help but wonder if only the people had suffered or both sisters had too, if either of them had to do with that suffering or both of them. So many questions, so many different things that could have gone wrong in so much time underground. But, what truly called my attention was how each sister had evolved, how they carried themselves and how the people reacted to their presences; each leader exuded completely different types of power.

At some point down the stairs and the slopes and the many corridors, she asked Thea to leave us alone, entering a room with a couple tables and chairs in it, some very old computers too, probably left here to root. But, for some reason, that got me thinking of Raven sat in her own world in front of the computers back in the Ring, doing things I could barely imagine were possible with seemingly so little effort; she never failed to amaze me. I smiled to myself. _She'll be happy to know her old friend is alive, I know so much about Jusheda from Raven's stories. And Murphy? He'll be insufferable._

\- "Raven and Murphy will be happy to see you."

\- "I hope they are okay. Emori too. I've missed them." -she answered, resting her lower legs against one of the tables, a loving undertone in her voice- "Say hi to them from me once you see them, keep them alive."

\- "I've learned a lot about you from them."

\- "Can't say I'm surprised; after all, if they thought I was dead, people usually talk about their lost ones as they mourn them."

\- "I tried to get some sense into Bellamy but..."

\- "He never listens, I know." -she smiled- "Does that mean you didn't think I died with Praimfaya?"

\- "I've seen you survive things I didn't think you would."

She nodded and we stood in silence for a moment; I wasn't sure how to approach this, going over my options as she broke the silence.

\- "I don't have anything against you."

\- "You don't?"

\- "Whatever happened between us six years ago, we solved and, if we didn't, it's been too long to bring it back up. Opening scarred wounds would benefit no one, especially not in the middle of this war." -I nodded in agreement- "And you haven't done anything against me now."

\- "Bellamy..."

\- "I know." -she cut me off- "We are all adults and it's been six years. People fall in and out of love all the time."

\- "You love him."

\- "Everyone that meets him does." -her eyes betrayed her for a second long enough for me to understand; she was trying to avoid what we both knew was still there.

\- "You love him deeper than that."

\- "Why are you here?" -she rose an annoyed eyebrow at me- "To hear me say that I'm still in love with him?" -a dry laugh followed her words- "It's been six years, he's moved on and he looks better than he ever did with me. If that's because of you, then I have to thank you." -she had stopped hiding her emotions, her voice denoted sadness just like her eyes did- "I also know you saved him, all of them, before Praimfaya, so I have to thank you for that too."

\- "How?"

\- "Monty. He feared I'd hurt you." -she smiled- "I know where that fear comes from, I mean..." -she chuckled pointing at herself up and down and I had to smile- "But why would I hurt you for falling for Bellamy? After all, I've been there; I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I did. If anything, I should hurt him for the pain he causes me time after time but I'd be wrong to do so this time; we weren't really together when I got stuck down here and it's not like it's been two days. It's okay, I understand."

\- "But you thought he'd come back and you'd get back together." -I knew I was overstepping but it was true- "That's why you haven't moved on either."

\- "I am moving on." -her answer was sincere, I couldn't catch the slightest bit of untruthfulness or regret in her words- "I ought it to myself to do so."

\- "You are?" -I couldn't hide the surprise in my voice as she nodded; I tried to puzzle this out, it wasn't hard to come to a conclusion- "Roan."

It wasn't a question; I hadn't spoken to him yet but I had seen them together. I had always thought he had a liking for her and, I had to admit, six years was more than enough time for those feelings to develop even deeper. A smile appeared on my face, remembering the words of a couple Trikru I was spying on before Praimfaya, saying that she'd be the next Ice Queen. They had been right.

\- "You haven't spoken to him yet, have you?" -she spoke again before I could say much else.

\- "No."

\- "Don't fear him, he's not the Ice King from six years ago anymore."

\- "You still speak of the clans, unlike your sister."

\- "Well, don't tell her." -she smiled at me- "It'll be our secret."

I nodded, taking the hand she offered me; this was not how I expected our conversation to go at all. Bellamy wasn't giving her the credit she deserved; ruling over so many people wasn't easy and maintaining a cold head like she seemed to have was even harder.

\- "I have to tell you the truth, Scáthach."

\- "People don't usually go about their days calling me that, you can call me Samantha. After all, a friend of my people is always a friend of mine."

I nodded, feeling excited about that for some reason; I couldn't explain it.

\- "What troubles your mind, Echo?"

\- "Bellamy." -I straightened my back- "We are not romantically involved."

She didn't hide her surprise as my words reached her ears, furrowing her eyebrows and crossing her arms over her chest.

\- "We've slept together but that was it." -I continued as she didn't seem like she was going to say much- "He doesn't love me the way he loves you and neither do I."

\- "Are you sure? Cause that's not what I saw in your eyes in the desert."

\- "I was worried and Bellamy is the one I connected with the most up there, aside from Raven." -I bit my lip, not knowing how to explain it- "I haven't been surrounded by much love in my life."

\- "Azgeda was never known for being emotional." -she rose a knowing eyebrow at me.

\- "Yeah." -I nodded, unable to hide the smile on my lips- "They've shown me what a family is and I love them like we are blood."

\- "You don't have to explain, I have my fair amount of shitty childhood so I understand." -she walked up to me- "Bellamy always made me feel like I had a home; like I belonged somewhere."

\- "Yeah. He's always taking care of everyone..."

\- "...except for himself."

We ended my sentence together and we busted out laughing almost immediately. I was aware that I knew much more about her than she did about me but, for some reason, it felt like we had been friends for a long time now. I wouldn't say I had always liked her but, as time passed, I realized she had a fire inside her I always admired. Maybe we would have been good friends by now if she had come to space with us. Maybe things would have been easier then.

\- "I've seen the way you look at him, Echo, I could be wrong, but that's exactly how I caught feelings for him."

\- "I don't love him."

\- "I'll always love him for he was all my firsts, but I have to move on." -a longing smile on her lips before she licked them- "I won't stand in your way; once we get the valley, it'll be like I was never here."

\- "Scat..."

\- "Samantha, remember?" -she chuckled, moving from her place and walking up to me- "Someone should get to be happy down here and I had always suspected that wasn't going to be me so, if I have to choose, I hope it's him and, if it's with you, then at least I know he'll be okay, I know he'll be safe."

\- "You are happiness for him, not me, not coming back to Earth, not even being alive." -I turned to follow her with my eyes- "It's you, Samantha, trust me; I've spent six years hearing all about you..."

\- "So, you're telling me, if I had really been dead, you can honestly say without a trace of hesitation that you don't think you both would have tried to see where what you already have going on could lead you?"

I wanted to answer 'no', I really wanted to, but that got me thinking of what Bellamy told me before we got down here, that everything was going to be like it had been; which meant we'd keep the relationship we got going on and I knew, deep down, there was always the possibility of it leading to something else. I loved Bellamy but, right now, I couldn't see myself actually falling for him, I couldn't see me loving him like I had seen Samantha love him.

\- "So, in case you happen to be wrong," -she stood by the door as I didn't answer- "know I won't hate you if you finally admit to feeling what your eyes are starting to show, what they show me. Love is a beautiful thing, Echo, don't let it go if you find it cause that pain is worse than anything else. Trust me."

\- "I know I'm the last person you could ever want to take advice from but, if you care to listen..." -I followed her as she walked back outside- "You should talk to him; he's desperate to explain himself to you..." -she eyed me carefully, not needing me to continue.

\- "I will when the time's right." -she agreed as she led me through the corridors- "Tell him he can choose to come in and out of the bunker as he pleases, the ban is lifted for both of you. Even if you're leaving, know you're welcome here, no matter what my sister says. She needs time."

\- "Thank you." -I paused my walk, making her stop too, facing me with questioning eyes- "For protecting my people. For how you've treated me even if I did you wrong when we first met."

\- "Your people, are my people." -she offered me her hand and I took it, grabbing her forearm as she grabbed mine- "Az laik uf kom jus." [Ice is thicker/more powerful than blood]

The familiar saying of my clan took me by surprise just like her whole demeanor towards me. I also found it interesting that she had adopted that particular saying for it really fitted her well; she had no blood relatives alive but she was strongly connected to Octavia, whom she called 'sister' even if their blood was so different. I could tell why everyone always spoke so highly about her: Samantha was really something else and that, somehow, made me feel better; I felt like we truly could overcome our past and the war ahead. I knew now, for certain, why both Bellamy and Roan had chosen to live their lives by her side, I saw now what Lexa meant, what Ulger saw in her and why everyone she came across was easily drawn to her. I couldn't help but wonder why she didn't bear the Flame for, if I had ever met anyone worthy of it, it was her.

\- "Stay alive."

I nodded as we let go. We walked together our way back towards the entrance, in peaceful silence; she said a couple words from time to time to the people around us, especially to the kids whose faces all seemed to lit as they saw her, something I found both endearing and strange for I'd have never considered her a kids person. The kids ran up to her as soon as they saw her, some walking with us and making questions about me that I was more than happy to answer as Samantha nodded approvingly. Once we got to the upper level, the kids stood back as she accompanied me towards the new exit out of the bunker, standing at the beginning of the hallway as I walked away. I was still going over our conversation, turning my head to look at her one last time, seeing her still standing there, an almost imperceptible nod my way. Maybe I should have told her that Bellamy still called her name at night but I had seen in her eyes that she really wanted to see where Roan and she could go and me saying that would have been inappropriate. I also knew it wasn't my place to tell Bellamy about it, I knew she would tell him as soon as they spoke. I turned around again, finally exiting the bunker. I hoped they'd be able to fix their relationship and, even if they didn't get back together, I hoped they could still be friends for I had never seen two people so in sync, at a level that I could barely begin to understand; they worked so well together, it'd be a shame to lose that over fear and pain.

**\-------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

I wondered if it'd always hurt. I wasn't angry that Bellamy had moved on for I was doing the same; I was angry because he had lied to me, kissed me when he was with Echo. You don't do that. You don't play with people's feelings like that. He had made me feel like he didn't trust me; like he thought I couldn't be a civilized adult. That hurt more than I'd like to admit.

I watched Echo go, turning to face me as she was about to get out so I simply nodded, prompting her to continue, letting her know it was all okay between us. I didn't have time to hold old grudges, I had more important things to worry about. She resumed walking, and I watched her leave with a bittersweet feeling in my chest, watching her exit the bunker, watching her go live the life I thought was meant for me six years ago. But that wasn't who I was anymore, I had people to lead now, I had a kid and I had someone new by my side that truly loved me, that hadn't hurt me nor lie to me once, someone that trusted me completely. As Echo finally disappeared into the remaining sunlight, I realized I was ready to move on. I turned around, walking back into my own world of darkness, a smile on my face, wiping the solitary tear that fell down my cheek as I felt the weight from all the things I needed to talk about lifting from my shoulders, having finally addressed them with the last person I would have ever expected to do so. Maybe Echo and I weren't so different, after all.

\- "They'll be alright."

I smiled to myself, knowing now the plan was moving forward. _Maybe I had been wrong, maybe I'd get to be happy too. Maybe what was wrong was Bellamy and I, maybe we couldn't be happy together, maybe we needed to be apart to find our happiness._ I decided to go check on Lila and the rest of the kids, knowing Roan would be there with Lila but finding Madi there too to my absolute surprise for I knew how Clarke felt about having her down here.

\- "How did it go?" -Roan walked up to me first.

\- "We have a plan and Echo has agreed to follow through with it, also taking your offer."

\- "You have a heart all to pure still." -he moved his hand to cup my cheek, I couldn't help the smile showing on my lips- "Anyone else would have shot her where she stood."

\- "I didn't have much against her before the bunker closed and now she's part of something bigger than herself, she's found a family in my friends." -I leaned into his touch- "I'm cruel but not enough to deny someone of that. of the same thing I, myself, craved to find for so long."

\- "And I love you for that."

He wrapped his free arm around my body, pulling me closer and kissing me gently, his thumb running over my skin while my hands moved to hold onto his forearms, breaking apart to breathe for just a second before going in for another kiss.

\- "This is a kid-friendly environment." -I chuckled as I pulled back before we started something else- "You've met Madi."

\- "Yeah, Wanheda's adopted child." -he nodded, turning around and standing by my side- "There's something about that..."

\- "Let me handle that, you take care of our kid, alright?"

He nodded with a smile before he called for Lila, who walked up to us with both Ethan and Madi. They all seemed so happy, which was all I wanted for them.

\- "So, how was it?"

\- "Ethan is catching up." -Lila looked at me with pleading eyes; I knew all too well what that meant.

\- "I see." -I nodded, seeing too the pleased smile on Ethan's face before I focused on Madi- "Well, if it ain't the little natblida coming to pay the rest of us mere red bleeders a visit, I don't know who this is." -I joked as the three of them giggled- "I assume you all have already met."

\- "Lila was telling me about your life down here."

\- "And Madi was telling us about the valley and how she became a nightblood like you."

\- "I can't wait to see it."

The three of them smiled at each other as I realized they were all still kids, even if they didn't look much like it with their weapons and paint. We needed that valley. And, seeing Lila so friendly with Madi pushed me to get to a conclusion I was already certain would happen: Madi entered on my protect-at-all-costs list.

\- "So, you ran away from Clarke?" -I looked at Madi- "You know how she feels about having you down here."

\- "I'm fine."

\- "I'll escort you back with her." -I eyed Lila then- "You be good, okay, strikon?" [little one] -she nodded, moving to say goodbye to Madi as I focused on Roan- "Won't be long."

\- "I'll be here."

He grabbed me, pulling me in to kiss me as Lila faked being disgusted, soon joined by the rest. I moved back laughing, motioning Madi to follow me outside after she handed the sword she had been using to Ethan. We remained in silence for most of our walk back up, only speaking again when I was certain we were alone as we approached the bunker's exit.

\- "You could get hurt."

\- "I know how to fight." -she looked up at me- "Clarke taught me."

\- "The kids here have been trained as if they were natblidas." -I explained, knowing well she knew what I meant; whatever Clarke could have taught her was not what the natblidas like Lexa had been taught- "I've trained Lila and Ethan." -she nodded- "Your blood is too precious, strik natblida, even if the time of the Commanders is over." [little Nightblood]

\- "Clarke made me a Nightblood."

\- "It's good that people seem to have bought it, for I know you'd be in danger if they didn't." -I saw Clarke looking frenetically around the place, clearly looking for Madi and I couldn't help but smile, knowing that was exactly how Roan told me I looked every time Lila disappeared during our first year down in the bunker- "I know the struggles of being the last natblida around."

\- "You know."

It wasn't a question, it was a quiet statement; I could see the fear in her eyes as she looked at Clarke. I knew she had asked Madi to hide it and I understood why and I fully supported that decision. Because Madi was a kid and she deserved to live as one; not as someone's puppet.

\- "It's our secret." -I winked at her before gaining Clarke's attention, whispering one last thing to Madi- "I'll make sure you're safe, but you have to promise me you won't go back down there alone unless I'm with you."

Madi nodded just as Clarke reached us, dropping to her knees and hugging her, asking me where I had found her so I lied and told her I had come out of the bunker earlier and had seen Madi alone so I decided to keep her company while we looked for her. Clarke seemed to buy it so I simply parted ways, going back to my own family now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Feedback? Comments? Anything?
> 
> I've realized some people have stopped reading which does make me a little sad, ngl, but I also see some new people joining us in other platforms which does make me feel a bit better. Just wanted to check on y'all, I hope you're still enjoying this lil story. I really like Bellamy's last paragraphs. Feel free to let me know what you enjoyed most for today's piece!


	13. Learn to let go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets are uncovered; confessions make for heavy hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone cares to know, yes, I’m, in fact, still alive.

**BELLAMY'S POV**

After Echo left with Sam, I walked back to where Monty was to make sure everything was ready; both of us walking away from the bunker, finding Harper and staying in our tent, waiting for Echo to show back up to say goodbye and take the chip with her. Once she finally showed up, she started to say goodbye with Harper, then Monty, who handed her a bracelet in which he had hidden the chip so that it wasn't so noticeable and then, she came to me.

\- "You okay?"

\- "Yeah, I'm ready." -she nodded confidently- "It'll be fine."

I wasn't sure what else to say; I doubted there was anything I could tell her that'd make her mission easier and I had no last words of encouragement for we all knew this was a risk, as much as everyone tried to play it cool. She smiled, pulling me into a hug; that was probably the only thing I could do now so I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her a bit; hopefully, she'd understand what I meant.

\- "Be safe."

\- "I'm not the one that has to deal with the darkness down there." -she pulled back- "And with Samantha."

\- "No more 'Jusheda'?" -I rose a questioning eyebrow at her, managing to fight back the smile on my lips.

\- "She asked me to call her Samantha." -she shrugged her shoulders- "We are not so different; I think we'd have been good friends in another life."

\- "I think so too." -I couldn't help but smile this time, looking at the floor for a second- "Is she okay?"

\- "She's really strong; stronger than what I already had assumed she was." -I nodded- "It's impressive how everyone treats her; I'm sure it hasn't been easy to get that respect, to be seen not only as a leader but as a protector."

\- "What do you mean?"

\- "I mean I think she's sacrificed more than we can understand." -she eyed me cautiously- "I think we are in no position to judge how she, how they've changed, but we should be there to listen if they choose to speak up. She needs to know you'll be there for her." -I nodded, knowing she was right- "Horrible things have happened down there, Bellamy, not many people are strong enough to make hard choices for the good of their people, let alone to live with them." -I nodded again- "She's asked me to tell you that you can roam freely in and out of the bunker. She lifts our ban."

\- "Our?"

\- "I'm free to go in if I want to, even if I leaving, yes." -she zipped up her jacket- "You should go talk to her as soon as you get a chance."

\- "Can I know what you talked about?"

Echo rose her eyes to meet mine. I knew I was in no position to ask, let alone to question what Sam was doing with other people but I needed to know; something inside me craved to know every little detail of what had been said between them. Echo's lips turned up into a small smile as she rose her arm to squeeze my own.

\- "You. Talk to her." -she let go, turning around and walking towards the exit of the tent- "I'll see you soon. All of you."

And with that, she left. I sighed, running my hand through my hair before making it out of the tent too, not wanting to be there alone for too long, afraid of where my mind would go; I landed eyes on Clarke who was standing with Madi before she approached me with questioning eyes.

\- "Echo's leaving?"

\- "Yeah but it's not like that," -I turned my head in the direction Echo had left- "she's..."

\- "We're leaving too." -she cut me off, my eyes landing on hers as she did.

\- "What? No. Echo's gone to take down the eye and..."

\- "No, you don't understand; it's not safe for us here. Madi's..."

She turned around to look at Madi but she lost the words as she realized she was no longer there, looking around, screaming her name in panic. I wondered what had her so jumpy, why she was acting so mysterious and like, in a way, she didn't trust anyone but herself; I knew it had been six years, but that seemed extreme. Suddenly, as I started to help her look for the kid, we heard gunshots in the distance, both of us freezing in our spots.

\- "They are shooting at the defectors." -Clarke looked at me.

\- "Sam said they wouldn't." -I shook my head- "I..."

\- "Sam's not who you think she is and neither is your sister. They are dangerous."

Clarke started running towards where she thought the shots were coming from; I followed her, needing to see who was actually murdering these people. We realized they were coming from the upper level of one of the highest houses in the village, running up the stairs as the shots finished, a loud thud before we threw the door open.

\- "What the hell are you doing?!"

Clarke yelled before I could even take in the scene in front of us: Sam was there standing with her back to us in front of a fallen Cooper who had a rifle next to her, but that didn't make any sense. Sam turned around, she was bleeding from her nose, looking at us with burning eyes as my eyes widened.

\- "What's happening?" -I asked her, trying to remain calm- "You said you'd let them go!"

Sam didn't answer, she was looking at us but I knew she wasn't hearing me, or seeing us for that matter; she was in her head, thinking of something, but what? Suddenly, Cooper rose from the floor, pointing a gun at Sam; I yelled at her to move away, trying to get to them but Clarke pulled me back.

\- "You've betrayed Blodreina." -Cooper spat some blood next to her, her gun to Sam's chest as she rose her hands, turning around- "That's a crime against..."

\- "Please, shut up." -Sam scoffed- "You're not the first to point a gun at me and, so far, everyone's failed. I got scars to prove it."

\- "I won't fail."

\- "Would you bet your life on it?"

I didn't know what was happening, a mere spectator; Clarke looked at me, but I knew I had to keep my eyes on Sam not to miss whatever happened next, knowing I could do nothing that'd make Cooper lower the gun. She laughed at Sam's comment, tightening her grip on the gun; I was certain I heard a shot but Sam didn't fall to the floor bleeding. They weren't standing like they had been the second before I blinked: Sam had the gun on her hands now, pointing it at Cooper who rose her hands in surrender, taking a step back but Sam didn't give her an option, hitting Cooper's jaw with the butt of the gun, punching her in the stomach too and forcing her to lay on the floor, blood coming out of her mouth.

\- "You're lucky you've escalated to become Octavia's second; something I'll never understand." -Sam threw the gun to her left and the charger to her right- "Else, I'd have killed you."

\- "You're weak." -Cooper murmured, still laying on her stomach in front of us as Sam walked away from her- "You're no Commander to us."

Sam didn't say anything for a while, simply standing in front of Clarke and me, eyebrows furrowed as she listened to what Cooper had to say.

\- "You think your blood makes you special, you think you're untouchable because Roan is by your side but higher Kingdoms have fallen. You almost did once."

I saw Sam clench her jaw, looking to the floor next to her; Cooper was provoking her, I knew Sam knew it but, still, those words... _'you almost did once'; could that mean someone had tried to murder her?_

\- "You knew." -Sam turned around, seeing the terrifying smile on Cooper's face; Sam's breathing became heavier.

\- "It was no secret the blood of the last Natblida had to be spilled for treason to your old clan; it triggered Blodreina's rise to power, which kept us alive."

Clarke tensed beside me, taking a tentative step back. Sam moved fast, taking out her gun and shooting at Cooper, but there was no blood, no scream, no life ended.

\- "You think Octavia is who kept Wonkru alive?" -Sam scoffed, shaking her head as she lowered the hand with the gun- "You're so fucking stupid." -she turned around, putting the gun away; an incredulous look in her eyes before her voice lowered: a threat spilling out of her lips- "I hope that valley is big enough for you to avoid me until you die because, if I ever see you once we are there, what they did to me and what I did to them, will be nothing in comparison to what I'll do to you."

As Sam exited the room, I saw the gunshot hole on the floor just in front of Cooper's head, so close; she could have killed her and I knew for a fact neither Clarke nor me would have blamed her or said anything; I didn't like Cooper and, whatever they had been talking about, couldn't have been good. I wondered why she didn't kill her. I ran after her.

\- "Hey, Sam." -she didn't stop, moving down the stairs until she got out of the building- "Sam!" -I forced her back as I got to her- "Are you okay?"

\- "I need that valley."

\- "That's not answering my question."

\- "Did Echo make it?"

\- "I think so."

\- "I'll go check the bodies. If she's dead, I'll make sure her body comes back to you. And then, I'll burn this place to the ground with Cooper inside."

I saw the fire behind her eyes, the rage, the anger. _'the blood of the last Natblida had to be spilled...' _That had to be Sam, she was the only nightblood in the bunker. She tried to leave but I stopped her again.

\- "What did they do to you?"

\- "Why do you care."

\- "I've always cared about your safety. I've always cared about you."

\- "Yeah." -she let out a dry chuckle- "I can defend myself., there's no need for you to worry about me anymore, Spaceboy."

\- "I'm serious." -I grabbed her hand- "Stop acting like you don't know me, stop calling me Spaceboy."

\- "I am too." -she pushed me away, ignoring my pleads- "I may have lifted your ban, but that doesn't mean I want anything to do with you."

\- "Sam..."

\- "I see Jasper every time I look at you, Bellamy, do you know how painful that is for me?" -her eyes betrayed her steady voice, blinking back the tears as her confession hit my ears- "I see the plans I had made in my head cross my mind every time you enter a room; I see the future I desperately craved to have with him, with you, every time someone mentions your names; I feel so close to it, like I can touch it if I stand on my toes, only to be painfully reminded of the time that's passed and the lives lost. All of that, all I wanted, wasn't meant for me; I know that now."

\- "I..."

\- "No. I can't keep doing this. I need to move on." -she shook her head as I tried to keep her with me- "I don't care what you did with your life for those six years; I truly don't, but you didn't have to lie to me. That's what's hurt me the most about all of this: the only thing I wanted from you was the truth and that's the only thing you can never seem to be able to give me; I need someone by my side who will be 100% honest with me all the time. If I wanted half-truths, I'd go see your sister."

\- "What are you saying?"

\- "I'm saying I ought it to myself to let you go." -she focused her eyes on mine- "I told Echo I had nothing against her for she feared, just like Monty and Harper did, that I'd hurt her for falling for you. But how could I? I've been there, after all." -she smiled for just a second- "Whatever happened in the Ring, is not my business so, if you're happy with her then I'm happy for you; I'm glad you found love and peace in the same person, even if that isn't me like we both thought for so long."

\- "Sam..."

\- "We've tried time after time, Bellamy, and I'm tired." -the raw honesty in her voice hurt me, even if I knew that was not what she wanted- "I'm tired of fighting for you only to get my heart handed back in pieces and I'm tired of seeing the pain in your eyes when you look at me; that's no way to love. It's no way to live. Maybe we love each other deeply, but we're no good together. We should bring the best in the other but it hasn't been like that for a while." -she rested her hand on my chest, a sad smile on her lips as she kept her eyes on mine- "It's time for you to let me go, Bell; I need to know if I can make a future for myself, without you, with someone else. I think I've found it; I hope you can feel happy for me, or at least fake it until you don't have to see me again."

She turned around to leave, but I couldn't let her do that; I walked after her, standing in front of her, stopping her from moving any further.

\- "Sam, please, listen to me. I know I've done so many things wrong, and I know you have every right to move on but I..."

\- "If you know you should let me go; if you know you should let me figure out my life on my own, then why are you stopping me?"

\- "Because I need you to know that I love you."

\- "You love who I used to be." -she smiled gently, moving her hand to caress my cheek and I couldn't help but give in to her touch, leaning onto her hand- "I wish I could be that person again, for I love her and I miss her too, but she's gone. I killed the girl you loved, and I can't apologize for that, because I needed to become the woman I am today to stay alive. So, in a way, you were right. The Sam from six years ago died 3 months after the Bunker closed. I have a horrible scar to prove it." -she moved her hand away from me- "Goodbye, Bellamy. May your heart find peace after this moment, for now you know the truth. Now you know you were right, so stop blaming yourself for moving on. That's what I'd have wanted you to do if you had asked me." -she took in a deep breath, raising her hand to keep me silent before I could say anything- "You're free from any burden or tie you may think still links you to me." -she kissed my cheek- "Goodbye, my love."

I physically felt my heart breaking, feeling sick like I hadn't felt before; like I could fall to the ground and let the Earth shallow me. She had broken up with me once and that hurt me deeply but this was so much worse for, at least last time, I had managed to say all I wanted to say but, this time, the only thing I could do was hug myself as I watched her go, tears running down my face as I realized Octavia had been right: I had lost the woman Sam had become and I'd never forgive myself for it. I knew it was all my fault and I couldn't blame her for desperately wanting to move on, to feel loved unconditionally. And she had left me with a confession that completely destroyed me inside: they had tried to murder her and they had gotten close enough to leave a mark. I realized I hadn't read too much into A.L.I.E's words like I had started to believe for Clarke had died in a way with the radiation wave and came back out of it a different person; Sam had survived a murder attempt, from which she rose a different person. The AI just hadn't managed to explain that, what was going to die, was the person they used to be.

\- "Hey." -Clarke called after me, seeing me wiping away my tears as she interrupted my thoughts- "What happened?"

\- "She's asked me to let her go."

Clarke stood beside me in silence as Sam disappeared in the shadows of the village in front of us. She patted my back after some time.

\- "I'm sure you'll figure it out. I have to go find Madi."

Those weren't very reassuring words but, then again, the one who always made me feel better about everything that went wrong was Sam so I couldn't do much about that now. I decided to help her look for Madi, thinking keeping my mind busy would help. She wasn't anywhere in the village and I was starting to think she might have left with Echo when Clarke started running into the Bunker.

\- "Clarke, wait! Why would she be in there."

\- "I hope I'm wrong."

I followed her, quickly getting to the bunker, Clarke stopping dead on her tracks as we got to the upper-level fo the pit, seeing MAdi standing in it with Octavia. Two guars banning us from getting down to them as much as Clarke pushed them and screamed.

\- "Madi!"

\- "It's okay." -she looked up at Clarke- "I came to her."

\- "And didn't I tell you not to come back here unless you were with me?"

Sam's voice took me by surprise as she stepped out of the shadows, seeing Roan now crossing the door behind her with an angry look in his eyes. Sam stood close to the mesh from the lower-level, walking up to the door of the pit as Octavia glued her eyes to her.

\- "I had to tell Octavia." -Madi's tone was apologetic as she looked at Sam.

\- "You knew?"

The surprised tone in Octavia's voice didn't go unnoticed. I looked at Clarke who seemed just as taken aback as Octavia was. Clearly, it hadn't been her to tell her. _So, Madi went out of her way to tell Sam before she told Octavia? But, why?_

\- "Of course, I did." -Sam rose her eyes to meet ours or, more so, Clarke's before trying to get in but the two men at the door stood by it- "Move." -they stood still as I realized they followed my sister's orders, but this was Sam we were talking about- "I said move or die, I'm not playing games today."

She took a step back, moving her eyes from one to the other as they didn't move, Octavia unbothered by it, focusing back on Madi but, for once, I didn't miss what came next. Roan tried to move to force the men away but an almost imperceptible movement from Sam's head stopped him; she then took out the gun with which she had shoot at Cooper, strapped to her thigh under her coat, pulling the trigger as she pointed at the man on her right; the one on her left made a move now to fight her but she simply kneeled him on the stomach, putting the gun under his chin and shooting again. Clarke gasped beside me as I saw Roan nodding, his eyes roaming over Sam's body in a way I'd have liked not to witness for it angered me. Then, Sam threw the door open, red blood splashed over her clothes.

\- "You didn't have to kill them." -Octavia sounded more bothered by the mess and Sam's ways than by the fact that two people had just been murdered in front of all of us.

\- "They wouldn't let me through." -Sam scoffed as she put her gun away- "Your orders, I suppose, Bloderina."

\- "You've murdered two of our people."

\- "Correction: two of your people. And don't give me the 'a crime against one of us is a crime against Wonkru' bullshit because I'm tired of you using it for your own convenience. What are you going to do? Put me on the pit?" -a dry chuckle left her lips as she walked around the pit, absolutely entertained, Roan joining them all inside- "I should put you on the pit with me then, for I've just knocked out your new second as she was shooting our people. Your orders too, I assume."

\- "You could always put Cooper in the pit with you." -Roan chimed in, gaining the attention of the two of them, a pleased smile on Sam's lips- "But that'd be a tremendously short fight. That's not what the people want."

\- "You think they'd have believed their story if I just let them go?"

Octavia didn't even bother answering him, but I was interested in that; interested in what exactly it meant for Sam to get in the pit, how the people would react. _Had she been in ti before? But why?_

\- "If you wanted to make it look believable, you could have asked Cooper to shoot to harm, not to kill. You could have asked me for that rifle is mine." -she scoffed- "What I think you were trying to do was scare Echo, to remind her who's in charge; however, in case you've forgotten, she's our only chance to get that valley now so, be glad your shooter didn't harm her."

\- "How'd you know?"

\- "I went out into the desert to where they landed. I saw the bodies."

\- "Thinking of defecting next?"

\- "Should we?" -Sam's answer was harsh- "You only give me reasons not to trust you."

\- "So? You're going to put me in the pit?"

\- "You know all too well I'm not going to kill you but I won't let you kill me either; I'm well over that phase of my life." -Roan nodded to Sam's words; they hit me hard, for I knew all the ramifications those had had for her- "And that's not how the pit works. So no. But you're on thin ice, Blodreina, and the water underneath you will freeze you to death."

\- "Is that a threat?"

\- "You need me to threaten you?" -Sam stopped moving, standing next to Madi and taking her bleeding hand on hers- "This is still my bunker and, as much as you keep doing shit on your own, we rule together so, if anything, you owe me one."

\- "Why?" -Octavia scoffed, taking a cloth from one of her pockets and wrapping it around her hand.

\- "Cause I just made you a favor." -she started covering Madi's wound, pointing with her head at the two dead men- "What makes you think those two wouldn't have run out of here to tell the rest who Madi really is? I can't have that." -Sam's tone was both mocking and threatening, Madi looking up at both of them like they were discussing her future- "What were you doing with her?"

\- "She came to me." -Octavia eyed Madi- "She's part of Wonkru now."

\- "No one else can know about this."

\- "They won't know from me." -Octavia nodded- "How did you know?"

\- "The timeline, it didn't make sense." -Sam looked up to us or, more so, she looked at Clarke- "Madi couldn't have become a Nightblood after the wave because what kills us, what kills red bleeders is the radiation, not the explosions. The only way she could have survived the radiation was if she was already a natblida." -I kept my eyes on her, realizing I should have seen that, I should have realized- "She ought to have gotten really sick, of course, like Luna did, but, if she was already in the valley and the fire explosion jumped over it, she'd have survived there.

\- "I could have met her before," -Clarke quickly argued- "when we were on our way to the lab."

\- "I suppose you could." -Sam conceded- "So, for the sake of arguing, let's say that's true." -she tied a knot to Madi's wound.

\- "So?"

Octavia pressed her, clearly interested in knowing what exactly had given them away; I wouldn't lie, I was completely hooked too. Sam squeezed Madi's shoulder, who simply nodded before she turned around to face both me and Clarke.

\- "But, even if that were true, you still have a loose end there." -Sam smiled at Clarke, crossing her arms over her chest and raising a knowing eyebrow- "How do you explain Bellamy not taking her to safety with him six years ago?" -she made a pause, her words sinking deep in everyone there- "We all know how he is with kids. Or how he used to be. He wouldn't have left her behind, as much work as she'd have given him in space." -her voice was serene and matter-of-factly; she was so perceptive, I cursed myself for not having seen that- "That's how I knew. Then add it to how wary you were of letting her be alone and come down here."

I moved my eyes to Madi for just a second; she was looking up at Sam like she was the most wonderful person on Earth, like she was her hero, the admiration on her face was really something else. Sam had been absolutely right, I'd have taken the kid with me but, what hurt me the most out of all of it was the implication that she didn't know me anymore. Yeah, it had been six years but I didn't think I had changed much. I hoped, if anything was different in me, she'd be able to accept it. I knew I'd take her back in a heartbeat, no matter what she had become, no matter how powerful she was and how her duties had changed. But maybe I was lying to myself.

\- "Clarke, come, join us." -Sam moved her gaze from Clarke as she started running down, her eyes lingering for shorter than I expected on me before she focused on my sister again- "Madi is already under my protection."

\- "She's under mine too now."

She let go of Madi just as Clarke got to them. Octavia walked out, passing by Roan who couldn't have been less bothered by her; she finally reached me.

\- "We had a deal. You said you would let them go."

\- "That was Sam. I only agreed to let Echo go, and I did."

\- "You murdered your own people!" -I couldn't believe I was having this conversation now- "You sent Cooper to murder them and many more would have died if Sam hadn't..."

\- "Sam?" -she moved her eyes to where Sam still was- "What did she do?"

\- "She found Cooper before we did." -I clenched my fists, seeing the images replaying in my head- "Cooper tried to kill her too."

\- "She hasn't said anything about that." -she faced me again- "I'm sure you saw it wrong. I only sent Cooper to make it look like a real deflection by executing traitors." -she hit my shoulder with hers as she walked past me towards the room behind me- "Do you really think Diyoza would believe Echo's story if I just let them go?" -I turned to face her, unable to answer my sister, because this wasn't her- "Let me know when the eye is down."

She closed the door on my face. Six years didn't seem like that much time until the changes started to hit me. As I focused back on the scene below me, I watched as Sam caressed Lila's face before nodding at Clarke, walking out of the pit and towards Roan, interchanging a couple of words before they exited the level._ 'A future with someone else. I think I've found it.' _As I watched them disappear through the door, Roan moving his arm over Sam's shoulders and pulling her to him, I realized, not only had I pushed Sam away, I had also freed the way for Roan who had clearly no problems shooting his shot. I hoped he'd treat her well but that didn't mean I was going to just stand back without fighting for her. No; maybe I was an awful person but I hoped what she and Roan had started would not bloom but I also hoped it wouldn't hurt her.

I wasn't worthy of her now but I knew the feeling in my chest wasn't just love for the memory of who Sam used to be, of how we used to be; it wasn't just the overwhelming feeling of my first love or the craving of feeling wanted; Sam was the one for me, that was the only thing I had never doubted since we met, since I found her in the hands of that Grounder as he slit her throat and I fell to my knees as I got to her, pleading her to stay with me. I knew I had fallen for Sam fast and hard and I wasn't planning on losing her just like that. Maybe she was trying to move on but I was convinced she still felt something for me, and I'd die trying to be worthy of her again. I'd get that valley for her if that was the last thing I ever did.

**\--------------------------**

**CLARKE'S POV**

I hated that Madi had revealed her secret to the last person I needed it to know; protecting her was going to be much harder now, for there was nothing that would get in Octavia's way, not even Sam as much as everyone kept agreeing they ruled down here together. I had to speak with Sam, I had to know if she had told anyone, I had to know what her true intentions were so, after getting Madi out of there, making sure she was safe, I got back into the bunker, looking for Sam and soon finding her in the training room. She was alone, which did surprise me.

\- "Wanna train a bit, princess?"

\- "Didn't Jackson tell you that you shouldn't do any major efforts?"

\- "This is light exercise." -she eyed me, a smile on her lips before she focused on her movements again- "I'm just stretching, so you are just in time to learn some new breathing patters. You'll need them to find some peace of mind in this chaos."

\- "We have to talk."

\- "About?"

\- "Madi."

\- "Clarke," -she sighed- "I know it's been six years, but have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"

She faced me as she stood up; it was the first time I was seeing her with her hair up and without the protections around her neck and arms, now able to see what they covered: scars, a whole lot of them. But, the one that really stood out was the one on her neck; it made me think of Diyoza and the one she had and, for a second, I wondered if Sam had spoken about it with her, for she seemed to know more about the Colonel than she led on. She turned around for a moment to pick up her towel, a second long enough for me to see the tattoo on her neck; the symbol looked familiar but I didn't have much time to think of it as she turned around again.

\- "Octavia won't hurt Madi and neither will Gaia, she doesn't believe anyone should be forced to ascend, as much as she still believes in the blood." -she kept speaking as I refocused my eyes on hers- "Which, if you asked me, is an improvement."

\- "But, if they find out what Madi is, the Grounders could want her to ascend and force Gaia to do it. I can't let them do that."

\- "No." -she shook her head- "No one touches Gaia while I'm around. Look, I know it's hard to understand how this place works but, just know, no Grounder will put their hands on Madi while I'm around. Can you trust me on that?"

\- "Why are you protecting her? Us? You don't know her, her blood posses a threat to your status here."

\- "My status is the last thing that concerns me." -she let out a dry laugh, almost exasperated- "The kids here do. Look, we didn't get to live normal childhoods." -I furrowed my eyebrows- "Well, most of us anyway, but I think they should. And, if there's just one good thing I can do with my life, I want it to be protecting them; that includes your kid." -she smiled- "That's why I want that valley so desperately: because that's the opportunity for them to live the life they deserve, as kids first and then as whatever they choose to become. Not something that's forced on them. Not like we were."

\- "So you don't want her to ascend."

\- "No. And, before you even think of it, it's not only because I have no intentions of following anyone but myself; I don't want her to ascend because she's a child and she deserves to have a life of her own, not one dictated by the color of the blood in her veins; because ascending is the last thing a kid should do; because ruling is not something that should be pushed into a child that only wants to live with her mom and stay alive." -her voice was hard; I realized there was a deeper meaning to all fo this, something I couldn't see- "Because the flame is bullshit and the only thing that comes out of it is pain."

I nodded. I had been wrong to assume Sam would pose as much of a threat to my kid as whoever still believed in the blood; I was glad she was still around, maybe she'd manage to get some sense into everyone else. She was ready to go to war for the kids and I couldn't blame her; after all, I had been ready to go to war for Madi too.

\- "When I was up there, before I found Madi, I tried to go see if there was anything left in Arkadia." -her eyes immediately dropped to the ground- "I found something." -she rose them again to meet mine- "This is yours."

I showed her the envelope with her name on the back, offering it to her. She bit her tongue as she moved her hand to take it, almost shaking, running her fingers over the ink on the front, recognizing who it belonged to.

\- "Jasper." -she mumbled quietly.

\- "I haven't opened it." -I cleared the only question I could answer from the many she could have- "He left it for you. He also left one for Monty."

\- "Has he read it?"

\- "I'm going to find him next." -I showed her the envelope- "Harper told me he'd probably be at the algae farm."

\- "Yeah, it doesn't surprise me, knowing he had his own little farm in space." -we both laughed at that; I couldn't help imagining Monty taking care of the plants as his daily routine- "I haven't been there in months, but it used to be really nice before everything started to die." -a long sigh left her lips- "That's the only green I've seen in years; hopefully not for long."

\- "I'm glad you're still alive, Sam, I can tell it hasn't been easy."

\- "I can't tell you how many times I wished I had left with you; getting stuck up there sounds horrible but being underground was way worse." -she offered me her hand- "Thank you," -I shook her hand as she held the envelope up- "for making sure this got to me."

\- "I'm sorry you spent six years thinking of seeing him again. I thought Bellamy told you as soon as he ran after you after the conclave."

\- "Well, I guess he thought he'd have time through the following years." -she shook her head- "Too bad he got stuck in space but that was probably for the best."

\- "What do you mean?"

\- "You don't think people want to leave this place just because we know of the valley, right? Hell doesn't scare us anymore after this." -she took her things and moved towards the door- "And don't worry about Madi training down here, I'll keep an eye on her. The kids will take her in as one of them, trust me."

I stood there, looking at the door as she left, finally able to properly see her neck tattoo, memorizing it to make sure I could look it up; knowing Sam, that tattoo and that particular placement had to mean something. I just wasn't sure it meant something good.

**\------------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

I couldn't wait to fall asleep, the day had been too long with a million things happening at the same time. I hadn't found Echo's body, which gave me peace of mind for the most part, if it weren't because I was going over my conversation with Bellamy for what seemed the thousand time. I knew I had to do it, I was already with someone else but it was true, seeing him only brought memories of Jasper back and it was too painful. I knew I hadn't said half the things I wanted to say but I couldn't hold it any longer, turning away just in time for the tears to spill away from him. I meant all I said; I only ever wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. I hoped he'd manage to find it in his heart to feel the same way about me.

\- "Hey." -Roan's voice startled me as I got to our bedroom, him opening the door as if he were to get out- "Where were you?"

\- "Doing some stretching in the training room;" -I walked inside- "I needed a moment to my thoughts."

\- "Want to talk?"

\- "I spoke with Bellamy but I didn't say half the things I wanted to say. I hope it made sense." -I nodded more to myself than anything else- "Clarke gave me this." -I showed him the envelope- "I can't do this, I can't open it; it's going to break me."

\- "The words will always be there, you can always open it once we're in the valley, once you got some peace of mind."

\- "Yeah."

\- "And the Skyboy? What did he say?"

\- "Nothing, I didn't let him speak."

\- "Sam..." -he pulled my chin up- "I want you to be with me but I also think you should have listened to what he had to say."

\- "I am with you." -I moved my hands to his upper arms- "Nothing is going to change that. Nothing of what he could have said would but it would have hurt me staying there, Jasper's shadow casts heavily over him. I cut him because I couldn't handle that, not because I thought he could have a point to make me want him back. I'm yours, Roan, we've raised a kid together for six years, you've stood by me for longer than anyone ever has. I'm not giving that up. I'm committed to us, I want to see where this gets us."

He rubbed my cheeks, pulling me to him, hugging me tightly in a loving embrace as I closed my eyes. That chapter of my life was over and done. I wanted to keep my friendship with Bellamy but I needed my feelings for him to die completely for the last thing I was was a cheater; I also needed Jasper's shadow to leave him. I took a deep breath, moving the envelope high enough for me to see it over Roan's shoulder. _"First friend from Earth."_ I hid my face in Roan's chest. _Why did he have to go?_ The feeling of loss weighed heavy on my chest the longer I held the letter; I knew I had to read it but, at the same time, I didn't want to because that was the last thing of him I had and I wanted to keep it like that: intact through time, like he had left it for me. Once I opened it, it'd be corrupted with my own rotten essence and I wanted to keep it being fully his for as long as I could. I didn't know what it could say but I was afraid of the possibilities. I was afraid he'd ask me to stop fighting. I tightened my grip on the letter. _I promise this is my last fight, Jasper, but I have to do it for the kids, for Lila, for myself. We can't live in this hell for much longer. I won't risk another Dark Year. I won't risk everything that happened during that time and the moths that followed happening again. _I wouldn't survive it and I want to see this through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Feedback is always welcome **


	14. Strategic move.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discoveries start to tear the group apart; memories are never easily forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** we love healthy discussions about feelings.

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I knew I needed to sleep, but I was worried about Echo; I was worried they had figured out the reasons he was really there; I was worried they had hurt her; I was worried Raven was hurt and that was the reason why it had been 8 hours as we still had no news about them. I wished I had been the one to go.

But I needed to be here. I needed to deal with my sister. I needed to be with Sam because, as much as I wanted to give her space, I was terrified giving it to her would push her away from me forever. I had spent all night going over what she told me and what I had seen in the pit when Madi told Octavia she was a real Nightblod. I was certain Sam was trying to move on with Roan and, as much as that pissed me off, I knew he'd take care of her so, knowing that, gave me peace of mind regarding her safety. But no amount of words of praise or promises form Roan to take care of her would make the tie in my stomach every time I saw Sam disappear. I had to figure out a way to tell her all I had to say and, even if after that she chose Roan, then at least I'd know I had tried. I only wanted her to be happy but I'd be lying if I said I only wanted her to feel like that with me. Was it selfish? Absolutely.

\- "Bellamy, you need to sleep." -Harper's voice startled me; I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn't even hear the door opening- "Go, I can deal with this."

\- "It's been 8 hours, Haper." -I shook my head- "Something must have gone wrong; Raven could have built a cathedral by now."

\- "They'll get it done." -she squeezed my arm- "Go, I'll keep an eye on this."

The door opened again, this time revealing Octavia followed by Indra. My sister moved her eyes from Harper to me and back a couple of times before she focused her gaze on me.

\- "Well?" -she rose her eyebrows- "Any word?"

\- "We knew it'd take some time." -Harper was quick to answer as I focused back on the monitor in front of me- "We can count on Echo."

\- "It wouldn't be the first time she's betrayed us, though." -I could hear the hatred dropping with her words like venom; I hated that, I hated that she couldn't let go of the past; we all had managed to do so, so why couldn't she?- "Hey, I know you're still upset we shot the traitors, Bellamy, but you have to understand. This is war." -her hand suddenly on my shoulder disturbed me, looking back at her- "I promise it'll all be better once we get to the valley."

\- "It's funny; that's exactly what we thought about coming back down. Then we found you."

I could see my sister's expression changing, from calm and thankful, to disgusted and angry; I could tell she was thinking of what to say, but she never got the chance.

\- "Wao," -Sam's hurt tone made me look at the door again; I didn't know she was there, I'd have never said that to her, but I understood how it looked- "that really burns." -she licked her lips, looking at the ground for a second- "Guess you aren't as ready to talk as you made it look."

\- "Sam, I..."

\- "No, it's fine." -she cut me off- "I just feel so stupid right now. I really, really wanted to come and let you say whatever you had to say because I want you in my life even if we're not together because you were a big part of my life when I was lost in a world we knew nothing about, but I guess that's still me living in the past; if finding out that we were alive has made things harder for you, then worry no more. You can keep acting as if I were dead for all I care, but remember that that means I'm dead for every aspect of your life, not just romantically."

\- "Sam, wait!" -I got down from my stool but Octavia's hand forced me back as Sam walked away- "Let me through."

\- "You've done enough." -she pushed me back- "Let me know when Echo's done her part. Don't go anywhere close to Sam."

\- "Why are you stopping me from trying to fix this."

\- "Because every time you open your mouth, you hurt my sister deeper. You aren't fixing anything, you're making it worse, and I need Sam to stay sane until we get to the valley for that's her last wish before she dies; if you get on our way, you'll regret it."

She turned around, her tone leaving no room for discussion as both she and Indra left the room, closing the door after them. I sank on my chair, burying my face on my hands.

\- "Maybe you should leave some space between you and Sam until we fix this." -Harper squeezed my shoulder- "This is just making you both butt heads, it's only hurting you both."

\- "You don't understand." -I sighed, rubbing my forehead- "I'm afraid I'll lose her completely if I do that; she's already told me she's trying to move on. Fuck, why didn't I take her with me when we left? I could have given her the life she wanted and yet, I enclosed her in this damn place."

\- "Did she ask you to let her do that? Move on, I mean." -I gulped, for I knew what she was going to say- "Bellamy, if Sam wants to move on, you have to let her; you can't control people and how they feel. Especially not Sam."

\- "Because she's like the wind, she's a free soul;" -I sighed, scratching my beard- "if I try to tame her, I'll ruin her."

\- "Why are you quoting Jasper now?" -Monty entered the room with a surprised look on his face- "You talking about Sam? I've seen her running away from her with teary eyes; what happened?"

\- "I happened."

\- "If you truly love Sam, and you're certain of her feelings for you, you should know, no matter with how many people you get while you're apart, or how many times you fight." -Haper started as Monty nodded, walking up to her and hugging.

\- "You'll find your way back to each other." -Monty ended for her- "Sam's hurting as much as she's acting tough and untouchable; you should know that better than any of us. You both bonded deeply and got close fast; if anyone knows Sam, that's you, even if it's been six years. People evolve but their core remains the same and I can tell she's just who she used to be, harder exterior for life down here can't have been easy."

\- "So, what you both are saying is I should just act as if seeing her with someone else didn't kill me from the inside out?"

\- "Someone else?" -Harper rose a questioning eyebrow- "Roan?" -I nodded- "Huh, that's an interesting pairing."

\- "Not helping."

\- "Roan's been by her side for six years, day and night, right? You can't blame them. But just because they get together doesn't mean they'll end up working out; sometimes it looks like taking the next step is the only option, only to realize that type of relationship is just not how it's meant to be. Maybe that's what Sam is trying to figure out."

\- "But what if it works out?"

\- "Then you have to let her go; if you love her, her happiness should be what concerns you the most about her." -Monty really was the voice of reason- "I think you should get to know Roan better, maybe he's not as bad as you think."

\- "Whatever happens, we'll be by your side." -Harper smiled- "It's also a great excuse for Monty to make more moonshine."

\- "But don't get into a fight." -Monty patted my back with a smile on his face- "I already know Sam's side is always the winning side; Jasper taught me that."

I smiled, opting to take their advice and see how things unraveled. I knew they were right; even Octavia was: every time I tried to fix my relationship with Sam, I had always made it worse. Maybe letting her find love in someone else was what we both needed; maybe I needed to be alone, seeing her every day but not being with her, to allow my feelings for her to grow deeper, to remind myself of everything I loved about her, to find those things in who she had become, to learn to love what had changed within her; maybe she needed to love someone else, to try to see if it'd work out, to figure out if her feelings for me were still strong enough for us to try again or if they had faded with time and she only loved the memory of me. I knew it'd hurt, but I was willing to go through that pain if that meant Sam would be happy. I knew I'd do anything for her. Maybe, once we got to the valley, everything would find it's way back to how it used to be. I hoped it would. Maybe the valley could be a new start for all of us, maybe it could be the start of Sam and me as new, stronger individuals that had finally found their way back to each other. Just like we had after Mount Weather.

**\--------------------**

**ECHO'S POV**

Getting to the valley had been a nightmare, but it had still been easier than I expected it to be. We had been shot at, people had died trying to get to the ship but, in its own weird way, that helped me hide the USB I had to get to Raven. I had to remember to keep my distance from her though, so no one would start suspecting something else was going on.

After being searched and put a collar to our necks, we landed in the valley, being instructed to keep inside a handful of certain buildings, on which we were being monitored 24/7. I finally found Raven in one of them; as she saw me, she tried to get to me too excitedly for someone who wasn't supposed to know me, so I shook my head to instruct her not to come to me, sitting down causally where she was, keeping an eye on the people monitoring us before I spoke.

\- "Hey, spacewalker."

\- "Finally, tell me this is a rescue op."

\- "It won't be anything if we can't get out of this church." -I took a bite of the bread she offered me, seeing the disappointment in her face- "I'm betting, by now, my girl's figured out how to slip her collar." -she shook her head; that was going to be a problem- "They're watching us but there's something I need you to see." -she eyed me- "Let's go get some water."

We walked together to the water station, taking a glass as she rested her things on the table, looking back at the people in the room while I poured myself some water.

\- "Monty said I need to insert it into any console connected to the transport ship's primary server."

I placed the USB on the table, taking my glass and turning around as Raven moved to pour herself some water, but taking the USB instead.

\- "It's essentially a keylogger, auto-installs and opens a back door to their surveillance system that only Monty will be able to see." -I could tell she had a smile on her face- "It's brilliant. Too bad we can't get in without our heads exploding."

\- "What about Kane? Maybe he..."

\- "I saw him, he's with Diyoza." -she looked at me- "I don't know what happened to him in that bunker, but he's different."

\- "There's something you need to know, but you can't react the way I know you'll do because that'll blow up my cover."

\- "What happened? Is everyone okay?"

\- "Yeah." -I nodded, trying to calm her down- "When I went back to find Bellamy with Monty and Harper, he wasn't alone." -Raven furrowed her eyebrows- "Samantha is alive."

Her eyes widened, lighting up as the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile, bigger by the second. It made me happy seeing Raven so happy; I knew Samantha and she had been good friends, even if they started in rocky terms. Kind of like we did.

\- "Sam's alive." -she put her glass down, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath- "God, finally some good news." -she chuckled- "Is she okay?"

\- "She is." -I nodded, knowing telling her how things really were back there would do her no good- "She asked me to say hi to you, to tell you she's missed you and that she can't wait to see you again." -I discreetly took back the USB- "We need to get Monty that back door for her to come here. Murphy said you had someone inside their camp."

\- "Does he know Sam's alive?"

\- "No. I need you to focus, Raven."

\- "We do." -she pointed with her head at a guy that had just entered the building.

\- "Can we trust him?"

\- "I hope so." -she nodded at me- "He's our only shot."

**\------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

If Bellamy thought we were only a pain in his ass, maybe moving on was the best decision I had made since I landed feet on Earth. And maybe Roan and I would not work out, but I knew, even if that happened, he'd be by my side every step of the way. Maybe I wasn't looking for romance anymore, maybe I only wanted someone to be there for me unconditionally. Maybe I was tired of being that person for everyone and receiving nothing in return. I rushed out of there before my feelings took the best of me.

\- "Hey, Sam!"

\- "Oh, hey, Monty." -I rubbed my eyes- "Everything okay?"

\- "Yeah, I was looking for Harper; you've seen her?"

\- "She's keeping an eye on the monitors to let us know when Echo and Raven manage to get that back door for you." -I smiled- "I'm sure she'd love some company."

\- "Thank you." -he nodded- "You okay?"

\- "Yeah. Growing impatient but I know being strategic takes time." -I squeezed his arm- "I'll meet you later."

\- "Alright. Don't do anything reckless."

\- "Reckless is still my middle name."

I started laughing as he did, waving goodbye and resuming my walk. Thank god at least someone hadn't changed in those six years. I decided to go check on Lila before she went down to training; I had to ask her to keep an eye on Madi for me whenever I wasn't around; just in case.

\- "Strikon?" -[little one] I opened the door to our room.

\- "I'm here, nomi!" -[mom] her cheery voice put my heart at ease, closing the door behind me and walking to the bathroom- "I'm almost ready!"

\- "I see you plan on being there early." -I smiled, resting my weight on the door's frame, looking at her through the mirror.

\- "I wanted to go look for Madi if that's okay."

\- "Does Clarke know you?"

\- "No."

\- "Tell her I sent you."

\- "How'll she know you really did and I'm not just making it up." -she turned around to look at me, concern on her face.

\- "Tell her I said this: "Sam's told me to come to look for Madi so that she's not alone, princess"." -Lila nodded, turning around and huffing as her hair got in her face- "Need some help?"

She nodded at me through the mirror and I smiled, taking off my jacket and the protections on my forearms and walking up to her, placing my hand in front of her so that she'd hand me the brush. I cherished moments like that; doing Lila's hair brought me peace in the chaos the bunker had always been. I always tried to mimic the hairstyles Sheda gave me and her for the week I lived with them and, I had to say, I had managed to master most of them with time. I looked at the tattoo on my upper right arm; it was a simple design: three parallel back lines that resembled a panther's swat, crossed by other three forming a 100º angle. Sheda's war paint. I had always joked about the angle number, asking him whether that was purely coincidental or he really thought he was the best of the best; he always answered me he simply put the paint on his fingertips, closed his eyes and made the lines from the top of his head and down to the opposite cheek, laughing every time I brought the 100º angle saying I must have been really good at maths. I closed my eyes, seeing his face in my mind. God, I missed him. But I had to pull myself out of it, focusing back on Lila who was looking at me through the mirror.

\- "I'm sure he misses you too."

\- "He'd be so proud of you." -I kissed the top of her head as I finished the braid- "I know I am."

\- "He'd be proud of you too." -she turned around, wrapping her arms around my waist- "Of everything you've done for us, for me."

\- "I wish he was here." -I felt a tear running down my face as I placed my arms on Lila's back, hugging her tighter- "I see so much of him in you."

\- "You can tell me again the story of your first-day training together tonight." -she moved back- "Don't cry."

\- "I'm not crying." -I chuckled, wiping the tear away- "Go look for Madi and take care of her. If the kids try anything against her, tell me."

\- "I will."

I squatted to hug her again, kissing her forehead before watching her go. I knew Lila was safe and she was an incredibly strong kid. I sighed, looking back in the mirror, taking off the protection around my neck and running my hand over my scar, realizing I needed a minute to lay down and just be by myself, deciding that I'd get out of the room once Gaia came to inform me of the scheduled time for the show Octavia liked to see of the kids fighting to see if they were improving. I had stopped attending those a while ago, for I was usually with them in the training room. I knew Madi would be there, but I hoped no one would make her fight. It'd be stupid to do so.

**\--------------------**

**ROAN'S POV**

I wouldn't lie and say I wasn't happy that Sam was with me, but I didn't like the idea of anything being left unsaid between her and the Skyboy. I knew she loved me, but I also knew the reason we were going forward with our relationship was that he had lied to her in the cruelest way possible. That had angered me; if Sam hated something more than injustice were the lies, so I decided I'd pay him a visit, finding him walking out of the bunker.

\- "Ha, Skyboy, I was looking for you."

\- "I don't have time to fight with you."

He brushed me off as he walked past me; I wouldn't lie, he looked defeated. I wondered what had happened. Maybe he had already spoken to Sam.

\- "Can you make the time for Sam?"

He stopped dead in his tracks, straightening himself and turning around.

\- "Is she okay?" -he stood in front of me- "What does she need."

\- "She's okay." -it did please me knowing her safety was still his first concern, seeing him relax at my words- "Why did you lie to her?"

\- "Are you patronizing me?"

\- "I'm curious as to why you chose to act the way you did for you had had to know that'd push her away from you."

\- "Does she know you're here."

\- "No."

He seemed to be measuring his options, looking around us. As much as I wanted to hear what he had to say, I didn't have all day; I was meant to supervise the kids' training in a couple of minutes.

\- "I know she asked you to let her move on." -I spoke, seeing he was not going to do it himself- "I'm sure you've figured by now she meant with me." -he nodded- "And you aren't putting up a fight."

\- "Getting into a physical fight with you would only hurt her, and that's the last thing I want to do, but that doesn't mean my feelings for her have disappeared; I hope she knows that. I just know time puts perspective on things; those six years without her, thinking she was dead, made me realize that, as much as I wanted or tried to move on, no one would ever take Sam's place. Yes, I slept with Echo but it was purely physical. I wish Sam knew that."

\- "I see."

\- "She's asked me to give her space, to let her figure out herself on her own. I understand she needs time. Time without me. As much as I hate to admit it, maybe you're what she needs right now."

\- "If physical comfort is what she needs, I'll give that to her but she's much more to me than just someone to spend a night with."

\- "I know." -he stood straight- "I saw it in the way you treated her when we first met. I knew you'd fall for her, it was just a matter of time; can't blame you. Can't blame anyone that's ever had a thing for her."

\- "There are others?"

\- "There was one." -he nodded, leaving me to wonder who he meant- "I thought I'd lose her to him, not to the entitled Ice King."

Laughter erupted from my chest, taking him by surprise as I shook my head; I never thought the Skyboy would make me laugh. I never thought we'd have anything in common.

\- "Thank you for taking care of her during the past six years."

\- "You're giving up?"

\- "I'm giving her the space she asked from me; doesn't mean I won't fight for her until I exhale my last breath. I'll always be there to catch her when she falls, as much as she must hate me right now."

\- "She doesn't hate you. She loves you, deeply." -the surprise in his eyes didn't go unnoticed- "I told her I wouldn't leave her side if she chose you, if she realized we didn't work, if she decided we are better of as just friends; the fact that you're willing to do the same honors you." -I offered him my hand- "She'll come out of this stronger, trust me."

\- "She's already strong." -he shook my hand- "I've always admired how she's capable of taking everything life throws at her and reborn from her ashes like it was nothing. I understand why everyone down here has so much respect for her."

\- "She's special." -I agreed with him- "I'll take care of her."

\- "And I'll be here to make sure of it; no matter if she chooses to spend the rest of her life with you." -he tried to fight the smile but failed- "There's no way I could ever love someone the way I love her; there's no one else."

\- "I understand."

**\-------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I never expected to have that type of conversation with Roan; maybe he wasn't the villain I had painted him to be. I knew his intentions regarding Sam were pure, as much as he hadn't confessed to me that he loved her; I was sure she knew. It also made me feel better knowing that they had spoken about the possibility of whatever they had going on not working out; maybe I was reading too much into it, but that had to mean I still had a chance to prove myself worthy of her love again.

After I slept for a couple of hours, unable to stay still for longer, I went back into the bunker and towards the dining hall, finding Clarke talking there with Monty which did surprise me.

\- "Everything alright?"

\- "You better take a seat." -Clarke rose her eyes to meet mine- "There's something you need to know."

Both of them spent the next 15 minutes catching me up with what they had found out while down on the hydro farm. Apparently, Octavia had taken the worm back to the bunker and had been feeding it, harvesting hundreds of them that had been feeding on the bodies of the traitors she had ordered Cooper to shoot at. It made me sick, knowing she was willing to go to that extreme; we needed to stop her, the worms could destroy the valley and that was a lose-lose.

\- "Even if Octavia knows that, she won't listen to me."

\- "You think Sam knows about it?"

\- "I don't think she does." -Monty answered for me, facing me now- "You, yourself have told us how she got rid of the worm in her leg and we've all seen her with the kids; she wouldn't risk the worms going lose and killing them. Sam doesn't know."

\- "Why are you so sure?" -Clarke questioned- "It's been six years, Sam's always been a great liar."

\- "You haven't spent enough time with her lately, have you?" -Monty smiled- "I know she looks threatening; I'll admit it scared me seeing her all dressed up and with murder in her eyes, but Sam's always been like that, or have you forgotten how she stood up to Pike even if she knew he would kill her if he got the chance? How she stood up to Ulger, even if he was double her size? How she went into Mount Weather alone because we were in danger? How she was the first in line anytime something dangerous had to be done or someone was in need? How she risked her life over and over again for us." -Monty looked at his cup- "Sam's only trying to get the valley for us; even if I don't agree with the war she wants to fight, I know her heart is in the right place."

\- "You think Octavia would listen to her?" -Clarke put it as a question but it was clear she had little to no faith in that working- "No, but I know someone who could help."

She pointed with her head behind me and I turned around to see Indra sitting a couple of tables away from us with a couple of other Grounders. If Indra couldn't get some sense into Octavia, I'd personally go look for Sam to be the one to explain to Octavia how much of a disastrous idea the worms really were.

**\---------------------------**

Indra, Clarke and I had gone into the space in which Cooper had entered to check on the worms. It turned my stomach upside down, seeing those people dead, being eaten from the inside out by the same worms; I had had enough of those seeing them in Sam's leg and Octavia's arm but, clearly, my sister had seen an opportunity on them rather than a problem. Indra didn't even want to get close to them, the concern on her face was enough to understand that even she thought Octavia had gone too far. If Indra didn't know, then Sam wouldn't either.

\- "What are you doing here?" -Cooper's voice startled all of us as she walked inside with Octavia.

\- "You knew about this?" -Indra took a step forward towards my sister.

\- "Of course I knew, this was my idea." -she said it like it was nothing- "We're at war with an army with superior firepower and every geographic advantage. This is how we overcome that."

\- "And what happens when your secret weapon destroys the valley you're fighting for?"

\- "I've run tests." -Cooper took over to answer Clarke- "The worms cannot survive in a green environment for more than a few days, long enough to kill everyone they come in contact with before we get there."

\- "Are we really having this conversation?" -I cut them off- "Our friends are there."

\- "Acceptable losses." -the ultimatum came out of her mouth as easy as breathing- "Cooper, check on the worms." -she looked at me- "Come on, big brother, how many lives have you sacrificed." -she looked at Clarke- "Or you, Wanheda. You were just trying to save your people, so am I."

\- "You killed him." -Cooper came back, spatting the words at us.

\- "No." -Indra faced her- "You did."

\- Cooper?" -Octavia regained her attention.

\- "One of the defectors survived."

\- "Looks like we've found something that's not acceptable."

Octavia looked at me with disgust in her face as Cooper explained to her how the worms reproduced better and faster on a living body. It was disturbing to hear the lengths she was willing to go to please my sister who seemed to be convinced by the argument.

\- "Octavia, you don't want to do this."

\- "Spare me the hypocrisy, Clarke; Miller told me about the man you irradiated in Becca's lab." -I moved my eyes to Clarke, seeing hers land on the floor as she gulped- "He also told me that was Sam's fate too if Roan hadn't stopped her."

\- "What!"

\- "Sam was an acceptable loss for them, big brother." -she eyed me- "How else did you think she became a natblida?" -she scoffed- "For fun?"

\- "Where's she?" -I didn't want to lose focus of the problem at hand, but making a mental note to ask Clarke about that later- "Don't you both rule together?"

\- "Not for much longer." -Cooper eyes me with a smile on her face.

\- "She's probably moving on with Roan." -Octavia's words were filled with poison- "Too busy now for leading, I guess. But don't worry, she'll be alright by his side." -she turned to face Cooper again- "And just how long did your test subject survive?"

\- "Long enough for a defector to board their ship and fly to the valley."

\- "Octavia, please," -I took a step towards her- "Don't do this."

\- "I don't want anything to happen to your friends, Bellamy, not even Echo, please, believe that." -she faced me completely; I wasn't sure if she meant it- "But this is war. Once we control the eye in the sky, we send the worms."

\- "Does Sam know about this?" -I pressed her, even if I already knew the answer- "Does she know you're going to murder Echo, Emori, Raven, and Murphy to get the valley?"

\- "As I've said, acceptable losses."

\- "You and I both know that's not something Sam would agree with."

\- "Sam has other people to worry about now, Bellamy, someone who depends on her." -she turned around again- "Cooper, choose one of the elite guards to deliver it. It's time for Wonrku to go home."

**\-----------------------**

**CLARKE'S POV**

After Octavia gave that ultimatum, I realized there was not much we could do. I looked at Bellamy, who seemed to be going over everything that had just been said; I knew he was afraid for Echo and the rest.

\- "We have to speak with Sam."

\- "I'll go look for her." -Indra offered, walking past us- "I know where she'll be."

\- "What did my sister mean with that? Having someone that depends completely on her?"

\- "Samantha will show you once the time's right."

\- "Show me?"

Indra nodded, leaving without saying another word. The only thing I could think of was a child. I looked at Bellamy. She wouldn't have hidden than from him for so long. I walked out of the room, moving back to the computer room where we were tracking the eye. It had to be something else. Bellamy followed me, too busy with his own thoughts to speak. I welcomed the silence, I had lived in quiet for so long, this place was starting to give me headaches.

As we got there, Harper was sat in front of the computer and Monty was sat in the corner with a familiar note in his hands. Jasper's note. I wondered what it said, I wondered if he mentioned the fact that he had left another one for Sam.

\- "Okay, so what if, as soon as Echo and Raven get the eye down, we take the Rover?" -Bellamy spoke after we told Monty and Harper what was happening- "We drive across the wasteland, we break out our people before Wonrku attacks with the worms."

\- "Octavia will expect us to do something like that." -I sighed, exasperated I had to remind him Octavia was not a child anymore- "She'll post sentries."

\- "That's too bad for..."

Bellamy was answering me when Monty hit the table with his fists, startling all of us as pieces of metal fell to the floor; the three of us turning to look at him.

\- "This," -he showed us the note- "this was supposed to be Jasper's suicide note after we pulled him out of the City of Light. He was gonna put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger."

\- "Monty," -I shook my head- "Now's not the time."

\- "Now is the perfect time." -he shushed me- "If Sam were here, at least she'd care to listen to what he had to say and so should all of you." -he looked back at the note and started reading- "Monty, I know you're an optimist, you think better days are ahead but that's not true. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, there's just the tunnel. Another enemy to fight, another war. I've come to the conclusion that we're the problem, human beings, all of us. The cycle can't be broken as long as we're here; that's why I won't be here." -his voice started to break and his hands started to shake- "That's why... that's why..."

\- "Monty," -Harper walked up to him, taking his shaking hand in hers- "it's okay."

\- "Yeah, Jasper was smarter than all of us. It doesn't matter what we do, coming back to the ground, opening the bunker, all we've done is make things worse. If a war is the only way to have the last survival land on Earth, then maybe we don't deserve it."

I looked at the floor as his words hit me; I understood where he was coming from but we needed that valley; it had been my home for six years, Madi's home; I wasn't going to give that up.

\- "I hope Sam's letter is better than this one, or soon you'll find that Sam's long gone too."

With that, Monty walked past us, getting out of the room and closing the door shut hard, startling me as I looked back. I didn't know if Sam had read her letter; I suddenly wished she hadn't.

\- "Sam got a letter too?" -Bellamy faced me and I nodded- "Did she read it?"

\- "How would I know?" -I scoffed- "But she better not have if she's going to give up the fight for the valley."

I knew the chances of Sam giving up the fight were small, but having heard Jasper's letter for Monty, the possibility was now there, clear as day. I needed Sam to take active part on this, to act like the voice of reason down here once and for all.


	15. To serve and protect.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam opens up to a good friend before Octavia makes a decision that could bring terrible consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** it’s Jackson appreciation time, folks.

**SAM'S POV**

I had spent the last couple of hours alone in my room, taking care of my wounds and my most recent tattoo; then going out to see Jackson.

\- "Please, tell me you aren't hurt again."

\- "I'm fine." -I chuckled, closing the door behind me and sitting down on the stretcher- "I just wished we were out of here."

\- "Let me check your vitals and your wounds." -he squeezed my thigh- "Lay down and relax for a bit."

\- "I've been lying down all morning." -I took off my jacket and my shirt, for I had left my forearm protections back in the room; the neck one too.

\- "You're feeling sick?" -his worried tone warmed up my heart and I couldn't help the smile on my face as his hands landed on my neck, carefully checking for any signs of inflammation.

\- "No; I'm physically fine, just mentally exhausted."

\- "Need a shoulder to cry on?" -he smiled down at me as he sat next to me while I laid on the stretcher- "Deep breaths."

I nodded, closing my eyes and doing as he asked me. He then moved his hand to touch my ribs, to get a feeling of how I was doing, Jackson had a calming aura around him and, no matter how bad I felt or hos stressed I was, being around him always managed to bring me back down to Earth. He took his time and I was certain he was doing it to make sure I wasn0t anywhere else getting hurt; I couldn't complain, being taken care of like that was something I had learned to enjoy and admire in him. Not many people would do that for me when we first met.

\- "You're really strong; you're healing steadily, which is really good." -I opened my eyes to see him taking a wet cloth- "Let me see your tattoo."

\- "I already cleaned it this morning."

\- "Checking it won't harm you. The last thing we need is you getting it infected."

\- "I guess you're right."

I rose my bra enough for him to see it, feeling the cold liquid over my skin before he dried it and applied some lotion over it.

\- "So, tell me about that mental exhaustion."

\- "I don't wanna crowd your head with my problems."

\- "I'm not just your doctor, Sam, I'm your friend, and I'm here to listen. Maybe help you figure some stuff out."

\- "I'm so glad you got stuck down here with me."

\- "Me too."

He chuckled, helping me raise up to a sitting position and handing me back my shirt, his hands moving to check my arms as I spoke, updating him on what had been going on, asking him about how he was feeling and to update me on how he and Miller were doing. I hadn't seen much of Miller since the bunker opened but, just by the smile on Jackson's face as he spoke about him, I knew he was okay. They needed that valley, they needed the chance to live as a normal couple, without Jackson busy taking care of my bleeding self and Miller being in constant danger for being in Octavia's army. I needed that valley for them.

\- "You and Octavia are on good terms?"

\- "Yeah, we butt heads some times but she's still my sister." -I eyed him- "Why? What have you heard?"

\- "Some people are murmuring about you and whether or not you'll have to step up again, take absolute control of the bunker again."

\- "I see."

\- "I know you're still going to do whatever you want but I'd rather if you did not." -he squeezed my hand- "It was hard enough last time."

\- "I know." -I wrapped my fingers around his- "I don't want to either but, if she keeps making decisions about Wonkru without me, I'll have to, for the sake of all of us. I'll get us to that valley, even if that's the last thing I do."

\- "You're too young to die, Sam."

\- "I've lived well past my time." -I smiled- "I regret nothing of what I've done; I only regret not having been able to save those we've lost."

\- "Ease your mind, you've saved more people than anyone else could have."

\- "Thank you."

\- "Any time." -he caressed my cheek- "We're almost done here."

\- "I have time."

\- "How's Lila?" -he asked me, taking my hand on his own again, looking at the tattoo on my finger, which got me thinking if I wanted to get it retouched or I should just... let it fade like time had done with its meaning- "Haven't seen her in a while."

\- "She's taller every day!" -I laughed- "I'm so thankful she has such a strong set of beliefs and it amazes me how she goes from behaving like she's 16 then goes back to being 10. It's so weird and I know much of it has to do with her knowing and understanding everything that goes on down here, not just the Dark Year but me going in the pit, having to establish some type of ruling system, the Flame, and my life being in danger just because of who I am. I was never scared to die but, as I watch her grow, I'm afraid of leaving her, I'm afraid of leaving her alone. And I know Roan would take care of her and I know you would too but... I know she's not my actual child, but I'd do anything for her."

\- "Including risking your life to get that valley."

Jackson gave me a knowing look; it was useless to try and lie to him, it had been since the beginning so I didn't mind that he was able to read me so easily. I nodded, knowing too that he didn't need me to explain.

\- "Nothing's going to happen to you, alright?" -he took my hands in his- "I will make sure of it."

\- "That does make me feel better." -I nodded with a smile on my face- "You've got enough blood from me?"

\- "I can always do with a bit more."

I laid back down, closing my eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths to calm down. I knew Lila saw me as a mother figure, not that I ever intended on taking over her actual mom, but I knew that was what I had become for that was what she needed from me. And I knew Roan was her father figure. I had wondered for a long time what would have happened in Bellamy had stayed back; it hadn't been difficult to see him as a father for Lila, it had filled my heart with warmth thinking about it for some time. But that wasn't how it was meant to be. Roan had done everything in his hand to make sure Lila was taken care of, even before he moved in with us. Lila had easily taken a liking for him as they got to know each other. I knew half the reason I was so attached to Roan was Lila.

\- "Alright, all set." -Jackson brought me back from my thoughts- "You're free to go."

\- "Wanna spar a little?"

\- "What's that?" -he placed his hand behind his ear- "Someone is asking for immediate help? A doctor?" -he furrowed his eyebrows- "On my way!"

\- "Okay, okay, I get it!" -I started laughing with him as I got back on the floor- "No sparring with Jackson because he doesn't like the sweat, I remember."

\- "Thank you."

\- "You're already in great shape from all the heart attacks I give you."

\- "Couldn't have said it any better myself."

He walked me to the door, asking me to be careful and to come back the next morning, reminding me to go back for my silver protections. I smiled, thanking him once again before leaving him with an actual patient. Everyone down here liked Jackson; I was certainly glad that's how he was seen, or a couple of heads would have rolled.

**\------------------------**

**MONTY'S POV**

Jasper's letter had gotten under my skin and, the more I read it, the more I realized he was right; we were the problem, a war after another. I went down to the hydro farm, most plants had been dead a long time and I wondered how they survived; I didn't want to think about it. I walked around, thinking of a way to make this better, a way to stop the war, to be the good guys. I was tired. I sat down, looking at nothing in particular, re-reading Jasper's letter. I missed my algae farm, I missed the peace and calmness of space. Maybe the algae could help.

\- "Hey, Monty. Get ready to set the loop, Echo and Raven did it." -Bellamy's voice disrupted my thoughts; I was getting tired of all his ideas that only got us in deeper messes- "Let's go."

\- "No." -I shook my head.

\- "What?" -he looked down at my hands, seeing Jasper's note- "I miss him too." -I wasn't sure he meant it- "Jasper should have been with us on the Ring, but he wasn't because he gave up. If he had hung on a little longer and..."

\- "And what?" -I scoffed dryly- "We're doing it again?"

\- "Doing what? Saving our friends?"

\- "We save our friends by stopping this war not by facilitating it."

\- "Yeah, that sounds great but, unless you have a better idea, we..."

\- "I do."

\- "What?" -I showed him my tube of algae- "Make algae, not war? That's cute."

\- "Wonkru's about to fight for that valley because they don't think they can survive here, but with this, we can!"

\- "Yeah, if the early batches don't kill them like they nearly did us."

\- "That's before I got the recipe right and you know it." -I sighed, putting it away; I should have known he wouldn't understand.

\- "Look, I'm sorry, okay? It is a good idea. I know you wanted to avoid all of this..."

\- "...but our friends come first?"

\- "Yeah."

I sighed, standing up, deciding I'd help them with the loop but then I'd go look for Sam._ I'm sure she'll understand_. If anyone could stop this stupid war, it was her. I just hoped nothing else would go wrong.

**\-----------------------**

**CLARKE'S POV**

I agreed with Bellamy that the best thing we could do was take the Rover with Monty, Harper, and Madi and go back to save our friends. I went to look for Madi as he moved to look for Monty to set up the loop. I knew she had been training with the rest of the kids, seemingly having already made a friend: Lila. Sam had sent her to look for Madi and, for some reason, they seemed to already know each other. Lila had explained that, after today's training session, Octavia had asked to see them train in the pit to see how they were improving. That set off all my alarms, but I knew I had to be smart about it.

As I got there, two kids were already sparing, seeing Madi sat at the back with Lila, both of them focused on the other kids' movements as Gaia stood to one side, Octavia sat in her throne upstairs, her eyes landing on me for just a second before she focused them back on the fight. A couple of minutes later, one of the kids landed with his back on the floor, a blade to his neck and the combat was over. Octavia nodded pleased as they both moved back to their places, Gaia calling out two other kids.

\- "Wait." -Octavia rose her hand and I knew this would only get worse- "Madi, you're up."

\- "Blodreina," -Gaia tried to interfere- "she's not ready."

\- "Lila, with her."

The girl rose from next to Madi, giving her a smile to which my kid nodded, both walking to the middle of the pit. This was not happening, this could not happen. Madi rose her sword and so did the kid, going at it for a couple of movements; the kid was really good and Madi was starting to have some trouble. Maybe now Octavia would understand Madi was not a threat; I wondered if Sam had planned this out, that kid getting close to Madi, knowing she was no match for her.

\- "Enough." -Sam's voice came from behind me, walking up to the pit past me, opening the door as Octavia rose from her seat- "Lila, Madi, with me. Now."

Sam rose her head to look at Octavia, a threatening look on both their eyes as the kids obeyed, getting out of the pit and walking up to Sam; so did I. Maybe she had nothing planned out.

\- "Afraid the new kid will hurt yours?"

Octavia's words took me by surprise. _Her kid? _I looked at the girl named Lila. _It couldn't be. Someone that depends on her. Sam had a child?_

\- "My kid was trained by me; no kid could ever match her." -Sam smiled proudly- "And, from now on, so will Madi." -she looked at Madi- "You okay with that?" -Madi nodded before looking at me- "Then, it's settled. Let's go."

\- "Madi, wait. I have an offer for you," -Octavia quickly joined us in the pit- "if that's okay." -she looked at me; I nodded out of fear- "How would you like to become my second?"

\- "Absolutely not, she's just a kid." -Sam got in between them, pushing Madi back towards me- "A kid should not have to fight our war."

\- "I want to." -Madi stood next to Sam- "It's okay."

\- "I'm not going to hurt her." -Octavia faced Sam as she offered her hand to Madi, who took it before Sam could say anything else.

\- "No, but taking her to battle will kill her; if you're blinded by hatred and unable to see that, maybe you should step down."

\- "Is that a threat."

\- "It's a warning." -Sam placed her hand over Madi's shoulder- "She might be your second now, but she'd a child first and foremost. If she gets hurt, you'll deal with me."

Sam turned around, dismissing the training session, the kids walking out after her so I grabbed Madi's hand to get out of there, but Octavia stopped us, saying she wanted to go over strategies with Madi; I had to agree, turning around and going after Sam.

\- "Sam, hold up."

\- "She really is your kid." -Sam shook her head but had a smile on her lips- "She really makes protecting her really hard, that sounds familiar. Did you not teach her that being able to defend oneself is not the same as having a suicidal instinct, princess?"

\- "Did you teach that to your child?"

I couldn't help those words as they dropped from my lips, Sam stopping abruptly, turning to face me; aware of the kids' eyes on us, she prompted them to go back to their rooms but Lila stood back, standing next to Sam proudly, with a smile on her face.

\- "Lila, you've already met the princess."

\- "Yeah." -the girl nodded- "I enjoyed the stories about Wanheda."

I looked at Sam, still unable to figure out what was happening for the kid didn't look like Bellamy at all but she did look somewhat familiar.

\- "She's my adopted child, just like Madi is yours." -Sam finally explained- "She's not Bellamy's kid, she's Sheda's little sister."

I felt my world crumbling to pieces at the realization. Did the kid know Sheda was dead because of me? Did she know it had been Lexa who did it? I couldn't even begin to process what that must have meant for Sam, taking care of the sister of someone so close to her, who's death had affected her in ways I couldn't explain. Sam looked down at Lila, caressing her cheek.

\- "Go to our room and change; I'll meet you there in a bit, okay?"

The kid nodded, saying goodbye to me before she started to run away. Sam stood beside me, crossing her arms over her chest as we watched her go, a loving smile on her face. I smiled too, knowing now why Sam had stayed back when I was certain all she had wanted to do was get in that ship and end the prisoners from the inside out; knowing now why the kids were so important to her; knowing now why that valley meant a new chapter for her and why she was desperate to get it. We had been six years apart but this part of our lives had evolved the same way. Funny coincidence.

\- "Do the rest know?"

\- "You're the first to know about Lila's existence after Octavia and Jasper." -she turned to face me- "I don't want to expose her to anyone that could potentially hurt her in any way."

\- "Does she know about your history with Bellamy?"

\- "She knows everything about everyone. Jasper was her favorite." -she sighed- "I'm not making the same mistake twice, I'm not building up her expectations about anyone just to watch them crumble in front of my eyes."

\- "I'm sorry about Jasper, I really am." -I squeezed her arm- "Have you read his letter?"

\- "No," -she shook her head- "I can't bring myself to open it. I'm afraid he'll ask me to stop the fight; I can't break down now, I need that valley and, to get it, I need a clear mind. No distractions."

\- "You really leaving Bellamy behind?"

\- "He lied to me, Clarke, time after time; I'll always love him, it'd be stupid of me to deny that but I'll also be doing myself terrible service if I closed myself to the world. And maybe it won't work out, but I need to try; I owe it to Roan and to myself."

\- "I think Roan's helped you grow more than Bellamy ever did."

\- "Well, to be fair, I've spent six years stuck down here with the Ice King and I was only around the Rebel King for one." -she chuckled- "Has Monty read his?"

\- "Yeah."

\- "And?"

\- "He's not doing so well."

\- "I'll go talk to him. Any ideas where he could be?" -I smiled at her question- "Stupid question, right?"

\- "The hydro farm."

We both stated at the same time, busting out laughing together. She told me she'd go check on Lila and then she'd go meet Monty, in case I saw him so I could let him know to meet her there. She promised she'd take care of Madi, saying that Lila would keep an eye on her for both of us when we weren't around. I nodded, making my way back to the room with the computers tracking the eye, asking her to meet me after she met Monty, for there was something she needed to see.

\- "Where's Madi?" -Bellamy was quick to ask me as I got inside, for we had planned to leave that night.

\- "With your sister."

\- "We don't have time for this." -he sighed, of course, he would, Madi wasn't his family- "We have to leave now. As soon as Diyoza realizes what Echo did, she's dead. We have no choice."

\- "You're wrong." -I took a step towards him- "We have one."

\- "What?"

\- "I'm going to show Sam what Octavia's planning." -I looked at Monty- "She'll be looking for you at the hydro farm, you should go."

\- "What?"- Bellamy stopped Monty from leaving- "No, we have to go."

\- "Bellamy, if Sam knew about it, she'll stop Octavia."

\- "Sam's not going to surrender, no matter what; she wants that valley and she'll fight for it." -he faced me- "You saw what she did to that man."

\- "And have you bothered asking her why she wants it so desperately? Of course, not." -I shook my head, grabbing the walkie next to Monty's laptop- "I'll stop the cycle myself." -I turned it on, aware of how'd be listening- "This is Clarke Griffin, I have a question for colonel Diyoza."

\- "Hello, Clarke." -it didn't take long for her to answer- "It's been too long. What the hell do you want?"

\- "What would it take for you to share the valley?"

\- "Picking up on Samantha's terms? Why isn't she asking?" -she really seemed to be interested- "Did that shot kill her?"

\- "That's not answering my question."

\- "As Samantha already knows, the only way we can all share the valley is with an unconditional surrender on your part. But thanks for reaching to me, now I know you are definitively not a united front. That makes things easier for us."

**\-------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

I didn't know how I felt about Clarke having found out about Lila, I had wanted to wait to be at the valley to tell them all, to know we were all still friends and that we were all safe. But I trusted she'd keep it a secret for she had Madi and I figured, if anyone could understand, that was Clarke.

\- "Sam!"

\- "Hey." -I smiled, allowing Roan to catch up with me, his arm soon sliding over my shoulders so I rose my hand to grab his- "Didn't expect to find you here."

\- "Hiding something from me, my queen?" -he spun me around, making me laugh and pulling me to him.

\- "Just a dozen." -I started walking again- "We may be running onto a couple of problems."

\- "I've heard the rumors." -I felt his eyes on me- "Taking over..."

\- "I may have to; I don't want to, but we need the valley as much as we need our people alive. It's not going to be easy but I'm willing to do it for the good of our people."

\- "And what about yourself?" -he pulled me back- "Sam, you have to look out for yourself, we've already talked about this."

\- "No one else can do it." -I faced him- "I'm sorry; I really am because I know all you care about is my safety but Lila's comes first."

\- "I understand, but you can't get yourself killed and leave her alone."

\- "She's not alone, she has you."

\- "We both know my death would be easier on her than yours."

\- "I'm not watching anyone else die." -I shook my head, slightly annoyed- "Especially not you."

\- "I'm not going to let you die." -Roan grabbed my chin, pulling my head up.

\- "Do not say you'll die for me because that's the last thing I want to hear from you right now."

I got rid of him after he gave me a look I knew all too well by now; that was exactly what he was going to say and I knew he meant it, and I knew he meant well but I was tired of that being the dynamic in my relationships. Why couldn't someone say they'd live for me? Because that was hard; because that'd mean living for me, living to see all I would miss. It wasn't even about avenging my death; it was about taking over for me, about being better than I could ever wish to become, stepping in to do the things I would never manage to achieve. And I thought that was beautiful. But, then again, why was I blaming them when I was acting the same way. When that was all I had known to offer, when I thought that was all I could give to the world. Maybe I had to make that change first. But, could I live for Roan instead of dying for him? I looked at him as we had continued walking towards our room. Maybe I should start with someone that didn't mean that much to me. But I'd rather not categorize the people I loved in order of whom I loved most to least.

\- "Octavia has made Madi her second."

\- "The child?" -he eyed me surprised as I broke the silence- "Why."

\- "I think she thinks that keeping her close is less of a risk in terms of who rules over whom."

\- "The child won't ascend, Gaia won't force her."

\- "I know. Clarke's afraid too. Can't blame her though, I understand how she feels about Madi. I'd murder anyone that tried to even suggest Lila should ascend, were she a natblida." -I scoffed- "A child Commander to stop an imminent war; I've never heard anything more absurd."

\- "Why didn't you tell me?"

\- "About what?"

\- "You knowing about the child's nature."

\- "Honestly? It didn't even occur to me. It was something I just knew not something I learned and deserved to be shared." -I faced him as we got to our room and before opening the door- "Did it bother you?"

\- "No secrets between us, remember?"

\- "It wasn't my secret to share." -I looked into his eyes, trying to read his expression- "Are you mad?"

\- "No. I understand and I think it was a good decision; she's safer the fewer people that know about her."

\- "I'm not sure 'safe' is the term I'd use in the middle of this chaos but sure." -I smiled- "We're good?"

\- "Are you doubting our relationship because of my question?"

\- "Yes." -I furrowed my eyebrows- "Let me be insecure about something in peace."

\- "I'd rather if you'd choose to be doubtful about anything but us." -he smiled gently at me, closing the space between us and placing his hands on my shoulders.

\- "I'm doubtful about our future." -I conceded, tilting my head- "Of everyone's future."

\- "That can wait until the eye is down." -he opened the door, prompting me to get inside- "Any news?"

\- "I'm meeting Monty in 10 so I'll update you on whatever he tells me."

Lila was in the middle of the room with an open book, resting her head on her hands as she laid on her stomach, raising her eyes as she heard us walking in. She was soon on her feet, putting the book away and sitting on the bed; I was certain there was something going on in her head.

\- "Ask away." -I smiled at her- "What's bothering you?"

\- "I don't understand why Octavia chose Madi as her second if she just showed up. What does that even mean?"

I did not see that coming, looking at Roan but he was as taken aback as I felt. I sat on the bed with her, thinking of what to say, of how to explain how much Octavia kept messing up because she was afraid.

\- "Being someone's second just means you learn from them everything they know."

It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either; I didn't want Lila thinking about war and what that'd mean for her and her friends. She nodded, seemingly convinced, crossing her legs as she sat facing me.

\- "Why am I not your second?"

Maybe it was stupid to hide the truth from her; I knew questions about this would keep coming the longer it took me to explain it all. I took her hands in mine, taking a deep breath as I did.

\- "Because you're a child, Lila and so is Madi which is why Octavia was wrong to do that."

\- "Why?"

\- "Because, what being a second means, is that, if war strikes, Madi will have to be by Octavia's side wherever she goes even if that means front line. And that will get her killed. You're not my second because I'm not making you fight. I'm not letting you fight any wars because that's my job."

\- "I want to fight."

\- "Lila, war is not the same as sparring with Ethan and especially not when the enemy has guns you've never seen, guns you could never imagine what can do to you."

\- "Fine, but I don't want you to fight if it means you'll go to the front line. Please. Promise me."

\- "You know I can't do that, strikon." -I caressed her face- "But you'll never be alone, no matter what happens."

\- "I don't want anyone to take your place! Why can't you understand that!" -she rose her voice, jumping from the bed- "I'd rather anyone else die but you!"

\- "Lila."

I tried to go after her but she closed the bathroom door with a loud bang. I sighed, allowing my gaze to fall to my feet as I rubbed my temples. I didn't want to fight with her and I knew she meant everything she said but I had promised to keep her safe with my life and that was a promise I was not going to break.

\- "Hey." -Roan stood in front of me- "She knows you mean well."

\- "I don't even know what to say. I just... ugh, I fucking hate this place." -I threw my hands in the air- "I need that valley right now."

\- "You'll get it." -he squeezed my shoulders- "Go look for your friend, I'll stay with Lila."

\- "Yeah, maybe she'll listen to you."

I got out with my heart clenched in my chest like every time Lila got angry at me; I could handle everything but not the disappointment in her voice when she felt like I was doing something stupid, when she asked me to live. I knew I had raised her to be outspoken and able to defend herself, to stand up for what was right but to also be kind and gentle with those who suffered; I just didn't expect that to backfire on me like this. And I knew she was right, but I couldn't admit it, let alone put someone else in my place to fight my battles. Maybe I'd manage to get out of this one. One last fight.

\- "Sam!"

\- "Hey!" -I chuckled as Monty showed from one of the corridors- "Did Clarke tell you I was looking for you?"

\- "Yeah, she's at the computer's room with Bellamy and Harper." -he grabbed my arm- "I have to show you something in the hydro farm."

\- "I'm right behind you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thoughts? Feedback? Comments? Anything? Let me know! **


	16. Reconciliation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> ** Monty tells Sam about his plan to revive the hydro farm before she catches the rest of the group rehanded. Maybe reaching peace won’t be as hard as it seemed. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Hey guys, just wanted to drop by and let you know that I hope you're all doing alright and staying safe.

**SAM'S POV**

I had spent around 30 minutes with Monty, walking around the hydro farm and listening to everything he had to say; he told me about how he had managed to develop the algae, how he fed everyone in space with it, the many trials and errors and how he thought he could manage to revive the hydro farm with it so that we wouldn't have to fight for the valley.

\- "So, what do you think?"

\- "I think is great." -I smiled at him as he sat down on a table against the wall- "If you pull off that one, you'll be giving people the option to remain here if they want to."

\- "But?" -his voice wasn't judgmental; if anything he seemed concerned. 

\- "But I won't be one of them; there's nothing that could make me stay back here, down in this bunker in which I've only known pain and darkness and blood for so long. I appreciate what you are trying to do and I stand by your side and I'll make sure you have everything you need to develop the algae but I won't stay down here for longer than I have to."

\- "Was it that bad?"

\- "Worse than your darkest nightmares but don't worry about it, okay? I'm fine."

\- "Did you read Jasper's letter?"

\- "No." -I sighed, looking around us- "I'm afraid he'll ask me to stop the fight. I can't. Not yet."

\- "This really isn't just about having food, is it?"

\- "It's about fleeing the sins we've committed for survival. It's the reason Kane and Abbie left at the first chance they got, it's why all those people left with Echo and why some will fight with me for the valley."

\- "I don't wanna fight, Sam."

\- "Hey." -I placed my hands on his shoulders- "I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want to do. Only those who want to fight will do. If you want to stay back here, I respect that and I'll make sure to visit you in case you need anything once we are settled in the valley. You'll be welcome to join me there if you ever get tired of this dark hole."

\- "I need to show this to Cooper."

\- "I'll look for her and set a meeting for you both... tomorrow morning?" -he nodded, I could tell he was excited about this and that, somehow, made me feel better about this place, but not enough to drop the fight- "I'm going to look for Clarke now."

\- "I think I'll stay down here for a little longer."

\- "Alright." -I chuckled- "Do keep me updated on what happens here, alright?"

\- "Of course." -I turned around, waving goodbye- "Sam, wait." -I looked back at him, seeing him getting down from the table and walking towards me- "Thank you for being open about this. I wished you could just... stop fighting but I sense you need to leave this place. Maybe one day you'll tell me about what happened here."

\- "I value your friendship too much to ruin it by telling you." -a sad smile on my lips.

\- "Maybe you should tell Bellamy."

\- "We aren't exactly on speaking terms right now."

\- "I know, he told Harper and me about it."

\- "Oh."

\- "That doesn't mean we are taking sides."

\- "I wouldn't blame you if you did." -I squeezed his arms- "Maybe, one day, things will be as they used to between all of us left."

He nodded, squeezing my hands before I let go and walked away. I appreciated Monty's honesty; he didn't have to tell me he knew about me and Bellamy or tell me about his plans for the hydro farm but he had and I thought that honored him, it made him special.

I found Cooper walking around with two men, their conversation dying out as soon as she saw me, dismissing the men before eyeing me carefully. I had never liked her, she always agreed with O even if her plans were downright stupid for she'd rather be on her good side at all costs than tell her shit as it was. Luckily, I was still around to be that voice of reason. I told her about Monty and she agreed to see him early in the morning; I made sure she wouldn't try anything stupid against him or Harper if she happened to be there too before walking back to the computer's room. As I got to the door, I could hear the static of a walkie going off and, before I opened the door, I heard her.

\- "I don't care how you do it." -Diyoza's voice was loud and clear as I walked inside, startling everyone there; they looked like deer in headlights and I had to hold back my laugh as Diyoza kept talking -"Bring her to me and I'll do it for you."

\- "Making deals with the enemy without me?" -I wasn't sure if what came out of my mouth was a scoff or a dry chuckle, grabbing the walkie from Clarke, holding my hand up for her not to fight me- "Well, well, colonel, long time, no talk."

\- "Samantha, I was wondering what they had done to you."

\- "Nothing out of the ordinary, but maybe conspiracy with the enemy should be added to that list."

\- "I take you don't know about their request."

\- "I can imagine." -I rested my back against the table, moving my eyes from Bellamy to Clarke and then to Harper- "I hope you didn't take them seriously when they almost agreed to surrender."

\- "We were talking about the terms for that to happen."

\- "Terms, huh?" -I chuckled- "First new term then: I want McCreary's men lined up for execution and then I want his head. The man who shot me will undergo my favorite past time before dying a horrible death."

I heard Diyoza's laughter through the walkie; I knew she wouldn't accept those terms as easy as I knew she wanted them dead too. If we had had more time, I'm sure she and I could have reached an agreement to deal with those men and share the valley equally but something had forced her to move back to safety; I figured McCreary was dying to start a full-on war and doing that was Diyoza's best bet to stop it. Too bad now they were in my valley.

\- "Planning on sending any more ships our way?" -I spoke again, seeing she didn't answer- "I'll take them off your hands."

\- "Sam!" -Bellamy had contained himself for longer than I thought he would, stepping towards me and trying to grab the walkie but I pushed him back.

\- "What? You don't like not being in charge, do you? Well too bad because the only reason you're alive and down here safe is me. So deal with it."

\- "If more of your people what to join us, we'll be more than happy to take them in."

\- "I assume that means those who left us and made it to your ship are alive."

\- "All of them." -I eyed Bellamy as Diyoza answered, having already giving what he craved: knowledge of how Echo was doing.

\- "I'd be more than happy to join you but I've seen the marks on Clarke's neck. I'm sure you understand my concern with those, for I already have protection around my neck; I don't need your collar."

\- "It was a precaution measure."

\- "The electric shooks were too?" -I tilted my head as Clarke rubbed her neck- "Or was that our good old friend mister McCrazy dude."

\- "Why don't you join us and I'll show you what I can do?"

McCreary's voice took over Diyoza's, startling everyone in the room and I couldn't help my laughter.

\- "Wouldn't you like that?" -I chuckled over the walkie- "Take a ship, come down with the collar yourself and let's see if you can put it on me. Over."

I turned around, turning off the walkie and putting it on the table not wanting to hear another word from that idiot, knowing now more than I knew before I came here, walking around the room, turning on the computer and seeing their eye watching us. We were inside.

\- "Where's the rover?"

\- "For what?"

\- "Did you not hear me just get an invite to the valley?" -I scoffed, turning around to face Bellamy- "I'm going to kill that asshole."

\- "What about Diyoza and her people?" -Clarke asked me.

\- "God, you're all tick as fudge lately" -I rolled my eyes- "I'm gonna say this one more time: Diyoza and McCreary are not a united front." -I crossed my arms over my chest- "Yes, they were a team once upon a time but not now." -and then, something turned on in my brain- "Remember when you left and stayed back in Polis when Pike showed up? How Bellamy here, your second, betrayed you?" -I could see Bellamy shifting uncomfortably in his place- "You were a team, right? But you were then no more, correct? Well, think of McCreary as Bellamy; only difference? This time we have people that depend on us and cannot be caught under the fight that's about to explode."

\- "You think she'll send that ship?"

\- "No, she knows I'm not going to just walk in and let them take me in as a prisoner." -I shook my head- "Which is why they won't expect me to show up at all. So, new plan," -I smiled, feeling the thrill of the hunt again, rubbing my hands together- "I'm going to need a map of the valley, princess."

\- "You're insane." -Bellamy grabbed my arm- "You're not going alone."

\- "Well, you aren't coming either." -I shoved him back.

\- "Isn't Roan going with you?"

\- "No, I need him to stay back."

\- "Why?" -he pressed me- "What are you hiding from me? Why did you restrain yourself to this place when I know fully well every cell in your body was screaming for you to get in that ship with Echo."

\- "None of your business." -I was certainly glad now that no one but Clarke knew about Lila- "But don't worry, I'll leave tomorrow night and act as impulsively and recklessly as you think it's in my nature. Fear not for, if I die, you'll have time to act all mature like you know that was exactly what was going to happen."

\- "Can you give us a moment?"

He looked at Clarke and Harper who nodded and, to my dismay, quickly left the room as much as I asked them not to. I didn't want to do this now. I didn't want to hear him out like this, when I was angry and ready to murder someone. I didn't want to realize I had no reason to be mad at him for it had been easier than realizing he didn't care, or knowing that he rather play with me like a cat with a mouse than treat me as an equal.

\- "Okay." -he ran his hand through his hair- "Can you stay here with me and hear me out like I did the other day outside with you."

\- "I'd call that manipulation." -I eyed him, his lips pursing into a thin line- "Fine, I suppose that's what being a grown-up is." -I rolled my eyes- "That doesn't mean I wouldn't rather not having to do this right now."

\- "I'd have rather not hear you breaking my heart but I did because I knew that's what you needed to do."

\- "How come with you it's always me breaking stuff?" -I scoffed, turning around and moving the things from the table, jumping on it as Bellamy paced the room- "How come you are never in the wrong when I push away from you and almost never when it's you running away from me?"

**\--------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I knew I had said I'd let her space, but hearing her talk with Diyoza, the will in her voice as she asked Clarke for a map of the valley; I was certain she'd leave like a ghost and I was afraid, if I didn't stop her, she'd die in her eagerness to get that valley. My voice had been harsher than I wanted it to be and I could tell that had triggered her own anger to resurface.

\- "Why did you stick with me for so long if I'm so fucked up?"

That last question took me by surprise; the raw emotion in her voice, her eyes dropping to her hands when she had kept them on me as she spoke previously. I stopped my movement right in front of her, hoping she'd raise her eyes to meet mines but she didn't, she remained still with her hands resting on her thighs.

\- "You're not fucked up, Sam, and you are definitively not always in the wrong when you're dealing with me."

There was so much I wanted to say but I knew all of it was me repeating myself because I was no good with words like she was, I was no good at expressing my feelings with words like she was. God, fate was an awful thing, keeping us apart and forcing us to become strangers. I stood in silence in front of her, going over everything in my head, hoping it could all just organize itself and flow out of my mouth for her to understand how I felt.

\- "I know I said I could let you go, that I could give you space but I'm not good at pretending you aren't all I want."

\- "I'm with someone else right now, Bellamy." -she finally rose her head, furrowed eyebrows- "I'm trying..."

\- "I know, I know. I..." -I sighed, not finding my words for a moment- "I'm not trying to get in between you and Roan but I know I'm the reason you got together and I know I'm the one to blame because I hid what I had with Echo and..."

\- "You think I got with Roan because you slept with someone else?" -she cut me off, a scold in her features as she looked startled at me- "I ended it all with you because you keep hiding stuff from, lying and not trusting me and I don't want to be with someone who can't be a 100% honest with me."

\- "I thought that had something to do with it."

\- "You really think me so immature? We weren't together, I broke up with you months before Praimfaya." -the reminder hurt me more than I cared to admit- "You really think I'd react like a sixteen-year-old? I got more self-respect than that" -she scoffed, shaking her head- "I've matured a bit more than that but thank you for still thinking of me as a teen. Maybe when we first met I'd have broken your nose but, now? Bellamy, I'm 24, you're 29, we are not those two idiots that fell in love while trying to save each other." -a smile appeared on her lips, but it was only for just a second- "I'd like to leave at least one aspect of my life nonviolent."

\- "I'm sorry."

\- "Why did you think I'd react like that?"

\- "Because I thought that'd mean you still wanted me; because I thought you'd put up a fight before watching me be with someone else; because I thought that was what I'd do until I realized that'd only hurt you."

\- "But I do." -she tilted her head- "I did." -she looked unsure of which way to say it, licking her lips before sighing- "Hurting Echo would have gotten us both nowhere and I happen to like her."

\- "I'm sorry for so many things, Sam, but what I regret the most is hiding Jasper's fate from you."

\- "Why didn't you tell me as soon as you saw me?"

\- "Because I was afraid of how you were going to take it, I was afraid of how you'd react, especially not knowing in which conditions you have been surviving this past year; what if you had been weak and I had told you and it had deteriorated your health to..." -I couldn't help my head dropping- "to the point... what if that had..."

\- "Then you could have asked me how I was feeling before telling me." -she took my chin in her hand, making me raise my head to meet her eyes- "I wish you had told me." -she let go of my face- "Maybe now this all would be different."

\- "I wish I had too." -I placed my hands on her thighs as she sighed- "I'm sorry."

\- "Stop apologizing to me, I know you mean it." -she smiled- "You may have spent six years stuck with a trained spy that's really good at lying but you haven't managed to pick any of it." -a soft chuckle left her lips- "I'm glad."

\- "You think we can work this out?" -I saw the hesitation in her eyes- "To at least remain friends. I want you in my life, Sam, I want to get to know the woman you've become."

\- "Trust me, you don't." -she shook her head but she had a smile on her face- "The girl you love is way better than I can aspire to be."

\- "You're still her, even if deep inside. I saw it when you fought me the other day."

\- "Fought you?" -she pushed me back, jumping from the table completely amused- "More like destroyed you and you're the one who said there wasn't much to do up in space apart from training."

\- "I'm sorry I didn't do six years ago what I really wanted to do."

\- "Am I supposed to guess what you're trying to say?"

\- "I should have knocked Roan out of my way, thrown your door open and kissed you, taking you with me to look for Raven."

\- "You wanted to keep me safe, you can't blame yourself for that."

\- "But I do, because if I had done just that, you'd have gotten the peace you desperately needed to deal with your loses."

\- "I'm okay." -she moved around the table, looking at everything Monty had on it curiously- "Jackson's helped me a lot and Roan's pulled me out of it more times than I'd like to admit; the dozens of books I've read about mental health have also been very useful." -she chuckled- "It was really dark for a while, but I'm okay now."

\- "Does that have anything to do with the Dark Year."

She stopped abruptly what she was doing, raising her head to meet my gaze, standing still.

\- "No, that was three years ago and it had nothing to do with mental health. Well, maybe a little but it wasn't its main focus. And lower your voice if you wanna talk about that, I don't need you going in the pit because you're talking about a banned topic."

\- "Who banned it?"

\- "O."

\- "Won't she throw you in the pit?"

\- "Please, Bell, you're talking about me. That pit is my second home down here."

\- "Are you ready to talk about what's been going on? Because I'm ready to listen."

\- "But are you ready to understand? To face the fact that we've done things no one should have to do to survive?"

\- "I am." -I approached her- "I said I want to fix this, I want to get to know who you are now because I want you to know that no matter what, I'm not going to stop loving you."

\- "Remember those words for when you learn why some people call me Devil. Mainly people that want Octavia to rule this place on her own, may I add, but that's a whole 'nother topic and we'll hopefully out of here before one of us takes completely over the other for good."

\- "I stood by your side when you were just Sam; when you were the fallen girl that loved to train with the Grounders; when you became the fierce warrior that saved us from the Ice Clan; when Jusheda almost took completely over all you were and felt; when you left me standing in the dark, watching you leave covered in Azgeda clothes and their white war paint without telling me you were fighting to keep me alive." -I took her hands in mine- "Nothing is going to change that, I don't promise you, Sam, I swear it."

\- "I wish I could believe you but I know you and I know you're going to despise me when I tell you." -she squeezed my hands before letting go of one of them.

\- "You said that same exact thing when you were afraid I'd leave you behind because you had killed someone."

\- "I wish I had only murdered people during these past six years, trust me." -she placed her hand on my cheek- "God, I'm so glad you left, I wouldn't have been able to handle seeing this place destroy you."

\- "I have so many questions."

\- "I assume I have the answers." -she smiled up at me, moving her hand down- "Shoot, but leave the Dark Year out; help me get the valley and I'll tell you everything about that once we are there, safe."

\- "Okay." -I nodded, watching her jump on the table again, sitting crosslegged as I sat on the chair in front of her- "Anything else off-limits?"

\- "No."

\- "Are you sure?" -I couldn't help the grin on my face- "Nothing?"

\- "You're not going to ask me about my sex life, are you?" -she grinned back at me- "I haven't asked about yours so you shouldn't either."

\- "Fine." -I smiled before crossing my arms over my chest- "Those protections, why are you the only one wearing them? Especially the one around your neck."

\- "Roan asked for it to be made for me to keep me safe after someone tried to murder me." -I made an attempt to rose from my place, worry washing all over my face but she rose her hand in front of me- "Relax, I solved it and now I'm fine."

\- "The ones in your arms too?"

\- "Those are for the pit."

\- "Then why do you carry them all the time."

\- "That has to do with the Dark Year, off-limits."

\- "Alright." -I couldn't help but wonder what that meant, what could that be hiding or protecting her from- "Whose idea was the pit?"

\- "Octavia's, I was out of it for a couple of weeks; when I woke up, she had already established the system but I endorsed it, I took part in it. I got in whenever there was someone I didn't want getting out, I've mercy killed a lot of people who I'd have rather not see int he pit but I've also gotten rid of the extra weight I had wished had stayed out the bunker."

\- "What's that supposed to mean?"

\- "Sometimes there were people in the pit that would have had no problem getting out, Octavia's system had a flaw: if you put someone in for stealing bread and someone for, I don't know, breaking someone's neck in a fight, clearly the one that stole the bread has no chance at getting out." -I nodded- "When that happened, I was an extra player. Murdered the murderer, mercy killed the thief."

\- "So the pits are the reason you lack so many people?"

\- "Yeah, the Dark Year also took a lot of lives, though." -she looked at me- "Ready to run away from us?"

\- "I'm not leaving you behind."

\- "I'll believe when I see it." -she smiled gently- "More questions?"

\- "Scathach, what does it stand for?"

\- "I'll give you the book tomorrow, you can learn all about it."

\- "Why tomorrow."

\- "Because it's in my room and you're not going in there."

\- "What else are you hiding from me."

\- "Not just from you but from the world; you'll know once the time is right, trust me." -she jumped from the table- "Which reminds me, I have to go."

\- "Because of what you're hiding?"

\- "Yes."

\- "One more question." -she nodded, prompting me to speak with her hand- "Are you certain Diyoza and McCreary are not working together? Are you sure she's not feeding your idea of their broken front?"

\- "I know it like I know we are breathing. Trust me." -she turned around- "You'll see."

\- "Tell me you are not leaving tomorrow night."

\- "I have to. I'll be careful."

\- "I'm not letting you do that." -I walked with her to the door.

\- "Good thing you can't move in the shadows like I do." -she smiled as she opened the door- "I'm glad you've cornered me to talk."

\- "I haven't cornered you."

\- "I've let you. Just a bit." -she chuckled as she stood there, looking up at me as I was standing just in front of her- "I'm glad we can behave like adults about this because I miss having you around."

\- "I miss you." -I took her hand in mine, pulling her back to me, wrapping my arms around her before she could complain- "So much."

She melted directly into my arms, wrapping hers around my neck like so many times before. Maybe this was our new beginning, maybe we didn't have to wait to get that valley. I knew I had to do something to stop her from getting on that Rover. As she pulled back, I kept her close to me, rubbing her cheek as I glanced at her lips, a second long enough for her to understand.

\- "I'm not a cheater, Bellamy," -she moved slightly back- "I can't do this; I'm not doing this."

\- "I know." -I moved her hair behind her ear- "I'm not going anywhere."

She smiled, shaking her head as I let go of her, walking out of the room but glancing at me one last time before there was nothing but shadows in front of me again. I smiled as I closed the door, feeling my chest significantly lighter after my conversation with Sam. I was certainly glad she had just as big of a forgiving heart as I remembered for I didn't know what I'd have done if she had pushed me further away after today. And now, I had to do something to ensure her safety. Maybe, if I showed her the worms... _no, that'll only anger her._ And then, I realized, the only one that could stop Sam from leaving was the last person I wanted to speak with now: my sister. But I had to be smart about it: I had to get Octavia to stop Sam while we stopped her plans with the worms.

**\---------------------**

**ROAN'S POV**

After Sam left the room, I walked to the bathroom, knocking on the door and waiting for Lila to open. This wasn't the first time I had stayed back to talk with Lila when Sam and her fought; it wasn't usual but, just like in every family, they had fights like this from time to time.

\- "Lila, you alright?"

A quiet 'yes' answered my question. I knew Sam was trying her best; she had tried since the beginning, having no idea about what kids liked or how to take care of them, how to make herself heard and understood... it had been a long process but I couldn't think of anyone doing a better mom job than her; not even some of the biological mothers I had met in my time and definitively not mine.

\- "Is she gone?"

\- "Yes, she's gone to find Monty."

\- "I wish I could go meet them all too." -she opened the door slowly- "I know she's trying to protect me but they are her friends. She won't even let me meet Bellamy."

\- "You'll meet them all in good time." -I offered her my hand, seeing she had changed into her sleeping attire- "Come on."

She sighed, taking my hand and walking with me to her bed, jumping on it and allowing me to tuck her in.

\- "Why can't she see there are other people who can go to war for her?" -she looked up at me with sad eyes- "Why does she have to risk her life all the time?"

\- "She's trying to protect you, to get the valley for you."

\- "I don't want that valley if it means she's going to die fighting for it." -she shook her head- "I know she hates this place for all the things she's had to do, what we've had to do but I'd rather stay here with her than get to the valley without her."

Lila's mature words caught me off guard; not because of the words in themselves but for the meaning behind them: she'd rather live surrounded by darkness with Sam than live without her. Maybe that's exactly what Sam needed to hear and, especially, to hear it from Lila because the Commanders knew she wouldn't listen if I said it, not even if Bellamy did.

\- "Have you tried telling her that?"

\- "I don't want to disappoint her. I know the valley is not just for me but for the rest of the kids and our people; it'd be selfish of me to ask her to stop fighting because I don't want to lose her. That would mean everyone else would have to live with my decision. I can't do that, Ethan and Kass only talk about the valley. That's what they want, what their parents want."

\- "You could never disappoint Sam."

\- "She wants me to be good, to help those in need and not think selfishly."

\- "Maybe she's the one that needs help as much as she's not seeing it."

She furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at me pensively. If Sam agreed to stay back with Lila, I could step up and fight for the valley, keeping them both safe. I knew Bellamy would help me. We needed a plan.

\- "I'm afraid." -Lila's quiet voice regained my attention.

\- "Why?"

\- "Because I know Sam will do anything to keep me safe: going to war or taking control of the bunker again."

\- "Nothing's happening to Sam."

\- "Do you promise not to let anything happen to her?"

\- "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> **Hello, my beautiful people!**
> 
> **Remember to leave me some feedback if you have the time. It's always so nice to read what you guys think of the chapter or where the story could go, especially seeing that the views are decreasing, I'd like to know if it's because of something I wrote or just because people are losing interest, please. **


	17. Ascend, my dear.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> **Sam knew sacrifices needed to be made for the good of her people. Roan hoped it’d never come to this again.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Hope everyone’s staying safe inside their houses. Stop panic buying for the love of satan.🧙♀️

**SAM'S POV**

I woke up that morning with a clear vision of everything I had to get done: first, I had to make sure the kids were alright and taken care of; then, I had to tie as many loose ends as I possibly could and I had to come up with a plan that could get me out of there without Octavia knowing; I also had to sneak from Roan for I'd rather not see the disappointment in this face as he learned what I was planning on doing. Was my plan reckless and insane? Yes, but I wouldn't bring anyone to die with me nor for me. I decided I should check on Monty too, assuming he'd back in the computer room for his meeting with Cooper had been earlier on.

\- "Hello?" -I opened the door, not seeing anyone there- "Monty?"

\- "Down here." -Harper rose her hand from behind the table- "We're here."

\- "Are you okay?" -I rush to their side, seeing them both sat with their backs to the table and fingers interlaced- "What happened? Are you hurt?"

\- "No." -Harper rose her hand, prompting me to sit down in front of her- "We're okay."

\- "Why are you sat here instead of enjoying the sun or working on the hydro farm?" -Harper pointed with her head at Monty- "What did Cooper do?"

\- "It wasn't Cooper." -he rose his head to meet my gaze- "It was Bellamy and Clarke. It's always them."

\- "You can tell me what's happening, I can't help if I don't know."

And, as I sat there with them, seeing the broken spirit Monty had become and how Harper had decided to stand by him, how he explained what had happened and what he had seen in the room, how they discovered Octavia's plan and how they decided that killing Cooper would be the best idea, I realized no one in this fucking bunker had learned anything from their mistakes. There were two things I was having trouble believing, not because I didn't trust Monty, but because it was surreal: first, Octavia had not even bothered telling me about her damn plan and, second, Bellamy and Clarke had decided that I wasn't important enough to learn about it. _Of course not, it's always them having to be in control, only they can make choices now apparently. _It was time.

\- "Thank you for telling me." -I squeezed Monty's hand before rasing up- "I'll go check what's happened."

\- "While I don't agree with what they've done," -Harper looked at me- "those worms would have destroyed the valley and killed our friends."

\- "I know, which is exactly why I'm going to speak in private with Octavia and I'll do whatever has to be done to end that delusional idea of hers. I promise I'm not going to let anything else happen to our friends in the valley, alright?"

\- "I believe you."

\- "Thank you." -I smiled turning to leave- "I wish more people were capable of that."

\- "Clarke and Bellamy are just scared." -I heard her again before I got to the door.

\- "And their fear is clouding their rational thinking, but what else is new?"

I exited the room, shaking my head as I realized where all this pointed at. I rubbed the back of my neck turning to go to where I knew Octavia would be right now. _Maybe it's time to stop avoiding destiny._

**\--------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

We had been caught; Octavia knew it had been us to murder Cooper, giving me a choice to confess and end up in the pit with Clarke or staying alive. I chose the latter, promising Clarke I'd take care of Madi. I stood there, in the tent, wondering what I could do; talking about all this with Octavia seemed the most reasonable idea. _Maybe we can also speak about Sam's idea of leaving tonight._ So I went into the bunker, going to the commands room where I knew she'd be, but she wasn't alone.

\- "Who the fuck are you and what have you done with my sister?"

That was Sam, voice harsh and full of rage; then I heard something breaking so I threw the door open, both of them turning around to face me: Octavia was closer to the door, sat on a chair like this was nothing while Sam stood in front of her, broken pieces to her feet that I had no idea what had previously been.

\- "Not the time, Bellamy." -Octavia waved her hand in the air as if I'd simply vanish before she faced Sam again- "It's what we have to do."

\- "It's not what we have to do, it's what you want to do. But you're not making a fucking move without me."

\- "We've lost people before, this is the same thing."

\- "We lost people to a war, to a fucking asshole that took over, even to Jaha but never to ourselves." -Sam shook her head as I closed the door behind me, standing just in front of it, witnessing their conversation- "My friends are not acceptable losses."

\- "If I could intervene..."

\- "Shut up, Blake, this has nothing to do with you." -Sam cut me off, pointing at the chair next to her, in front of Octavia- "Wanna be here? Sit down and close your mouth. This is between us."

I felt like a little boy, being ordered around my an exasperated adult that was about to explode any second but, still, I did as she commanded, Octavia glancing at me for only a second before speaking to Sam again with a severe tone.

\- "It's for the good of our people."

\- "They are our people."

\- "They aren't Wonkru."

\- "Sorry," -Sam scoffed, tilting her head as she eyed my sister up and down- "did you take full control of the bunker while I was out? Because I don't recall kneeling to you."

\- "We need that valley, this is the only way."

\- "I'm not going to let you murder my friends just because they are in the wrong place at the wrong time."

\- "It's been six years, Sam, not even your bond with Bellamy managed to survive the passing of time, what makes you think the rest of them will take you in like nothing changed."

\- "You keep sinking lower every time I speak to you." -Sam shook her head, clearly unamused- "I did not undergo torture for you to murder Raven, I did not risk my neck for Murphy for you to murder him and I definitively did not become a Nightblood to save Emori from being murdered for you to finish that job."

\- "They'll push you again once they learn what we've become."

\- "Then that's their choice, not yours."

\- "Even your tight relationship with Murphy will crumble to pieces when he..."

\- "Murphy was there for me when even you left!" -Sam raised her voice, scaring all of us- "Murphy stuck with me even when he was gone! No questions asked, no hesitation, no grudges, nothing; he sided with me even when there were no sides to choose, so fuck you, Blodreina, and fuck this place."

I decided that was my chance to intervene, to try to prevent them from getting at each others' throats and actually hurting each other.

\- "Did you tell her about Clarke?" -I faced Octavia- "Have you told Sam you're going to..."

\- "Here we go again." -Octavia rested back comfortably on her chair, cutting me off- "Why are you always pleading for her life?" -I saw the venom in her eyes before she even managed to say what came next- "You didn't beg for Sam's life like that when Pike tried to murder her, twice, by the way."

\- "Do not bring me into your sibling quarrel again." -Sam stood next to us again- "I don't need anyone pleading for my life because I can take care of myself."

\- "Is that why you threw yourself at Roan as soon as you saw him kissing Echo?"

If I had been standing, I'd have fallen by the blow that Octavia's words had been, my eyes focusing on Sam; I was certain she'd torn Octavia into pieces, clenched fists and clenched jaw, closed eyes. Octavia seemed pleased with herself, ready to begin the conversation with me again when Sam's demeanor completely changed: relaxed posture, smile on her lips and arms crossed over her chest as she looked at my sister.

\- "Who I fuck is still none of your business but, if you are so desperate to know, yes, I'm fucking Roan because at least I can keep a relationship stable through time and away from the lies that seem to have taken over everything you've become. And I won't let you ruin anything else. You're done."

\- "I've got patrols around the Rover, you got nowhere to go." -Octavia didn't even bother looking back at Sam- "You're not going anywhere without my approval."

\- "Who's going to stop me?"

\- "My people will." -she faced her- "You need me now more than I ever needed you."

\- "Are you trying to say you don't need me?"

Sam's façade broke completely to pieces in front of my eyes as my sister turned around, ignoring her; I'd never thought this day would come and I expected even less Octavia to be the one that'd break their bond. But Sam recovered quickly, looking at the floor for a second.

\- "I should've known you'd ditch me as soon as your brother came back; after all, I'm just a dirty natblida now." -she chuckled dryly, shaking her head- "Don't come back to me once he ditches you too for your sister is dead. Once you're alone, I won't be there to catch you again."

\- "Sam, wait."

\- "Shut up." -Sam forced me back on the chair- "I don't want to hear anything else from you either. I told you I broke everything with you because you lied to me and you go and do it again." -she shook her head, I could see the tears in her eyes- "I really am stupid when it comes to you, I fall time after time even if I keep saying I won't. I love you more than I care to admit right now and for a couple of hours I thought we could fix this but, truth is, you're like poison to me. Stay away or I'll put you in the pit with Clarke and I won't be here to see how you let her murder you."

The door closed slowly, Sam's footsteps soon lost in the distance. I buried my face in my hands, wanting to scream but unable to.

\- "Well, you've done it again. Congratulations, big brother." -Octavia grabbed a piece of the rations in front of her- "Now you can go fuck around again, just like in the good old times."

\- "I was fixing things with Sam!" -I raised my voice as she looked at me, not fearful but entertained- "I knew she was with Roan when I told her I'd wait for her; I know she loves him as well as I know what she feels for him is not the same she feels about me."

\- "How can you be sure? She's threatened to put you in the pit; she's never allowed Roan to get close to it."

\- "This is not the point of this conversation. This is not why I came here."

\- "Alright, speak but be fast, it's late."

I looked at the rations in front of her, putting my hand discreetly in my pocket, feeling the piece of ration I was going to give Sam to put her to sleep to prevent her from leaving. I had to stop Octavia from killing Clarke and from ruining her relationship with Sam even more; I also knew, as much as Sam felt destroyed right now, she wouldn't leave Octavia behind. So I did what I had to do.

**\-------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

I should've seen it coming, I should've known they'd end up pushing me away in favor of each other, I should've known he'd lie to me again. _I have something to show you_. Clarke's words bounced in my head. _She lied to me too. What a fucking surprise._

\- "Hey." -Thea almost ran into me as we both turned a corner- "You alright?"

\- "No." -I didn't bother hiding it- "This is just getting worse and I don't know what to do; there's only one thing I can think off and it's the last thing I want to do."

\- "That bad, huh?" -Thea knew very well what I meant- "I'll stand by your side, no matter what."

\- "You'll take care of Lila if it comes to it, right?"

\- "Yes, but it won't." -she pulled her arm over my shoulders- "I have some booze in my room, let's have a talk, friend to friend."

\- "I really need that."

And that's what we did for no more than 15 minutes, being interrupted by a guard saying that something had happened to Octavia. I was truly pissed at her but, as much as it pained me, I'd always care for her, even if it was just a little part of me that did. Thea came with me, my mind a bit more at ease, maybe because of the alcohol, but most probably thanks to Thea's reassuring words. I knew she'd come with me to hell without me needing to ask and I appreciated that. I knew what I had to do and I knew at least she'd stand by my side to keep me standing until we got the valley. She parted ways from us before we got to Medical, putting my plan into motion. _This is for the greater good, just like everything else I've done._

**\-------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

Once it was done, I tried to find Sam to check on her. I had to apologize and make sure she understood why I was doing what I was doing; after we got rid of the worms and Cooper, we had made an agreement with Diyoza: we'll surrender and she'll let us join them in the valley, including talking with Sam before anyone moved. I didn't find her as much as I searched and asked for her; I was certain no one would tell me even if they knew where she was but I tried nonetheless. Not finding her, I decided to go to Clarke's cell to check on her and tell her what was happening.

\- "Once Indra takes over, I'll come to get you out, we'll surrender and we'll get to the valley."

\- "Did you tell Sam about this?"

\- "No, but we should have told her about the worms at least."

\- "I wasn't sure she wouldn't use them."

\- "But I was." -I turned around- "She'd never hurt our people, our friends."

Clarke nodded as I exited the cell, finding Indra waiting for me outside and guiding me to the room in which they had Octavia to check on how she was. Once we got there, Sam was there, sat on the bed with her, my sister's hand in hers as Jackson kept an eye on the monitors.

\- "How's she?" -Indra made ourselves known.

\- "Not good." -that was Jackson's complete answer.

\- "She's been poisoned," -Sam scoffed, her voice was harsh- "how do you think she is?"

\- "We don't exactly know that yet." -Jackson tried to soothe Sam's words for us but it didn't work.

\- "I ate those rations too, Sam, and I'm fine."

\- "Well, it wouldn't be the first time someone's been poisoned and the other part was uninjured." -she rose her eyes to meet mine- "Right?"

\- "Are you implying this was me."

\- "I'm saying we've lived down here for six years and no one succumbed to poison yet here we are." -she moved her face to look at Octavia again- "Lucky for whoever did it, I have other things in mind and no way to prove it."

\- "Have you considered that the worm toxin might still be in her system?" -Indra approached Jackson.

\- "Then explain why I'm alright." -Sam spat facing her- "Don't push my buttons, Indra, I'm not in the mood."

\- "It could be a possibility." -Jackson interceeded- "Small and extremely improbable. Your immune system could have reacted better against the worm and you had it less time inside you, not allowing it to inject you with as much toxin as your sister. But, if that's the case..."

\- "Jackson," -Sam prompted him to keep going, her voice relaxed and soothing- "I need to know what this means for my sister."

\- "It's been over a week which means, if this is a secondary reaction to the toxin, nothing will work." -he took Sam's hand in his as she shook her head- "We have to prepare for succession."

The room went silent as Jackson's words sank into everyone's chest; Sam let her head fall over Jackson's side as he ran his hand through her hair. This was not the time, but seeing Jackson taking care of Sam made me feel a bit better. I sighed. I knew what had really put Octavia in that state and I knew there was a really small possibility of losing her but I was certain she'd recover like Murphy had; Monty said it himself and I trusted him.

\- "I'll inform Wonkru." -Indra broke the silence- "I'll take over for now and..."

\- "What makes you think Wonkru's going to follow you while I'm here."

\- "You're in no condition to take over your sister and her desire was for me to succeed her." -Indra pointed out as Sam rose her head- "You won't think with your head and the..."

\- "Samantha." -Gaia entered the room interrupting her mother, followed by the woman whose name I believed to be Thea and who, according to Echo, had pledged loyalty to Sam way before the bunker closed- "It's time."

\- "Time for what."

I looked at her but she didn't answer, her eyes on Sam as she turned to Octavia, kissing her forehead before raising up and looking at Gaia again, nodding.

\- "Sam, are you sure about this?" -Jackson pulled her back- "I don't want to see you like your sister."

\- "I don't agree with what Octavia and Cooper were trying to do and I'll make sure that plan can not be put into motion. I also can't believe no one in this room told me about it since it's clear the only one who didn't know about this apart from me was you." -she moved her gaze around the room, looking at all of us- "But I have to do it." -she squeezed his hand- "Everything's going to be fine; you'll be okay, I promise."

\- "What are you talking about?" -I grabbed her arm as she walked past me- "What are you going to do."

She didn't even look at me; Thea pushed me back, putting a knife to my neck and threatening me, commanding me to stay away from Sam, only letting go once Sam was out of the room, following Gaia away. Indra looked startled, glued to her place as Miller moved to comfort Jackson; there was something I had missed. I knew Sam and O ruled together but I didn't think she'd want to rule on her own. I turned to the door, watching Roan standing there, shaking his head as he rubbed his chin.

\- "What is she talking about?"

-"Did you poison your sister to keep her from sending the worms?" -he faced me as I got to him- "Did you poison her instead of telling Sam all about it, knowing she could've gotten Wanheda out of her cell and planned a better strategy to take the valley?"

\- "What is Sam going to do."

\- "The only thing I hoped to never see her do again." -he shook his head, he was clearly worried- "And all because of you and your stupidity, Skaiboy."

**\------------------------**

**CLARKE'S POV**

After Bellamy left, I paced my cell, anxious about what was happening, not hearing anything and not seeing anyone walking past my door. My thoughts were eating me alive, so many things could go wrong, so many variables Bellamy hadn't taken into account.

\- "Clarke." -Sam entered the cell, motioning the woman following her to free me as I paused my movement.

\- "What's happening?" -I looked at her as my hands were freed, confused by what exactly was happening now.

\- "I suppose you have nothing to do with Blodreina's state."

\- "No." -I answered honestly- "What's happening?"

\- "I'm setting you free like I'd have done if anyone in this goddam place told me what was happening, just like I'd have destroyed the worms if you had told me but I suppose I don't inspire much trust from you lately. Not even after all we've shared."

She turned around and got out as I rubbed my wrists, taking my jacket and following her out of there; I took a turn to look for Madi, wondering what really was happening for the one that should have come to free me was Bellamy. I didn't find her but I found him running around with a troubled look in his eyes.

\- "Hey, have you seen Madi?"

\- "No." -he looked behind me- "We may have a problem."

\- "What now."

\- "We need a Commander; I don't know what Sam's going to do but she's not going to stop the war."

\- "What are you saying?" -he looked at me again and I saw it in his eyes- "No, absolutely not. Madi is just a child."

\- "You were willing to force the Flame on Luna, to put it on yourself to stop a war; how's this any different?"

\- "Madi's a child!" -I pushed past him- "You said you'd take care of her and this is what your plan was all along?" -I started running out of there- "Just to save Echo and the rest?!"

\- "Clarke, wait!"

\- "Get out of my sight."

I forced him away from me, running and seeing everyone walking up to the pit so I assumed everyone would be there. I was right: Madi was there with the rest of the kids, looking confused at me as I walked up to her, grabbing her hand and pulling her with me.

\- "Clarke." -Sam's voice stopped me, watching her coming to me with a woman that didn't look friendly at all- "I promise Madi's safe but I understand if you want to take the Rover and leave but I'd rather if you didn't; it'd only set off more alarms than I can control and I haven't taken care of the eggs yet."

\- "No." -I forced Madi behind me; I didn't care who Sam was now but she wouldn't force my child to Ascend either- "I will not let her Ascend, she's a child!"

\- "I know." -Sam nodded- "And I know exactly what your plan was but I also know Bellamy and Indra have one of their own now, am I wrong?" -I gulped- "Of course, I'm not." -she chuckled dryly, sarcastically as she saw my reaction- "This would have been so much easier for all of us if you had told me about the worms as soon as you learned about it."

\- "I thought you'd agree with Octavia. You want that valley at any cost."

\- "Not of innocent lives, my friends are stuck there and I don't let people just die, princess." -she took a deep breath- "Thea is my right hand down here and, if anything happened to me and Roan, she'd take care of my kid and yours just as if she were me."

\- "Madi is safe with me." -the woman beside her nodded- "We all want the best for the kids."

\- "You don't believe in the Flame?"

\- "I believe in Sam."

And, for some reason, I was inclined to believe her.

\- "But, still," -Sam refocused the conversation- "I want you to promise me you'll take care of Lila if anything happens to me and my people." -I took a step back, not understanding what was happening- "I need to know you'll protect her as if she were your child, I need to know we still believe in the same thing: kids' lives are sacred."

\- "I promise." -I nodded- "What are you going to do?"

\- "I'm going to take care of your kid as if she were my own. I'm taking over."

She turned around not saying anything else. I saw Bellamy getting to the level as Sam got to the center of the pit, followed by Thea and Gaia. Everyone focused their attention on them from behind the mesh, two men forcing Bellamy back as he looked at Indra who simply shook her head.

\- "Hey." -I turned around to see Lila- "What's happening?"

\- "I don't know but you have to stick with me, okay?" -I looked at her- "I've promised Sam I'd take care of you like she's taken care of Madi."

Lila's face washed over with worry, pushing past me and trying to get in the pit, screaming for Sam but she didn't get to them, being grabbed by Roan who stood just outside the pit, trying to calm her down. I saw Bellamy's eyes on the little girl, I could tell he was trying to figure out who that was.

\- "The rumors are true." -Sam started, addressing the crowd as Gaia stood by her side- "My sister has fallen ill and there are forces trying to pull Wonkru apart. I'm here to tell you that you have nothing to fear; I'm still around and I'm here to fulfill the promise I made to all of you three years ago. I know most of you hoped this day wouldn't come; neither did I."

\- "You will die!" -Nylah screamed form the crowd- "There has to be another way."

\- "There's only this way." -she turned around, finding my eyes and I nodded- "I am the way."

Gaia grabbed something from her pocket and I instinctively pulled Madi back: the Flame. I gulped as I realized was she was going to do, as I realized the lengths she'd go to protect her kid and mine, to protect everyone down here: she was going to Ascend.

\- "Why is she doing that?"

\- "Because she knows some people here wanted to force it on you." -I looked at Madi as she nodded, focusing back on Sam as she kneeled in the pit- "And we both know what happens to everyone that Ascends."

**\--------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I tried to stop Clarke, to make her understand; we both knew the Flame wouldn't kill Madi just because she Ascended and we could take it off as soon as we were in the valley. It was a perfect plan. I sighed, making my way out of that corridor, seeing that everyone was walking up to the pits, a bad feeling building in my chest as I followed them. As I got there, I watched as Sam stood in the pit with Gaia by her side, the protection around her neck was missing. _No. No. No. That couldn't..._

\- "Sam!" -I yelled, caring very little about everyone around us- "Please, don't, it'll kill you!"

\- "Take him out of here." -she didn't even look at me, soon being dragged back by two people.

\- "Sam, please!" -I tried to get rid of them- "This is not how it's supposed to go!"

\- "Well, you wanted a Commander, right?" -Sam faced me, the anger in her eyes was a massive contrast to the desperation I felt- "I'm giving you the only one left."

They tied a cloth around my mouth to keep me from saying anything else, pulling me back behind the mesh. I wanted to scream, looking at Roan, wondering why the hell he wasn't stopping her but he didn't even spare me a glance, simply holding a girl in his arms that had been screaming at Sam not to do it, now only able to sob in his arms. I wondered who she was but not having much time to study her features as the rest of the kids crowded around them and Roan put her on the floor again, all of them hugging as they stood there, watching as Sam did the last thing I'd ever expected to see her do, the last thing I'd have ever wanted her to do: become the Commander.

\- "Samantha kom Wonrku." -Gaia started, standing in front of her- "Do you willingly agree to proceed?"

\- "I do." -Sam nodded- "I'm ready."

Gaia motioned her to kneel, Sam moving her hair from her neck, revealing the tattoo Clarke had told me about. I knew that symbol: theta, the symbol of death. I tried to fight back again, the pieces all starting to fall together as I watched Gaia whisper to the Flame, seeing the small tentacles moving towards Sam's neck, the scream that escaped her lips as the Flame pierced her skin, getting inside her body triggered the tears to fall down my cheeks. She fell forward, placing her hands on the ground as the room went completely silent; she finally fell on the floor. I thought she was dead, laying still on the floor.

\- "Come on, Sam." -Roan murmured next to me- "Fight."

Gaia walked around her, murmuring things I could barely understand, finally stopping in front of her. She looked around, her eyes landing on Roan who kept shifting uncomfortably in his place.

\- "Sam, wake up."

The girl from before held onto the mesh, the kids around her all started to murmur the same words with her.

\- "It didn't take her this much last time."

\- "You can't take it off now, you heard Gaia: if you rip it while it's bonding with her mind, she's dead."

I turned my head around, just enough to see Jackson and Miller standing behind me; a moment later, Jackson started pushing through the guards and to get to the pit with his medkit. _Last time. The tattoo. No. _It couldn't be. Gaia stopped Jackson from getting any closer, simply pointing him to stand by her side in front of Sam. _Come on, Sam, come back. I need you to come back. _And finally, after the worst minutes of my life, filled with regret, anxiety, pain and tears, she moved.

\- "Yes!"

Roan breathed relieved next to me and so did I, the kids cheered quietly too. It was just her hand but then it was as if her body was slowly waking up, from the tip of her finger to her feet. She shook her head, slowly raising back up as the people started chanting her name, Scathach. It truly was something worth witnessing, how everyone came together for one person, for her, for Sam. Jackson offered her his hands, pulling her up, Gaia's hand moving to the back of her neck and then to her forehead, nodding. Everyone around us kneeled.

\- "Heda."

Gaia and Jackson kneeled too, Sam turned around, seeing know what Gaia had done: painted a vertical line on Sam's forehead with her own blood from the wound in her neck. It made me sick. I was forced to kneel too; I'd have kneeled to her anytime, but not like this. I was released, landing with my hands on the floor too, raising my head in time to meet her eyes: I could still read them like I had done for so long, or maybe she wasn't bothering to cover how she felt: anger and disappointment, pain and terror, determination.

\- "Please, raise with me." -Sam addressed the crowd moving her eyes from mine- "I know we find ourselves immersed in dark times once again, but I believe Wonkru is strong, I believe we can get through this like we've done before. We've survived worse down here, I'm sure we can all agree on that."

The crowd agreed; I looked around to see Clarke standing back with Madi, both their eyes glued to Sam.

\- "I pledge my life now, in front of all of you, never to give up. I swear on my life I'll do everything in my hand to get us out of here, to give our kids a bright future and a peaceful ending for the rest of us. It won't be easy and some of us may fall in the way but no war is ever won without losses. No war is won without sacrifice and I'm willing to be just that for all of you."

The crowd agreed with her, some of them raising their weapons and chanting for her; Gaia nodded beside her, her hands to her back as she looked at the crowd too. I would have never thought I'd ever see one of us Ascend, I never thought Sam would do something like that. And this was the second time. _But, how? It made no sense._

\- "But, just because we are going to war, doesn't mean all of Wonkru has to join." -now that took us all by surprise- "I won't force anyone into a fight they don't believe in; the kids, the elder and the sick will stay behind down here with the promise to be taken to the valley once it's under our control. Whoever of you that doesn't fall into those categories and doesn't want to fight by my side is welcome to stay back too; there will be no punishment for those of you who stay back and the only reward for those joining me will be knowing we did all that was in our hands to live. I won't ask you to fight, but I want you to consider if there's anything you can do for those around us who are more in need than we are."

She looked around one last time, I could hear the murmurs, Roan looking around, his hand on his weapon and I was certain he was ready to kill whoever said anything against Sam. I was startled, her discourse taking me completely by surprise, her terms were so logical yet seemed so out of place down here as she stood in the pit. She was risking no one following her, risking having to lead a war that only she'd fight. That took courage. It was sacrifice.

\- "I'll fight by your side, Heda." -the woman that had been by her side when she left with Echo kneeled in front of her- "Kom Wamplei." [Until death]

\- "It'd be my honor to die by your side, my friend." -Miller took a step forward, making a reverence to Sam- "Heda."

He rose to stand to Sam's other side. Soon, the room erupted in chants for war, chants praising Sam and her tactics. Praises for the new Commander.

\- "She shouldn't have ascended again." -the girl from before turned to Roan- "You promised to keep her safe!"

She hit him on the stomach before starting to run away down the bunker corridors, a couple kids following her while the others moved back to their families. Roan looked at Sam but she didn't see him so he simply sighed, turning around to follow the girl, smacking my shoulder with his as he walked past me, forcing me to take a step back.

\- "Her death is on your hands, Skyboy. Be ready to say your goodbyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
> 
> ****
> 
> **Hello, my loves!**
> 
> **Dropping by to thank you for keeping up with me but, most importantly, to check on you. I hope you're all staying safe in your houses if you can and, if not, then I hope you're taking all the precautions needed not only not to catch the virus but also not to spread it to the most vulnerable people of our communities aka the elderly and people with pre-existing health conditions.**
> 
> **Stay safe, much love,**
> 
> **Seira🌿**


	18. My child.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s time for Lila to meet the person that could have been taking care of her in time wasn’t such a funny thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** A/N: **Hello, I’m back with Sweet Release. Hope my lil fam reading this will enjoy♡

**SAM'S POV**

It was done and there was no way back or around it. After I recited the names of the past Commanders, it was back to business. And the first thing I did was make sure those worms would get nowhere.

\- "What are you going to do?" -Miller walked out of the pit with me.

\- "End my sister's delusion." -I eyed him and he nodded- "Go to the Rover with Thea, take the eggs out and burn them." -I faced Thea- "Make sure there's nothing left; you have my approval to use all you need to get rid of them."

\- "Sha, Heda."

I watched them go, Thea quickly taking the lead and instructing a couple of other men to follow her, going to grab the supplies before they actually followed through with the plan. I had to take care of the wound in my neck, so I turned around to get down to my room, almost running into Jackson.

\- "Hey, how are you feeling."

\- "So far, so good." -I squeezed his arm but he rose his eyebrow, questioning me further- "I swear. It's just the beginning so they won't bother me much, we'll see in a month."

\- "I hope this won't last that long."

\- "Knowing us, I wouldn't put my hand on the fire."

\- "Let me check the wound." -he left his medkit on the floor, moving my hair to the side- "It's definitively messed your tattoo."

\- "I'll ask Thea to retouch it, it's fine." -I turned around to look at him- "I know you have patients waiting, I won't hold you back for longer; I got a small kit in my room, I'll take care of this."

\- "Are you sure?"

\- "Yeah, if I have any trouble, I'll go look for you." -I smiled before starting to walk away- "It's going to be okay."

\- "Sam!" -I heard him coming after me- "I mean, Heda."

\- "You don't have to call me Heda." -I moved my face to the side to look at him as we walked down the hallways together.

\- "I'll call you Heda in public, you know they got mad when I didn't."

\- "Yeah." -I couldn't help but laugh as I remembered the looks of a couple of the elderly when Jackson ran up to me once, calling me Sam as he did before realizing they were there, immediately switching to the Trig title- "Let's not do that again."

At the very beginning, when Clarke's mom was still sane, some Grounders questioned why we had given a spot to a second doctor, to a trainee nonetheless but, after he saved my life, he had won them all over. He was addressed by everyone why a level of respect I never thought I'd see one of us get but it pleased me to see this was how things were going to be; Jackson was under my direct protection, just like everyone else, but Wonkru was aware I wouldn't take lightly anyone doing him wrong so no one even rose their voice to him. Jackson had saved my life and I'd do anything to make sure his was never threatened.

We parted ways once we got to medical; most cases he got lately weren't life-threatening but I'd be damned if someone didn't get the help they needed because I got a cut. I wondered where Lila had gone; I knew she wouldn't like this but I also knew she'd understand with time. I was certain Roan would be with here so that gave me peace of mind.

\- "Sam, wait!"

\- "I'm not in the mood to fight, Blake." -I didn't even bother turning around or slow my pace for him- "You should go check how your sister's doing. Or maybe not because she'll throw you in the pit if she wakes up and we're still here."

\- "You Ascended, she has no power over you now."

\- "I mean, you wouldn't be wrong, I'm just deciding if I'd throw you in the pit too, maybe that way you'll learn to stop hiding shit from me."

\- "Hey." -he grabbed my arm, pulling me back- "I didn't want this."

\- "I don't care, this is what I'm doing so sit down and enjoy the ride."

I got rid of him. I truly didn't want to fight with him, I just wanted to make up, get the valley, get the chip out and lay in the grass looking at the stars. But everything kept getting more and more complicated by the second. I wondered if we'd ever manage to contact our friends in the valley. I also had to go check on Monty and Harper, let them know the worms had been dealt with. I also had to meet with the heads of the army and the counselors, decide what exactly we were going to do and how we'd approach this war. I knew none of them would vote to surrender. I wouldn't either but I needed someone in that valley to be my eyes there; I hoped Echo would find a way to contact us. We needed to completely split Diyoza and McCreary's men, ally with Diyoza and get rid of the rest; then maybe we could part the valley in half, depending on how many of them were left after we cleansed her lines.

\- "Are you listening to me?"

\- "I was not." -I furrowed my eyebrows as I realized he was still walking with me- "What do you want, I have 800 people to take care of so I suggest you are quick."

\- "I want to talk."

\- "You never wanted to talk with much before Praimfaya, what did you eat in space that made you the most talkative person on Earth."

I scoffed as I finally reached my room, not even bothering to push him away for I knew he was going to come in whether I wanted or not. I closed the door after him, motioning for him to sit down, deciding I'd hear him out while I checked my wound. I realized Ascending meant also a change of attire. _Where did I put the damn cape?_ I kneeled in front of the bed, aware of Bellamy's eyes studying everything around him, pulling a box from underneath when the door opened again.

\- "Sam?"

I didn't expect Lila to come to talk to me so soon so, as she entered the room and smiled as she saw me but her eyes immediately moved to Bellamy, her smile growing even bigger, I realized I could no longer hide her from the world. I nodded and she closed the door, walking to stand next to me but looking at Bellamy; I had to hold back my laughter as I saw the look on his face, I could tell he was doing the math and trying to figure out who this was.

\- "I guess it's time for you to meet."

\- "Yes, I've been waiting since you opened that hole on the ceiling." -Lila nodded offering Bellamy her hand- "I'm Lila."

\- "Bell..."

\- "Bellamy, I know. I've heard all about you. You're a little different from what I pictured."

\- "Am I supposed to be offended?"

\- "The beard. I'm not sure I like it."

\- "Lila!" -I busted out laughing, unable to hold back any longer, sitting on the bed.

\- "She's definitively as blunt as you are."

Bellamy looked at me; the biggest smile I had seen him sport since he came back took over his lips. He looked so... happy, like someone had been injected life back into his system. I wasn't sure what exactly he was making of any of this but seeing the way he looked at Lila and how relaxed he stood in front of us I realized it wasn't important; a bittersweet feeling rose in my chest as they interchanged a couple of words, it was like they knew each other from a long time ago. Well, Lila kind of did. I couldn't help but imagine how our life would have been if he had stayed behind with me, I wondered if Lila would have grown into who she was now if he had been the one to take on the role of her father figure.

\- "I learned from the best." -Lila faced me again- "We have to talk."

\- "I'm listening."

\- "Should I go?"

\- "No." -Lila was quick to answer Bellamy- "It won't be long and I want you both to talk so you can go to how you used to be."

\- "Lila, it's not that simple..."

\- "I know, I'm not a baby anymore, Sam; I know everything that's going on."

\- "I never said you didn't."

Bellamy stood up, moving to the side of the room to give us some space which I terribly appreciated. This was not how I wanted them to meet but, then again, it wasn't as if all the plans I had made for so long had been working out lately. Lila moved in front of me, clearing her throat and standing as tall as she could. I knew what this meant.

\- "I want to fight by your side, Heda."

\- "Absolutely not."

\- "Then why did you teach me to fight."

\- "Just because I won't let you take part in battle doesn't mean I don't want you to know how to defend yourself. We've been over this, Lila."

\- "I'd rather live in the bunker my whole life than get to the valley without you."

\- "I know." -I smiled; her words had taken me by surprise but I was glad she was speaking up- "Did Roan tell you to tell me that?"

\- "No." -Roan entered the room; it was starting to feel too crowded in there for me, especially seeing the disapproving look in his eyes, I knew he wasn't mad but he was disappointed- "But when she shared those thoughts with me, I advised her to let you know. Took a little convincing because she felt she'd be disappointing you."

\- "Disappoint me?" -I looked at Lila, seeing her gaze dropping to her feet- "Strikon, chimoda na yu fig daun raun?" [Why would you think that?]

\- "Because asking you to stop the war is selfish. Everyone wants you to fight for that valley, to get it for us, even if you die. But I'm not like them, I'd rather anyone else die but you."

\- "It's not selfish wanting me around." -I took her hands in mine- "But you understand why I'm doing this, right?"

\- "Yes, but I don't want you to die, nomi."

**\---------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

Everything was starting to fall into place. _Nomi. She called her mom. _I looked over at Roan, but he didn't bother acknowledging me.

\- "I don't wanna die either."

I could really see now the change in Sam as she caressed the kid's cheek. Yes, she was still reckless, and she was tough, ready to start a war whenever, loyal to the core and incredibly smart and loving but this side of her; I hadn't seen her like this... ever. Her lack of respect for death had always been there, always worrying me for I was terrified of something going wrong but now? _I don't wanna die._ I had never heard Sam say anything resembling that. My heart had been acting funny every time I saw her with the kids but this was so different.

\- "Okay, from now on, you have to go everywhere with either me or Roan or Thea, alright?"

\- "I know." -Lila sighed, letting go of Sam and grabbing something from under the bed.

\- "You got training now?"

\- "Yeah, I'm sure Gaia will give us another lesson about the Flame. Again. Thank you for that, nomi."

\- "I'm sorry, niron." -Sam gave her an apologetic look, a soft smile on her lips- "I know those are boring."

\- "Can you hear them again? The past Commanders."

\- "I can but I don't want you to worry about it, alright? I've learned from last time, I got in under control. I promise."

Roan shifted uncomfortable on his feet. I had forgotten about that; I wondered how many of them were there, if she could hear them all at once or if they spoke in turns; I wondered what they were telling her.

\- "I'll go look for you once your lesson's done."

\- "Will you show us something new?"

\- "Are you ready for the next move?" -Sam chuckled, raising from the bed and walking with her to the door.

\- "Yes!"

I couldn't help but smile too as I saw the glint of excitement in Lila's eyes as she looked up at Sam; they were so similar. Among all the chaos down here, I felt at such peace watching them; watching the family Sam had built on her own even if small. I was so proud of her.

\- "Don't go easy on them." -Sam watched Lila go before turning to Roan- "Don't let her out of your sight; I have to know she's safe while I'm..."

\- "Chipped." -Roan ended for her- "I wish you had told me."

\- "Roan, I..."

\- "We'll talk later; I don't want to say something now that I'll regret later."

He left without saying anything else nor allowing Sam to add to that, closing the door and leaving her standing there; she rose her head and breathed deeply as she looked at the ceiling. She then shook her head, moving her hand to her neck, looking at her fingers before turning to me, furrowing her eyebrows for a second, as if she had forgotten I was still there.

\- "Spill it, Blake." -she glared at me- "Unless you're going to keep reproaching me things that can't be undone."

\- "Motherhood suits you." -she flinched slightly at my words.

\- "A mom is the last thing I ever wanted to be, especially down in this hell."

She looked at me as she walked towards a door at the back of the room so I followed her. I could tell by the look in her eyes and the tone in her voice that she meant it and it broke my heart. I would never understand how hard that must have been for her, 18 and surrounded by people that wanted to kill her... I rested my weight against the door frame, watching as she opened a cabinet and started searching through it. I knew now what, or more so who, Sam had been hiding but, still, there was something else I needed to know.

\- "Is Lila ours?"

Sam turned her head to face me, a smile slowly taking over her lips as her eyes softened, my heart skipping a beat seeing her look so... tender.

\- "Do you think she looks like you?" -a quiet giggle escaped her lips.

\- "She reminds me more of Sheda."

\- "Well, that's because she is Sheda's..."

\- "Oh, okay."

I gulped cutting her off, not because I hated that she had had a kid with someone else -it didn't necessarily attract me either- but because, deep down, a part of me wished Lila was ours. I had thought a lot of the life I wanted for me and Sam; during those three months after Mount Weather I had hoped that we'd manage to settle everyone completely in Arkadia and then, one day, I'd simply ask her to pack her things and meet me outside, I'd have been waiting with Selene, helped her up and then, we'd have left to make a life of our own. We'd have moved through the forest to the beach, finding the spot Sam had been dreaming of her whole life; we'd built our house there and then... then we'd just lived. That was all I wanted.

\- "Bellamy, she's 10." -she chuckled, standing in front of me- "She's Sheda's little sister."

\- "What?"

\- "I haven't had a baby. I can't get pregnant, remember?" -she rose her arm as I furrowed my eyebrows- "The implant I got before we landed, we talked about it before we had sex the first time."

\- "I remember." -I couldn't help the smile in my face as I remembered that day- "It was a great day."

\- "It was." -she nodded before moving away- "Now you know. I'm sure everything makes a little more sense now."

\- "It definitively explains why you're so cautious about who moves in and out of the bunker, why you seem to always know everything that's going on and why you're dead set on claiming the valley."

\- "Sounds about right."

\- "But it doesn't explain why you didn't tell me."

\- "Because I was trying to protect her from the pain" -she sighed- "After I learned about Jasper's death, I realized if all of you were only characters in a story and not someone she actually knew, your death wouldn't hurt her as much if it came to that."

\- "You told her about us?"

\- "She's heard a story about you most nights before going to bed." -she chuckled as she put a bottle of alcohol and a couple of gauzes on the countertop- "About all of us really but she particularly enjoys the stories about the King of the 100, the tales of the mechanic that could build anything she imagined with just her hands and, please, don't even get me started on Murphy."

\- "Was Jasper her favorite?" -I stood next to her in front of the sink.

\- "He was the first one she learned about." -she faced me, a sad smile on her lips- "She had to know why I was going back to Arkadia. Fuck, she was so excited to meet him."

\- "And she was the reason you stood back in Polis." -she nodded- "Why didn't you tell me?"

\- "You weren't exactly on the best of terms with the Grounders and you had other things to worry about."

\- "I would have done everything in my hand to keep her safe."

\- "I know. I hoped you'd help me raise her down here but fate's a funny thing, isn't it?" -she caressed my cheek; leaning into her touch felt so right- "I knew you'd make a good father ever since I saw you with Charlotte. I still think you will if you ever choose to be."

It took every last cell in my body not to kiss her; it took all the willpower I had not to take her in my arms and ran out the bunker, get in the Rover and drive to the valley and finish this by her side, dying or making it out but with her. Instead, I took her face in my hands, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs and kissing her forehead. I had always been certain of the life I wanted with Sam and hearing those words coming out of her lips made me realize she had craved for exactly that for as long as I had.

\- "There's something I have to ask from you." -she took a step back to keep her eyes on mine.

\- "Anything."

\- "Promise me you'll take care of Lila as if she were your own if I don't make it out of this one."

\- "Sam..."

\- "Promise me you'll protect her with your life; I need to know she'll be able to count on you even when I'm gone, even when you hate my guts."

\- "Sam, you're not going anywhere, nothing's happening to you and I'm never going to hate you."

\- "Swear it. Please." -I could see the desperation in her eyes- "I'll tell you everything about the Dark Year right now."

\- "I swear your kid will always fit with me. I'll protect her like she's mine; like she's ours." -she let out a sigh of relief, allowing her head to fall against my chest so I wrapped my arms around her- "You both will always fit with me, Sam."

\- "Wait till you hear about what I've been up to."

\- "I don't want you to tell me about the Dark Year just because I swore I'll protect Lila. I want you to tell me because you think it's the right thing to do, because you trust me and love me and you want me to know."

\- "It is the right thing to do." -she pulled back- "And I'm going to tell you in hopes you'll stop acting like you're the only one that can make decisions. This bunker is still standing because of the choices we made that year: your sister's and mines. In hopes that you'll take a step back from me and stop trying to protect me or whatever you were trying to do by hiding the worms from me. Worms I've taken care of already, by the way."

\- "The eggs?"

\- "Burnt. Every last one of them." -she turned back to the mirror, putting her hair up- "You may want to sit for this and grab the trash can."

\- "Let me help you, then you can tell me all about it."

I moved my hands to her neck, running my thumb over the side of her tattoo. The Flame had gone directly through the middle of Theta and I could see the scar the ink covered. I wondered how that got there. I made her lower her head before applying some alcohol to the gauze, carefully cleaning the wound, realizing she'd need a couple of stitches, grabbing the needle and thread from where she pointed me; I asked her if she wanted to sit but she refused, so I stood behind her, closing the small wound like I had done so many times before. It felt so familiar and yet, I wished this was the last thing we were reminiscing from our days together.

I kissed her neck as I finished, twirling her around, raising her head to hold my gaze. I allowed my eyes to travel down her face, to notice every little detail, like the scar on her brow from one of our training sessions in which we went a little harder than we were meant to. I smiled, moving my hands to her neck and making her look to one side, running my thumb over the old, almost faded scar on her neck from when that Grounder tried to slit her throat after we burnt his men. Then, I made her look at the ceiling, finally seeing the more prominent scar on her neck; it looked like it had been a deep cut and I could tell it hadn't been Abby the one to sew her.

\- "If you are going to do that with every single new scar in my body, we will be here another six years." -she moved her head down but she didn't push me to stand farther away from her nor made me move my hands from her skin- "I can see the questions in your eyes." -she smiled- "Want me to answer them?"

I nodded but we didn't move from there for a couple of minutes, moving my hands to her waist and simply looking at her. Six years I had spent without seeing her face so I'd take any chance she gave me to memorize her again. I so wished Roan and her would end whatever they started soon so that I could kiss her again, run my hands all over her body and press her against me to remind my body of hers.

\- "There's something I have to give you."

She finally moved away, her hand brushed over mine as she walked outside; I could tell it hadn't been intentional but the electricity still ran through my body. I followed her, watching as she opened a small cabinet and looked for something in it, a second I took to look more closely around me. There were a couple of drawings on the walls, some from Lila and some clearly done by someone with a much more curated and artistic eye. _I used to go to art classes but don't ask me to draw anything now because I can't. _Those were Sam's; they had to be. I recognized the landscapes: the river in which I drowned the radio, the clear where she used to train with Ion and Sheda, different places from Arkadia and Polis.

\- "Yeah, it's possible I decided to try and see if I could make this place look less like a cell and more like a room in which my child could grow up." -she was soon standing beside me again, stopping me from moving around the room to look at the rest of the drawings, seeing those had figures in them- "Here." -I turned around to see her handing me a book- "Learn about Scatcha."

\- "So, these are yours."

\- "Yeah, but don't look too closely, I'm no Artemisia Gentileschi."

\- "I'm ashamed to say I don't know who that is."

\- "An Italian painter from the Baroque Era I believe, but don't quote me on that." -she smiled, moving back towards the little desk area, prompting me to sit on the chair as she jumped on the table- "If I'm alive and you don't despise me once we get the valley, I'll take you down to the library. You're going to love it, there's a whole section down there just for you on Roman and Greek Mythology; I'll show you who Artemisia is too once you stop freaking out about all the knowledge hidden down there."

\- "It's a date." -I looked at her before I thought about what I had actually said- "A deal. It's a deal."

\- "Alright." -she rose her eyebrow at me, trying to hold back her laughter- "You have any specific questions before we start this?"

\- "Everyone keeps saying you've Ascended twice." -I placed the book in front of me- "I thought that wasn't possible."

\- "It technically isn't. You've seen the scar; that's not from when it went in, it's from when it was ripped it off."

\- "What happened."

\- "It was too much. At the beginning I could only hear the voices at night, they spoke to me in dreams, they showed me the people they had killed and their own deaths over and over and over... there was so much pain. Then, for a couple of months, it was like they had finally agreed to let me be here; as if they had accepted I was as much of a Commander as any of them, knowing I had to Ascend to keep our people alive, even helping me on a daily but, once the Dark Year ended, it got worse." -I took her hand in mine as she looked at me- "The nightmares returned ten times stronger, sometimes they'd even show me things in the middle of the day and I had to stop everything I was doing. But still, I could have kept going; I told everyone I could do it. Until one night I woke up medical, covered in blood, my blood; I had no idea how I had gotten there, no recollection of anything that had happened after I fell asleep." -she let go of my hand and took off her jacket, revealing me her arms- "They took over while I was asleep; at least my mind was but Roan told me it was like I was sleepwalking."

I stood up from my chair as her words hit my ears, watching the vertical cuts on her arms, running my fingers over them and feeling the tears running down my cheeks. I looked up at her, a sad smile on her lips before I engulfed her in my arms; I had no words, I felt so broken knowing what she had been through, knowing now the real reason she was so good on her feet, why she always seemed to know most of the things going on, why Roan was so protective of her and why Lila was so angry when Sam took the Flame again. 

\- "Roan managed to take it off and we all agreed to simply tell Gaia and everyone else that there was no need for me to carry the Flame no more." -she sighed- "I'm not sure he'll be able to forgive me for doing this again, this is probably the end of us. Can't blame him."

\- "I need you to take it off." -I pulled back to look at her- "I need you to give me that chip and let me destroy it."

\- "You think Gaia will take her eyes off of me while I'm the Commander? Or maybe that Clarke will let you kill what's left of Lexa?"

\- "You hear her too?"

\- "Yeah, I've seen Sheda die more times than I can remember." -she clenched her jaw- "But she was the only one to admit her spirit had chosen me."

\- "Why did you take it again." -I took her hands in mine- "It's not worth it. Not the need for revenge, not the valley and definitively not Wonkru."

\- "I know. But our friends are." -she held my face in her hands- "I want to see them again, probably a bit more than you do since for me it's been six years."

\- "What if they try again. No, no, Sam, please, I need you to take it off."

\- "I wouldn't be able even if I wanted to; the passphrase's changed." -she rubbed my cheeks- "If I die, I'll be in the Flame, I'll be able to see the world through whoever comes next. I'll never be really gone."

\- "But I won't be able to see you, you won't be really here with me and that is honestly the only thing I care about right now."

\- "That is selfish." -she chuckled, shaking her head- "It's for the greater good."

\- "Can they interact in between them?"

\- "Not in the same way we do but kind of."

\- "If you die with that thing in your head, I'm going to be the next person to Ascend."

\- "You want my marrow now?" -she scoffed, pulling away from me- "Don't be ridiculous. This hell is not for you, it's mine for the choices I made. You don't even know if your body would accept it."

\- "Would you rather die than stay alive with Roan and your child?" -I grabbed her hands again- "Rather die than try once again with me; to try and finish this, get the life you always wanted."

\- "There's no place for feelings in war, Bellamy, and there's no ocean anymore."

\- "We're not at war, we're in your room, just you and me and I want you to be honest with me: you've told Lila you don't want to die yet you Ascended."

\- "I'm protecting Madi this way too."

\- "You've said it yourself, the past Commanders are this way with you because you aren't a born natblida; she is."

\- "She's also a child that doesn't know the ways of war. And that's the end of this discussion."

I was not going to let her go about her day with that poison inside her but I knew arguing with her will get us both nowhere so I allowed her to drop the topic.

\- "I wish I had stayed back with you." -I sighed, standing in between her legs and caressing the back of her hands- "Nothing would have made me happier than raise a kid with you."

\- "I'd have loved that too." -she moved her hand to my face- "But you had to leave to find your peace."

I pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her and resting my head on her chest, hugging her close to me. She wrapped her legs around my hips and moved her arms over my shoulders, resting her chin over my head. I was going to get that chip out of her, and I knew just the way to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my beautiful souls!
> 
> I'd love to read your thoughts and maybe get some feedback, pls. I'm sure those of you still reading can tell the chapters are getting less engagement lately so I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me know if you think that's because of where the story is going or because it's just not good. I'm not going to lie, it makes me really upset. So yeah, pls, let me know if you can🌻


	19. Iron will.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe two polar opposites will make it right this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not posting last week, but I hope you will enjoy today’s chapter; we got some unexpected team up♡

**BELLAMY'S POV**

After Sam told me about the Flame, we didn't have much more time for her to tell me anything else about the Dark Year, only able to run my fingers over the tattoos on her arms before the woman that was like her shadow, whose name I finally learned was Thea, came looking for her, saying a meeting was about to start, only missing her presence. Sam nodded, jumping from the table and squeezing my shoulders.

\- "Lighten up, Blake. This will all be over soon, you'll see."

\- "I just need you to stay alive." -I walked with her to the door as she put on her jacket.

\- "And I need you to stay out of this before you get hurt." -she closed her room's door as I got out, feeling Thea's eyes on me as if she were trying to determine what to do about me- "I don't need your Space buddies coming at me because your judgment lacks common sense. Especially not Echo; I promised her I'd keep you safe so please, let me do my part. Think with your head until we get the valley, alright?"

\- "My heart has always ruled over everything I do when it comes to you, Sam."

\- "Well," -she turned to face me with a smile on her lips- "if you're asking from me not to be reckless, which we've both agreed multiple times is like the foundation of my personality, then I ask of you to be rational; I need you to detach your decision making from your feelings."

\- "Heda, we should get going."

\- "Yes, yes." -Sam nodded at Thea- "The last thing I need is an uproar because I'm late." -she glanced at me- "Why don't you go to the training room? I'm sure Lila will be thrilled to see you. She's been asking more about you the longer you were here and I didn't let her see you. Kind of annoying really; I'm supposed to be her favorite Sky Person."

\- "Alright." -I couldn't help but laugh- "I'll see you later."

\- "I'm not exactly sure when 'later' will be, but sure." -she rose her eyebrows at me- "You should also go check on your sister's state."

\- "Sha, Heda."

I made a small reverence, not caring for the annoyed look in Thea's eyes, only seeing the smile on Sam's face before she rolled her eyes playfully at me, pushing me to move away before she left in the opposite direction. _I have to find Roan. _I knew I had said I'd go see Lila but I what I really hoped was that Roan would be there with her. I marched to the training room with a mission and a much lighter heart in some ways but heavier in others. I knew we could take the Flame out but we needed the passphrase. I hoped Roan would be able to help with that. It couldn't be that hard, right?

I got to the training room, hearing the sparring already going on as I opened the door: Gaia was there with the kids, most of them placed along the walls except for two: Lila and another kid.

\- "Ethan!" -Gaia rose her hand and both immediately lowered their weapons- "Control your impulses! A warrior cannot let their anger control them."

\- "Then why is Heda so good at it?" -he quickly retorted but Gaia probably gave him a look as he lowered his gaze- "I apologize."

\- "Lila. Good work."

\- "That's just because she's trained by Heda," -one of the kids next to the wall rose his voice; it wasn't malicious but the jealously was palpable- "I'd be good too if she took me under her wing."

\- "I haven't trained with my mom since her friends came back." -Lila stood her ground, raising her sword in front of her again- "If anything, you should have been able to catch up with me by now."

I tried to hold back my laughter; her blunt attitude reminded me a lot of Sam. Ethan didn't hide his smile, looking at Lila in a familiar way. I wondered if Sam knew about it. Of course, she did, it was Sam we were talking about. They started fighting again, finding myself really invested in it, following their every move.

\- "She really is Sam's daughter, isn't see?" -I smiled watching Lila get rid of Ethan, forcing him on the ground and pointing her sword to his neck.

\- "What are you doing here?" -Roan looked displeased to see me- "You should refer to her as Heda unless you want to get in trouble."

\- "We need to talk."

\- "I have nothing to speak with you, Skyboy."

\- "We're back in square one? Why?"

\- "We should have never left it for I still think you're the worst thing that's ever happened to her, and I've seen her bleed out."

\- "I only want to keep her alive."

\- "If you loved her, you should have done everything in your hands to keep her away from the Flame." -I could tell he was about to lose his temper so I pulled him away from the kids.

\- "How would I've known she'd take it."

\- "She's a Nightblood and you've pushed her against the ropes. Do the math. How else did you think Sam would take over without repercussions from those who'd die for Blodreina and would rather have the natblida dead?"

\- "So it's true, there are two sides down here."

\- "There have always been sides regarding your sister and Sam; I knew since the bunker closed that people would choose sides and I desperately begged Sam to take absolute control before anyone tried to hurt her, but you know her... 'my sister and I are equals, I will not rule over her'." -he shook his head, rubbing his forehead- "If she had listened to me, she'd have never had to take the Flame. And now... again."

\- "She's told me what happened."

\- "And it'll happen again but maybe this time we won't get to her in time." -he faced me- "I've carried Sam to Medical twice thinking she was going to die in my arms and both times she got out of it by the skin of her teeth. I'm afraid she won't be so lucky this time."

\- "Sam's not going to die."

\- "How'd you know?"

\- "I know Wonkru needs a Commander, yes, but we need one that will surrender or we'll all die." -I rose my chin, glancing back at Gaia and the kids, seeing no one was paying us attention- "Sam's not that person; you know that as well as I do."

\- "And what do you suggest, exactly? Maybe you want to become a nightblood yourself and Ascend to stop the war?" -he scoffed, ready to go back to Lila- "No one will follow you or Wanheda if that's what you're thinking. The Flame will kill either of you."

\- "But will they follow a born natblida?" -that seemed to completely gain his attention- "A Commander that will surrender for the good of Wonkru and whom past Commanders will accept as one of their own."

\- "I suppose you have a plan."

\- "I do, but I need your help."

\- "I'm listening."

**\---------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

I hadn't been able to tell Bellamy about everything but I could tell that what he knew now was what he had needed to know the most; we'd have time to speak further once things started to fall into place. I walked with Thea to the control room, finding Indra, Miller and the rest of the heads of the army there alongside our advisors.

\- "Heda." -everyone there respectfully lowered their heads as I walked inside.

\- "I believe is time to make a choice." -I walked up to the table, seeing the plans Octavia had made for the worms.

\- "We don't believe surrender to be an option, Heda."

\- "Neither do I." -I nodded raising my eyes from the plans in front of me- "And we will not be using the worms, for they'd kill our people that are now prisoners there. Those are not acceptable losses, I hope everyone here can agree with me."

\- "What do you suggest then, Heda." -Indra pointed at the map, moving it in front of me- "How will Wonkru take over the Valley without easing our way in, first."

\- "I never said we weren't going to ease our way in, Indra." -I rose my eyes to meet hers, having found exactly what I was looking for in the map- "I said I wasn't going to use worms."

\- "What's the plan, Heda." -Thea stood by my side, a reassuring look in her eyes and an almost imperceptible nod.

\- "Here." -I pointed on the map to a stop that couldn't be more than a couple of kilometers away from the village- "This is how I will get into the Valley."

\- "With all due respects, Heda, you cannot go in alone, you must be protected."

\- "Only I can do this, for only I can set the terms of the Colonel's surrender since I'm the one who gained her trust before this war started. Or, at least, started to. I will take the Rover, alone, drive through the desert and leave it here to make sure no one sees me coming. Then, I will follow this path..." -I moved my fingers over the map.

\- "What if you get captured? They'll assassinate you and the Flame will be lost forever."

\- "The Flame will remain in my body for you to find if I were to die; although I'm fairly certain they'd bring me back for you to see and my dead body as a way for everyone here to give in and take their terms. But fear not, I have a plan and a couple of allies already in place." -I smiled- "I didn't send in a spy without a job to do for us."

**\-------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

We had moved to a different room to be completely alone, making sure no one could hear about our plan and mess it up. I had shared my idea with Roan, knowing I'd need his help to pull it off, wondering if he'd know how to get the passphrase, being informed that Sam had lied about it, only her could change it but she wouldn't do it for Gaia then wouldn't be able to take it off. I nodded, not even offended Sam had pulled that on me; I knew she'd try anything to push me away from this but I was determined and not even her stubbornness would get in my way. Roan had easily agreed, realizing this was our only real chance to keep Sam alive.

\- "You know we will both end up in the pit if we aren't out of here once they wake up, right?"

\- "Then I hope you've been practicing your sword game because I intend to be the one to get out to see Sam live the life she deserves."

\- "May the best one survive."

He offered me his hand, nodding to my words as I shook it. I knew the chances of winning Roan in a duel were small but I also knew I'd kill whoever stood in my way: this was a fight I wouldn't run from; a fight I wouldn't lose. The door suddenly opened revealing Indra, who wasted no time to close it behind her, focusing on both of us as she did, clearly taken aback but recovering easily.

\- "I hope you have a plan by now."

\- "What's happening."

\- "It's Samantha. She's leaving with the Rover to the Valley in an hour."

\- "Alone!?" -Roan took a step forward- "Who agreed on this?"

\- "Everyone did; she made good points." -Indra faced him almost apologetically- "And we both know who's in the council."

\- "What's that supposed to mean?" -I joined what seemed to have been a private conversation between them- "How are they allowing her to leave?"

\- "Remember the sides?" -Roan faced me- "The council is your sister's; that's why Sam's taken on a more passive role down here."

\- "We have to stop her."

\- "We need Gaia."

\- "What are you going to do?" -Indra's eyes moved from me to Roan.

\- "We're taking the Flame out of Sam."

\- "And allowing a new Commander to Ascend." -I ended for Roan, looking at him- "I'll go look for Madi."

\- "I'll do my part."

**\---------------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

The meeting had gone exactly as I had expected it to go, which did ease things for me; now, I just had to get to the valley and meet with Echo, whom I was sure would have managed to infiltrate Diyoza's people by now, keeping up her share of the plan. The most challenging part would be me getting there and into the house in which Clarke had pointed out that Diyoza had established herself without being seen and, hopefully, without killing anyone on my way there not to raise any suspicions on us. I couldn't wait, I knew my friends were there and I was dying to see them. I still couldn't believe it had been six years. A part of me feared they'd have forgotten about me but rejection frightened me even more.

\- "Nomi!" -I heard Lila calling for me, turning around to see her running towards me followed by Roan- "Wait!"

\- "I'm sorry, the meeting was longer than I expected it to be." -I allowed her to catch up with me- "How was the session?"

\- "Oh, it was great." -she nodded triumphantly- "I need some new moves."

\- "What you need now is dinner and a shower." -Roan chuckled catching up with us- "Then to bed."

\- "Will you dine with me?" -Lila looked up at me- "Please? It's been a while."

I considered my options: I had just under an hour to leave but, the good thing was I didn't need to pack anything aside from my weapons, which wouldn't take me more than 10 minutes. Seeing the pleading look in her eyes, I gave in, offering her my hand and soon being pulled through the corridors until we got to the dining hall. Everyone there bowed their heads at me as soon as I walked inside; I asked them to act no different around me than they did before and soon everyone was back to their own thing.

\- "Alright, I see someone's hungry." -I chuckled as Lila sat down, pulling me to sit in front of her.

\- "I'll grab the rations."

Roan offered, seeing Lila was completely focused on me. I was certain he was still mad at me, acting rather coldly, but I couldn't say I blamed him.

\- "I think you need to pay more attention to Roan." -I eyed Lila- "He's..."

\- "Nontu, I know, I know." -[father] she sighed- "I know he's helped you raise me but, let's be honest, I'm much more attached to you than I am to him; I've known you and trusted you for longer and I've looked up to you since I met you, nomi."

\- "I anything happens to me..."

\- "Nothing's happening to you!"

She rose her voice, hitting the table with her fist as I sighed, taking her hand in mine.

\- "You need to hear this, strikon. I've made sure that, if something were to happen to me, you'll have a strong support system no matter what; you won't be short on anything, alright? Jackson and Thea will take care of you. Clarke will do the same if it came to that."

\- "But..."

\- "Bellamy will take you in as if you were his own and I trust he'll give you the life I couldn't."

\- "Nomi..."

\- "But, most importantly, Roan will always be there for you. You're his child as much as you're mine and I need to know you won't turn your back on him if anything happens to me; I need to know you won't blame him for my mistakes." -she eyed me with confused eyes- "I need you to promise me."

\- "Why are you doing this?"

\- "Because we both know what Ascending means for me, how it could end. I need to know, if I die, you'll be there for Roan as he'll be there for you."

\- "The Flame won't kill you."

Lila stood her ground. It didn't surprise me that she did but it did call my attention that she hadn't asked me to take it out once or that she hadn't raised her voice about it. But, then again, it wouldn't be the first time she was being more mature about things than I could have ever been at her age. She simply nodded, saying she promised, squeezing my hand just as Roan sat beside me with our rations. We fell into easy conversation, talking about Lila's training session and her abilities, Roan offering to teach her a couple of things of his own which did surprise me for he had allowed that part of Lila's upbringing to fall into my hands. Still, knowing what I was about to embark on, it made me feel better. I knew Roan would take care of Lila and I knew he'd allow Bellamy to help as my dying wish. Lila deserved the best support system I could get her and they both were the strongest, kindest and most loving people I had ever met; that I had ever met and that remained alive, that is.

**\---------------------**

**ROAN'S POV**

I did not take pride in what we were about to do but it was inevitable if I wanted to keep Sam alive; I never thought the day in which I'd be bound to betray her would arrive, and yet, there I was: plotting her fall with the Skyboy. This was possibly the only good idea of his that I could get behind as much as I refused to give him credit for anything; if he wanted my respect, he'd have to earn it and, lucky for him, he seemed to be back on the right track.

We both knew what following through with this would mean for us, but we had agreed it was the right call, even if one of us would inevitably lose their life. I knew I'd have no problem coming out from the pit victorious but I wondered if Sam would ever be able to forgive me if I killed him, as much as she'd be the one to throw us in. But I had no time to dwell on an uncertain future, putting the plan into motion by picking up Lila after her training session. I didn't exactly tell her what we were doing but she was a clever kid and immediately knew something was up when I asked her to do whatever she could to get Sam to dine with her. I knew Sam would never suspect from me, especially if I brought Lila along, but I couldn't be too cautious now, sneaking into Sam's plate the portion of the altered ration the Skyboy had given me. I had made him promise the amount of poison in it would be lower than what he had given Octavia, not caring if Sam woke up before we got to the valley, only wanting her asleep to take the Flame out, wanting her awake as soon as possible. He had agreed.

I watched as Sam ate her part without suspecting a thing, talking with Lila like any other day. I knew the poison would take a bit longer to kick in with her than with her sister but, still, I made sure to be out of the dining area before she started to show symptoms, not needing anyone to suspect a thing.

\- "I have to go." -she finally confessed as we walked back to our room.

\- "Would it be so bad if you stayed?"

Lila looked up at her as I shook my head; I didn't need Sam realizing what we had done, panicking and running away, possibly falling to her feet in the middle of a busy corridor screaming 'betrayal' at the top of her lungs.

\- "What do you mean?" -Sam stopped walking, facing her- "Lila, what's going on?"

\- "Go." -I motioned for Lila to leave us- "We'll catch up."

Lila nodded and started running away, Sam facing me with furrowed eyebrows, clearly going over everything in her head.

\- "You know about my plan, correct?" -I nodded- "You can't stop me, it's the only way to keep us all safe."

\- "Except for yourself."

\- "My life isn't more valuable than anyone else's down here."

\- "You know that's a lie." -I took her face in my hands- "I wish you had told me."

\- "About what?"

\- "Everything."

\- "It wouldn't have changed the outcome." -she pulled back, starting to walk away.

\- "Yes, yes, it'd have." -I sighed as she turned to face me once again- "I wouldn't have to be doing this otherwise."

\- "Do what?" -she coughed before her hands started trembling- "Roan, what did you do?"

\- "Forgive me, niron."

I pulled her to me, rubbing her cheeks with my thumbs; her eyes started moving like her brain was spinning inside her head, looking at her hands, gasping for air as she held onto my shirt, her mouth trembling as her eyes filled with tears, but it wasn't hurt I saw in them, it was rage; rage like I hadn't seen in years.

\- "Bastab..." [betrayal]

Her eyes finally closed as her body gave in against mine. I thanked the Commanders it had been fast because I hated seeing her suffer, quickly taking her in my arms before she hit the floor as Lila came back followed by the Skyboy; his eyes immediately landed on Sam and I knew he wanted to pick her up but I'd be damned so I motioned him to walk in front of me to Sam and I's room where Gaia was supposed to be waiting with Madi if he had held his part of this deal. I didn't know how the Skyboy had convinced Wanheda but I also didn't care, that kid was not my problem but she'd be the one to bring Sam back to me.

\- "Put her on the bed."

Gaia opened the door, quickly shoving us all in and locking the door after. I placed Sam on the bed, my stomach turning upside down as I saw her lying still, she looked dead, flashes of painful memories flying in front of my eyes.

\- "Lila, you don't have to be here for this." -the Skyboy quickly spoke with a quieter tone than usual, sympathetic even- "You don't have to see this either, Madi."

\- "That's my mom." -Lila moved to the other side of the bed, taking Sam's hand in her own- "I'm staying."

\- "So am I."

Madi walked to stand next to Lila, taking her hand and squeezing it. I should've seen this coming; of course, the natblida would bond with Lila, but that changed nothing. I looked at Gaia who nodded, standing next to me and asking us to hold Sam up and keep her on her side.

\- "You sure about this?"

\- "You know as well as we do this is the only way." -I answered at her- "You have protected the Flame like you ought to do and now you have a born natblida to carry on with your beliefs; I thought that was what you wanted all these years."

\- "Yes. I wanted to keep the Flame safe for it's my duty but I've also grown to appreciate Samantha's ways."

\- "It's time to make a choice." -the Skyboy interrupted us- "Either you take it out carefully to keep the chip intact, or I will rip it out and destroy it."

\- "That could kill her." -Gaia retorted, eyes like daggers on him- "I hope you've weighed all the things that could and will go wrong from now onward and until we set foot in the valley."

He nodded, standing his ground. I knew Gaia did not only mean the fact that this could end up hurting Sam in some unexpected way but also the fact that she'll lose her position as leader of Wonrku, which would put a target on her; not to mention that we'd all end up in the pit. I shook my head, not wanting to think more of that and taking a deep breath as Gaia took out her small dagger._ Here we go._

**\-------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I hated doing this, I hated betraying Sam this way, using the people she loved and trusted against her; I knew she wouldn't see it coming, why would she? I had grabbed Gaia to speak in private with Madi after the training session while Clarke wasn't around for I knew she'd never agree to this; she'd let Sam die and I was not going to hear any of it. Madi had ended up agreeing but wanting to be there when they took the Flame of Sam to see it, to see what would happen to her one day, she said.

I held my breath as I watched Gaia cutting right over the stitches I had given Sam, still not used to seeing her bleed black; her body spasmed and Roan and I had to hold her still, Gaia leaving the dagger on the bed, putting her fingers inside Sam's neck and pulling before murmuring the passphrase. I had seen many wounds but that still managed to turn my stomach upside down. Lila and Madi gasped, a reminder of their presence that would have gone completely unnoticed otherwise. I watched as Gaia moved her fingers covered in blood back, the little chip in between them as the small tentacles retracted into it. Roan was quick to check Sam's pulse, lowering her back on the bed on her back; his hand sifted around her neck and my heart stopped before he let out a sigh of relief.

\- "We have to close the wound."

\- "I'll do it." -I was quick to grab the medkit I had prepared prior to this.

\- "You sure?" -Roan eyed me as if he didn't trust what I was doing.

\- "Who do you think put those stitches there in the first place?" -I scoffed, unable not to, not sparing him a glance- "I've cared for Sam's many wounds since we landed together the first time; I know what I'm doing."

I sat on the bed, caressing her face with my thumbs; she looked so peaceful... too peaceful; in fact, I would have assumed she was dead if it weren't for her chest moving up and down. Now I just needed her to wake up even if the first thing she did was slap my face and send me to the pit. I'd make it out. For her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS? FEEDBACK? COMMENTS? MESSAGE ME! PLEASE, LET’S TALK :)


	20. Dawn.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> **Once the deed is done, one must deal with the consequences of their choice, even if they aren’t the ones they initially assumed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> **Went a bit through a block writing this but I'm happy to announce I'm back, yay!**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I was starting to question if we should go speak to Jackson about what we had done; I knew he had been keeping track of my sister's vitals, maybe he should be doing the same with Sam's. I sighed. I was still sat on the bed with Sam lying next to me, Roan pacing around the room as Lila had curled herself next to Sam. Madi was speaking with Gaia about the Flame, the Flamekeeper's eyes landing on me from time to time.

\- "We should go."

\- "I'm not leaving until Sam wakes up." -I shook my head- "I'm not leaving her."

\- "Funny." -Roan scoffed, I could tell he was growing more and more exasperated by the second.

\- "I've already apologized for not taking her with me six years ago; the last thing I thought would happen is that's she'd get trapped here and had to endure all this bullshit so stop throwing that to my face!"

I had had enough of Roan's attitude towards me. I knew he loved Sam but that didn't mean he had to be a jerk about everything; I was punishing myself enough for this to have to add his self-entitlement too. After that, the atmosphere in the room was tense and awkward, no one making eye contact, Roan throwing his hands in the air, keeping up his aimless walk around the room.

\- "You know she loves you." -Lila sat up, crossing her legs up in the bed- "Right?"

\- "I know but..."

\- "Sheda knew it too."

I nodded; I hadn't expected to be talking about Sheda any more but there I was, sat with his sister, both of us looking at the woman he had loved since he met her; I was certain he'd have been so proud of Sam of the leader she was now. I smiled. I wished he had managed to survive long enough to be with her in the bunker; after all, I had trusted him to keep her safe and centered when I didn't trust I could. Lila smiled too, moving her hand up Sam's bare arm, running her fingers over a tattoo with a familiar design: his war paint. I had seen a couple of Sam's tattoos and all of them were in honor of someone she loved except for the one on the back of her neck: Sheda's war paint, the tattoo that matched my sister's and, even if I hadn't seen it, I knew she had a tattoo now for Jasper too. I wondered if she had one for me, as selfish as that made me feel.

\- "I asked him once why Sam couldn't stay forever with us in Polis." -I rose my eyes from Sam's sleeping figure to meet Lila's- "You know what he answered?" -I shook my head in denial- "He said that there was someone very important for her that needed her back, someone that wouldn't come to Polis."

_Jasper._ I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure why Lila was telling me this now.

\- "He didn't mean Jasper." -that made me raise my head again- "I thought it was him too since he was the only one Sam had really told me about but Sheda didn't know Jasper back then, he knew you; he knew you needed Sam more than we did just like he knew you had never been a fan of us."

\- "Lila, I..."

\- "'Us' as in Grounders, not me and my brother." -she chuckled softly- "I know you liked him deep down like I know you're going to like me, not only because I'm important to Sam but because I'm great."

I saw so much of Sam in Lila, unable not to chuckle as I allowed my eyes to move back to Sam for a second; she had raised a kid in the middle of a constant war and, somehow, had managed to keep them both sane. I saw Sam's thirst for life and adventure in Lila, her confident attitude too and I was convinced she'd be just as stubborn. I took Sam's hand in mine, rubbing its back with my thumb, whishing now more than ever that I had stayed behind so that I could see some of me in Lila too. I wished I had stayed back to raise a kid with Sam; being a father had never been my top priority in life but, the more I saw Lila with Sam, the more I realized that had been the future I hoped to build someday. I looked at the scar I sported on my finger, almost faded now, from that day I promised Sam to love her forever.

\- "Sam has a tattoo on her finger that matches your scar." -Lila's voice denoted surprise- "She never told me it was because of you, just that it was the reminder of a promise she had made to someone she'd never stop loving, as much as time and distance kept them away from her." -she curled Sam's fingers and I could finally see the ink- "I should have known."

I knew if we kept going down this route I'd end up crying and I really didn't want to do that now. I ran my fingertip over the ink that covered Sam's scar, interlacing her fingers with mine and closing my eyes for a second, feeling like it was only us there, hoping she'd wake up and forgive me, hoping she'd understand, hoping she'd just, for once, stay back and stay safe; I knew that was against her nature but not protecting her was against mine, as many mistakes as I had made.

\- "After everything you've been through and everything that happened to you both..." -Lila's quiet voice brought me back to the room, opening my eyes to see her taking Sam's other hand and placing it over mine- "you always find your way back to each other. I've always admired that about you."

I'd have never guessed anyone would root for Sam and I more than I did, more than we ourselves had done for so long, but seeing the smile in Lila's face, hearing her steady voice and how she spoke about us like she could see into the future... it gave me hope; not just hope to get back with Sam, but hope for a future for all of us, away from the bunker and the war, away from pain.

\- "It won't be different this time." -Lila smiled- "Because, if it is, you'll be ruining my favorite bedtime story."

\- "But Sam's with Roan now, don't you...?"

\- "I love Roan," -she glanced at him over her shoulder- "he's taken care of me like I was his daughter, just like Sam and, for some time, I did wish they'd be together because I thought that was the only way we could be a family." -she moved her eyes back to me- "With time, I've realized family is what you make of it and, it doesn't matter if they break up or stay together, Roan and Sam are my family. An I know they love each other but I don't think it's in the same way my dad loved my mom." -she shrugged her shoulders- "I know half the reason they are so close is me and I don't want them to feel like they have to be together for me, that's selfish and it's wrong; I only want nomi to be happy and safe, I don't care with who it is or if it's on her own. But I know she's happy around you."

\- "I want that too."

\- "Lila's right." -Roan stood beside her, but he avoided my eyes- "If the time to chose comes, she'll take with her the one she can't live without. Much to my dismay and my ego, that's not me."

\- "She's lived six years down here with you and without me."

\- "I would not call this a life, Skyboy, and it wasn't exactly her choice." -he shook his head- "I don't doubt her love for me but there's something about you... it's like she comes to life when she sees you, even if she's angry at you or wants to break your nose, which I'm still waiting to witness."

\- "You would enjoy that."

\- "I would." -he chuckled for a second before he took a deep breath- "The only reason I dislike you so much is that I know you could have saved her from all this, but, as terrible as it sounds, I'm glad you left her behind because I got to spend six years by her side. And that's more than I ever thought I'd get back when we met."

\- "I thought I'd have time to come back."

\- "I know."

\- "You couldn't know all this was going to happen." -Lila interceeded now- "And she doesn't blame you for it; I think she'd be much angrier if you had taken her and left me behind."

I nodded. Maybe Roan and I would never manage to become friends but we could agree to disagree and at least tolerate each other for neither of us intended to leave Sam's side. I smiled. Sam had really managed to find a family of her own and I knew just how much that meant to her and that made me happy for her, as much as I'd have rather it had been with me. Gaia rose from her spot, having been speaking with Madi on the other side of the room, clearing her throat as she looked at us.

\- "It's time." -she walked towards the door- "We cannot wait any longer."

\- "I'm staying with Sam." -I knew she wasn't asking but she still nodded at me, feeling Madi's eyes on me, wondering if she was having second thoughts.

\- "You know you don't have to do this, right?" -Lila walked up to her- "Your blood doesn't determine who you are or what you have to become."

\- "I have to." -Madi nodded at her- "I'll be alright."

\- "I'll make sure Jackson comes to you." -Gaia looked at me- "I'll let you know when it's done."

As Gaia exited the room with Madi and Lila came back to curl up next to Sam, I moved my hand to her neck, to make sure she was still breathing. She had to wake up any time now, I was certain the dose this time had been significantly smaller.

\- "So, how did you get Wanheda to agree to this?"

\- "I didn't exactly ask for her permission."

\- "Oh." -a loud chuckle took over the room, making me clench my jaw as he kept speaking with a mocking tone- "You're in trouble, Skyboy."

\- "I didn't force Madi to do anything."

\- "Wanheda is only going to see her child with the Flame. And we both know what she thinks of it."

\- "That every one that Ascends dies." -I ended for him before he could patronize me- "Madi can take it off just like Sam has once we get the valley."

Roan nodded, starting to pace the room again; I knew he cared very little for Madi and I couldn't help but wonder what exactly he'd have done about the Flame if I hadn't come to him with this plan. I'd rather not know. The door suddenly opened, revealing an agitated Jackson that wasted no time to close it behind him and lock it, looking at Sam first and foremost.

\- "Jackson..." -I stood up, intending to explain ourselves but he rose his hand to my face.

\- "I know what you've done." -he eyed me for a second, before starting to take out things from his medkit as Lila stood up too- "Your sister knows too and she's not happy."

\- "She's awake?"

\- "She's gone after Gaia and Madi. With Clarke." -he glanced at me- "We have 10 minutes, tops. She's going to throw you in the pit for what you did to her."

\- "And Sam will throw me in for this." -I crossed my arms over my chest- "But first I need her to wake up."

He got to work quickly, putting a couple of cables to Sam's chest, measuring her breathing and who knows what else, nodding and murmuring to himself. The way he treated Sam made me feel better, seeing with how much care he caressed her skin, how carefully he moved her arms, how he made sure I had closed her neck wound properly, taking his time to check her other scars, raising her shirt to look at her broken rib while he was at it, seeing the bruise covering her side.

\- "Fuck!" -Sam coughed after she cursed, startling all of us there.

\- "Welcome back." -Jackson was quick to take her hands in his- "How do you feel?"

\- "I'm going to destroy two stupid men that won't let me do my job." -she still had her eyes closed- "Where are they? No, where am I?"

\- "Your room. Open your eyes but stay still, let me see." -Jackson took out a small device, turning on a light on it and looking into Sam's eyes, asking her to look to her left and right, her eyes landing on me.

\- "You." -she sat up, I could sense and see the anger in both her eyes and her stance- "Where's Roan." -I moved my eyes to look at him, Sam moving her head to the side until she saw him.

\- "Nomi!" -Lila couldn't have been more timely, jumping on the bed and wrapping her arms around Sam, whose features softened as she hugged the kid- "I knew you'd be okay."

\- "I am." -Sam kissed her head- "Can you do me a massive favor?" -Lila nodded- "Go outside with Jackson."

\- "But..."

\- "Please." -Sam let go of her- "Go."

\- "Don't hurt them, they were just trying to help you."

\- "I won't, I promise."

**\---------------------**

**SAM'S POV**

I felt my head spinning as I regained consciousness, immediately everything that had happened coming back to me like a punch to the gut, anger threatening to take over everything else; at least until I felt a sharp pain on my side, someone touching my ribs, cursing under my breath and flinching away, Jackson's calming voice soon filling my ears. I was certainly glad it was him the first person to greet me back from this nightmare because had it been either of the two traitors, I don't know what I'd have done. I followed his instructions, allowing him to check the back of my neck and then, slowly opening my eyes, only able to see him and the light he directed to my eyes and then, then I focused eyes on traitor number one, his eyes looking back at traitor number two. I'd break their skulls if I didn't feel so weak.

\- "Nomi!" -Lila practically jumped on my arms and, I must confess, for a second, everything else blurred into the background, hugging her close to me- "I knew you'd be okay."

\- "I am." -I kissed her head- "Can you do me a massive favor?" -she nodded- "Go outside with Jackson."

She tried to fight back, wanting to stay with me but, whatever happened now was not something I wanted her to witness; I wanted to keep her innocence and her love for Roan, and the growing one she had for Bellamy, intact. They had used my kid against me, that was low. And I knew Lila only wanted to help.

\- "Before you go." -I sat up with Jackson's help- "I'm going to need some painkillers."

\- "What is it?" -he squatted in front of me, taking my face in his hands, cautiously eyeing me- "Your ribs?"

\- "My neck. It's killing me." -I chuckled dryly- "How funny is that."

\- "Sam..."

\- "I need not to be in pain for all that's coming my way; I gotta be on my feet to keep you and Lila safe, okay? Don't fight me, please, I'm not in the mood."

He took in a deep breath, making me stay still, kneeling on the bed beside me to give my wound another look, probably covering it with a gauze before he handed me the pills.

\- "You know the dose..."

\- "I'm not becoming Abby, Jackson, trust me." -I patted his shoulder- "Now, go."

I allowed my head to fall slightly forward, closing my eyes and resting my forehead over my hand, hearing the door closing and movement around me, a hand on mine, Roan's, but I pulled mine away. I tried to keep my breathing steady, trying to be calm and composed, not wanting to do something I'd later regret. I sat straight, letting out a deep exhale, opening the bottle Jackson had given me, putting a couple of pills on my hand before opening my eyes, focusing them on the wall in front of me, feeling Bellamy's and Roan's eyes on me, each at one side of me.

\- "You both repulse me right now." -I took a deep breath before standing up, not allowing either of them to help me- "Don't touch me."

\- "Sam..."

\- "Shut up." -I walked to the bathroom- "I could so easily just... kill both of you right where you stand. You've betrayed me. You've used my kid against me." -I grabbed a glad I kept in the counter, filled it with water, and swallowed my pills with it, looking at myself in the mirror, anger coursing through my veins as I caught them looking at me- "Stop following me around!"

\- "We're worried about you, that's all." -Roan had the nerve to open his mouth.

\- "That's all!?" -I turned around- "That's all?" -I bit my tongue- "Do you realize how hard I'm trying not to smash your head against the cement? Because it's taking everything I have not to."

\- "I understand."

\- "No, you fucking don't! Don't you realize what you've done!? You've betrayed me! I trusted you! I trusted you both! I thought you'd stay by my side till the end!"

\- "We've saved your life!" -Bellamy took a step towards me, clearly agitated.

\- "How's this saving my life? How's not having a Commander saving anyone down here?" -I looked down for a second- "Madi. You've forced the kid to Ascend!?"

\- "She agreed on her own terms."

\- "She's a child, Bellamy!"

\- "The Flame would have killed you. I was not going to watch you die."

\- "I went almost 2 years with it the last time, I had time!" -I hit the wall as I walked past them back into the room- "I had time..."

\- "Two years?"

\- "Yeah." -I stood in front of him as he took a step back; I didn't know if that was because he was taken aback or because he feared me but I didn't care either- "Sit down, you wanted to know what happened during the Dark Year? I will tell you now. I just wish I had done it sooner so you would have let me fucking die!"

\- "I'd never..."

\- "Cannibalism, Bellamy, that's what the Dark Year was." -I forced him against the wall- "We ate each other because that was the only way to survive, the only way Abby said we'd see the sun ever again; the only fucking way I'd get to see your stupid face again! And I forced everyone to do it!" -I let go of him, closing my eyes, knowing I had to keep my cool- "I've tasted blood and human meat. I deserve everything that the Flame was doing to me and you just... you had to be the hero!"

Bellamy's lips parted as if he wanted to say something else, but his words died in his throat right before he flopped on the floor a second before Roan pulled me back but I got rid of him, pushing him away.

\- "And you, just how blinded are you by your stupid fight for me with him? By your stupid ego! So blinded that you missed the first thing that's going to happen now."

\- "Nothing is happening to you."

\- "When was the last time there were two Natblida Commander's alive, Roan?" -I shook my head, seeing as he started to connect the dots- "Madi has to kill me if she wants to fully Ascend, like a Conclave. I can't be alive."

\- "No, no, no..." -Bellamy seemed to have collected himself quicker than I had hoped he would; maybe he didn't understand what I had just confessed, maybe I should reexplain what cannibalism meant, paint a picture for him- "That's not happening, she's promised..."

\- "To keep me safe? Sounds familiar." -I forced my finger to each of their chests- "That's what you both swore to do and look where we are, look what I've become." -I turned around, walking to my closet- "Good news is, I won't let her put a finger on me." -I grabbed a change of clothes for they had me covered in cold sweat- "Bad news is, this place is no longer safe for me or my kid. And back to the good news, my plan still stands."

I put my hair up before I started undressing, caring very little right now about both their eyes on me. I had to come up with a plan and I had to be fast; as soon as Madi Ascended, if she hadn't done it already, the Flame followers would come after me and after Lila; I had to get us to the Rover and get the hell out of this place. For all I cared, everyone here could burn to death. No, that was a lie; I wouldn't let Jackson and Miller behind, I had to warn Monty and Harper too and I knew Thea would find me as soon as the rumor spread and she'd come with me. She was the only person that had stuck with me like they promised.

\- "Well," -I turned around, catching them both red-handed- "yeah, I hope you both took a good look because that was the last time either of you is seeing me undressed. We are done." -I looked at Roan- "It was starting to become clear you and I don't work as a couple anyway."

\- "Sam, please, just... let us think of something."

\- "You've done a lot of thinking lately, Bellamy, but you've gotten it all wrong."

\- "I'm trying to keep you safe!"

\- "And yet, all you've done is sign my death sentence." -I knew that would hurt him, and that was all I wanted right now; I wanted to destroy him from the inside out- "I always knew you would."

\- "Sam, I..."

\- "Silence." -I pushed Roan as he tried to hold me back- "You've signed it too this time."

\- "We..."

\- "I said silence!" -I rose my voice, turning to face them, clenching my fists at my sides- "You both said you loved me, you both said you believed in me and yet, you still managed to make me feel like I'm insignificant! Like no matter what I do, I'm always wrong! I don't need either of you to tell me what I can and can't do, I don't need you to keep me safe; I don't need either of you as a matter of fact."

\- "We are trying to help you."

\- "You're both such disappointments." -I straightened my back, allowing me a second to regain my composture- "But, then again, everyone that's stuck with me this long is." -I knew how those words would hurt them and I took pleasure in watching their façades start to collapse- "I thought the best way to go about this was to throw you both in the pit, leaving before the fight started, not being there to see which of you made it out because you're both dead to me. As far as I'm concerned, you could kill each other because whoever made it out, well, I've perfected my moves so it'd be quick."

\- "Sam..."

\- "Oh, I'm not done." -I rose a hand, making Roan stop his insufferable blabbering- "But that'd be an easy way out for both of you; Blooreina's ways are bloody, yes, but the pit is also fast and you wouldn't feel half the pain I feel on a daily basis... it wouldn't be suitable and that's not who I am; I don't do easy, I prefer torture, slow, painful, consuming, agonizing death."

\- "What do you mean?" -Bellamy took a step towards me- "I will take whatever you throw at me, Sam. Because, as low as you think of yourself, as much as you don't like what you've done, I'm not going to give up on you."

\- "Is that right?" -I smiled at him.

\- "Yes. And I know you aren't giving up on us either." -he showed me his finger, a sharp pain on my chest as I realized what he meant, running my thumb over my tattoo- "I've seen it.

\- "Everyone makes mistakes, even I do." -saying that out loud hurt me but I knew it's hurt him just as much and that was all I wanted- "I suppose you feel the same way." -I glanced at Roan.

\- "I do."

\- "Well, then you both are going to love this." -I chuckled, putting on my jacket, checking I had all my blades with me before focusing back on them, knowing exactly how I would destroy them for betraying me- "I wish I could record your reactions."

\- "Spill it, Sam; anything."

\- "I'm going to force you to watch me die."

**\------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I was certain Sam would get into a physical fight with both of us, I wouldn't have blamed her but she seemed to think better of it; physical pain appeared to be the least of her worries or concerns at the moment.

I couldn't help but drop to the ground as her confession hit me: cannibalism. Out of everything I had been going over, all the things I had thought could have happened... Yes, I had considered it an option but, still, as it dropped from her lips, as she forced me against the wall and spoke about it with a cold, distant tone, my stomach turned upside down; not because of what she thought, not because I could ever consider her, them, monsters for surviving but because I had wished it hadn't come to that. I kept going over it as she yelled at Roan; her saying she had forced everyone into it destroyed me because I knew she'd carry that decision with her forever and I knew what the weight of a choice like that made to you.

But this was not the time for that, Sam was dead set on saying she was going to die because of us, focusing my eyes on Roan as I realized he had missed that part, the part in which, according to tradition, no two natblidas capable of carrying the flame could co-exist; it was stupid and I was sure we could fix it. We could say Sam had fallen sick and, amidst the war about to explode, the best decision was to take the Flame out of her and get another Natblida to Ascend. And now, this.

\- "Force us to watch you die?" -I took a step towards her- "You know damn well that's not going to happen. I'll die before..."

\- "Oh, but don't you worry," -she took a step towards me, taking my chin in her hand, gulping as her lips stood right over mine, her thumb rubbing my cheek- "my Rebel King will be safe and sound because that's what I'm here for." -her lips touched mine light as a feather, almost thinking I had made it up as she moved them to my ear- "I'm not going to let you die, I don't break my promises as much as time passes."

\- "Sam..."

\- "Oh, no, you aren't dying either, ai haihefa." -she stood just as close to Roan as she had been to me seconds ago- "You'll be safe too; after all, you have a child to take care of."

\- "Lila will..."

\- "I'm not going to die right now, don't worry. It may take a week, or a month, or a year because first, I'm getting my daughter to safety and I'm making sure she has everything she needs to live a long, peaceful, happy life but then, well, only time will tell. You'll suffer not knowing when it'll happen, both of you distraught as I go about my day, always on your feet and eyes on me wherever I go; a constant state of agitation and pain, wishing it could all just end. Now that is worse than death, isn't it? And, when I'm gone, nothing would make you feel better, because I won't be in the Flame, I'll be just... gone forever."

The crude smile on her lips as she opened the door, not allowing either of us to say another word, moving to speak with Jackson and Lila, angered me. I rubbed my eyes, sighing as Roan stood in front of me.

\- "Still think it was worth it?"

\- "Sam's not going to die on my watch." -I rose my hand- "This scar that matches hers hasn't faded and I bet she still remembers everything I said so she knows this won't end well. And she's angry but has chosen not to hurt us and that scares me. I was certain we'd end up in the pit."

\- "Why?"

\- "Because Sam's always jumped into a fight the second she got the chance; she avoiding this now means two things."

\- "One?"

\- "That she knows it'd get her nowhere, hurting us for hurting her won't make her feel better."

\- "And two?"

\- "That she still cares about us, as enraged as she is and as betrayed as she feels. Maybe she'll never trust us again but that's a price I'm willing to pay to watch her live a long life, even if I'm never in it." -I looked at Sam over Roan's shoulder, smiling at Jackson as she spoke to him- "She's not going to jump in front of a gun now. She loves Lila more than she wants to hurt us."

\- "Are you sure?"

\- "I'm certain." -I looked at him- "We're not going into the pit, are we?"

\- "Yeah, you're lucky." -he crossed his arms over his chest as he stood beside me- "I won't have to kill you."

\- "You mean you won't have to die."

\- "You're no match for me, Skyboy."

\- "The only competition I ever had down here is Sam, Ice King."

\- "She could still hurt herself..."

Whatever else Roan wanted to say was overshadowed by Miller screaming for Sam to run, getting to us, breathing heavily as Jackson held him up, Roan and I moving to the door. I thought he may come followed by my sister and guards but he was alone.

\- "Miller, what happened?" -Jackson pulled his chin up, his hands on his face as she moved his hair away- "Are you okay?"

\- "Madi Ascended." -Miler spoke in between accelerated breaths- "They're coming after you, Sam, you have to leave. Blodreina is not going to protect you."

\- "If you're here to warm me," -Sam placed her hands to Miller's shoulders- "it means it's too late." -she looked at Jackson- "Go and keep a low profile. Tell Thea to look for me if you see her."

\- "Sam..."

\- "I'll be fine, I promise." -she took Jackson's hand in hers- "I told you I wouldn't die before we get the valley and that's what I'm going to do, okay? Can you trust me?"

\- "I've always trusted you."

\- "Keep him safe, okay?" -Sam faced Miller- "Keep yourself safe because this place is about to burn to the ground."

Miller nodded at her, his eyes on mine for a second; I could see the loathing and hatred in them, maybe it was because of my sister, maybe because of Sam but I didn't have time to question him as he took off through a side corridor with Jackson. Sam put her hand on the ground as I looked at her, wondering what she was doing before she rose up.

\- "It's time to bring back the best version of myself that I've ever been." -she eyed me over her shoulder and I feared what she might say, watching as she stood straight, moving her hands to her sides and taking out both her medium blades, stretching her neck to both sides as I heard the turmoil coming to us, yelling for her head- "It's good muscle memory is a thing, don't you think?" -her eyes landed on Lila, who stood now beside me- "Take Lila and cover her eyes."

\- "But, nomi!"

\- "Take her." -Sam focused on me- "Give me some credit, alright? This is not something I haven't done before. The bunker won't be our tomb."

I didn't think it twice, picking up Lila as much as she resisted, placing her head to my chest, forcing her to look away, Roan stepping beside me, taking out his sword too, and nodding at me. I took a step back, seeing the men getting to them, holding Lila closer to my chest as I watched Sam fighting back; it was clear they were coming for her, not even bothering to fight Roan unless completely necessary. One of them landed eyes on Lila, trying to get past them; I was certain he wanted to kill her so I took out my gun and shot him, Lila suddenly wrapping her arms around my neck tighter, hiding her face on my neck. _This is no place for a child. _Sam crossed glances with me, nodding at me before she turned around, kicking a man on the chest before she slashed his throat, getting down on her knees as stabbing another one on the thigh, forcing him down as Roan stabbed him on the chest. The last one tried to pierce Sam's abdomen but Roan pulled her back just in time, avoiding the blade and punching him in the face with his fist, Sam turning around and stabbing his neck.

They interchanged a look, both of them nodding as if to let the other know they were alright, Sam turning to us, covered in blood like I hadn't seen her in a long time, putting her blades away, a thankful smile on her lips as she looked lovingly at Lila before focusing on me.

\- "Welcome to the beginning of my end."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> **⇃⇃feedback?⇂⇂**


	21. The Dark Year.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so close to freedom yet the opportunity to escape vanishes as quick as a lighting does

**SAM'S POV**

I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it coming: Bellamy and Roan, teaming up to keep me alive. Sure, thinking in retrospect it made sense but that didn't mean I couldn't feel how I felt: angry, irritated, lied to, played... betrayed. I knew they thought they were doing the best for me but that didn't mean it was the best for all of us. We had managed to get to the exit of the bunker in one piece, which I couldn't say for the people that had decided that coming at me and my kid was a smart idea, but that had been dealt with now, finding Thea there.

\- "Heda, what happened."

\- "I'm Heda no more." -I pointed at Roan and Bellamy- "They took it out."

\- "So it's true." -she glanced at me and I knew exactly what she was going to say- "The kid's Ascended. You aren't safe here."

\- "I don't care about my safety." -I looked at Bellamy, motioning him to let go of Lila- "I care about hers."

\- "What's your plan."

\- "The Rover. I stick to the plan but Lila must come with me; I have to ask you..."

\- "I'll go with you, Sam, to the end of the line."

I couldn't help the smile on my lips, nodding thankfully at her as Lila got to us; Roan and Bellamy were now engrossed in conversation which did strike me as weird for it wasn't as if they were the best of friends. But we had to go and Bellamy had to come with me or his sister would throw him in the pits and that wasn't something I wanted to see. Was I angry at him? Yes. Did I want him to die? No.

\- "Bellamy, let's go."

\- "Go where?"

\- "Away from the pits." -he turned to face me and walked to us with Roan- "We have to go. Now."

\- "But Monty and Harper..."

\- "They'll be safe, I promise." -I eyed Roan- "Tell him."

\- "Your friends will be safe."

\- "Really reassuring." -I sighed, trying not to roll my eyes- "Let's go."

\- "I thought you were going to fight for this place."

\- "My kid is my priority; you saw them, they'll hurt her and I won't have that, and I can't fight if she's here. We have to go." 

\- "Okay, I'll drive."

\- "Just like in the good old times."

I couldn't help the smile on my face, looking at Roan who simply nodded at me, gently, a quiet goodbye like I knew he would; but we'd see each other again, this was just a 'see you later' not a 'goodbye'. I took Lila's hand in mine and started walking away towards where we knew the Rover was, Thea and Bellamy right behind us. Everything was going to be alright; we'd get there, I'd do my part and we'd get the valley. Nothing could go wrong.

**\-------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

It made me happy that Sam wanted me to leave with her, even if it was only because she wanted me to outlive her but we never got the chance to even get to the Rover, at least not me, suddenly being pulled back by a couple of arms as my sister came into view. She eyed me up and down as I struggled with her men, my eyes finding Sam's, wanting her to leave, to keep going, to save herself and Lila but she didn't; she stopped running, saying something to Lila and Thea before she walked towards us.

\- "Let him go."

\- "The Fallen Commander." -Octavia's voice was mocking as she followed Sam with her eyes until she stood next to me, glaring at the men; one of them let go of me but not the other- "What happened to you?"

\- "Treason. As usual." -Sam stood by my side- "And I say he walks."

\- "For the crime against you? Alright, but I will throw him in the pit for the one against me alongside the rest."

I looked behind her as two other people were pulled towards us: Indra and Gaia but no Madi.

\- "Where's Madi?" -Sam spoke for both of us- "What did you do to her?"

\- "Clarke flew with her in the Rover 10 minutes ago, leaving the rest to die in the pit." -she focused her eyes on me- "She doesn't care about any of you."

\- "You let Madi go?" -Sam scoffed- "I doubt that. Why didn't Clarke take the Flame out?"

\- "Madi was still bonding with it when we found her, you know how it is."

\- "So what will you do now?"

\- "They fight at dawn. You're free to go."

\- "I'm not leaving Bellamy behind to die."

\- "I assume that also means you won't join them." -I saw Sam clenching her jaw at my sister's comment- "Take them."

I was then pulled harshly back and away from her as Octavia walked in front of us. I managed to look back one last time, my eyes on Sam's, a reassuring nod from her, or at least I took it as such, seeing Lila joining her, pointing at me and Thea shaking her head. Lila tried to run after us but Thea stopped her and then my head was forced forward not seeing any more of them. I couldn't believe Clarke had left us to die like that; I understood Madi was her child but still... _so much for the head and the heart._

I was then pulled into the bunker, people screaming around us as they took us to our separate cells, Octavia's eyes were filled with anger and disgust just before she exited the level. I took a deep breath, lowering on the bed, and closing my eyes. How was I going to kill the people that had helped me? I couldn't do it; I couldn't fight.

I woke up to the sound of keys on my cell's door, moving to a sitting position, wondering if it was time already but it wasn't Octavia or her men the ones to come into my cell: it was Lila with Thea, who simply nodded at me before closing the door as Lila got inside.

\- "What are you doing here?"

\- "Came to keep you company."

\- "Does Sam know you're here?" -I smiled as I patted the bed beside me- "What time is it?"

\- "Yeah, she probably does." -she jumped on the bed, handing me half of a ration bar- "Thought you'd be hungry."

\- "It's dawn already?"

\- "No, you still have a couple of hours."

\- "And why are you awake?"

\- "Sam's been awake all night trying to see how she can get you out but..."

\- "She can't, I know."

\- "You're going to win." -I gave her a questioning look as she finished her bar- "You have to tell me about Sam and your friends and Sheda from your perspective."

\- "We can do that now if you want."

She nodded with a smile so big, her eyes squinted almost disappearing, making me smile too. She sat cross-legged on the bed as I sat back against the wall, starting to tell her about Sam from the first time I met her. I wouldn't lie, telling Lila about it all brought a bittersweet taste to my tongue as the words rolled out, wishing I had taken more time to admire Sam from a distance since I realized I was falling for her, wishing I had told me more times than I had that I loved her, wishing I had hugged her tighter for longer... Maybe I'd find her in my next life and maybe then things would work out better for us. Lila asked questions and laughed and smiled as I spoke, clearly loving everything about this, wishing I had more time to get to know her.

\- "You know, from the stories mom's told me about you and the ones you've told me about her... I want to love someone that much one day." -I furrowed my eyebrows for I wasn't following her reasoning- "I always liked the story about the day you fought Lexa's men; the end is what I like, how you saved her. If you hadn't found her that day and given her your blood, I'd have never met her and I'd be probably dead."

\- "Lila, don't say that." -I sighed, taking her hand in mine and giving her a gentle squeeze- "I'm sure Sheda would have kept you safe."

\- "We'll never know." -she smiled gently, closing her eyes and nodding for a moment- "She also tells me about Sheda so I won't forget him but I think lately she's the one that's started to forget."

\- "Why?"

\- "Since you opened the bunker for us to get out, it's like something has changed. Everyone knows it and everyone knows it's you. People have always talked about Sam and she's well aware of it, but what's funny is hearing your name too in those conversations."

\- "What do they say?"

\- "People wondered what would happen now that Heda's lover is back, if she'd drop everything for you. They say her responsibilities as our leader come first and that, if she did something in your favor but against us, she'd fall. And I don't want that."

\- "She knows that?"

\- "She hasn't heard them but mom knows everything. I've asked her to teach me how she does it but..." -she shrugged her shoulders- "no luck."

I laughed as I saw the pout on Lila's face that quickly morphed into a shy smile as she faced me. I knew she wasn't Sam's biological daughter but it still amazed me how she had picked up on Sam's little quirks.

\- "Has Sam taught you anything about ancient Roman and Greek literature? About..."

\- "Oh, yes." -she nodded- "I know you like that too and I know you used to read those books to Octavia when she was little."

\- "Do you know anything about The Odyssey?"

\- "Yeah, it's about Odysseus trying to get back home to his wife and while he's doing that, Penelope waiting patiently for him to come back even if people tell her to move on because he's probably dead."

\- "Yeah." -I laughed softly as I saw the pleased look in her eyes- "I like to think of Sam as my Penelope."

\- "The only thing you have in common with Odysseus is that you left and came back. The fighting and survival part is what I've been doing down here." -I hadn't heard Sam walk in, immediately landing eyes on her as she stood next to Thea outside my cell, Lila jumping from the bed and running towards her- "So, if anything, you're the Penelope to my Odysseus, sweetheart."

\- "I agree."

Sam looked down at Lila, letting out a gentle giggle at her comment, thanking her and asking her to go with Thea. Lila wanted to know if Sam was going to go in the pit and what she was going to do to save me; she really wanted us to try again and that did fill my heart with warmth, waving her goodbye as she ran after Thea towards the door and left the cell's area. I glanced at Sam as she kept her eyes on the door through which Lila had disappeared, it was as if for a second, the world had disappeared around her and there was only her kid and her; I wanted that for her; I wished she'd get it even if I wouldn't be there to see it. She finally came back to the present, landing eyes on me and opening my cell, walking inside and standing in front of me; I motioned her to sit beside me on the bed.

\- "I need you to fight and I need you to win."

\- "I'm not going to fight, if you want me alive, get me out."

\- "I can't do that." -her eyes remained on mine so I knew she wasn't lying; I had hoped she would- "If I try to, they'll throw me in the pit too and I can't kill you. And I can't die yet."

\- "Then, this is goodbye."

\- "Why are you giving up?"

\- "I'm not giving up, I'm choosing not to fight."

\- "Bellamy, this is war. Not fighting is dying." -she stood up- "Can you at least pretend to be how you were when we landed? Ready to fight for your life, ready to start a war if someone threatened your loved ones."

\- "Sam, I..."

\- "I know, I know." -she rose her hand in front of me as I stood up- "Good guy. But you can't be one if you're dead."

\- "I can't fight, Sam, and, even if I do, what makes you think I'll make it out?"

\- "Because I know you." -she faced me again, her voice was full of emotion just like her eyes- "You can fight, you're strong; I need you, Bellamy."

\- "You don't."

\- "Fine." -she sighed- "I may not need you per se to survive but I want you to be with me when we get to that valley."

\- "So I can watch you die?"

\- "So we can try again." -she brushed her hand against mine, almost like it had been just a feather being carefully carried by the wind- "So Lila can get to know you for you and not just from my memories of you."

I had held myself back for too long and now that she wasn't with Roan and she was asking me to stay alive because she wanted me to live, to get to know her daughter and to be with her, I couldn't do it any longer. I took her face in my hands like I was holding a delicate flower, rubbing my thumbs over her cheeks as she eyed my lips for a second long enough for me to notice. I knew we had a lot to fix and I knew we might not get the time to do it and, if I was going to die that day, I wanted to go remembering how Sam's body felt against mine, how her fingers curling on my hair felt, how she tasted... So I did it, I moved my lips over hers, still allowing her to move away if she didn't want this but, instead, she rose her face to meet my lips, her hands resting on my upper arms as I felt like everything made sense again for a second.

\- "Promise me you'll fight." -she rested her forehead over mine as she pulled back to breathe.

\- "If you promise to forgive yourself for the things you think make you undeserving of this life."

\- "But..." -I moved back, raising a knowing eyebrow at her, gaining an eye roll from her- "Bellamy, I don't think I don't deserve this life for the choices I made, I think I don't deserve this life for the people that died while I got to live, for the people I didn't safe."

\- "Then promise me you'll start to see things as how they really were: people made their choices just like you made yours."

\- "I don't think being coerced to..."

\- "Sam..."

\- "Fine, fine." -she rose her hands in surrender- "I'll try."

\- "You think we can work this out? Us?"

\- "I think I need to remember that this is war, and there's no place for feelings in war and, on top of that, I'm still fucking pissed at you." -I tried to interfere but she kept talking- "That said, just because I'm angry, it doesn't mean I want you to die; it just means that I'm going to need to learn to trust you again. And I think I'd be doing an awful service to myself if I didn't allow myself to try and see if the love I feel for you is strong enough to overcome those six years and everything else that's been going on lately."

\- "I know I've never stopped loving you, even if I thought you were dead."

\- "Well, that's nice."

\- "And I know I slept with Echo."

\- "I've slept with Roan so what's your point there?"

\- "I didn't need to know that." -I couldn't help the disgust in my face, which prompted a quiet giggle from Sam.

\- "If we aren't fully honest about everything, there's no way this can work out without having a power imbalance based on secrets and lies."

\- "And we don't want that."

\- "No, we don't."

\- "The only thing I haven't told you is that I celebrated your birthday every year."

\- "You did not."

\- "Yes, I did." -I chuckled, seeing how taken aback she looked, rubbing the back of my neck as I felt a bit embarrassed but it was the truth- "Raven logged in the system and told me which cell in lockup had been yours."

\- "Please, tell me you didn't sleep in that shithole."

\- "I didn't; I just spent the day there." -I smiled- "Murphy eventually joined me at midday. The last two years he brought a bottle of booze and we drank for you."

\- "That's nice." -the happiness reflected in Sam's face was one I hadn't seen in a while; I had missed seeing her so... gentle and carefree- "I've missed him so much."

\- "He's missed you too. I used to think he was insufferable with his 'Sam this, Sam that' but that kept your memory alive."

\- "Even if I wasn't dead."

\- "He never thought you were."

\- "Cockroaches recognize each other." -she shrugged her shoulders before busting out laughing- "We're going to save them."

\- "You will."

\- "And you will too."

\- "If I make it out of here."

\- "Look, Gaia is more worried about killing Blodreina than anything else and Indra is weak, her shoulder never healed and, as strong as she is, she's no match for you and how I've seen you fight."

\- "I can't let my sister die, even if she put me here."

\- "Leave that to me." -she gave me a sad smile- "I'm sorry I couldn't protect her from this."

\- "Hey, no, it's not your fault."

\- "Yes, it is and I'm going to tell you now all you don't know." -she pulled me to sit down again- "Three months after the bunker was sealed, Skaikru tried to gain control by locking themselves up in the hydro farm to let the rest of us starve outside. That includes Abby and Kane, they were in the hydro farm. Your sister and I were both outside." -she took a deep breath- "That's the day I got the scar on my neck, because as Skaikru planned that, five Azgeda men came after me, after Lila, and when they got me, I ended up in a coma for a couple of weeks."

\- "Sam..."

\- "I should've been awake. Those weeks were when Octavia became Blodreina, when the pits became a thing and when people started to realize either we all made it out or none would. When I woke up, there wasn't much I could do."

\- "That's not true." -I took her hands in mine- "I've seen how people treat you; yeah, some fear you but most of them have a deep respect for who you are."

\- "Thank the Flame for that; it wasn't for me, it was because of what I represented." -she licked her lips- "Me taking the Flame didn't sit well with Octavia either nor with the people that pledged loyalty to her only but it was the only way not to lose as many people as I knew we'd lose during the Dark Year if I didn't act."

\- "How did that happen." -she eyed me cautiously- "The Dark Year."

\- "You wanna know more about how we ate each other?" -she moved slightly away from me- "About how we crossed that line, a line that can't be uncrossed."

\- "I won't tell you it didn't make me sick when you told me but I also know you wouldn't have done it if there had been another way." -I moved after her, squeezing her hands- "I'm here to listen and to understand. I'm not here to judge you just like you never did when I opened up to you."

\- "That was so long ago." -she smiled, looking at our hands- "I don't know how I'd have reacted if you told me this is what I'd become."

\- "You're a lot of things, Sam, but a monster isn't one of them, okay?" -she nodded- "I'm ready."

\- "Well... the farm started dying and Cooper and the rest of the people working there gave it two weeks and then who knew how long for it to recover; so we set a meeting: Octavia and Indra, Kane and Abby, Roan, Jackson and me. The hydro farm would die and none of us could think of anything; until Abby did."

***Flashback* -3rd POV**

The meeting isn't going exactly as planned; neither of the sisters knows what's about to be thrown at them and the consequences this day and what will be said and decided will have for them.

\- "There is one way."

Abby finally chooses to speak up; she's been going over what she knows for a couple of days now, not knowing how everyone in the room will take it. All eyes land on her, the focus of the conversation completely shifted to what she has said; for some reason, no one needs her to say it out loud, everyone knows what she means: the pits. Cannibalism. That's surely not how they expected to go about their final years down there.

\- "There has to be another way."

\- "There isn't." -Octavia speaks up after Kane- "You've heard Abby." -she turns to Abby- "You guarantee we'll survive?"

\- "Yeah, we'll just wish we didn't."

\- "So my daily life." -Samantha stands up followed by Roan and Jackson- "Another day on Earth or, should I say, in Earth."

Her quick answer might have been taken as one of compliance, as if she didn't care, as if she were settling for it but, oh, she does care: her daughter has to eat that too. And Samantha doesn't want that for her, she'd barely 7 years old, how is she going to explain to her what's about to happen? As she gets outside she asks her trusted friend, Jackson, if he can shine some light onto the situation for her; Abby and she haven't been on the best of terms lately and only their future selves know how wrong it will all go between them. Jackson explains to her how the process of starvation would evolve and how that truly is their only option; he apologies to his friend as if this were his fault but the truth is, it isn't anyone's, life's just funny for the 100 like that. Samantha pulls him into a hug, placing her hand on the back of his head as she apologizes for everything she's certain is about to go down.

\- "What do you mean?"

\- "Gaia's been pestering me about the Flame again, about how it could unite everyone down here and, if I'm honest, the time to be Wonkru has never been closer."

\- "You don't know what could happen to you, Sam, it could... kill you."

\- "I'm willing to try if it comes to that." -Samantha smiles but her smile is small and sad- "Unless everyone agrees without me forcing them, I'll Ascend."

\- "I'll be by your side each step of the way."

Samantha turns her face to land eyes on her right hand, her closest ally and friend down there: the Ice King. She nods gratefully at him knowing he means it; if someone hasn't left her side in all those years, it's the two men by her side and she knows she's willing to give herself up if it means getting them to see the sunlight again. She knows she'll do anything in her hand for them, for her daughter... She closes her eyes for a moment, picturing someone she's been trying her hardest not to forget, not to forget how he sounded, how he moved, how he looked, how he was... Bellamy. If she has to eat human flesh to see him again, she will.

The time for dinner arrives, the first meal in which their new protein source will be served and in which the problem they face will be addressed. Samantha seats, like she always does, by Octavia's side with Lila and Roan next to her; she's spoken with the little girl, tried to help her understand why food would be different from now onward and, as much as it pains her, she seemed to understand, trusting Samantha completely. Once the plates are served, Octavia pronounces a small discourse, announcing the changes and what will become the saying of Wonkru: 'omon gon oson' [all of me, for all of us]. She moves her head to look at her sister, who stands up beside her and picks up her share of food; it's clear she doesn't want to do this, but she takes a bite anyway, strong demeanor as she swallows and the deed is done. Octavia follows suit and, with her, the rest of their table. 

Everything seems to be running smoothly, until Kane raises and refuses to eat, a couple of people agreeing with him, pushing their plates away from them. Octavia reacts impulsively, jumping over the table, repeating their mantra but no one seems to buy it; she wants them to eat, she knows they have to but they won't yield. She pulls out a gun and points at one of them, commanding them to eat or die. Before she pulls the trigger, a hand squeezes her shoulder, moving her face to meet her sister's eyes as she shakes her head.

\- "Don't waste bullets." -Samantha takes out her blade and puts it to the man's neck- "Speak. Why won't you eat. And don't tell me it's knowing what it is because I know that."

\- "My brother was in the pit this morning." -the man speaks up as with a shaky voice- "I won't... I can't..."

\- "I understand." -Samantha moves down the blade, the man clearly relaxing as everyone wonders where this will go- "Do you want his death to be in vain? I know how this sounds, but there's no other way. I've tried, we've tried but this is how we survive."

Murmurs start to raise, everyone interchanging a couple of words with the people around them; Octavia has put away her gun but is ready to pull out her sword and act, looking at Samantha who seems to be the only leader now.

\- "Listen to me, I understand your concerns, your anger, and your disgust." -Samantha stands up on the table to make sure everyone can see her as she tries to reason with them- "You think I want to eat another human's flesh? To feed my child a piece of meat that previously was a friend? An ally? I don't. But we know there's no other way; the farm won't keep us alive and we need the protein to survive. This is the only way."

\- "Then let each person make their choice."

\- "Before you do that," -Samantha jumps down from the table, slowly walking about the people there- "let me tell you exactly what will happen if you don't eat: you think your death will be quick? It won't. Your body will be okay for a couple of days, as if you were fasting; then, it will slowly start to feed on the fat in your body, taking first those proteins non-essential for survival already found inside you too. Once those are gone, your body will start to eat itself from the inside out: first your muscles, then, the proteins essential for your cells to function will be taken away from them in order to keep you alive which means your body will start to deteriorate. You'll lose weight fast, apathy will be the only thing you know, nothing will interest you, your brain will not be able to focus on anything besides how hungry you are, how painful it is, how it wishes for anything at this point to survive. Your immune system? Gone. Few of you will actually die from starvation, most deaths will be caused by infectious diseases. And let's not mention how dehydrated you'll be: headaches, light-headed all the time. You'll be so weak, a simple fall or running into something will leave a mark or break your bones. Those of you who make it that far will have a body so degraded, you won't recognize yourselves, you'll be a walking skeleton. Your death at that point? Meaningless. A heart attack, an arrhythmia... All of that in the process of three to five weeks."

Samantha looks back at Abby, but she knows there's no way around it; Abby nods as if trying to inject her with some type of encouragement but, truth is, deep down Abby hopes everyone will see Samantha like she's done since the bunker closed: as a monster. This chance is the one she's been waiting for: she'll choose for them, they'll blame her, she'll fall.

\- "We never said this would be easy; it isn't." -Samantha speaks again, jumping on the front table from where Lila has been looking at her- "You know where my sister and I stand; allow us to make the choice for you if you wish, blame me once we are out for the crimes you've committed, I don't care. I just want everyone to step with me into the daylight again."

Everyone is silent in the room now, people look at Kane searching for guidance, but even he is starting to consider how starvation should not be his end. But they can't eat another human being, what would that make them?

\- "Tomorrow, you'll have to make the choice, eat and survive or die and never feel the sun warming up your skin, never feel the wind caressing your face and never breathing pure air again." -Samantha makes a pause, licking her lips; she knows this isn't really a choice- "I know this decision must be taken personally; I could force a decision upon you but I think it's best to allow everyone a night to think about it. If you choose not to eat, your death will be quick and at my hands. You have my word not to suffer." -she inhales deeply, wishing there was another way- "You may leave now but a choice must be made before our next meal. As horrible as that sounds."

The room quickly empties, leaving just Abby, Kane, Octavia, Indra, and Roan there for Thea has taken Lila with her. She knows Samantha will take whatever they throw at her and she's decided to stand by her side; she made that choice when she saw her winning the solo gonplei against Ulger, a man so feared, not even the King dared to raise his hand against him. And yet, the Fallen Skygirl had, against all odds, not only gotten rid of him but also raised from her own ashes time after time since she first heard of her. A Phoenix her mentor had said; Thea thought she was.

\- "What now? You can't force people to..."

\- "Everything was going fine until you decided not to eat, Kane." -Octavia takes a step towards him- "Why?"

\- "It's my choice. Their choice."

\- "Now you have morals, how funny is that?" -Samantha doesn't let the opportunity slip from her fingertips- "What happened to that view of the world when we were thrown into lockup, forced to come down to Earth? When you first landed and you said everyone had to do as you said? Only now, when you're threatened by your own fear to become what you made of us is when you finally show how scared you are to be the bad guy."

\- "Samantha, enough!"

Abby steps next to Kane, her intentions unclear for Samantha has not backed down from anything in her life and she certainly won't do so because someone like Abby commands her to. What power does she hold down here? Over her? None.

\- "You're just the same, Abby. The only difference is you hide behind a mask, behind my sister and me so that this choice will only backfire on us. Your hunger for power is only overrun by your hunger to have everyone praise you for how good you are, but we know better."

Those are the last words Samantha will speak to Abby in quite some time and they will burn in the doctor's chest for longer than Samantha will bother to think about them after that day. She retires with Roan back to their room hoping those final years will pass soon; not only to see Bellamy again or to get her daughter out of that hell but also to be free again, free from burden and duties, free to be how she's always been: a free and reckless spirit; exactly how Jasper had referred to her when she wasn't around, but she didn't know that yet.

The next morning, once the time to think has ended, everyone reunites in the hall: from the 30 people that had refused to eat the previous day, only three step forward once Samantha asks who's decided to give up the fight. Octavia seems clearly exasperated, ex-Trikru's giving up, it didn't suit them but it was their decision. Samantha takes a step towards them and motions them to walk with her down the bunker while the rest are urged to go about their day after their first meal. Roan walks after them without Samantha knowing: he wonders what she's planning, knowing that, deep down, she's still good, the fiery and compassionate soul he had easily fallen for through the years. She walks them to the projector room and asks them to sit together, holding hands, putting on an old movie in which the forest they all love so much can be seen; it isn't the exact same forest they'd grown up in but Samantha knows that's better than anything else. Roan stays by the door, watching as then Samantha stabs each person's neck, granting them a quick and almost painless death for no death is ever rid of pain. Then he watches as she falls to her knees, hearing her crying as she holds the bloody knife and he can't stay away any longer, running up to her and kneeling beside her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to his chest, not knowing what to say to ease her mind, knowing nothing will ease this pain.

This same scenario repeats thrice as some people choose death even after trying to keep going and, as Samantha slashes the last person's throat that day, she realizes it's time to change her ways or else many more people will give up; she can't let them, she knows there's hope, she promised to guide them to daylight one day and that is exactly what she intends to do. She doesn't tear up that time, moving past Roan as he sees the change in her eyes, nothing but worry on his; he knows. The time has finally come: a new Commander will raise that afternoon.

***End of Flashback***

Sam let out a long exhale as she finished her memory, interlacing my fingers with hers as my eyes settled on her closed ones, a smile on her face as I rubbed the top of her hand, bringing it to my lips and kissing it. It pained me, knowing all she had seen herself forced to do and I knew she hadn't told me all of it just like she hadn't told everything about her getting locked up to Octavia so long ago. But it was a beginning and I knew reviving that wasn't easy.

\- "That's more or less how it went."

\- "More or less?"

\- "Knowing the rest won't change your opinion on the matter" -she opened her eyes, landing her gaze on mine- "and I don't wanna be in that memory longer than I have to."

\- "Will you ever tell me about how it felt? Ascending? What happened after that."

\- "It's weird, I wouldn't know how to explain. I can tell you there are many unfriendly Commanders but there was a particular one that kept showing up as if I were to trust him."

\- "Him?"

\- "Yeah, Gaia told me about him, taught me to fight him back even in my nightmares; the dark Commander, he tried to seek control over me, I'm convinced he has a lot to do with the scars on my arms. I hope he won't try the same with Madi, she's just a child, she won't survive him."

\- "She wanted to Ascend."

\- "I'm trying to have a normal conversation with you, don't anger me more than I already am."

\- "I only asked her to Ascend to surrender Wonkru, to keep you and Lila safe; I asked her to take the Flame out as soon as she was done."

\- "And now she's gone with Clarke." -Sam lowered on the bed, covering her face with her arms- "Great. Our only way to get out and she takes it; she better not do anything stupid or she'll hear me."

\- "Wanna tell me anything else?"

I rested back on my hands, keeping my eyes on her, seeing as she moved her arms down to her sides, her hand searching for mine, allowing her to find it, interlacing our fingers together and pulling me down to lay next to her, caressing my face before she took my other hand, her fingers running over mine as I knew what she was looking for: the matching scar to her tattoo. She chuckled as she saw it, nodding to herself for a moment before her eyes focused on mine again: pleading, loving eyes, gentle and scared but also strong and knowing.

\- "Win the fight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone. I'm back from my unexpected break if you noticed. I hope you guys are still interested in this story cause I'd hate to see it flop. I've also finally caught up with season 6 as it just came out in my country so that should be an interesting new book for this series. I hope you'll find it in you to stick around with me and Sam for a little longer. Hope you're all safe amidst the new chaos that's taken over the world, I hope you're fighting for what's right.
> 
> love, 
> 
> 𝒮𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒶


	22. Promise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy must make a choice: will he fight or will he protest his sister’s system by simply standing in the arena?

**SAM'S POV**

I didn't know why or if it was right but something had pulled me to Bellamy's cell and I had spent there the couple of hours left till sunrise. I hated this. I hated knowing I could do nothing to help him. I hated that I knew there was a possibility of losing him. If he hadn't taken the Flame from me, he'd be walking around the bunker like it was his. But there we were, in a cell, telling him about my six years down in the bunker as he told me about the Ring. I wished I had left with him, I wished he had taken Lila with him and I had stayed back to help them escape but I couldn't change the past.

\- "Sam," -Thea was back outside the cell- "it's time."

I felt my heart crushing in my chest, nodding at her before she left, sitting on the bed as Bellamy did the same. I knew I had to go but it felt so wrong, leaving him there to... hopefully just fight. I rubbed my temples, closing my eyes, and racking my brain trying to find something I could use that I had missed.

\- "Hey, don't." -he slowly moved his hand down my arm, squeezing before resting his hand over mine- "It's not your fault."

\- "I should be doing something."

\- "You have." -he made me face him- "You've stayed with me."

\- "I'm so helpful, wao."

\- "You could have gone to bed, I know you need to rest for what's to come." -he interlaced his fingers with mine- "You could've just sat there and done nothing and I'd have thanked you for it."

\- "You're delusional, you could die today."

\- "Then I spent my last night exactly like I wanted to: with you."

\- "I'm so angry at you." -I stood up, letting go of him- "If I still had the Flame, you'd be free to go and..."

\- "Hey, no." -he grabbed my hand, pulling me back with such force I ended up sat on his lap, my hands on his shoulders as he rose his head to meet my eyes- "I did that because I need you to live."

\- "I need you to live."

\- "So I can watch you die."

\- "Yes, so you can watch me die after we've both lived our lives wherever that got us."

\- "You think we could've worked this out?"

\- "Stop speaking like this is goodbye."

\- "But it..."

\- "Please." -I covered his mouth, feeling the desperation completely taking over me, trying to keep my voice steady but not doing a very good job at it- "I can't watch you die, Bellamy, that's been my worst nightmare since I met you; it's haunted me for years and in so many different ways and I'm always just there watching; it's like I'm glued to the floor and I can't reach you." -I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks as I made my confession- "The best part of me will die with you, what's left of the good guy in me is your doing. I can't pretend like I don't love you, I can't pretend that I don't want you, that I don't want us to find peace and get to know each other again and be the team we used to be. Fuck, Bellamy, we were so good and I'm sorry it's taken me wanting to murder you, wanting to punish you, trying to be with someone else, and the threat of truly losing you for good to realize. I'm losing my edge and I need you to stay with me to keep me on my toes." -I took his face in my hands- "I need you."

I could barely focus my eyes on his because of the tears but I could feel the intensity with which he was looking at me; I meant it all, I meant it so deeply I felt my chest burning from the inside out as what I felt finally rolled down my tongue. I loved Roan, I loved him deeply but not as much as he deserved and I hated myself for it and I couldn't just move on with Bellamy now but he needed to know how I felt. His hands were soon on my neck, his thumbs caressing my jaw as I looked up, trying to stop the tears.

\- "I've always needed you." -he made me look at him again- "I will need you until I exhale my last breath."

**\-------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

My heart ached horribly. I could've sworn I heard Sam's breaking as she spoke with a shaky voice and a sea of tears running down her cheeks, I wished there's was something I could do to take all that pain and anguish away from her, to help her heal and realize none of this was her fault; timing had never been good on us. And I needed her to know that I didn't care about what she had done, about her being with someone else, loving them, I didn't care for the things she thought she owed me because she had no obligations with me. I'd have loved her through time and space keeping us apart, I'd have loved her even if she redid her life with Roan or someone else, I'd have loved her even if she had thrown me in the pit herself, because Sam was, had been and would always be my partner and my soulmate, my best friend and confidant, my family and the keeper of my heart. And if I was going to die, I wanted her to remember me and I wanted her to be the last thing I saw before closing my eyes and leaving to the other side.

\- "I love you, Y/N, my heart's always been yours." -I ran my thumb over her lips- "I know you never cared for tradition but you need to know, as I left to look for Raven, I was going over how I'd ask you to be mine forever."

\- "Bellamy, no." -she sniffled, shaking her head and rubbing her nose- "You can't say those things and then not fight."

\- "I'm going to fight. I'm going to fight for you."

I moved my hand to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to me and sealing the promise with my lips on hers. Our relationship had been a lot of high-highs and just as many low-lows but the only thing that had never changed was the fact that I trusted her with all I had and that I knew I'd do anything for her. If she needed me and wanted me and what I had to do now was fight, then I'd do it. Her lips were messy and needy against mine, feeling her tears on my skin, moving one of my hands to her ass and forcing her completely against me. I wished I had more time.

\- "You have to go." -I rested my forehead against hers as we broke apart to breathe.

\- "I don't want to." -she wrapped her arms around my neck, her chin now over my head as I sighed against her chest, my hands firmly on her back- "Take the long sword on the right of the pit, it's the sharpest one. Gaia will choose the spear so don't give her the option to throw it at you. Indra will take the short blade so she'll need to get close to hurt you. Don't let her. Fight like you fought me in the training room, aim at her shoulder."

\- "Sam..."

\- "Lincoln taught you to defend yourself and Echo showed you to fight like Azgeda. Use that."

\- "She's good."

\- "I know, I liked her before you did." -she smiled as she moved back- "You're a copycat."

\- "Did you sleep with her without me knowing?"

\- "No, but I wouldn't have minded." -she chuckled, taking my chin in her hand- "I promised her I'd keep you safe and I've failed so fight to get out unless you want to get me in trouble."

\- "You'd have been good friends."

\- "We still have time but most of our relationship now is based on you so..."

\- "If I don't..."

\- "You are."

\- "In case I don't." -I took her hands in mine- "I need you to know I'd want you to move on, find love, a family, peace."

\- "I have all of that already." -she stood up, missing her body against mine for it had been so long since we had been that close for that long- "You're in all three categories."

\- "Sam, I mean it."

\- "I do too." -she gave me a sad smile- "Don't break Lila's heart."

\- "I'll try." -I caressed her cheek- "I promise."

\- "If you die, I will burn this place to the ground."

\- "I thought we agreed on not being Romeo and Juliet."

\- "Then don't die on me."

\- "Sam, they are coming, you have to go. Now."

Thea came back running with a rushed and worried expression, looking at Sam and at the door that lead to the outside hallway, motioning Sam to move. Sam nodded but turned around to give me a final kiss, sighing against her lips as she moved back, watching her get out of my cell as I stood against the bars. We heard footsteps coming our way, Thea cursing under her breath that it was too late, questioning why Sam was smiling, the glint of mischief I had seen her sport so many times before back in her eyes. I eyed her, wondering what she was thinking as she stood in front of me, her hands squeezing mines over the bars before she started to climb up my cell to the ceiling, moving one of the patches and climbing onto the space that was up there. That explained a lot of things, her eyes landing on mine as I tried to hold back my laugh.

\- "You don't think I know everything just by walking around the hallways, right?"

Sam winked at me before she offered Thea her hand to climb up with her, using the bars of my cell to make it easier for both of them. The last thing I saw before they closed the hatch was Sam's smile, closing my eyes to make sure I'll remember it, asking whoever was listening to help me today, the door opening just as the hatch had closed.

\- "You're up, good."

\- "What are you doing here?" -I landed eyes on my sister- "What do you want."

\- "Was Sam here?"

\- "Why do you care."

\- "Because no one has seen her since last night and there's still people murmuring for her head."

\- "I had a plan."

\- "Yeah, I can see that."

To my surprise, she entered my cell and we were left alone for a couple of minutes she used to ask me to fight, to tell me how to win Indra. Did I appreciate it? Yes, but I'd appreciate it more if she weren't doing this.

\- "What happened to you?"

\- "It's been six years."

\- "It's been six years for everyone, O, not just for you."

\- "You think I'm the only one that's changed?" -she stood up, shaking her head.

\- "You've been down here with Sam and you can't even seem to get along."

\- "We were going to rule this place together but she stepped over me."

\- "The Dark Year?"

\- "She Ascended, Bellamy!" -she turned around, seeing the rage in her eyes- "She made her choice and pushed me to the side, she made the decision without me, she took over and all people thought of me was that I was a terrible sister for not being there with her."

\- "I thought you both made the call, you both told the people what was happening, she ascended after that."

\- "She told you?" -I nodded- "About everything?"

\- "The Dark Year, cannibalism, Ascending, her arms..."

\- "I asked her to take it out, I could see it was getting worse but Sam never listens."

\- "Why are you so angry at her?"

\- "Because we were supposed to be a team!" -I knew my sister; yes, it might have been six years but I could still tell when she was holding back her tears- "We were supposed to be there for each other throughout all of this! She was supposed to be my sister!"

\- "But you were the first to take control of the bunker." -I eyed her- "When they got Sam."

\- "That's different; I had to deal with a revolt and the hate they had for each other. I did what I had to do."

\- "Have you considered Sam did the same?"

\- "She didn't have to Ascend, people knew their options; sure, people were giving up but we were dealing with that..."

\- "Sam's convinced more and more people would have chosen to die than keep fighting."

\- "Then that was their choice."

\- "You're the one who held a gun to their heads so you're one to speak."

\- "And I stuck with my decision, unlike Sam."

\- "What do you mean?" -I stood up, walking up to her, slight surprise in her eyes before they went cruel again- "What?"

\- "I forced people to eat and I ate; Sam made them eat but she didn't for quite some time until they forced her to."

\- "That's not entirely true." -Roan stood by the door out of nowhere- "It's time, they are waiting."

Octavia seemed annoyed that Roan was there; I wondered too why he had come. He had his eyes on her as if waiting for her move, daring her to do something she'd later regret. Maybe they had bad blood too, maybe I didn't know everything that had truly happened yet. Octavia finally nodded, facing me for a moment before walking out.

\- "You know what you have to do."

\- "I'm not going to fight for you or because you've told me what to do."

\- "I don't care why you fight." -she glanced at me over her shoulder- "Just do it."

I clenched my fists at my sides, watching my sister strode away from us, wondering what I had done wrong to fall so far from her, sighing as Roan showed me a pair of cuffs, motioning me to put my hands together in front of myself and putting them around my wrists.

\- "What did really happen." -I stood in front of him; I wasn't going to move without answers- "Why is Octavia saying Sam didn't eat."

\- "I thought she told you everything."

\- "Apparently not; she did say there were things she'd rather not remember. That must be one of them, what was it?"

\- "Jackson had to nourish her back to life 10 days after her Ascension."

\- "What?! Why? She knew what would happen to her if she didn't eat, and she told me she did; this makes no sense."

\- "Sam was eating, yes, but her body was incapable of keeping the food down. I caught her more times than I'd have liked on the bathroom floor, hugging her legs to her chest and crying; I knew she wasn't doing it on purpose because I know she'd never leave Lila alone but that didn't make it any better."

\- "Why didn't she tell me?"

\- "Not to worry you, probably. I only know because we slept in the same room. Octavia doesn't know the whole story and refuses to listen to reason, she's so angry at Sam for Ascending but she doesn't know half the reason she did was to protect her from an uprising against them; that's part of why she and Sam had a fallout."

\- "And the other?"

\- "Sam feels guilty: she thinks people started disliking Octavia because of her, because Sam looked more approachable having Lila with her, and because she Ascended, making her the good leader and pushing Octavia to be just her shadow. I think her body couldn't physically hold everything that she was pushing herself through, all the decisions, the pain, the past commanders and the meat... it ended up showing it by purging itself from anything Sam ate." -he took a deep breath, pushing me then out of the door- "I need her to get out of this place full of pain and dark memories for her; it can't be her tomb."

\- "It won't be."

I allowed Roan to guide me through the corridors until we got to the upper level, to the door of the pit outside of which two guards had Indra and Gaia. Gaia seemed to be far away from there but Indra did turn her face to look at me; I couldn't read her expression but I knew she'd come after me and I couldn't let her. I couldn't believe Octavia was throwing her in the pit too, the person she had shown nothing but respect and admiration for since we met her, her tutor, her ally, her friend... This was so messed up. Roan uncuffed my hands and another guard stood behind me to make sure I wouldn't run away. _Where would I go?_ Roan nodded at me before leaving, taking that opportunity to look around to see if I could catch a glimpse of Sam but I didn't.

\- "Bellamy!"

I moved my head towards the voice, watching as people made way for Lila to walk through, getting closer to us and pushing the guard aside to get to me; he tried to push her back but Indra gave him a look and he paused himself, allowing Lila to stand in front of me.

\- "What are you doing here?"

\- "I came to ask you to win." -I sighed as I squatted in front of her- "Please."

\- "I'll try."

\- "Don't try, do it."

\- "You sound like Sam." -I chuckled, being taken aback as she hugged me- "It's okay, Lila."

\- "It's not."

\- "It'll be."

\- "I can't be here during the fight," -she moved back- "so I'll be waiting for you in my room to tell me another story, okay?"

\- "Okay."

\- "Promise?"

\- "Promise."

I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I watched her go, standing up and closing my eyes for a moment, dragging in a long breath and letting go of the air through my mouth. There was a lot for me still to live. I had to make it out. _I will make it out. This isn't the last of me._

We were finally shoved into the pit, the three of us standing there, looking at each other for a moment before I heard murmurs outside, raising my head to look up at the upper level, watching as Sam walked inside. She looked so strong and powerful, pride filled my chest as I watched her move to the two thrones in front of us; how could I ever let someone like Sam go? Someone that had always resembled more a goddess than a human to me, someone that loved so deeply that had issues not putting herself in danger for those she cared about. She sat down on the chair on the right from my point of view, she looked so regal, Thea standing to her left as Roan stood to her right. I knew she wouldn't allow herself to show any emotion which was why it surprised me when her eyes landed on me and a small smile took over her lips before Thea leaned towards her, whispering something in her ear that made break eye contact with me and turn her head to look at Thea.

At that moment, my sister walked into the level; I hated to say it but compared to how Sam carried herself, I could see why Octavia was the one they feared most, the red paint on her forehead, the cape, and the enraged look on her face. Sam and she interchanged a minimal look before Octavia stood just in front of the railing, looking around and then to us.

\- "You know the rules." -she spoke with a solemn tone, focusing her eyes on me- "Win the fight," -I watched Indra getting ready to move so I did the same- "save your life."

As she sat down on her throne beside Sam, both of them looking down at us, Sam nodded and Thea and Miller gave the sound for the fight to begin. I had looked around me as I entered the pit, locating the long sword so I only had to run to it now, picking it up and turning around, watching Indra focusing her eyes on me. _I have to do this._

I rose my sword as I walked towards her, not seeing Gaia coming at me like I had expected, choosing to worry about her once she was in my line of vision, my sword clashing with Indra's, managing to push her hard enough to force her to take a couple of steps back, using that time to strike her with my fist.

\- "My daughter will be the one to make it out of here."

She strode again towards me, quick movements as we avoided each other's weapon and tried to hurt the other; I knew what I was doing so, as soon as I saw my opportunity, I took it, forcing Indra's sword away from me and hitting her shoulder with my fist.

\- "I'm not dying today."

I felt all my pent-up anger rushing thought my veins, hitting Indra harder, putting more force into my sword, forcing her to walk back and finally seeing a clean way to end this, when I heard Gaia mumble something, turning to look at her in time to see the spear leave her hand, directed at where my sister san Sam were. I couldn't stop a 'no' from falling from my lips as frustration took over me but nothing of what we had expected to happen did; Sam had stood up and, by some type of miracle, she had caught the spear, holding it in place, able to see it was directed at my sister's chest. Octavia didn't even blink, simply resting her head on her palm as Sam lowered the weapon, walking up to the railing; I could hear the murmurs but I couldn't tell what they were saying.

\- "Win the fight." -Sam let go of the spear that fell to our feet, her eyes irrevocably on mine- "Save your life."

She didn't move back, she stood there, glued to the railing just like my eyes were incapable of leaving hers, until she looked behind me, raising her eyebrows and looking glancing behind me, understanding what she meant, turning around just in time to see Indra coming at me again, her sword missing my side by pure luck.

\- "Stop! Stop!"

Hearing Monty's voice confused me, and I was even more lost when he showed up in the middle of the pit, holding a plant in his hand. I turned around to watch my sister and Sam's reaction: Octavia had stood up, angry look in her face as she held to the railing looking down on us, meanwhile, Sam had a small smile on her lips, turning around and exiting the level.

\- "We don't have to fight for the valley." -Monty held the plant up- "We can live here, the farm will revive and there'll be plenty of food for everyone."

\- "We can live here?"

Someone asked in the crowd and Monty nodded, explaining how the farm just needed to be taken care of and we'd be having a food source in less than a week. I could see the people murmuring, looking around before something I never thought would happen, did.

\- "Bloodreina no more!"

It started with one person and it quickly built up to almost the whole crowd around us chanting for my sister's end; I didn't want that but I hated who she had become. She glared down at Monty and I feared what she might do to him but she didn't say anything; she looked around with a disgusted look and then exited the level. At that same time, Sam walked into the arena, Monty turning to look at her and showing her the plant, to which Sam smiled and nodded but she didn't stop next to him; she kept walking towards me. I let go of my sword, hearing it hit the floor as Sam wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her so I hugged her back, keeping her as close to me as I could, hiding my face on her neck.

\- "Did you put Monty up to this?"

\- "I needed someone to interfere and it couldn't be me." -she murmured against my neck, feeling her fingers tightening their grip on my hair- "He was already working on it."

\- "Does that mean you won't fight?" -I pulled back to look into her eyes- "Is it over?"

\- "This battle is, but I still have a war to fight."

\- "Sam, no."

\- "Scáthach no more!"

\- "Yeah, down with the fallen Commander."

I felt my heart starting to beat faster as the murmurs that had risen against my sister now did too against Sam, but she didn't look worried, letting go of me and standing in the middle of the area.

\- "Scáthach died with the Flame." -she addressed the crowd- "Worry no more."

\- "Where's the Commander?"

\- "And why aren't you dead."

\- "The child flew last night with Wanheda and I doubt she'll come back to lead you." -she cleared her throat, licking her lips- "I know how some of you still feel about the Flame and I respect that; I also understand if you chose not to fight anymore for the valley."

\- "Why would we fight when we can survive here."

\- "I will fight because, for once, I don't want to just survive; I want to live. Sure, I believe Monty can revive the farm, I've watched him do it with the plant he's holding right now." -she motioned Monty who proudly held his creation up- "And I believe, if you want to stay back, you should. I said it once and I'll say it again: I'm not going to force anyone to fight for what I want and what I believe in."

\- "Why fight and risk dying?"

\- "I can't stay here, this place has been a nightmare for me since the hatch closed." -Sam's voice wasn't harsh but rather soft and compassionate, approachable- "This place was never a home for me, the things I've done to survive... the things I made you do to survive will always haunt me but I'd rather have nightmares about it under the moon than under 5 stores of cement. I want my child to grow up in the ground, not underneath it. I wanna give her the life I didn't get. I will march to that valley because I know that place is ours; because I won't risk putting my child through another Dark Year; I'll march to that valley because I have friends there who need my help, we have people who chose to leave there not knowing what was really waiting for them with McCreary. I will not give up on them. They are our people and they need our help."

\- "If you go alone, you'll die."

\- "Then I die fighting for what I believe in." -she faced Gaia, who had been the one to speak to her- "You have no responsibilities towards me now but Wanheda took the kid with the Flame and we both know what could happen if she's alone with it for too long."

\- "We have to find her."

I looked around me, watching as people murmured about whether to go or stay, about what was the right decision; I took that moment to walk towards Sam, taking her hand in mine, making her face me.

\- "You can stay here with Lila." -she looked at me with such softness in her eyes- "You don't have to fight anymore."

\- "I'm not going to let you go alone. I'll fight with you for that valley and our friends."

She smiled gently, looking at the floor for a moment, squeezing my hand.

\- "When do we march?" -Thea was soon by our side- "I'm with you."

\- "So am I."

Roan entered the pit too, standing next to me, eyeing Sam's hand in mine but he didn't seem bothered, his eyes drifting behind her as people started to volunteer to march with Sam. It was amazing how she could inspire people, how she could help them stand up for themselves to fight for what they knew was right; she wasn't only a leader, she was also someone that inspired people, a role model for many, someone the kids looked up to.

\- "We'll need you to lead us, Samantha kom Wonkru." -Sam let go of me, turning around to see one of the oldest council members speaking from behind the mesh- "What will it be?"

\- "I ask you to take me in as Jusheda, as the Commander of Blood again; allow me to lead you one more time. Allow me to make our valley flourish with the blood of our enemies and those who've betrayed us." -she rose her chin, the way she spoke and carried herself had me mesmerized, such power, such confidence... she was a work of art- "Allow me to guide you home one last time."

A pleased and excited look on her face as people cheered for her, not all, but many and that was enough for her. I couldn't help but wonder how this would play out; I knew some people wanted Sam dead so that Madi could fully ascend; I knew others wanted her dead because they had pledged loyalty to my sister. I was worried but this time I wouldn't leave her out of my sight. Which reminded me, I had to go meet Lila. I was going to ask Sam to come with me but she rose her hand in front of me, one finger up, asking me to wait one second, so I nodded, allowing her to address the crowd once again before we could move out of that horrible place.

\- "On the condition that my sister won't be harmed."

I nodded to that; I knew they weren't in good terms but it didn't surprise me that Sam made it a point to take care of her, even when O couldn't see it; the crowd that had sided with Blodreina agreed quickly, so I assumed they'd march with Sam now; Sam's side agreed more reluctantly but did nonetheless. And I thought that was it but, as every time with Sam, there was always something else; what came out of her lips next did nothing to soothe my worries; if anything, it only made them grow bigger and more threatening.

\- "Once the valley is ours, I'll pay for my crimes with my blood if that's what you need from me. No resistance, no retaliation."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to formally apologize for not having posted in like two weeks to update this story; if you didn't know, I've been posting the same content on Tumblr but recently they've decided to shadow ban all my pieces, especially my Bellamy ones including this story and I didn't want to post here and not there cause, you know... I also did that thinking this would get solved quickly. Funny. It hasn't. So here we are. I hope you'll find it in your hearts to forgive me and will keep reading my story.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed today's piece, do drop by the comments to let me know your thoughts and, please, remember to leave me some kudos, voting does really help my story!


	23. Corruptive destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a step back from a hopeless situation is not the same as giving up; however, both are equally painful decisions, especially when it's about family.

**SAM'S POV**

I had been at the edge of my seat throughout the fight, fearing Bellamy would die, breathing relieved as Monty made his entrance, not seeing anything else but Bellamy as I walked down; he was safe and that was all I wanted at that moment. Once that was done and before anyone there could say another word, I walked out of the pit; I wasn't expecting everyone in there to follow me and I definitively didn't want the kids and the elderly coming so, whoever truly chose to come, would be welcome. I had no intention of bearing ill will against anyone who stood back and I hoped they knew. I heard footsteps running after me and I didn't have to turn around or hear them to know who it was: Bellamy; and I knew just what he was about to say.

\- "What was that?"

\- "Please, don't. I don't wanna fight now that I'm a bit more at ease knowing you're safe."

\- "Sam, you just invited them to murder you."

\- "You don't say."

\- "That's not going to happen." -he grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him- "There will be resistance and retaliation if anyone touches you."

\- "If anyone touches me aside from you, you mean."

\- "Don't try to change the subject, it's not going to work."

\- "Fine." -I got rid of him- "We can talk about that once we got the valley."

\- "But..."

\- "Drop it, please," -I faced him again, I could see the anger mixed with pain in his eyes- "you don't think they'd follow me without the prospect of being able to kill me, right? Especially not those who believe in the supreme power of the Flame and those who swore loyalty to Blodreina."

\- "I can't bear the thought of losing you, Sam, knowing this time could be the one you won't come back to me terrifies me."

\- "Yeah." -I couldn't help but smile as he moved his hand to cup my face, rubbing my cheek- "I've died more times than people get to live and I'm grateful for that." -I took his hand in mine and squeezed- "Come on, I'm sure Lila is waiting for you."

\- "You know?"

\- "That she'd come to ask you to win?" -I eyed him- "She's my daughter, Blake."

Bellamy smiled; it was so easy for me to tell he wished he had stayed to help me with her... to be her father. I kept walking by his side, feeling at peace for a moment again, starting to think that we had this under control again. Once we got to my room, Lila threw the door open before I could even attempt to open it myself, looking at me but her eyes quickly settling on Bellamy, a sigh of relief as she jumped on him.

\- "Oh, okay." -Bellamy chuckled and picked her up- "Hi."

\- "Lila, you do realize you aren't a 6-year-old for people to carry you places, right?" -I chuckled as she faced me.

\- "I don't mind." -Bellamy looked at me before I walked into the room.

\- "Fine." -I heard Lila's feet hit the ground again- "I'm just happy to see you're alive."

\- "I had some help."

I was with my back to them but I heard them walking in after Bellamy spoke so I furrowed my eyebrows, turning around to see their eyes on me.

\- "Nomi?"

\- "You know I can't interfere with the pit's rules." -Lila looked at Bellamy again and then at me, crossing her arms over her chest- "I didn't do anything."

\- "Sure, you didn't go for the science guy before the fight and him coming in with that plant was pure coincidence, ai haiplana."

\- "Exactly." -I pointed at Roan as he joined us- "It was all a happy coincidence."

Roan smiled but shook his head anyway, Bellamy turning to look at him before raising a questioning everybody my way. Of course, it had been me, but most of the credit was Monty's, I had only gone talk to him in distress, hoping he'd have more ideas in the 5 minutes we had before the fight; luckily for all of us, he did.

\- "And now what?"

\- "Now we got ourselves I little merry family, we get the valley and Lila gets to live a very long, happy, and safe life."

\- "With all of you?"

Lila stood next to me, looking at Roan and Bellamy before facing me. I could feel the tension in both men, knowing I had said what I had said but I knew neither of them would tell Lila, she was better off not knowing the deals I had to make, she was a child and I wanted her to live like one. I kneeled down in front of her, nodding and soon feeling her arms around my neck, closing my eyes for a moment as I hugged her. Maybe I wouldn't get to see her grow into the woman Sheda and I knew she'd become, the woman Roan hoped she'd be but, still, I had gotten six years by her side, way more than I had hoped to live the first time I met her, and that was enough for me. I let go of her, who immediately went to grab both Roan and Bellamy's hands, pulling them with her to sit on the bed, asking Bellamy to tell her a story and to Roan to pay attention in case he said something about me that wasn't real. I had to laugh, leaning back against the wall, the people I loved the most sat there, together, telling my child stories about when I was still trying to find who I was.

Bellamy mentioned Murphy and my heart clenched in my chest, licking my lips as I walked into the bathroom, leaning on the counter. I had to save him. Murphy had gotten easily under my skin, still remembering all the times I vouched for him and all the ones I wanted to break his nose... And Raven, the woman that was so strong and intelligent that had gotten me mesmerized since the first time I saw her. My family. And Emori, that hadn't judged me once even knowing who I was and the things I had done, the loving soulmate Murphy deserved and who he loved so deeply. I had to fight. And Echo. I smiled. I had liked Echo for how strong a loyal she was, badass to the core even when she wanted to murder me; I respected that for I had wanted to kill her too. And Monty and Harper had nothing but good things to say about her, so I knew she was family too now.

\- "You okay?"

I nodded as I heard Roan behind me, his hands on my hips as I straightened and leaned back against him; I wished he wouldn't come to fight by my side, he had been by my side for longer than anyone else I knew and I couldn't risk losing him but he was as stubborn as I was in those matters so I knew fighting him back was no use.

\- "I just... I can't wait to be in the valley." -I met his eyes on the mirror- "I want to live, even if just for a moment, lay on the grass and breathe in the clean air from the woods."

\- "You're going to live a very long life, Sam." -Roan made me turn around, taking my chin in his hand- "I'm not going to let them touch you." -I tried to protest but he cut me off- "You're no Heda any more, you can't give me orders any longer." -I saw the grin on his lips- "I will fight by your side, Jusheda; I'm not letting you go into another Conclave alone."

\- "You knew I would win it."

\- "But now I don't know what could happen." -he rubbed my cheek- "So I'm going with you."

\- "Promise me you are not going to die."

\- "You know I can't do that."

\- "I will burn the place down if you die, Roan, I don't know if I can live without you by my side."

\- "You knew you stood no chance against Fio when you fought him and yet, here you are, fighting people double your side before breakfast." -I couldn't help but chuckle- "You don't need any of us to live, Sam."

\- "But I want you with me."

\- "I'll always be with you, ai haiplana; I swore loyalty to you and I'm bound to you, wherever we may end up, however it may be."

\- "You know I still love you, right?" -I eyed him- "I wasn't lying when..."

\- "I know, Sam." -he leaned in closer to me- "I love you."

I closed my eyes right before I felt his lips over mine; I loved Roan more than anyone knew, more than I was capable of expressing with words, and I hoped he knew. I knew I had broken up with him just like I knew I had done that because I was angry and tired of pretending like I could deal with it all on my own. I needed Roan but I wanted Bellamy too. And I needed to tell them that.

\- "We have to talk."

\- "I know."

I pulled him with me back into the room, knowing Bellamy knew we had kissed by the look in his eyes but knowing he bared no ill-will against either of us. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to have with Lila in the room so I took a couple of clothes from the dresser that I had gotten especially made for her and asked her to try them on to show the guys, which she was very excited about, asking if it were the clothes meant to look like my Heda ones. Once she was in the bathroom and knowing she couldn't hear us as she started singing, smiling myself as I looked at the floor, I took a deep breath before I faced the guys.

\- "Okay, I think you both know what I'm going to say."

\- "I got an idea." -Roan nodded to Bellamy's words- "Just don't apologize."

\- "What?"

I was genuinely confused; I knew they knew I was having... problems deciphering my exact feelings for each of them but the fact that they seemed to know more about this than even I did was... complicated.

\- "Sam, we fell in love seven years ago and I truly believe what you felt for me is still there; I see it in the way you look at me, in how you helped me get out of the pit, in how you behave around me, in how Lila tells me what you've told her about me. Love like ours doesn't just disappear forever. I know I still feel it like I first landed eyes on you this morning."

\- "And we've spent six years together in this hell, we fell in love slowly; and I knew you felt it too in the way you looked at me, the way you laugh and keep me in the loop of things. And I knew you still wanted Bellamy when I kissed you, when we got together and your heart was shattered into a million pieces after you learned about Jasper. And I know you love me even when you broke things off."

\- "Because we know you have too much on your plate."

\- "And we know there's no place for feelings in war."

\- "The last thing we want to do is make you feel trapped, make you feel like you owe us anything."

\- "I knew you were a free soul the day I met you, like a free eagle flying over the sky. And it'd be cruel to try to keep you tied to the ground."

\- "No matter who you choose if you ever do."

\- "We are both going to stay by your side."

\- "For a very long life."

I caressed my temples as I looked down; that was absolutely not how I expected this to go, pacing the room for a moment, feeling the headache of forcing my tears not to spill down my cheeks. I wasn't sure what had I done right to have two such strong and loving men by my side, how they had decided I was worth their time nor why they loved me but I thanked whoever was listening for it. I knew I was strong and I could do just about anything, but sometimes I too wanted someone to fight by my side, to hold me when I fell and to remind me that I could do this.

\- "You both could make my life a bit harder, you know?" -I chuckled as I rose my eyes again, rubbing them for a moment- "Just a fucking bit harder would be great."

Bellamy chuckled as Roan smiled, both of them standing up and walking towards me so I wasted no time to hug them both; I knew it could be awkward for them but I didn't care, relinquishing in the feeling of both their arms around me as I closed my eyes. This was not how I expected my love life to go, my life in general honestly but I couldn't exactly complain either.

\- "I promise I'll fix this once I don't have a war criminal to murder."

\- "There's nothing to fix."

\- "I mean, there is something to fix." -Bellamy eyed me as I moved back- "The 'no retaliation, no resistance' part could do with some adjustments."

\- "For once, I agree."

\- "Okay but, if..."

\- "We are not doing this again." -Roan sighed, shaking his head- "Lila is your daughter and she needs you. She needs her mom more than anyone else."

\- "She's your daughter too."

\- "You say Lila is as much mine as she's yours but that's not true."

\- "I..."

\- "I just helped, Sam, who Lila has become is all your merit. She truly is your daughter."

\- "Which is exactly why you can't die as much as you seem dead set on allowing that to happen."

\- "She has you both now, and that eases my mind." -I knew what they meant, and I knew they were right- "I don't want to die but, if it happens, at least I know you'll take care of her as if she were yours. Both of you."

\- "But you're not going to die because now I can fight by your side!"

Lila had silently opened the door, standing in the room dressed like... me; like a much younger and innocent version of who I had ever been. I couldn't help the solitary tear that fell down my cheek as I saw her, her hair back like Sheda used to wear it, black war paint that who knows where she got from like the one I wore. I was so proud of who she had become and of all I knew she'd accomplish. I never wanted to be a mother but looking at Lila I couldn't help but feel like I had finally done something right.

\- "So?" -she walked towards us as I kneeled in front of her- "What do you think?"

\- "I think it's crystal clear, now more than ever, that you're not fighting any wars, strikon."

\- "But..."

\- "We'll be with her." -Bellamy stood beside me, Lila's eyes moving towards him.

\- "Nothing is happening to Sam, okay?"

Lila's eyes moved to Roan as she nodded before looking at me again; I knew I'd do anything for her, I'd end the world if she needed me to do it. I moved my hand to her hair and down her arm, taking her hand in mine and making her do a spin for me, Roan walking towards our wardrove and picking something up, asking Lila to close her eyes.

\- "What is it?"

\- "A gift for your birthday."

\- "My birthday was months ago."

\- "Better late than never."

I chuckled as I saw what it was, having to sit down before my legs failed me. Roan kept insisting I was more to Lila than he was but how could he think like that when there was so much of him in her, when she loved him more than she could express, when he did things like that for her. The gift was a smaller version of Sheda's vest, a bittersweet feeling in my mouth for I hadn't worn mine in so long, afraid of what it'd made me feel, of what it represented. Maybe I'd be worthy of it someday again.

I smiled as Lila moved her arms, allowing Roan to put it on her, Bellamy's hand on my shoulder so I looked up and I knew he knew what it was, moving my hand over his and gently squeezing it as I focused back on Lila just as Roan told her she could open her eyes, immediately running to the mirror to look at herself.

\- "It's like yours, nomi!" -she turned around as she ran her hands over it- "Like the one biga bro gave you."

\- "It is."

\- "Will you put yours on?"

\- "Now?" -she nodded- "Strikon, I..."

\- "He gave it to you, he'd want you to wear it."

\- "Even after all I've done?" -she nodded to my words and I sighed- "Okay."

Roan offered me his hands to stand up, walking towards the wardrobe and pulling out the carefully put away piece, running my fingertips over it; Sheda's death was still heavy in my heart and I knew I'd cry if I kept staring at it. I bit my tongue as I unfolded it, putting it on and closing my eyes, seeing the day he gave it to me clear as day in my mind, the teasing smile on his lips as I thanked him. If given the opportunity, I knew I'd bring him back to life, whatever it cost me.

\- "See? Now we match!"

Lila took my hand in hers and pulled me to the mirror and I had to try really hard not to cry, looking at her happy smile on it as she discovered all the pockets, talking about how she could put small knives as I did in them and snacks in case she got hungry while patrolling. I chuckled, kissing her head.

\- "Have you thanked noni?" [dad]

\- "Mochof, noni!"

Lila turned around and ran up to Roan, who wasted not a second to pick her up and spin her around. How could he say he was less to her than I was. I allowed a small smile to take over my lips, taking off my vest and placing it carefully back in its place, watching as Lila showed both Bellamy and Roan all the things she planned to put on each pocket, both of them acting as amused as I had ever seen them. Maybe Lila had lost her father a long time ago, but now she was going to get bored of having too many. Well, I knew Murphy would opt to be the cool uncle who'd be her favorite person ever. Which reminded me we still had things to do, hating to bust everyone's happy bubble.

\- "Okay, now take it off and let's get ready for bed, huh?"

\- "Okay!"

Lila ran to the bathroom as I chuckled, Bellamy and Roan standing straight as I walked up to them, what I was going to say eaten by the bang of the door opening, revealing a very agitated Jackson who seemed to be completely out of air.

\- "Jackson, Jackson!" -I ran up to him- "Are you okay?" -I panicked, looking at his body, trying to see if he was hurt- "What happened?"

\- "The farm." -he looked at me- "Blodreina."

As I had stood by the door, I could smell the smoke coming up from the lower level; it took me a second to make sure Jackson was alright, asking him to stay with Lila in the room before Bellamy and Roan shot running down with me. I didn't want to think of what was happening but I had an idea and I was not liking where it was going. We weren't the first to get there, Bellamy fast on his feet to grab a fire extinguisher as I walked towards where I knew the smoke was coming from: the farm. And, once I got there, I watched Octavia watching it burn.

\- "What the hell is wrong with you?"

\- "This is your fault."

\- "My fault?" -I stood in front of her- "You're the one that's set fire to our food!"

\- "You've made me do it. Now we only have one option."

\- "You don't get to choose for everyone else!"

\- "So I can't do as you've done?!"

\- "The Flame is very different than setting fire to a farm, Octavia!"

\- "You got what you wanted." -she looked behind me- "Bellamy's alive and Roan follows you around like he's lost without you and now you got everyone to follow you into the valley. I've just made sure no one would stay back."

\- "The kids and the elderly shouldn't have to come, why can't you see what you've done!"

\- "You're welcome."

\- "I'm welcome? They could die!" -I grabbed her arm back as she tried to leave- "They could die because of your choice; that was exactly what we've been trying to avoid since the hatch closed."

\- "Then, maybe, you should've stayed outside six years ago."

I knew she was angry as I knew she didn't mean it by the way her eyes widened slightly once she realized what she had just said but still, I felt my anger starting to boil under my skin. I was angry too; I was sad I had lost my sister down here and I feared we'd never be like we used to. I wished I had Ascended as soon as the hatch closed, maybe then my sister would've had a chance at a more normal life.

**\----------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

As soon as those words came out of Octavia's moth I knew this wouldn't end well, even if it was easy to tell she regretted saying it and even if Sam was trying her hardest to stay calm. The fire extinguisher did nothing and whatever Roan had tried didn't either; it was all gone, Monty's efforts lost to the fire in seconds.

\- "What exactly do you think would have happened if I had stayed outside, Octavia?" -Sam scoffed, taking a step back and crossing her arms over her chest- "You think you wouldn't have ended up here?"

\- "I think I'd have done just fine on my own. I don't need you."

Octavia's voice was filled with poison and anger; I still wasn't sure why she felt like she needed to make an enemy out of Sam, out of the only person that had sided with her through it all, the one that had been by her side when even I couldn't see eye to eye to her and when things were dark. I couldn't understand. I wasn't sure Octavia did either.

\- "Maybe you're right." -Sam looked at the farm, a pensive tone before she made a small pause- "We are far from those two weak girls that ran into the forest as soon as they saw the chance." -she focused back on my sister- "Maybe it'd have all been different if I had died at the river that first day, maybe those we've lost would be here now but we'll never know. And you have to move past that."

\- "I don't owe you anything, you walked all over me because of your thirst for power."

\- "You're alive because she was here." -I heard Roan beside me as Sam scoffed- "You're alive because she Ascended."

\- "She Ascending only pushed me to the dark."

\- "I never wanted to rule over you!"

\- "But you took over!"

\- "They were going to kill us!"

\- "Lies!"

Octavia pushed Sam back, forcing her against the wall; I had never seen them fight, it was horrible. It was escalating quicker than I could follow and I feared where this would end. I wanted to separate them and I could tell Roan did too, but we had soon been surrounded by people, some on Octavia's side and some on Sam's, and that seemed to no longer be an option.

\- "You want to fight?" -Sam got rid of her, pushing her back and taking out her knives- "Then let's go, sister."

\- "Solo gonplei."

\- "Whatever the hell you want."

Octavia took out her sword and as much as I wanted to get in the middle, I couldn't, being forced to watch as the two women that had meant everything to me and that had been so close at some point go at each other's throats. I didn't have words to describe how that made me feel: I was angry and tired of this, I was afraid and desperate... They fought for just a couple of minutes, avoiding each other's blades and hitting each other, Octavia kicking Sam on her left side and she fell to the floor, one of her knives flying from her hand as she hit the ground with her fist, Octavia running after her and, for a second, I thought she might have killed her as she rose her sword over her head but Sam was fast to kick her legs which made Octavia fall on the ground, having to let go of her sword not to land with her face, Sam raising on her elbows and watching her carefully.

\- "You've gone weak." -Octavia coughed as she started to stand up.

\- "You try to fight with a broken rib." -Sam was soon on her feet too.

\- "I'll pass."

Octavia threw herself at Sam and they started to go at it again but with just their fists this time; I wanted to look away but, at the same time, I couldn't; I was afraid they'd hurt each other or worse. I was certain Sam wouldn't kill Octavia and I wanted to think neither would she but, as they fought like two powerful Titanides, looking unbeatable as no one seemed to come on top, my brain started to think of the worse and, as they started to move in circles, Sam bleeding from her forehead and her cheek and Octavia from her nose, seeing murder written in both their eyes, I realized we had to stop them.

\- "That's enough." -Indra walked closer to them- "This is not the time to fight family."

\- "Wonkru is my family." -Octavia sneered, eyeing Indra.

\- "Bloreina is not my family." -Sam took a step back- "My sister is dead."

\- "My sister died the first time Scáthach Ascended."

And that was it, the bond I had seen grow between them so powerful, seemingly indestructible, the love they shared for each other and the will to keep the other safe... gone, shattered, destroyed right in front of my eyes. And none of us could do anything about it. Octavia left the room, followed by half the people there, who started chanting her name as they went up the levels but not Indra, she stayed back and I could tell she was thinking what she had done wrong.

\- "Hey, let's get you to Jackson." -Roan tried to pick Sam up but she pushed him away.

\- "I'm fine." -her voice was cutting as Roan took a step back- "I'm sorry." -she rose her eyes to meet his, apologetic voice as she realized how she sounded, squeezing Roan's hand that she had previously shaken away- "I thought I could keep her safe but I've failed."

\- "It's not your fault."

\- "It's no one's fault but I need time to realize I've lost again." -she faced me, defeated look in her eyes and all I wanted to do was hug her and kiss her head, tell her everything was going to be alright, but I knew that was a lie- "I wanna think there's still some part of the Octavia we loved in her but even I start to lose faith when years pass. Maybe you'll have better luck once we get to the valley." -a sad smile on her lips- "I really hope you will."

She walked past us without saying another word nor allowing us to add anything else; she looked crushed, not physically but mentally, like she had been trying to keep Octavia sane and away from what had happened but was now realizing she had failed. I didn't blame her; I knew things had been hard but Octavia was way past all of it, reaching a new level of that stupid 'love is weakness' saying, pushing Sam away too. Only, this time, Sam was not fighting her back on it; it probably was the first time I had seen Sam act like that, not as if she was giving up because I knew, deep down, a part of her would always look for my sister, but she was choosing to step away before she got burnt this time. Painful.

\- "You said my dark blood ate away my soul and maybe you're right." -Sam walked past Indra, standing beside her for just a second- "But it's devoured Octavia when you were looking over her. She was the one supposed to come safely out of this."

\- "It's easy to lose one's self in the dark, Samantha."

Sam nodded, taking in a deep breath and holding her ribs, slowly starting to make her way out of there but not without getting the last sentence in, something that I had been wondering too, something that frightened me and that I could tell, by the way Indra's head moved towards Sam, that she wondered that too.

\- "And I wonder if she'll ever find her way back."


	24. I'll find you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> **after her encounter with Octavia, Sam gets her wounds taken care of, realizing there's just one thing left for her to do now**  


**SAM'S POV**

I never thought my relationship with Octavia would end up so abruptly; In all honesty, I never thought it'd end. But I'd be lying if I said I hadn't seen it coming the past couple of years: things were hard down in the bunker and I knew we just wanted to protect each other but still... I felt my heart break into more pieces than I could count. I wondered if one of these days I'd end up with an unfixable heartbreak. I thought I had healed from my past wounds but it was a lie, just like all the ones I told myself.

I went back to my room, knowing Jackson would still be there, not really knowing how I looked, hoping Lila would be in bed but I knew all too well she'd be up waiting for me; I was tired but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, there were too many things in my mind.

\- "Nomi!" -Lila jumped from the bed as soon as I opened the door- "Chit don kom au?" [What happened?]

She ran up to me as I tried to tell her to go back to bed, taking my hand and pulling me to the bathroom, Jackson giving me a questioning look so I simply shrugged my shoulders but he knew.

\- "Octavia."

\- "She's not looking too good either."

\- "You fought with O?" -Lila looked at me with worried eyes; she loved Octavia like she was her sister... she called her sister- "Why?"

\- "Cause she's trying to do something I don't like, even if she thinks it's for the best of all of us."

\- "But you'll make up." -Lila nodded convinced- "You always do."

I smiled and kissed her forehead, telling her to get back in bed, hearing the door opening again, knowing it'd be Roan and Bellamy, hearing them talk with Lila as Jackson stood back with me. He moved my hair from my face and took my face on his hands, shaking his head; I knew he hated when I got into fights but I truly believed it was better me fighting than them. I adored Jackson, he was family and not only because he had saved my ass so many times but because he truly wanted the best for me, he liked me as I was and told me things as he thought them. He knew by the way I hugged my side that I was hurt so he made me take off my shirt and I could see how his breath caught up in his chest as he saw me.

\- "That bad, huh?"

\- "Octavia knows you're hurt." -he looked up at me- "What happened to her?"

\- "What happened to us?" -I smiled, but I was sad- "I don't know."

I knew he understood all I felt by the look in his eyes, asking me to go back to the bedroom with him to lay down so he could check me and patch me up. I had a couple of minor cuts but he insisted, like he always did, which put a smile on my lips as he always managed to do. As soon as we got back in, Lila rose to a sitting position on the bed, eyes glued to my wounds and I swear I only felt that exposed when she saw me like that; she jumped from the bed as much as Roan tried to keep her there, but she was like me: once she got an idea in mind, you couldn't stop her. She kneeled on the bed beside me, combing my hair as I smiled, taking her hand in mine as Jackson moved his hands over my torso to make sure nothing else was broken, saying I could get another scan in the morning to check my ribs. Once he started to sew my cuts and clean them, Lila helped him; she was kind of his pupil and she called him 'amin' just like how I had called Sheda so many years ago. It made me smile.

\- "So what's the plan?" -Roan spoke after a while, Lila shushing him, saying I couldn't move, making me laugh.

\- "Lila, I'm okay." -I kissed her arm as she moved it over my face- "We don't have food, we have to go. All of us."

\- "We're going to fight?"

\- "'We' as in me and Roan and Bellamy." -I looked at Lila, turning my head to see her- "Not you."

\- "But..."

\- "No buts." -I cursed under my breath as I straightened up, sitting on the bed- "I don't want you to end up like me which is exactly what happens in war."

\- "I just wanna help..."

\- "You always do." -I took her hands in mine; I knew she didn't crave for war like I had done so many times, she was much more level headed in that sense, much like Roan- "You gave me a reason to live when I thought I couldn't keep going."

\- "Ai hod you in, nomi." [I love you, mom]

She almost jumped into my arms; I clenched my jaw at the impact but I didn't complain, hugging her tightly and resting my chin over her head, running my hands down her hair. I kissed the top of her head and asked her to go to bed and rest for me; she nodded, saying goodnight to everyone there which made me laugh. I stood up and went to look for a new shirt, opening the drawer and seeing an envelope right under the shirt I chose. I feel my heart tighten in my chest. Maybe it was a sign; maybe it was time. I licked my lips before putting on the shirt, taking the envelope with me and walking back to where the guys were, mumbling quietly until I got to them.

\- "Where are you going?" -Roan was quick to read me as I pretended not to know- "I know that look."

\- "I'm just going for a walk." -I rose my hands in surrender- "Clear my mind, hopefully, close some open wounds."

\- "You haven't read it yet?"

\- "I know, whatever he wrote, it's going to mark me. Probably hurt too." -I looked at Bellamy, his eyes like an open book: concern, worry, stress, fear... couldn't blame him- "I think I'm ready now."

\- "I suppose you'll be going out the bunker." -Jackson smiled at me- "I'll walk you there."

\- "You both take care of Lila, alright?" -I walked past Roan and Bellamy- "Talk about how similar you actually are and do not plot anything else against me, okay?"

\- "Not even if it's to keep your ass safe?" -Bellamy grinned at me.

\- "You're not in charge of saving me; I do that myself now if you haven't heard." -I smiled- "You don't have to stay here, go back to your own room if you want; I know this is not the most usual situation."

\- "I'll stay with Lila."

\- "Will you sleep at all?" -Roan stood by the door as Jackson and I walked outside- "I don't want to have to carry you through the desert."

\- "You've had to carry me a total of two times and it was because I was bleeding out, not because I hadn't slept." -I rose an eyebrow at him- "I'll be fine. I'll sleep when I'm dead."

\- "Even you need your rest, Sam."

\- "I will, I'll come back."

I wasn't sure if Bellamy and Roan would actually sleep; I mean, the room was big enough for them both but it was still funny to think... Roan and Bellamy, sound asleep in the same room; it'd be the perfect thing to picture if I had a camera. I knew they'd end up talking about me, maybe about my past, and fill each other's blank spaces on my story. I didn't mind; no one knew me better than I knew myself but, if they managed to put the pieces together, maybe they'd come close to it. Jackson joked about them falling asleep on the same bed and that made me laugh wholeheartedly; we had all come a long way: I still remembered the first time we saw Roan clear as day... that Sam had no idea what was coming. I wouldn't mind going back to the room and falling asleep in between them, the two people my heart had decided to trust with itself even if my brain screamed that I should know better by now. It'd be weird.

\- "You sure you'll be okay?"

\- "I'll come back in the morning for that scan before we leave."

\- "Get some sleep, okay?" -Jackson squeezed my upper arms- "Please."

\- "I'll try."

I squeezed his shoulder before I turned around, leaving the bunker, immersing myself into the soothing darkness of the night. Most people staying outside already asleep as I walked around, simply enjoying the silence and calmness around me; I had always enjoyed the atmosphere of the world at night: some people felt vulnerable and intimidated walking around at such an hour but, for me, it was like being home. Darkness was a part of me in so many ways. The weight of Jasper's letter was heavy on my side and I knew, the more I waited, the more anxiety it'd produce me so, finally, I went into one of the buildings, climbing to the upper level and then to the roof through a hole, sitting down on the edge, feeling the wind on my face, closing my eyes and smiling; the moon was full and shone as not many other nights, but I still grabbed a torch from the entrance to the house to read. I took a deep breath, looking around me before I took the envelope out, having placed the torch in between two rocks to keep it steady. I could do this.

A bittersweet feeling on my chest as I ran my fingertips over the writing on the front of the envelope, my nickname on it, hearing Jasper's voice in my head from the last time I saw him. If only I had stayed... _maybe he'd have kept going but we might not have gotten the bunker, so what good would have that been? _I sighed. _At least I could've said goodbye._ But I never could, destiny was funny like that with me. I gulped and licked my lips, a deep breath as I opened and took the letter out, unfolding it, already feeling my eyes burning with tears. _Okay, Jasper, I'm here; I'm ready._

┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┓

Dear first friend from Earth, dear Sam...

I don't want you to be sad when you read this, I'll be probably long gone. It's not worth it, I'm happy now as I write this and I know I'm happier now where I am as you read this. I hope you've found your peace, I hope you've found the time and strength to endure the mourning process of your friends. I liked them, even if I saw them once, but I liked them because I knew you were happy with them. I liked them because you chose them and you've never judged one's character wrong. I like that about you. I hope Lila is alright. Tell her about me, please, and apologize in my name for not being there to finally meet her. Trust your instinct, Sam; I understand you're worried about her but I know you're going to bring up an insanely smart and sensitive kid. Just like you. Reckless too, probably; she's going to be great.

I thought I should mention I put down Selene, so know she didn't suffer, I know she's waiting for me now, so I won't make this too long. Remember the day you cut my hair? Seems like ages ago. I saved some of it and made a braid for you. I know you took that tradition from the Grounders to heart and I hope you'll find some space in your head for mine, even if it's really short. I wish I had something else to give you but I don't own many things, so I hope that this and my words can do.

They say soulmates are a treasure and, Sam, you are the most magnificent gift I've ever had the honor to call mine. I didn't deserve everything you gave me and taught me, nor did I deserve your love and affection but I cherish it all deeply; I hope you know that. I hope you'll remember me and everything we've been through together in 5, 10 or however many years you manage to _live_. I want you to live, Sam, don't just survive because that's like walking on auto-pilot and you've been doing that for way too long. Stop fighting, it's not worth it; your life is slipping through your fingers as you fight everyone else's battles. You deserve better. You can do better than we've done. I know, if anyone can be the good guy, it's you. You're the good guy, Sam; I know you don't think of yourself as one but you are. Remember that.

I'll be waiting for you on the other side but don't rush it, please, take your time, I'm not going anywhere. I'll save you a seat and a bottle of booze. Don't forget about me; I know, wherever I end up, I will always remember you. My first friend from Earth. My best friend. My sister. My family.

I'll find you in the next life, I promise.

Take care of yourself.

I love you, always.

** _J._ **

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I could barely read the last sentences as the tears heavily pooled down my cheeks, falling on my lap as I tried to hold the paper up not to spoil it. I knew it was going to hurt; I had hoped it wouldn't be this much. I pulled my knees to my chest, hiding my face as my body trembled more and more the longer my mind went over Jasper's words. I felt hopeless, I felt like I was drowning in borrowed years I had never deserved. I wanted to scream but my throat wasn't able to emit a single show aside from my undying sobs. I had hoped to find answers but all I found was a sharp edge to open all the wounds I had sew over and over again. I was lost. I had lost a part of me with him that I was afraid I'd never manage to find again.

**\-------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

It didn't sit well with me leaving Sam alone after what had happened, let alone when I knew Jasper's letter was going to, at the least, break her heart. I knew I had to give her space so I stood back with Lila and Roan, putting her to bed, reminding me of when I used to do that with Octavia. My sister. I wondered what had her so lost.

\- "Can you tell me a story?"

\- "Me?" -I furrowed my eyebrows at Lila's plead, glancing at Roan for a second.

\- "Yeah, you're the new one here, maybe you can tell me one I don't know by heart by now."

\- "Ouch." -Roan faked being hurt as he got up from the bed, I guessed to get ready for bed himself.

\- "Noni!" -Lila rose to a sitting position. [dad/father]

\- "Sha, nomfri?" [Yes, daughter?]

\- "Yu souda kamp raun!" [You have to stay!]

\- "Yu nou wich em op?" [Don't trust him?] -Raon walked back next to us, a pleased look on his face as Lila called for him.

\- "Yes, but he's going to tell us about Sam, right?"

Lila focused on me with eager eyes and a smile so big... I couldn't say no to her, so I nodded and cleared my throat, choosing to tell her, tell them, about the time Sam decided that I was good enough with a bow and I needed to learn how to use her blade; I knew it had been more for her pure entertainment than anything else, but I had agreed anyway because I had a hard time saying no to Sam. I knew, as soon as I started, that Sam hadn't told Lila about it for her first comment was _"since when can you use swords"_ followed by a thoughtful nod from her when I explained that, if she wanted to learn more about swords, to never ask me.

Once I was done with it, Lila was on the verge of falling asleep, so Roan and I moved from her bed carefully, Roan kissing the top of her head; I had never seen Roan so... human, it was weird but I figured he was her dad after all, it'd make sense if he'd go gentle for anyone, it'd be Lila. And Sam. Definitively Sam. I wasn't really looking forward to sleeping next to him but I hoped Sam would come back here and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't craving to fall asleep with her next to me. I wanted to go after her, make sure she was okay but I didn't know how...

\- "Go."

\- "What?"

\- "You want to go after Sam." -Roan faced me- "Go, don't make the same mistake you made six years ago."

\- "I want to give her space."

\- "Would you rather I went myself?" -I probably made a move that gave me away for he spoke again, a mocking tone in his voice- "Didn't think so."

\- "So, we're good?"

\- "I say, for Sam, there can be a 'we' in the future." -he turned around- "You weren't always a pain to work with."

\- "You were always one."

I mocked him back but I knew neither of us meant to hurt the other; we had our differences but we had one thing in common: our love for Sam, and that was much more important than anything else, her safety and well-being were what we both wanted most so, becoming friends didn't seem so far fetched right now. I glanced at Lila one last time, seeing her all curled up in bed with an old plushy and my heart did a funny thing -it reminded me of O and made me think of the future with Sam.

I finally left the room, walking up the corridors of the bunker, not seeing many people around, just some guards here and there; I wondered where exactly Sam would have gone to, yes, out of the bunker, but where? As I got out, I realized there weren't that many torches around and, therefore, one had to be hers, so I started walking in the dark cursing under my breath whenever I ran onto something as I walked through the narrow alleys that didn't get enough light from the moon. I finally saw a torch at the top of a building; I knew it was Sam. What I didn't expect was the other torch walking towards me: Octavia.

\- "What are you doing here?"

\- "Taking a walk." -she stood in front of me nonchalantly- "Some of us have trouble sleeping."

\- "I wonder why."

\- "Sisters fight, Bellamy." -she tilted her head as she eyed me with a poker face, having clearly understood what I meant- "We used to fight too."

\- "Not like you've done. You were going to kill her."

\- "You might think I'm a monster but I'd never take my sister's life; we may be growing apart but she's family. We are two sides of the same coin."

\- "That's not how it looks."

\- "Which is why I came to look for her."

\- "What have you done."

\- "Comfort her like I always do when her heart breaks into more pieces than we can count." -she turned around- "Get some sleep, we leave at sunrise."

That did nothing but increase the fear I felt in my heart, turning around and running into the house with the flame on top, climbing into the roof with my heart on my throat, anguish pushing it back down as I found Sam sat on the corner, legs hanging down and head forward, hands on her lap, seeing the paper beside her under a rock to keep it from flying away. She had read Jasper's letter. I gulped as I moved towards her, Sam straightening her back for just a second as she heard me.

\- "I had an anxiety attack." -she eyed me, rubbing her nose- "Octavia helped me through it." -she chuckled dryly, looking into the night again- "Ironically, she came just in time."

\- "I should've come faster."

\- "It's not your fault I can't control my emotions. You'd think after six years I'd have learned."

\- "Do you wanna talk about it or do you just need a shoulder to cry on?"

\- "I want to go back in time and do so many things different." -I sat beside her, looking down just a second, wondering why she always chose the highest places to sit on the edge of- "I keep thinking, had I done something different, we might not have ended up here or probably yes but with the people we lost along the way still alive."

\- "You know they all made their choice."

\- "I know." -she moved her head back to look at me; her eyes were red and puffy and she had bitten her lower lip enough to draw blood from it- "I know..."

She didn't say anything else, closing her eyes and leaning back on her arms; I knew she had a crowded mind right now and I wanted to help, I just didn't know how; I didn't even know what Jasper had written or if he had asked something from her; I wondered if the letter was like Monty's or totally different. I had a lot of questions but I was certain Sam had triple the ones I did and just as little answers.

\- "Jasper wants me to give up the fight." -she finally spoke again, but she didn't move- "He says my life is... slipping from my fingers as I fight for everyone else." -she took a deep breath and sat up completely- "He's right." -she chuckled softly- "He always is."

\- "So what does that mean for you know?" -she eyed me- "Now that we're about to go to war."

\- "It means I have one final war to win and then... then, I'm done." -she looked up, a small smile on her lips- "If that was his dying his, I have to honor it. I owe it to him."

I nodded, looking into the horizon, towards where we'd be marching the next morning. I was now really looking forward to the valley, to rescue my -our friends and settle there, to see everyone living instead of surviving but, most of all, I was eager for Sam to just be. I wanted to see her be like she had been after we got out of Mount Weather, so full of life, running through the forest without a care in the world, sleeping under the stars and bathing in the river, climbing the trees to look around her... I wanted her to be free. I could picture her now doing all that but bringing Lila with her, teaching her how to climb trees and the berries she could eat, teaching her how to start a fire and telling her stories under the stars. I knew Jasper would have wanted that for Sam.

\- "Thank you."

\- "For?" -I turned to face her, seeing as she got the letter from under the rock and placed it in the inner pocket of her coat.

\- "Not asking questions. For just keeping me company."

\- "I know what Jasper meant to you and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

\- "You were trying to find the right time; you always try and barely ever succeed." -she chuckled, standing up- "You and timing don't make the best pair."

\- "And I'm sorry for that."

\- "You're lucky I have Lila with me, otherwise I'd have become a much more evil and darker person than I already am and you would have definitively gotten the worse of it."

\- "You think so?" -I stood up, standing right in front of her.

\- "I know so." -she smiled- "She's kept me sane."

\- "I'm glad you had her." -I took her hand in mine gently- "I'm glad she has you."

\- "And she has you now too." -Sam smiled with such pure eyes, I could see the change behind them from Jasper's words; whatever he wrote, was something she needed to hear- "That makes me happy."

She caressed the top of my hand with her thumb as I got lost in her eyes, like nothing else was there and we were finally safe. But that wasn't real. She finally let go of me, taking the torch and handing it to me and asking me to go get some rest as we moved down from the roof and towards the street.

\- "Will you catch some too?"

\- "I have something to do but I'll get some too." -she turned around to leave.

\- "Hey, wait, get this." -I offered her the torch.

\- "Bellamy, I've lived in darkness for years." -she chuckled softly- "Ulger forced me to train my ability to see better at night; trust me, you need that torch more than I do."

And with that, she disappeared in the dark of the night as I stood there, looking towards where she had left with a smile on my face. I should've never listened to what Abby had said about Allie, I should've known better: Sam was only human, yes, but she had an immeasurable ability to adapt to everything life threw at her unlike any of us did. She was remarkable and I had the privilege of being in love with her and knowing she loved me too. Now, I looked forward to the next 72 hours and what came after: peace for everyone and, more importantly, for the person who had struggled the most to find it: Sam.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts, votes, comments and feedback are honestly appreciated so hard around here... feel free to leave me some!


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